Can I help you "sir"?

DjBliss05 · April 2008

I went to Dunkin' Donuts the other day to pick myself up an iced tea, without sugar, to help cool down from the heat. I'm waiting in line and hear, "Can I help you sir?" from the guy behind the counter. The next thing is "Ohh, snap! I'm sorry!", then the entire store turned to look at me, and I realized what was going on. I got my iced tea and ran out of the store as fast as I could.

I don't have a picture posted, but I weight about 230lbs, curvey build, long brown hair, beautiful eyes - my point is that there is nothing sir-like about me! So after turning it over in my head I decided that it had to be about my weight. He saw a bigger person and jumped right to deciding that I was a man. I was furious and so embarassed. It was one of those moments that tells you that you just need to make a change, because I never ever want to feel that way again.

Does being overweight really have to mean that I don't get to be feminine? I don't even count as a woman??

Thanks for letting me share. This isn't an easy story to tell because I really was mortified!

DjBliss05 · April 2008

I went to Dunkin' Donuts the other day to pick myself up an iced tea, without sugar, to help cool down from the heat. I'm waiting in line and hear, "Can I help you sir?" from the guy behind the counter. The next thing is "Ohh, snap! I'm sorry!", then the entire store turned to look at me, and I realized what was going on. I got my iced tea and ran out of the store as fast as I could.

I don't have a picture posted, but I weight about 230lbs, curvey build, long brown hair, beautiful eyes - my point is that there is nothing sir-like about me! So after turning it over in my head I decided that it had to be about my weight. He saw a bigger person and jumped right to deciding that I was a man. I was furious and so embarassed. It was one of those moments that tells you that you just need to make a change, because I never ever want to feel that way again.

Does being overweight really have to mean that I don't get to be feminine? I don't even count as a woman??

Thanks for letting me share. This isn't an easy story to tell because I really was mortified!

banks1850 · April 2008

It might have just that the DD employee wasn't paying attention. I know I have had them ask me what I want without even looking at me before. I wouldn't take it to heart, I mean, if this happens a lot, then that's 1 thing, but if it's a 1 time thing, it could have been anything.

nicole0177 · April 2008

it might not of had anything to do with what you look like he might of just accidently said it. im a waitresss and i always says things i dont mean to say.

auntkaren · April 2008

I don't believe it has anything at all to do with how you look. Probably just a kid right? He was all flustered from it being busy and didn't realize what he had said. He probably still doesn't know he screwed up.

desertyogi · April 2008

Im sure that it was just a mistake. One thing Iv learned is that people dont really think about us nearly as much as we think they do cause they are so busy thinking about themselves:laugh:
So dont take it so seriously, remember it only matters what we think of ourselves.
Love yourself today, God does!:flowerforyou:

jenbar · April 2008

Maybe he's just so use to saying that, that he just said it out of habit before realizing that you were a woman, he already put his foot in his mouth, and probably felt like an *kitten*, so he just went on like it never came out of his mouth.

drrojas · April 2008

Yes,
I remember a time when I was working in a pizza place at the drink station and I wasn't looking up when a lady came and I said "can I help you sir?" then I looked up and said "...and or madam?" which of course made it even worse. I was so embarrassed. I really didn't mean anything by it, it just came out badly. Needless to say, I learned a lot that day about the importance of eye contact.
Dr. Rojas

AJCM · April 2008

I'm with everyone else - I don't think anything was mean't by it! I remember working at a coffee shop as a young teen, and sometimes making that exact mistake, as I would say we served 4 men to every 1 woman... I wouldn't take it personally!

:flowerforyou:

charny164 · April 2008

That's awful when that sort of thing happens. I have gotten the same thing a few times but I think its more because I have short hair. If nothing else, the boobs should give it away that I'm not a guy.
Don't let it get you down. I'm sure it was just a mistake or just an automatic response to the next person in line is to assume it is a sir and not a maam.
I think I take more offence if someone calls me maam. I am not a maam. I am only 35 years old and I don't think I qualify for maam status for at least another 20 years. I would prefer "hey hot chick" :laugh:
Seriously though, if this event is something that is going to stick in your mind turn it into something positive. What made me decide to lose weight was when my son came home and told me that his classmate called me super fat.

