My fiancé INSISTS that he needs to lose 30 pounds..?

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  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
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    Not to sound harsh, but I'd reevaluate if I wanted to marry someone who is either extremely manipulative, or, has an untreated mental health issue. If I were you, I'd take a big step back and cancel the engagement until he gets professional help for whichever problem he has.

    Good luck. And remember, you should think of yourself first when considering a marriage .... what is best for YOU?

    This, but also try to see if he's being manipulative or if he has a true eating disorder.
  • suziecue66
    suziecue66 Posts: 1,312 Member
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    He apparently has an eating disorder. I'd advise you treat this very seriously and not look for us for advice. I recommend a doctor or other medical professional.

    This. Men can having eating disorders just as easily as women can.

    Not to sound harsh, but I'd reevaluate if I wanted to marry someone who is either extremely manipulative, or, has an untreated mental health issue. If I were you, I'd take a big step back and cancel the engagement until he gets professional help for whichever problem he has.

    Good luck. And remember, you should think of yourself first when considering a marriage .... what is best for YOU?

    This too.

    Agree with both of these.
  • hanahlai
    hanahlai Posts: 281 Member
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    80 lbs? 110 lbs is itty bitty on a male already....
  • BlessedandBeautifulBrown
    BlessedandBeautifulBrown Posts: 464 Member
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    hmmm maybe he needs to lift some wieghts or something no lose any more weight
  • NocturnalGirl
    NocturnalGirl Posts: 1,762
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    I'm the same height as him and my goal weight is 8 pounds more and I'm a girl... it seems too little for a guy.
  • dansls1
    dansls1 Posts: 309 Member
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    110 pounds is already below any 'normal' weight chart I can find for a 5'4" male. Wanting to lose weight from there is a problem.
  • Tristis
    Tristis Posts: 288 Member
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    Listen - don't let anyone stop you from your goals. That is childish and ridiculous if he is trying to pull this just so you don't lose anymore weight!
  • jsapninz
    jsapninz Posts: 909 Member
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    Not to sound harsh, but I'd reevaluate if I wanted to marry someone who is either extremely manipulative, or, has an untreated mental health issue. If I were you, I'd take a big step back and cancel the engagement until he gets professional help for whichever problem he has.

    Good luck. And remember, you should think of yourself first when considering a marriage .... what is best for YOU?

    ^THIS
  • vade43113
    vade43113 Posts: 836 Member
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    Does he mean lose fat weight, and add muscle weight, cause he is in the healthy range now....
  • HelloSweetie4
    HelloSweetie4 Posts: 1,214 Member
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    I would reccomend to him that he talk with his doctor first. That is certainly not a healthy weight for an adult male. When I first started dating my husband he was 5'5", 19 years old, and weighed 98lbs. He thought he was healthy, but he sees now that he wasn't. Your guy may not be educated enough about healthy weight, like mine, a doctor will help put him on track.
  • kwin91
    kwin91 Posts: 128
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    For a guy at his weight he should want to gain like 20 pounds in muscle or something...I'm pretty sure his weight now is underweight. I found a height weight chart that says he should weight anything between 132 (small body frame) and 156(large body frame). Maybe he got defensive through a mis-communication... but he's underweight now and should try gaining if anything..
  • mrsjms
    mrsjms Posts: 6
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    Are you sure there isn't something else going on that has him set on this number?
  • walkner88
    walkner88 Posts: 165
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    Ask him to show you a picture of what he wants to look like, and then point him in the direction to get that goal.
  • SteffieMark
    SteffieMark Posts: 1,723 Member
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    Listen - don't let anyone stop you from your goals. That is childish and ridiculous if he is trying to pull this just so you don't lose anymore weight!

    This. It doesn't sound like an eating disorder to me. Of course, I'm no expert. Just sounds like someone trying to control someone else. Do people with an ED use it as a weapon to control other people?
  • AmoreCouture
    AmoreCouture Posts: 255 Member
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    If you think he's doing it to get back at you for losing weight when he doesn't want you to, I would just ignore that talk because that's probably all it is. If it actually became a problem later, then I could understand worrying, but if he's using this to get to you, I would make it a point not to let it get to me and ignore it.
  • Debsredsox
    Debsredsox Posts: 5 Member
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    I say take it one step further and leave him as this is a red flag of sorts and if this is his way of dealing with something... perhaps he should weigh 80 lbs since someone about 9 would respond that way.
  • oneoddsock
    oneoddsock Posts: 321 Member
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    If he does get anywhere near 80lb, he's going to end up in hospital. If you can't make him see sense yourself, I'd suggest that you talk to a member of his family or a close friend who can find another way to make him see that his goals are unhealthy.

    Your weight loss should have nothing to do with the goals that he sets for himself. Why does he have a problem with you losing weight? Other people have suggested that he's being manipulative - do you feel that way? From an outsider's perspective, it sounds like he's being anything but loving and supportive of you. I hope you manage to work it out between you.
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
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    My fiance is a 5'4, 110 pound male. For some reason he is insisting that he needs/ wants to lose 30 pounds, which would put him at only about 80 pounds. Maybe I'm looking at this wrong but that doesn't seem healthy at all to me.
    I don't know what to do or tell him. I told him I don't think that's healthy at all but he got upset with me and continuously said "that's what I want, don't question it."
    Help, please. I'm so confused. :(


    I have never heard of a man who wants to be 80 pounds!! Your fiance has issues and I suggest you get him counseling and post pone the wedding. You did ask for an opinion.
  • DefyGravity1977
    DefyGravity1977 Posts: 300 Member
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    Log onto www.mvm.com. Down toward the bottom of the page is a weight loss simulator for men. Click that link. Then click personalize. It will show a side by side of what he is now versus where he wants to be. Very eye opening.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
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    You have to remember he's short, 5'4, So it might not look so unhealthy. Maybe suggest some weight training to gain muscle so he's not scrawny. Tell him not to worry about the number on the scale. You obviously find him attractive if your marrying him, so just give him compliments, tell him how good looking and "sexy" he is already.

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