Need a joke, please!

katie517
katie517 Posts: 159
edited September 20 in Chit-Chat
I'm having an unbearable day at work. :explode: :sad: :grumble: :mad: Can you share a joke to cheer me up a bit?

It would be much appreciated! :flowerforyou: :love: :bigsmile: :heart:
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Replies

  • Gogo
    Gogo Posts: 9,942 Member
    This is my daughter's fav:


    Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?


    He didn't have the guts.:laugh: :laugh:
  • paulamma1
    paulamma1 Posts: 544 Member
    Skeleton walks into a bar. Says "Give me a beer and a mop."

    Thank you, I'll be here all week.
  • courtney_love2001
    courtney_love2001 Posts: 1,468 Member
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnXhNnsIM2o

    This one is dumb but it made me laugh! Plus the girl telling it is super drunk, so that makes it even better!
  • vrdz3215
    vrdz3215 Posts: 493
    What's the difference between the swine flu and the bird flu?

    Bird Flu requires "tweetment"

    Swine Flu requires "oinkment"

    lol i crack myself up....:laugh:
  • DrBorkBork
    DrBorkBork Posts: 4,099 Member
    The Man Song cracks me up every time:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7Y0I91rubg
  • MissKim
    MissKim Posts: 2,853 Member
    A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

    For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
  • TheGoblinRoad
    TheGoblinRoad Posts: 835 Member
    I'm having an unbearable day at work. :explode: :sad: :grumble: :mad: Can you share a joke to cheer me up a bit?

    It would be much appreciated! :flowerforyou: :love: :bigsmile: :heart:

    You have to answer the following out loud, ok?

    Here it is:


    If a wristwatch from England is an English wristwatch and a wristwatch from Scotland is a Scottish wristwatch... what is a wristwatch from Ireland called?
  • guidosgal
    guidosgal Posts: 581 Member
    SO a
  • katie517
    katie517 Posts: 159
    If a wristwatch from England is an English wristwatch and a wristwatch from Scotland is a Scottish wristwatch... what is a wristwatch from Ireland called?

    That is spectacular! Thanks! :laugh:
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
    I can't open up youtube at work to give you the link but look for the skit with Will Ferrel called THE LANDLORD. lol

    it is hilarious!
  • katie517
    katie517 Posts: 159
    You "guys" are awesome! Keep 'em coming. "The cornier, the better "is my motto! :wink:
  • guidosgal
    guidosgal Posts: 581 Member
    OK sorry hit the wrong button.
    This is my daughters favorite joke at the moment.
    St peter went to talk to God and god told him that the world wad having problums and that only 5% of the people on earth were being good and that he wanted St peter to send out and Email to the 5% and that it was very important to send out the emails Because it contained important information.
    And do you know what the Email Said?








    Neither do I I did not get one either :smile:
  • paulamma1
    paulamma1 Posts: 544 Member
    I'm having an unbearable day at work. :explode: :sad: :grumble: :mad: Can you share a joke to cheer me up a bit?

    It would be much appreciated! :flowerforyou: :love: :bigsmile: :heart:

    You have to answer the following out loud, ok?

    Here it is:


    If a wristwatch from England is an English wristwatch and a wristwatch from Scotland is a Scottish wristwatch... what is a wristwatch from Ireland called?

    I don't get it :sad:
  • Gogo
    Gogo Posts: 9,942 Member
    I'm having an unbearable day at work. :explode: :sad: :grumble: :mad: Can you share a joke to cheer me up a bit?

    It would be much appreciated! :flowerforyou: :love: :bigsmile: :heart:

    You have to answer the following out loud, ok?

    Here it is:


    If a wristwatch from England is an English wristwatch and a wristwatch from Scotland is a Scottish wristwatch... what is a wristwatch from Ireland called?

    I don't get it :sad:

    Say Irish wristwatch....It is hard.:laugh:
  • paulamma1
    paulamma1 Posts: 544 Member
    I'm having an unbearable day at work. :explode: :sad: :grumble: :mad: Can you share a joke to cheer me up a bit?

    It would be much appreciated! :flowerforyou: :love: :bigsmile: :heart:

    You have to answer the following out loud, ok?

    Here it is:


    If a wristwatch from England is an English wristwatch and a wristwatch from Scotland is a Scottish wristwatch... what is a wristwatch from Ireland called?

    I don't get it :sad:

    Say Irish wristwatch....It is hard.:laugh:

    Not for me, so it ain't funny :angry:

    Thanks for putting me out of my misery though :flowerforyou: I'm here in work saying "Irish wristwatch" out loud to myself and looking like a complete eejit! AND I'M FROM IRELAND!!!
  • JoyousMaximus
    JoyousMaximus Posts: 9,285 Member
    This one is so cheesy but it always make people laugh:

    Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin looks at the other and says "Is it getting hot in here?" The other muffin says " Holy *kitten*. A talking muffin!"
  • TheGoblinRoad
    TheGoblinRoad Posts: 835 Member
    I'm having an unbearable day at work. :explode: :sad: :grumble: :mad: Can you share a joke to cheer me up a bit?

