Why I Hate Dating
losingitincollege
Posts: 70 Member
This is a repost from my blog, but I wanted to share it here seeing as how the message boards get more feedback. What do you guys think? I just want to know if other people share the same views. What do you think about dating?
*****
Yes. I hate dating.
Why do I hate dating? You must be wondering: Is she bitter? Did some Johnny stand her up one too many times? Can she get a date at all?
It's none of these things. I hate dating because (wait for it)....it's stupid!
Ok, I feel the sharp digs of your dagger eyes and hear the teeth sucking. Please excuse the untamed second-grader in me and allow me to explain:
At 22 years old, I've only had one serious relationship in my life. (Well, one serious relationship and one budding relationship that quickly deflated after its sprout). The serious-serious relationship lasted for almost 3 years. But, at 21, I was single and newly emancipated from an exhaustive, crumbling relationship. I was ready for the wild girls night outs. I was ready to experience some of the fun freedoms that I felt I was held away from for nearly 3 years. I was single and ready to mingle--at least I thought I was.
At first, it was fun. Dating, that is. You meet a cute guy when you're out with your friends..you exchange numbers...he texts you...you text him. You "get to know each other" in a ritual of daily correspondence that consists of flirting and "what are you doing now" type questions.
While we're on the topic of texting, let me just inform you that texting is one of the latest forms of dating. Some guys don't even get to the part of actually taking you out on a date. What do I mean?
Take Davis for example. (Yes, his first name was a last name). Davis was a cute guy. I met him at a friend of a friend's house warming party. We talked, the conversation was delightful, he politely asked for my number, I gave it to him.
Davis texted me the next evening. All was well...until he asked me what I was wearing.
...Come again?
Send me a picture.
-___-
Never entertained that douche bag with a response.
Okay, so Davis was a douche, but what about a nicer guy that makes the cut to the let's-go-out-on-a-date-status?
Let's talk about Shane. Shane was a very nice guy. He wasn't the most attractive guy, but I'm not shallow and looks aren't everything to me. He seemed very genuine in his pursuit so I thought, what the hell.
Shane was so polite--a true gentleman. So what happened? Mr. Polite and Courteous Shane talked about his exes and how he was so ready to find a woman to settle down with. Shane was only 23 at the time, but he wanted a wife, kids, three dogs, two turtles doves, and a damn partridge in a pear tree in the next few months! And it gets worse...he came right out and told me he was excited because he thought I was The One. He said it in such a way that you'd think he was talking about a mythical creature or something!
It felt more like a therapy venting session. The conversation was so draining and heavy that I felt haggard afterwards. After that date, I was upfront and told him that I thought it best if we remain friends and he agreed. Reluctantly, I'm sure.
But then I started getting text messages every morning like clock work from Shane.
Good morning, beautiful. I hope you have a great day! I can't wait to hear from you.
Um...friends don't do that, bro. After incessant reminders, I said to hell with it and to hell with Shane. I stopped responding to his texts and eventually, he got the hint.
I could go on and on. And on with stories about date disasters. Don't get me wrong. I've had some awesome dates, but COLLECTIVELY, the outcomes just aren't worth the effort to me.
You can call me old school, call me a prude, label it whatever you'd like. To me, dating isn't to just past time with random guys until you find someone worthy of the next step. That's just....well, stupid.
Having gone on countless dates over the past year, I view the dating game as exhaustive and painfully repetitious. It almost feels like an interview.
So, tell me about yourself.
What do you do in your spare time?
Do you like your job?
What's your favorite food?
Seriously. The same stuff. And at first, I thought maybe it was me being too nervous or too quiet or too this or that. Sometimes, he's just not that into you or vice versa.
But, my experience has taught me that there are a lot of weird dudes out here! Some more emotional than three hormonal pregnant-pickle-craving women, some with egos the height of Mt. Everest, and some with issues deeper than the sea.
At the moment, I hate dating. If a guy asked me out today, I'd have to see something promising in him to even consider the possibility. Time is a precious thing to waste.
I would not consider myself to be solely dependent on logic (I prefer instinct) but the odds of finding a gem in a garbage can filled with M&Ms is depressingly slim. At this stage of my life, I haven't the time (even if I did I'm not sure I'd want to share it) to sift through the M&Ms to find the prized gem.
Well, what are you thoughts??
*****
Yes. I hate dating.
Why do I hate dating? You must be wondering: Is she bitter? Did some Johnny stand her up one too many times? Can she get a date at all?
It's none of these things. I hate dating because (wait for it)....it's stupid!
