My fiancé INSISTS that he needs to lose 30 pounds..?

For a guy at his weight he should want to gain like 20 pounds in muscle or something...I'm pretty sure his weight now is underweight. I found a height weight chart that says he should weight anything between 132 (small body frame) and 156(large body frame). Maybe he got defensive through a mis-communication... but he's underweight now and should try gaining if anything..

Ask him to show you a picture of what he wants to look like, and then point him in the direction to get that goal.

If you think he's doing it to get back at you for losing weight when he doesn't want you to, I would just ignore that talk because that's probably all it is. If it actually became a problem later, then I could understand worrying, but if he's using this to get to you, I would make it a point not to let it get to me and ignore it.

If he does get anywhere near 80lb, he's going to end up in hospital. If you can't make him see sense yourself, I'd suggest that you talk to a member of his family or a close friend who can find another way to make him see that his goals are unhealthy.

Your weight loss should have nothing to do with the goals that he sets for himself. Why does he have a problem with you losing weight? Other people have suggested that he's being manipulative - do you feel that way? From an outsider's perspective, it sounds like he's being anything but loving and supportive of you. I hope you manage to work it out between you.

Log onto www.mvm.com. Down toward the bottom of the page is a weight loss simulator for men. Click that link. Then click personalize. It will show a side by side of what he is now versus where he wants to be. Very eye opening.

Log onto www.mvm.com. Down toward the bottom of the page is a weight loss simulator for men. Click that link. Then click personalize. It will show a side by side of what he is now versus where he wants to be. Very eye opening.

It's 5 stone 10 lbs. It's going to look unhealthy!

You have to remember he's short, 5'4, So it might not look so unhealthy. Maybe suggest some weight training to gain muscle so he's not scrawny. Tell him not to worry about the number on the scale. You obviously find him attractive if your marrying him, so just give him compliments, tell him how good looking and "sexy" he is already.

I'm 5'4" - trust me, 80 pounds is way too skinny, even for a girl. i was 105 and people thought I was anorexic (I wasn't, just had a great metabolism which I totally miss btw!) 135 is my target weight.

If we were talking under 5' - you might have an argument.

You have to remember he's short, 5'4, So it might not look so unhealthy. Maybe suggest some weight training to gain muscle so he's not scrawny. Tell him not to worry about the number on the scale. You obviously find him attractive if your marrying him, so just give him compliments, tell him how good looking and "sexy" he is already.

I'm 5'4" - trust me, 80 pounds is way too skinny, even for a girl. i was 105 and people thought I was anorexic (I wasn't, just had a great metabolism which I totally miss btw!) 135 is my target weight.

If we were talking under 5' - you might have an argument.

Well, true you got me there. The rest of my statement I think is valid.

hmmm maybe he needs to lift some wieghts or something no lose any more weight

I'm thinking this as well, at his height he could hit a very appealing body with a standard 3 day weight lifting routine and a reasonable diet. Does he have high bodyfat and low muscle mass? That's the only way I could see him thinking he needs to lose "weight". But again, it sounds like he needs to get some exercise and put on some mass.

Well, that could be because the controlling fiance made her quit the site. Or, the poster was mad that we'd question the mental health of her fiance. Or, that we'd question if she should stick with him if he won't get help. Or .......

I hope things work out well for him, and her. We all deserve to be healthy and happy.

Listen - don't let anyone stop you from your goals. That is childish and ridiculous if he is trying to pull this just so you don't lose anymore weight!

This. It doesn't sound like an eating disorder to me. Of course, I'm no expert. Just sounds like someone trying to control someone else. Do people with an ED use it as a weapon to control other people?

deciding to become anorexic, just to blackmail a person into staying overweight.
IMHO, that's emotional abuse.

Not to sound harsh, but I'd reevaluate if I wanted to marry someone who is either extremely manipulative, or, has an untreated mental health issue. If I were you, I'd take a big step back and cancel the engagement until he gets professional help for whichever problem he has.

Good luck. And remember, you should think of yourself first when considering a marriage .... what is best for YOU?

This is exactly what I was thinking as well. Screw this losing weight, the "this is what I WANT and you will DO IT" attitude has got to GO. Selfish selfish selfish.