    It would be much appreciated! :flowerforyou: :love: :bigsmile: :heart:

    You have to answer the following out loud, ok?

    Here it is:


    If a wristwatch from England is an English wristwatch and a wristwatch from Scotland is a Scottish wristwatch... what is a wristwatch from Ireland called?

    I don't get it :sad:

    Say Irish wristwatch....It is hard.:laugh:

    Not for me, so it ain't funny :angry:

    Thanks for putting me out of my misery though :flowerforyou: I'm here in work saying "Irish wristwatch" out loud to myself and looking like a complete eejit! AND I'M FROM IRELAND!!!

    I've done my good deed of the day, then. :)
  • FORKDOWN
    FORKDOWN Posts: 1,754
    Dont take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time.

    :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway:
  • vrdz3215
    vrdz3215 Posts: 493
    I'm having an unbearable day at work. :explode: :sad: :grumble: :mad: Can you share a joke to cheer me up a bit?

    It would be much appreciated! :flowerforyou: :love: :bigsmile: :heart:

    You have to answer the following out loud, ok?

    Here it is:


    If a wristwatch from England is an English wristwatch and a wristwatch from Scotland is a Scottish wristwatch... what is a wristwatch from Ireland called?

    I don't get it :sad:

    Say Irish wristwatch....It is hard.:laugh:

    Not for me, so it ain't funny :angry:

    Thanks for putting me out of my misery though :flowerforyou: I'm here in work saying "Irish wristwatch" out loud to myself and looking like a complete eejit! AND I'M FROM IRELAND!!!

    Don't feel bad..i didn't get it either...:blushing:
  • memaw66
    memaw66 Posts: 2,558 Member
    The Man Song cracks me up every time:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7Y0I91rubg
    OMG!! I forgot about that song!! That's hilarious!! It always used to remind me of my dad!!! (even the puppet singing looks like my dad) Man I miss him and his sense of humor!! Thanks for the memories!
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    I'm having an unbearable day at work. :explode: :sad: :grumble: :mad: Can you share a joke to cheer me up a bit?

    It would be much appreciated! :flowerforyou: :love: :bigsmile: :heart:

    You have to answer the following out loud, ok?

    Here it is:


    If a wristwatch from England is an English wristwatch and a wristwatch from Scotland is a Scottish wristwatch... what is a wristwatch from Ireland called?

    I don't get it :sad:

    Say Irish wristwatch....It is hard.:laugh:

    Not for me, so it ain't funny :angry:

    Thanks for putting me out of my misery though :flowerforyou: I'm here in work saying "Irish wristwatch" out loud to myself and looking like a complete eejit! AND I'M FROM IRELAND!!!

    Don't feel bad..i didn't get it either...:blushing:

    I didn't "get it" either but I did laugh at myself saying "Iwish wish wash" :laugh:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

    For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

    That one cracked me up! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    OK sorry hit the wrong button.
    This is my daughters favorite joke at the moment.
    St peter went to talk to God and god told him that the world wad having problums and that only 5% of the people on earth were being good and that he wanted St peter to send out and Email to the 5% and that it was very important to send out the emails Because it contained important information.
    And do you know what the Email Said?








    Neither do I I did not get one either :smile:

    Oh, that's cute! :laugh:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    This one is so cheesy but it always make people laugh:

    Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin looks at the other and says "Is it getting hot in here?" The other muffin says " Holy *kitten*. A talking muffin!"

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    I'm having an unbearable day at work. :explode: :sad: :grumble: :mad: Can you share a joke to cheer me up a bit?

    It would be much appreciated! :flowerforyou: :love: :bigsmile: :heart:

    You have to answer the following out loud, ok?

    Here it is:


    If a wristwatch from England is an English wristwatch and a wristwatch from Scotland is a Scottish wristwatch... what is a wristwatch from Ireland called?

    I don't get it :sad:

    Say Irish wristwatch....It is hard.:laugh:

    Not for me, so it ain't funny :angry:

    Thanks for putting me out of my misery though :flowerforyou: I'm here in work saying "Irish wristwatch" out loud to myself and looking like a complete eejit! AND I'M FROM IRELAND!!!

    Don't feel bad..i didn't get it either...:blushing:

    I didn't "get it" either but I did laugh at myself saying "Iwish wish wash" :laugh:

    I got it just saying it to myself. I can barely talk the way it is. :laugh: :laugh:
  • busymom74
    busymom74 Posts: 3,341 Member
    Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?


    Because then it'd be a foot! :laugh: :laugh:


    Why was the tomato blushing?

    Because he saw the salad dressing! :laugh: :laugh:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    Here's a joke my son made up years ago.

    Why don't sea gulls fly over the bay?

    Because then they would be called bagels. (bay gulls) :laugh: corny I know. :laugh:
  • busymom74
    busymom74 Posts: 3,341 Member
    ^ FUNNY!! lol
  • Gogo
    Gogo Posts: 9,942 Member
    How do you get a Kleenex to dance?



    Put a little boogie in it. :laugh: :bigsmile: :laugh:
  • Gogo
    Gogo Posts: 9,942 Member
    A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.

    The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.

    He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.

    The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.

    Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

    "The funeral director," said his wife.
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