Ok, I feel the sharp digs of your dagger eyes and hear the teeth sucking. Please excuse the untamed second-grader in me and allow me to explain:
At 22 years old, I've only had one serious relationship in my life. (Well, one serious relationship and one budding relationship that quickly deflated after its sprout). The serious-serious relationship lasted for almost 3 years. But, at 21, I was single and newly emancipated from an exhaustive, crumbling relationship. I was ready for the wild girls night outs. I was ready to experience some of the fun freedoms that I felt I was held away from for nearly 3 years. I was single and ready to mingle--at least I thought I was.
At first, it was fun. Dating, that is. You meet a cute guy when you're out with your friends..you exchange numbers...he texts you...you text him. You "get to know each other" in a ritual of daily correspondence that consists of flirting and "what are you doing now" type questions.
While we're on the topic of texting, let me just inform you that texting is one of the latest forms of dating. Some guys don't even get to the part of actually taking you out on a date. What do I mean?
Take Davis for example. (Yes, his first name was a last name). Davis was a cute guy. I met him at a friend of a friend's house warming party. We talked, the conversation was delightful, he politely asked for my number, I gave it to him.
Davis texted me the next evening. All was well...until he asked me what I was wearing.
...Come again?
Send me a picture.
-___-
Never entertained that douche bag with a response.
Okay, so Davis was a douche, but what about a nicer guy that makes the cut to the let's-go-out-on-a-date-status?
Let's talk about Shane. Shane was a very nice guy. He wasn't the most attractive guy, but I'm not shallow and looks aren't everything to me. He seemed very genuine in his pursuit so I thought, what the hell.
Shane was so polite--a true gentleman. So what happened? Mr. Polite and Courteous Shane talked about his exes and how he was so ready to find a woman to settle down with. Shane was only 23 at the time, but he wanted a wife, kids, three dogs, two turtles doves, and a damn partridge in a pear tree in the next few months! And it gets worse...he came right out and told me he was excited because he thought I was The One. He said it in such a way that you'd think he was talking about a mythical creature or something!
It felt more like a therapy venting session. The conversation was so draining and heavy that I felt haggard afterwards. After that date, I was upfront and told him that I thought it best if we remain friends and he agreed. Reluctantly, I'm sure.
But then I started getting text messages every morning like clock work from Shane.
Good morning, beautiful. I hope you have a great day! I can't wait to hear from you.
Um...friends don't do that, bro. After incessant reminders, I said to hell with it and to hell with Shane. I stopped responding to his texts and eventually, he got the hint.
I could go on and on. And on with stories about date disasters. Don't get me wrong. I've had some awesome dates, but COLLECTIVELY, the outcomes just aren't worth the effort to me.
You can call me old school, call me a prude, label it whatever you'd like. To me, dating isn't to just past time with random guys until you find someone worthy of the next step. That's just....well, stupid.
Having gone on countless dates over the past year, I view the dating game as exhaustive and painfully repetitious. It almost feels like an interview.
So, tell me about yourself.
What do you do in your spare time?
Do you like your job?
What's your favorite food?
Seriously. The same stuff. And at first, I thought maybe it was me being too nervous or too quiet or too this or that. Sometimes, he's just not that into you or vice versa.
But, my experience has taught me that there are a lot of weird dudes out here! Some more emotional than three hormonal pregnant-pickle-craving women, some with egos the height of Mt. Everest, and some with issues deeper than the sea.
At the moment, I hate dating. If a guy asked me out today, I'd have to see something promising in him to even consider the possibility. Time is a precious thing to waste.
I would not consider myself to be solely dependent on logic (I prefer instinct) but the odds of finding a gem in a garbage can filled with M&Ms is depressingly slim. At this stage of my life, I haven't the time (even if I did I'm not sure I'd want to share it) to sift through the M&Ms to find the prized gem.
Well, what are you thoughts??
0
Replies
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"But, my experience has taught me that there are a lot of weird dudes out here! Some more emotional than three hormonal pregnant-pickle-craving women, some with egos the height of Mt. Everest, and some with issues deeper than the sea. "
I see we've met...j/k, dating is a game, it's awkward, it's humiliating at times, but the road you take to get to where you want to be can be just as important as the destination. Consider it a learning experience, warning signs to stay away from, don't say yes to the guy holding the axe...that sort of thing.0 -
Sounds like you just need to meet better people or be a little more discriminatory in your tastes.
-wtk
Edit:
You would date someone that you saw nothing promising in? No redeeming qualities?If a guy asked me out today, I'd have to see something promising in him to even consider the possibility. Time is a precious thing to waste.
-wtk0 -
I didn't really date around.
Just wasn't my thing.
I dated a guy in high school for two years. Went on 2 or 3 dates in college.
