How do you say NO to an exercise buddy?

k80fox
k80fox Posts: 92
in Motivation and Support
I'm hoping someone can give me good advice about a little problem I'm having. Ever since I've lost weight people have been asking me what I'm doing/did that was successful. I am by no means an expert in anything related to fitness, nutrition or weight loss but I am more than happy to share what worked for me. However, it doesn't end there. People then ask if they can join me when I exercise, either for motivation or to see exactly what it is I'm doing. At first I didn't see the harm in it but after my first couple of times working out with them I realize that although it may be benefiting them it's doing nothing for me. I have a particular pace that I like to keep and because these people are new they keep a much slower pace. So where a particular workout by myself would have me dripping in sweat, the same workout with a buddy barely leaves me tired.

So my question is, how do I politely turn them down when they ask to exercise with me?

Replies

  • MonDeee
    MonDeee Posts: 37 Member
    I would say something along the lines of "Although I'm flattered you want to join me at the gym, I prefer to exercise by myself as its the only time of day I get to myself". Most people will understand that. Or if you do decide to exercise with them, keep your usual pace. They'll either sink or swim ;)
  • wftiger
    wftiger Posts: 1,283 Member
    Not that I am dismissing what you are saying in your post but you can think of it as a time to help others. I too enjoy my own pace, my own time and listening to my tunes as I walk during my breaks at work. But then I thought I should invite someone who like me, is well over their ideal weight. She is a few years older than me and suffers the same knee/feet issues and I see it in every step she takes.

    It slows me down, considerably when I ask her to go with me. But this person that two weeks ago was winded by 1/2 mile with me, last Thursday walked the whole mile. I am proud of her and happy that I didn't just put my headphones on and not ask.

    Being out of shape and overweight is no fun. I have been there my whole life. And if this journey of mine can help additional people besides me then I will certainly do what I must to ensure that. I needed the kick in the butt to get started and I know many that need that so I am able and very willing to do the kicking even if it means I slow down to accommodate them while they catch up to my level.
  • mmapags
    mmapags Posts: 8,934 Member
    I can totally relate. I would never want a workout buddy. That is about the only time I have to myself and I love putting on my headphones and getting lost in my own little world while lifting. I would be happy to help someone one or twice to get them started and check in on them once in a while. But not an everytime kind of thing.

    I'd probably level with them in a kind way and tell the something like, "You know I've really come to realize that, while I really enjoy your company and I'd be glad to help you with your routine from time to time, I really prefer my workout time solo so I can pump through my routine at the pace I find works best for me. I hope you won't mind too terribly but that's really what I want to do most times. Maybe we can plan an every other week catch up session or something. Would that work for you?"
  • hdsqrl
    hdsqrl Posts: 420 Member
    I love the suggestion of doing occasional catch-up times. I was going to suggest that if they need what amounts to a personal trainer, you might suggest that they go that route, and use your own explanation of how you're not an expert. We all know that each person has different needs, and what worked for you may not work for them, etc.

    Worst case, if they press and you feel somehow obligated to help them, is it possible for you to get your own workout in earlier or later in the day, and use the session you have with them as a bonus "easy" workout?
  • saraann4
    saraann4 Posts: 1,296 Member
    I had someone ask me if they could join me and I said that I'm pretty spontaneous when I decide to exercise. One minute I'm laying in bed, the next I'm taking a walk... which is very true. Plus, I don't really like the girl and I don't want to hear about her baby daddy issues
  • TrainingWithTonya
    TrainingWithTonya Posts: 1,741 Member
    That's how I got started in the fitness business. I got my first certification because I had hired a trainer that wasn't certified and didn't see results so I spent my training money on the education to do it myself instead. Once I had the certification and started seeing the results, all my friends and family started asking me how I was achieving the results. Like you I like my alone time in the gym so I just turned it back on them and said "Sure, I'll train you. Here are my rates." I thought it would solve my problem of having to workout with them when I really wanted to exercise alone. Then I had a few people take me up on it. I thought that was great because it meant I had some extra money for Christmas shopping. But it kept snowballing and I eventually realized that I was making more money training then I was as an accounting clerk so I quit my accounting job and started training people full time. Now, when I train people I don't "workout" per say but I do demonstrate the exercises for them so I get extra exercise on top of my normal routine. I also have a gym membership to a gym where I don't work so that I can go in there by myself and plug in my earbuds and just do my workout without being interrupted by clients or potential clients. So, my recommendation is to get a certification and charge them for training with you. They will either move on to someone else for their free advice or you will make some extra money or maybe even find a new career.
    16 years Certified Personal Trainer and Group Exercise Instructor
    9 years Certified Sports Nutritionist
    Bachelors in Exercise Physiology with a Minor in Nutritional Science
    ACSM Certified Clinical Exercise Specialist
    NSCA Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist
  • leslisa
    leslisa Posts: 1,350 Member
    I tell folks I don't work out with anyone because I have a hard time staying motivated unless I work out alone (which is try by the way). When I work out by myself I get into a "zone". I know how many calories I need to burn, what I need to do it and if I want to change my workout mid-stream because I don't feel like what I'm doing is working, I have the freedom to do it. They may not like it but they certainly should respect it.

    Trust me, this comes up all the time for me. I have a fitness center here at work and folks are constantly trying to get me to join the classes. But it is the same thing to me. I want to be by myself.

    And on another note, it annoys the h*ll out of me when people ask my advice and then don't take it. So say they are following my routine with me and I say you really need to keep your back straight and your knees over your feet more when you are doing squats or you are going to hurt yourself and then they do what they want or I say bouncing while you are stretching will hurt you and they bounce anyway it just agrivates the bejesus out of me.
  • k80fox
    k80fox Posts: 92
    Wow! Such great responses :) You've all said things that hit the mark with what I'm going through. I've never thougth about how much I could help my friend instead of how much she was "hurting" me. Maybe I could spare a day or 2 of my walks to help her and keep the rest of my time to myself. Thanks for putting that into perspective for me.

    As for how to politely decline, you gave such great options! Ones that I didn't even think of so thank you too!

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