That sticks to me to this day. He was about 11 when it happened so I tried to think kids will be kids but it was enough for me to make me want to make a change.

tlitzner · April 2008

The one that hurts my feelings is when people ask me my due date. I have never even been pregnant

ali106 · April 2008

oh honey!!! hugs! I'm sure you are so very feminine and really think it was because that's how kids can be...not paying attention and just get used to saying sir or ma'am...and you know not really thinking too much about it....I remember in school we'd call the teachers sir and miss for male and female and there would always be one of us who'd call the wrong gender because of well because we didn't think lol...

still I feel for you hon!!! and don't want you to feel like that!!! so hugs and please believe it was a mistake...hope it helps girl!!!

and omg....someone asked me if I was prego when I was skinny I was like OMG you can't have an ounce of belly or what....RULE OF THUMB you never ask a woman when they are due until you see a child hanging out! lol...or close to it....sigh....

hugs to us all!!!

Ali

peej76 · April 2008

I agree with everyone else, he had probably just had tons of men in line before you and said it out of habit. Sorry it made you feel like this though.

I was at the hairdressers today getting both my sons hair cut. My older son is trying for the whole rocker look right now with the long shaggy hair. A teenage couple came in while he was getting his hair cut, sat down right beside me and started wondering out loud if he was a boy or girl. While they kept arguing over his gender I sat there, my face getting redder and redder, I wanted to explode, and probably would have if the couple weren't only teenagers (didn't want an assault charge), if I wasn't holding on to my 4 month old baby, and if my 5 year old wasn't in the other chair getting his hair cut.

Whatever happened to keeping your thoughts to yourself, they must've felt pretty stupid, knowing that I was the mother of that "boy" when we were leaving I loudly spoke to him making sure to call him by his name, just so there wouldn't be any more confusion!

DjBliss05 · April 2008

Seriously though, if this event is something that is going to stick in your mind turn it into something positive.

I think that is how I am trying to use this. Even if he didn't mean it, which realistically he probably didn't, I still didn't have the confidence to brush it off... which is a problem, too!

Thanks everybody for the positive thoughts. I just hope that I never have to feel that way again. I think that if it ever happens again, I want to just feel good enough to tell him what I'm really thinking! HA!

may_marie · April 2008

i agree with everybody here, i used to work with the public, and sometimes you just get so sponged up by what you do that you say silly things because ........ i dunno why really, becuase im silly ?

but one time a men with long blond hair and blue eyes and quite skinny came up and i did say 'mam without thinking then my mouth dropped coz i realized it was a men, he walked away saying thank you sir..... i felt bad (really) but all my friends burst out laughing and i just couldnt help it either.

gosh...

i am sure he didnt mean it,
may :flowerforyou:

slieber · April 2008

Hey, I used to have kids call me by the male teachers' names by accident (middle school level teenagers). I used to just look down the inside of my shirt and say, "No, not as far as I know!" which made me feel good and them feel embarrassed (and we both would have a laugh).

I know as a clerk I used to blurt before thinking, without even looking, so chances are that's what happened. If it happens again, do make a point of it in a funny way - look down the inside of your shirt and say, "Yes, it's all there..." then look up and say, "Wanna try that again" with a sh-t - eating grin on your face. :bigsmile:

BlackBeltLJ · April 2008

I think that my students know when I get tired because I start calling the boys mamm and the girls sir. We laugh about it and make it into a joke.:laugh:

At least he didn't do what preschoolers have been known to do with my last name- little ones struggle withthe 'H" sound- so for some reason it comes out Mrs. Bust:embarassed: I had a parent even write me a letter Dear Mrs. Bust (and that was before 3 kids that gave me the "bust") :embarassed: Seriously though- I have been called mom, dad, mamm, sir, Ms. Fuss (my favorite) and Grandma. I just smile and say but I'm Mrs. Hust! :blushing: :bigsmile:

Can I help you "sir"?

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