Graduated college, started dating someone I knew all my life and got married 18 months later.
You don't have to do tons of people if that's just not your cup of tea. No big deal.0 -
Stay...away...from...the axe man--duly noted! Lol I couldn't agree more!0
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Edit:
You would date someone that you saw nothing promising in? No redeeming qualities?If a guy asked me out today, I'd have to see something promising in him to even consider the possibility. Time is a precious thing to waste.
-wtk
I would ask the same questions. I would never date someone that I couldn't see myself having a relationship with; I'd rather be alone.1 -
Sounds like you just need to meet better people or be a little more discriminatory in your tastes.
-wtk
Edit:
You would date someone that you saw nothing promising in? No redeeming qualities?If a guy asked me out today, I'd have to see something promising in him to even consider the possibility. Time is a precious thing to waste.
-wtk
^^ I believe you dug a lit deeper into that statement than what was meant there. Lol. The truth is that every person that I've gone on a date with had qualities or "something in them" that attracted me to them in the first place. I would not entertain the thought otherwise.0 -
Dating is a pain in the butt, but it can also be really fun if you take all of your experiences with a grain of salt. If you don't have any serious expectations from a new person, you can just view it as meeting someone new and having some fun (by fun I don't mean sex unless that's what you want
). If you don't see yourself with that person, shake their hand and say it was lovely to meet you. You really do sometimes have to put up with some weirdos to meet a good guy.
Don't forget that there are plenty of crazy women out there too and that these guys might be just as jaded are you feel. You are entirely too young to give up now! :flowerforyou:0 -
Dating is a pain in the butt, but it can also be really fun if you take all of your experiences with a grain of salt. If you don't have any serious expectations from a new person, you can just view it as meeting someone new and having some fun (by fun I don't mean sex unless that's what you want ). If you don't see yourself with that person, shake their hand and say it was lovely to meet you. You really do sometimes have to put up with some weirdos to meet a good guy.
Don't forget that there are plenty of crazy women out there too and that these guys might be just as jaded are you feel. You are entirely too young to give up now! :flowerforyou:
Music to my ears, stranger. Thank you for such thoughtful input!
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You're 21 and tired of the dating game. Imagine being 45 and doing the "dating thing". You would think older meant wiser, Noooo. Hang in there hopefully it'll get better (hopefully),0
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I guess my biggest pet peeve right now in this whole situation is that you meet someone who seems promising and they seem to think the same about you... you go on dates for a few weeks, maybe over a month with everything going well and then they flip a switch and act like a jerk all of a sudden. Can't we all just be honest from the get go about who we are?!0
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i also hate dating.
I prefer falling in love with someone I'm already friends with.
I think every "date" i have been on, that was a "date" and not just hanging out with a friend, sucked to the max.
[unless you count dates with someone I'm already in love with. those rule
] 0 -
If you ain't plannin on marryin her, get your hands off of someone else's wife.0
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I guess my biggest pet peeve right now in this whole situation is that you meet someone who seems promising and they seem to think the same about you... you go on dates for a few weeks, maybe over a month with everything going well and then they flip a switch and act like a jerk all of a sudden. Can't we all just be honest from the get go about who we are?!
And there's the BINGO!!!! Exactly. It's sad and ridiculous and a humongous waste of time.0 -
It's pretty awful...but we will continue to do it, right? Seems like there's no way out! But the weird/awkward/hilarious dates make the amazing/sweet/wonderful ones worth waiting for! 0
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I never really dated either. I think people thought I was weird, but I can really tell a lot about a person from the first meeting and I never met anyone that I was interested in. I was dating a guy my best friend set me up with (hating every minute of it, but doing it just to make her happy) when I met my (now) husband. We never dated, at least it didn't feel like dating, we just had fun together.
So, don't worry about dating, someone will come along when you least expect it and being together won't feel like dating.0 -
I actually LOVED this thread.
I believe dating is a waste of my time as well, but I think there are various reasons for that. A lack of quality men in the area, not being fully open with them or vice versa, and so on and so on.
I've never been someone who wanted to date around, I've always wanted to preserve my energy for more significant and meaningful connections. Alas, you gotta sift through the **** to find those. It's a viscious circle, ha ha.
Regardless, loved the post and laughed my *kitten* off at how much I related to it. Cheers to you, lady!0 -
I completely agree with Sillygoose197. How can you tell the values of a person on one date? You need to take the time to get to know someone and keeping things light in the beginning is only logical. Don't give up yet - there are great people to meet out there. By the way, I just celebrated my 25 wedding anniversary but did not meet him until I was in my 30's. Takes time.0
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I'm 37 and seriously thinking about hanging up my dating shoes and just becoming a Crazy Cat Lady instead.... although I own a dog. It sounds much more fulfilling. Hee Hee.0
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But, my experience has taught me that there are a lot of weird dudes out here! Some more emotional than three hormonal pregnant-pickle-craving women, some with egos the height of Mt. Everest, and some with issues deeper than the sea.
