Boyfriend is on MFP but not having as much succes.

monkeygirl351 · May 2012

Hi all,
My boyfriend and I are both doing MFP. Well, he started after me. He isn't on the forums and insists he knows how to lose weight and this isn't working for him. I started at the end of April and even with an injury that laid me up for a week, I have still lost 9 pounds so far. He is much larger than I at about 311. He did lose 4 pounds then nothing the last 2 weeks. In the past he has severely restricted his food and did lose, but always gained it back because it wasn't sustainable. His goal is to first get to 250 and then reevaluate. He has high bp and is on meds for that and there is diabetes in his family which is worrying. I told him to give it a chance and to also eat a little better as even though he stays within his calorie limits, he still doesn't eat the greatest. He's super picky, and won't eat many veggies. Cooking for him is definitly a challenge. He also isn't doing much quality exercise I think. He is doing the warmups like jumping jacks, push ups, crunches, leg lifts ect that I do in the am. He also will go to the apartment gym with me and get on the treadmill. However he will only do about 10 minutes of walking/ jogging as that is his limit on the jogging. He does work up a sweat, but doesn't sustain it. I am eating better, (although I had left over round table pizza today lol) and I am doing cardio 5 days a week and strength 2-3 times a week. My cardio is the treadmill, for 45-60 minutes and is mostly powerwalking and inclines. I am soaked in sweat and feel the burn. I also usually burn 5-600 calories at the end as well. I haven't ran as my knees are recovering, but I do HIIT intervals with speed and inclines. I sometimes walk at 4.5 or 4.7 mph, which is his jogging speed. I also crank up incline to 12-15 percent at times. I have modified interval training to my powerwalking and it is working. I have lost inches as well as pounds. Ive tried to tell him this,vand suggested maybe, lower the running, and increase the walking effort to sustain the time he is exercising, but he feels running is the only way to burn significant calories and is working on that. One positive was that his bp was 106/68 at the docs today, which it never has been, so he is doing some good, but I just wish he'd listen to me more. I guess he doesn't believe me cause this is the first time, I've really dieted and exercised, whereas he has dropped weight quickly before but never kept it off. Men are stubborn, but I want to help him get healthy again. When I first met him, he did martial arts like six days a week. He is a second degree black belt believe it or not so I know the discipline is there.

marpeters · May 2012

Wow you have some situation here. I have gained and lost thousands of pounds over my 57 years of life. Currently my last loss of 70 pounds took about 9 years. I had to find the motivation and life style, the self worth and the self love to actually change to make it stick. Can you really help someone do that....or does it have to come from within? I can't tell you how many times I decided to loose weight...and finally it was the last time and I actually lost the weight and am keeping it off. I'd like another 10 pounds to go, but I'm happy now.

Encouragement and telling don't always work. Maybe by setting your example...your successful, healthy example he'll see the light when he is ready and able. Love him how he is and envision him a new and healthy guy. Good luck...easier said then done. Too easy to preach!!

michellekicks · May 2012

It sounds like he's just really discouraged. It's gotta be hard to move a 300+ lb body around let alone push it on a treadmill. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but your profile ticker says you're aiming to lose 19 lbs in total. If that's true, your experience and his are entirely different. It can be really daunting when you have over 50 lbs to lose. And honestly, unless he's over 6'4" or something, 250 isn't likely his end goal weight so he could be looking at closer to 100 lbs to lose. I think you should do your thing, encourage him... walk with him (outside?) and, as much as it sucks, let him get to where he feels he needs to get the weight off. It just doesn't sound like he's ready yet.

docsharon · May 2012

Hi. Unfortunately the only way I know to truly lose weight is to move more and eat less. As you and your boyfriend have found out, drastic diets may work in the short term but aren't sustainable in the long run. If you're on a restrictive diet you feel deprived and think about food all the time. I love watching "The Biggest Loser" for inspiration, but leaving your personal reality, job, family, and stresses with hours of personal training, dietary consultants, and personal counselling isn't possible for most of us. Weight gain didn't happen overnight and weight loss doesn't happen overnight either. For me, sustainable weight loss is only achievable with a combination of diet and exercise.

