Suffering from psychological disorders :'(

To the OP, I just wanted to add my voice in telling you that you are not alone. I have a heaping helping of my own crappy brain stuff as well. I'm glad that you found the courage to reach out and try to find some support. BPD is extremely hard to deal with sometimes, for both the sufferers and the people who are around them. My husband has it, but he is aware and accepts that he has those patterns, recognizes when he is starting to behave in that way, and works with me and the others he cares about to understand and modify his actions. It doesn't mean he's "cured" it, but he manages to keep it in remission most of the time (although he also suffers from GAD and panic disorder). But I've also had housemates and close friends who suffered from BPD (well, one who appeared to enjoyed every minute of it) whom I had to sever ties with, because it defined the paths of their lives and the way they interacted with me and others.


If it comes to that for you, where you feel like people are leaving you high and dry, consider the possibility that they have their own problems as well and they're not equipped to handle someone else's BPD (i.e., it's not necessarily because they "hate" you - it's just that they don't know how to deal with it and are overwhelmed). It's not nice, and it certainly doesn't feel fair, and I do sometimes feel like a *kitten* for cutting off my former friends, but I couldn't take care of them AND myself, especially if they wouldn't at least try to care for themselves at the same time. It felt like I'd been out for a walk along a bridge and came across someone who asked me to hold onto a rope for them, which they then attached the other end to their waist and jumped from the bridge, then yelled up to me that it was now my responsibility to pull them back up to safety, or just stand there indefinitely with the rope in my hands to keep them from falling the rest of the way down. Most people just aren't that strong or patient, and I know that in my situation, I damn near fell off of that metaphorical bridge right along with them. And in that case, nobody wins. (That analogy came from a sermon I heard at a UU church several years ago, about how while helping people is a wonderful and generous thing, there sometimes comes a point where you have to stop and save yourself, because the people you're unsuccessfully trying to help are actually hurting you.)


There really is no medication for BPD - it's a personality disorder, which means it's something that is more or less a character trait, for better or for worse. That doesn't mean you can't work around it or try to modify your responses in those situations. There's something called DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) that I've heard can help some people with managing BPD. I know that the county mental health services in my area have offered DBT group classes for sliding or no fees. It's something that people generally have to work at nearly every day to keep in check, though - just like any other sort of skill practice or exercise. But if you can get a better understanding of yourself and learn some skills that will empower you to make better decisions, it's totally worth the work.


Personally, I have dealt with lifelong depression and anxiety, which (for the "pull thyself up by thine bootstraps" trolls) actually is organically-based in my particular case. I was born with hydrocephalus, which in my case put extra pressure (and therefore impairment) on the right hemisphere of my brain, and I was diagnosed with non-verbal learning disorder (NVLD) as a result. Two of the prominent psychological symptoms are anxiety and depression, along with impaired self- and social awareness, physical clumsiness/proneness to accidents, and hypersensitivity to sounds and even (for me) some colors. I *hate* red lights on things; they freak me out and represent danger or punishment at some primal level. The calorie tracker on the front page here pisses me off, because it turns red even if I'm one calorie over, like I committed some egregious crime - but I know that's just my brain being weird! But I still take medication for my depression and anxiety, and on bad days, I just try to cope. Sometimes coping is the best you can do.


I'm glad you are seeing a mental health professional already. And like others have said, taking medication doesn't mean you're accepting defeat - just make sure any medication you do end up taking is actually working for you and not working against you (Celexa made me gain weight even while trying to lose, and left me emotionally numb - I felt like I could say whatever I wanted to anyone and didn't care about the consequences). And for the things that you can't medicate, like BPD and misophonia (THANK YOU for putting a name to that, by the way. I never knew there was an actual term for it - I used to work for someone who had this to the letter), DBT or other cognitive therapies may help, and if you're open to it, small-group therapy could also be very useful.

As far as weight loss during (or in spite of) all of the challenges you say you are facing, I understand that it can be way harder when you've got so much other stuff going on and a billion things on your mind. I'm a stress eater, and I'm not always cognizant of it until it's too late, but thinking back I can remember having a big crying fit or rage moment, and then mindlessly going to find something to eat (usually something particularly unhealthy or even self-destructive - I have a gluten intolerance), and the tears would suddenly stop. It's terrible, and it's making me want to cry just thinking about it. (No, I'm not going to go do that now.) Increasing your awareness of your triggers and developing diversion tactics for yourself may help immensely. Even doing something like setting yourself up on a meal schedule could help - I participated in a study at the university on weight loss, where they had me eating 6 smaller, protein-rich meals a day (e.g. a protein bar & fruit, or a plate of tuna salad & veggies to dip), as evenly-spaced and consistently scheduled as possible. It did keep me a little better in check to have that sort of a routine, so if I wanted to stress-eat, I would remind myself that my next meal was coming up at 2:30 (or whatever), and I would eat something as planned at that time, because I wasn't actually hungry when I wanted to stress-eat. When your body is well-nourished, it can certainly improve your overall mindset and outlook.