I agree with you, emotionally healthy guys are rare... I agree sometimes dating is daunting but what would be the alternative? Staying alone all your life? I am there... it's overrated for sure... ;-)0 -
Well....isn't it really an interview afterall? I mean...Dating is just basically interviewing for marriage. Or at least thats one way of looking at it if you plan on that someday.
The only thing I hate about dating is the trial and error process. You have to go through a lot of creeps before finding decent ones.0 -
I guess my biggest pet peeve right now in this whole situation is that you meet someone who seems promising and they seem to think the same about you... you go on dates for a few weeks, maybe over a month with everything going well and then they flip a switch and act like a jerk all of a sudden. Can't we all just be honest from the get go about who we are?!
^ This *sighs*
. I don't even date around much as is, but after having a serious relationship of 3 years the next two guys I dated (over the span of 2 years, like I say, I don't date much) ended up like this. I give up. 0 -
I have had all the experiences you have.....and THEN some (substitute the texting for IMing and e-mail).
Then, one day, you meet someone that is fun to talk to, a total gentleman, funny and into you. And you spend time together....you talk on the phone and he tells you he hates to hang up. He sends you flowers and lets you know he is thinking of you and is looking forward to seeing you again. And, after some time you realize this is something special.
It happens...it happened to me. Dating should be fun, but not ever guy you meet will be worth dating.
I should add that all my dates after I divorced were from Match.com. It DOES work if you give it time.0 -
Wow thought it was just me. I could have wrote this whole entire blog myself. Let's just hope that it gets better hun *HUGS*0
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great post, but i hope you never come back saying "where are all the good men!!??"
so many women have such great guys that are there for them or want to be there for them, but they are "in the friendzone"
same goes for guys, some really great women out there too that the guy has put "in the friendzone"
Take the guy "Shane" for example, doesnt sound like anything is wrong with him, it just sounds like hes too much in a hurry.
The Davis guy though, piece of ****. he can go f' himself.
anyway, you shouldn't hate dating, u could really miss out on some great people without giving them a possible chance at even finding out who they are or what they may be like.
dating sux sure, but no need to absolutely hate it.0 -
Gosh...Why do girls get caught up in dating or calling it dating...
Just hang out..don't lable it....
Dating for most guys is after hanging out...We don't tell our boys we are dating UNTIL we are into her...
Girls seem to date to get to know the guy...
Should be in this order
*Meet somone
*Hang out a few times
If there is a connection
*You date
If there isn't a real connection
*Become friends or just move on....
If it is just physical
*well you know what's up0 -
thoughts?
Original writer is still in early twenties but has an outdated view of dating norms today.0 -
I hate dating and relationships. I'm glad I'm not the only one.0
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thoughts?
Original writer is still in early twenties but has an outdated view of dating norms today.
Totally agree with this
I have a friend at work who would have DATING issues...and then one day I told her..."Stop callng it dating" Ask the dude to hang out..Crack some jokes...if you call it hang out...you will be more free to be yourself...Don't put so much pressure on it...Don't ask too many personal stuff right off...Just have fun...enjoy your surroundings and tell funny stories...
Repeat cycle while adding little by little personal info
then you will grow to appreciate each other
May end up married or Bumpin uglies
who knows0 -
Yes. I hate dating.
[WALL OF TEXT]
Well, what are you thoughts??
Cry about it or fix it. Your choice.0 -
thoughts?
Original writer is still in early twenties but has an outdated view of dating norms today.
Totally agree with this
I have a friend at work who would have DATING issues...and then one day I told her..."Stop callng it dating" Ask the dude to hang out..Crack some jokes...if you call it hang out...you will be more free to be yourself...Don't put so much pressure on it...Don't ask too many personal stuff right off...Just have fun...enjoy your surroundings and tell funny stories...
Repeat cycle while adding little by little personal info
then you will grow to appreciate each other
May end up married or Bumpin uglies
who knows
Hey Mercenary - You seem pretty knowledgeable... Tell me what is the difference between seeing someone and dating them?? If the guy isn't seeing anyone else and you're not seeing anyone else. You hang out 2 or 3 or 4 times a week and it's been going on for a couple of months, what the hell is such a big deal about calling it "dating"?? Why would the guy be so against the "label"? Keeping his options open for something better?0
This discussion has been closed.
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