Tools that may be helpful to your boyfriend are a food scale and measuring cups. My eyes were really opened to how much I was eating when I started reading labels and paying attention to portion sizes and checking them. I really didn't think I ate as much as I ate! When I started measuring and weighing, the pounds started slowly coming off. I see slower weight loss and plateaus when I don't weigh and measure and I estimate.

Hope this advice helps both of you. Best regards and success,

monkeygirl351 · May 2012

Thanks guys! I know our goals are way different. Currently I'm 175 and looking to get to 160 then reevaluate. Also, he is 6 foot so yeah he will need to lose more. Don't get me wrong, I'll love him at any weight, I just worry about his health. Especially since his 24 yo brother was just diagnosed with diabetes a few weeks ago. I told him his diet will have to be alot more drastic and different if he gets diabetes. He has reduced his mt dew intake to 2 baby cans a day, compared to 6 full sized cans before MFP. Progress is baby steps, but maybe he does need a wake up call, health wise. I thought the bp was that, but when a pill fixes something, it is too easy to not focus on the root cause. Also the thing is he doesn't feel overweight. He says he's actually ok and feels that he is at his natural proper weight. His whole family is big, but also have the health issues to go along with it. Another thing is he doesn't think I need to lose weight. He was happy the way I was, which is sweet, but I wasn't happy, or felt healthy. He's now worried I'm going to get too skinny, or get too big of muscles doing what I'm doing. He's always commenting on my belly disappearing and my biceps getting big. In reality, my belly and arms are getting more toned. I don't see a drastic difference, but I guess he does. Oh well, this is the first time I'm super determined to get healthy.

michellekicks · May 2012

He may also be feeling insecure about your improvements. Spend extra time and effort reassuring him that no matter what he does or doesn't do, you'll still love him and be there.

Nath07 · May 2012

You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot force it drink!

I wouldn’t be able to tell you how many people I have shown MFP too, who have said they wanted to lose weight. You can provide them with all the tools in the world to help and assit, however, they have to want to do it for themselves.

neurochamp · June 2012

Hey Monkey,
It sounds like you're doing the right things - trying to help with his diet and being encouraging on the exercise front, in addition to setting a great example with your own workouts - so keep that up! If your bf is really interested in getting into better shape, he'll come around, but - as others pointed out - I'm sure that he probably just feels what most of us do when we start on a program like this: we *want* to be healthier, but it's hard to consistently find the motivation that we need to push ourselves through a tough workout or through dietary changes.
If he's a 2nd-degree black belt, maybe there are kickboxing, boxing, or other fitness/martial arts classes that he'd be interested in? In my experience, it's SO much easier starting a workout program if you really LIKE the exercise that you're doing. He clearly likes martial arts well enough to spend the time and dedication it takes to reach a black belt (seriously, I only made it to yellow belt, granted I was like 12; I get what kind of dedication a black belt takes), so maybe that kind of workout will be more satisfying and motivating to him than using a treadmill or weight room.
If he feels like he's too big or too out of shape to start a martial arts or other fighting-type fitness class, he could always use that as a goal/motivation to get the treadmill work in - when he reaches a specific weight (or other fitness) goal, he gets to sign up for a class of his choice at a local gym or dojo.

It just sounds to me like maybe he needs a different *kind* of workout program than the one that works for you, but he needs some extra motivation to find it.

gogojodee · June 2012

Wow you have some situation here. I have gained and lost thousands of pounds over my 57 years of life. Currently my last loss of 70 pounds took about 9 years. I had to find the motivation and life style, the self worth and the self love to actually change to make it stick. Can you really help someone do that....or does it have to come from within? I can't tell you how many times I decided to loose weight...and finally it was the last time and I actually lost the weight and am keeping it off. I'd like another 10 pounds to go, but I'm happy now.

Encouragement and telling don't always work. Maybe by setting your example...your successful, healthy example he'll see the light when he is ready and able. Love him how he is and envision him a new and healthy guy. Good luck...easier said then done. Too easy to preach!!

lol, wow about the "thousands" of pounds. Thanks for writing it in a way - it got my attention. Thanks for being real - just realized, I don't want to be that in the next several years. I already feel like I lost so much time in the last 10 years, and I don't want to lose anymore. I really needed to see/hear that. Good luck in keeping it off!

Boyfriend is on MFP but not having as much succes.

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