Keep your head up. You're certainly not alone in your struggles. :flowerforyou:

I know this feel.

I'm a food addict with very, very bad depression, anxiety, schizoid personality disorder and also pretty horrid adult ADHD. Not to mention the depression and intrusive thoughts I can't seem to shake. ): They've gotten worse since I started my journey to health and let me tell you...it sucks. So freaking hard. -hugs- Every day is a battle uphill. At some point, I hope to win the war. Pretty tough without health insurance.

You're definitely not alone.

Its always nice to label everyone with these disorders and to drug them up, its a doctors default system. ...

I'll be the first to admit that medication is way overused and prescribed often by regular MDs who do not really have the expertise to totally recognize and properly treat these conditions. I do feel that some of these disorders are grossly over-diagnosed and inappropriately medicated. I would caution (and I know that you did not say this).. that there ARE cases where the disorders are real... not just an excuse to administer meds and charge exorbitant rates. If one ever goes through one of these inexplicable and confusing times, he will recognize that sometimes medication is necessary to get one's footing back and begin to get their bearings. No, I have never had to be on medications, per se... I have, however, experienced times that were bigger than I was and I have had to sort through and get my bearings... and it was not quite as simple as "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, stop the pity party and get on with your life"... sometimes it does go beyond that.

Yeah i agree with you on that, but i feel we go about this the wrong way.

Almost every religion on earth has used some form of natural hallucinogenic from the amazon to russia,
These natural drugs have almost zero side effects, you can not od on them, Hell most even have no long term health implications.
So in a controlled safe office with a psychologist i feel about 95 percent of cases of any Feelings illness could be sorted.
Cold war fear will make sure we suffer as a culture for the next while atleast.

I stand by though im yet to meet anyone with depression who did not hate some aspect of his life or upbringing. Or just had poor coping mechanisms for life.

The OP didn't say she was depressed. Your formulation here is more than a little naive. I'm extremely critical of mainstream psychological and psychiatric practice. But 'think your way to mental health' doesn't work either, in these kinds of circumstances. You can't just dismiss serious psychological distress in the way that you are. That you are attempting to do so suggests to me that you have perhaps have no real experience of people with significant mental health issues. You can't just think yourself straight when you're dealing with personality issues, psychosis, etc.

The OP is asking for help and support with a range of complex and difficult problems. Your post is not, I'd suggest, at all helpful.

To the OP, I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling so much. It sounds like you've really been through the mill. What sort of support do you currently have? Are your mental health team aware that you're trying to lose weight, and is there any support they can offer?

Im not talking about real physical mental problems, Im talking about the general lets label every spoilt child as having a condition.
Im sick of every second person i meet having a mental disorder, the op could stop most of this stuff by changing habits

Generalized Anxiety Disorder & OCD Ive been diagnosed with this by my doctor
The death thing, obsessive thoughts invasive thoughts the whole shabang

Managed to stop it completly by changing my attitude and meditiating and looking at what causes it with me.



Borderline Personality Disorder & Depression ,Misophonia

Now these two i have no idea why they are medical conditions, just a combination of poor social skills , poor mental disciplin.


All these condtions people forget are just bad patterns people have developed.
im not saying the suffering the op has gone through is any less because of it
but as i said most of these pretend illnesses as just bad behaviour patterns and repressed feelings.
No drug on the planet can fix that or doctor or shrink. Only the sufferer because they do it to themselfs.

So my point was the op is just reenforcing the blame the condition for my actions way of thinking,
As i found out this is the root of the problem.

I've gone off my meds often enough and long enough that I know what happens when I do.

I tried to tough it out, change my attitude, do affirmations and meditations.

It didn't work.

Meds did/do.

I was diagnosed with Anxiety, borderline mentally challenged, mild depression, ADHD, and I was born with Hydrocephalus (water on the brain). We are all here for you!!!!!!!