Broke up with my Girlfriend of 8 years...help!!!

I've been having a very difficult time with my situation, and hope to get some advice and support. My girlfriend of 8 years, including 1 as my fiance and I, split up earlier this year. This was a second relationship for both of us. I'm going to try to fairly articulate what has occurred. We had our share of ups and downs, and had been living together off-and-on for several years. To my knowledge, she was faithful to me as I was her. Even when our differences led to previous separations, all were over relatively minor things as I look back on it. The problem between us seems to be that we do not bring out the best in each other, as there were issues of trust on her part, and frustration on mine. I would get moody, seem to vacillate in how I felt depending on the status of our relationship. We went through periods where everything appeared good, but it never lasted very long. Lots of mind-reading and poor communication on both ends.

I committed everything to this relationship, and in an attempt to assure her of my love and committment, I rarely went anywhere or did anything. I felt like I did not have much freedom, and it seemed like whenever I tried to talk with her about an issue, problems only got worse. I was alright with not having much of a voice, and compromised myself in the process. I asked her to quit accusing me of things (even entering data on MFP was construed as secretly chatting) - and my frustrations only grew. We were living in her house with her kids. The fighting was not good, and of course I was always viewed as the instigator. I really do not know what more I could have done to assure her.

We didn't communicate like we should have, and we both felt like we were "right," both stubborn. She made serious, untrue allegations against me which were very painful, and even wrote a list of terrible things about me. No matter what I said to try to alleviate any concern she had, it simply was not enough. We both can be short-tempered and knew how to push one another's buttons. Things came to a head when we tried to talk things out and I asked her not to again accuse me of untrue things, but it continued almost as if we never had the discussion. I simply do not know where this was coming from, and she now describes this tactic as "making sure she would not lose me." I stood my ground when this continued, told her I would be moving out and that I wanted to continue our relationship, hopefully introducing some counseling. Her stance was that would not work for her, largely because of her trust. My position was that living with her and having no independent interests of my own outside the house was crushing me. I could do nothing to convince her that I was exclusively hers. I was committed to her and bought her a beautiful diamond engagement ring, despite knowing of trust issues - because I was in love with her and was willing to accept the good and the bad. I started to withdraw from her and her friends, as I did not like the way I was being treated. Just how long is someone supposed to be accused of things?

I left in late January or February, and had no real plan to do so, but was at my wit's end. I was willling to stay and work things out, but simply thought it best to avoid a fight - and told her that if I thought things were going to get bad again, out of respect for our relationship and her children, I would not stay. Things were in such disarray that I had to live with my son for about a month, until I could liquidate some assets and secure a residence. I've been made to feel guilty for acquiring a new car and house, but desperately needed both. I’ve been beating myself up about this for months, wondering what I could have done differently. I'm now accused of abandoning her - and I suspect this issue was present long before me.

We have had discussions via text, and occasional phone contact, but it's just very non-productive and at times very argumentative. She agreed to counseling, but failed to show for the second session - and there's more sadness to that story, which has really hurt me. She cites the reason as I waited too long to set it up, but went the first session anyway. I discovered she had other plans that night, putting it mildly. I'm trying to figure out why I allow myself to even be concerned for someone like this, and am continuing with counseling in order to work through this. I am very worried about how others think of me and even am worried about someone who has now blocked me on text messaging. My friends and family think that I'm better off, but I simply fail to see the light. I've apologized for not staying to work it out and have explained to her "why I left" on countless occasions, but she's shut me out and won't respond to me now.

I miss her and feel like I'm responsible for everything. I want to start to feel like myself again – and I got away from MFP and the gym where we jointly went together, and have gained weight since leaving. I'm worried that most people would feel relief from leaving, and it's only made me very sad - as I cared deeply for her. I know that things would just go back to how they were, like a vicious cycle should we have reunited.

I genuinely do not know what to do, as I'm certain she has found a new guy. Sorry for the long post, I guess I am still searching around for an answer! Truly I'm just very sad that someone could treat me so poorly, and not try to see things from my perspective. I know it's over but I'm trying to move on, and I'd like some feedback...friendships from anyone having undergone a painful breakup are welcomed.