Why I Hate Dating
Replies
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Thank you! My thoughts exactly! Take the pressure off and stop being so serious! Have fun with it without all those emotionally crippling expectations! Good luck to you! :flowerforyou:thoughts?
Original writer is still in early twenties but has an outdated view of dating norms today.
Totally agree with this
I have a friend at work who would have DATING issues...and then one day I told her..."Stop callng it dating" Ask the dude to hang out..Crack some jokes...if you call it hang out...you will be more free to be yourself...Don't put so much pressure on it...Don't ask too many personal stuff right off...Just have fun...enjoy your surroundings and tell funny stories...
Repeat cycle while adding little by little personal info
then you will grow to appreciate each other
May end up married or Bumpin uglies
who knows0 -
So you only want to "date" people that you already know you're going to like.
But you can't know if you'll like them until you get to know them.
And in order to get to know them you have to spend SOME amount of time with them.
Which means you probably want to "date" them.
But you don't want to "date" them unless you know you're going to like them.
(Repeat until you're old and spinstery and stop breathing.)0 -
thoughts?
Original writer is still in early twenties but has an outdated view of dating norms today.
Totally agree with this
I have a friend at work who would have DATING issues...and then one day I told her..."Stop callng it dating" Ask the dude to hang out..Crack some jokes...if you call it hang out...you will be more free to be yourself...Don't put so much pressure on it...Don't ask too many personal stuff right off...Just have fun...enjoy your surroundings and tell funny stories...
Repeat cycle while adding little by little personal info
then you will grow to appreciate each other
May end up married or Bumpin uglies
who knows
I don't understand why people don't get this! It's very easy! Oh and one more thing....the 1st two times you hang out with someone don't be texting other people the whole time and then wonder why April doesn't call you back. Shhheeeesh. This may not be the place to say this but I already wrote it and you already read it and now I feel a little better. Thanks!0 -
I completely agree with Sillygoose197. How can you tell the values of a person on one date? You need to take the time to get to know someone and keeping things light in the beginning is only logical. Don't give up yet - there are great people to meet out there. By the way, I just celebrated my 25 wedding anniversary but did not meet him until I was in my 30's. Takes time.
I agree.0 -
Gosh...Why do girls get caught up in dating or calling it dating...
Just hang out..don't lable it....
Dating for most guys is after hanging out...We don't tell our boys we are dating UNTIL we are into her...
Girls seem to date to get to know the guy...
Should be in this order
*Meet somone
*Hang out a few times
If there is a connection
*You date
If there isn't a real connection
*Become friends or just move on....
If it is just physical
*well you know what's up
This is good too.0 -
All I can say is you have to "kiss" a lot of frogs to find your prince!
I tried online dating last year and met some really big losers. I ended up meeting my current boyfriend and we are so happy together! It's worth the effort, I promise!
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thoughts?
Original writer is still in early twenties but has an outdated view of dating norms today.
Totally agree with this
I have a friend at work who would have DATING issues...and then one day I told her..."Stop callng it dating" Ask the dude to hang out..Crack some jokes...if you call it hang out...you will be more free to be yourself...Don't put so much pressure on it...Don't ask too many personal stuff right off...Just have fun...enjoy your surroundings and tell funny stories...
Repeat cycle while adding little by little personal info
then you will grow to appreciate each other
May end up married or Bumpin uglies
who knows
Hey Mercenary - You seem pretty knowledgeable... Tell me what is the difference between seeing someone and dating them?? If the guy isn't seeing anyone else and you're not seeing anyone else. You hang out 2 or 3 or 4 times a week and it's been going on for a couple of months, what the hell is such a big deal about calling it "dating"?? Why would the guy be so against the "label"? Keeping his options open for something better?
Want the answer! Here is the answer….You ask…That’s right ladies…If you don’t know what the relationship is…Ask…And…don’t get mad or upset if the answer isn’t what you expected.
Don’t assume you are dating, exclusive, the only one, the future wifey, the only cut buddy…
If I am hanging with a girl 3 to 4 times a week and it has been going on for a couple of months and she is the only one I am into...I will bring up making it exclusive...BUT...if I have another quality chick on the side...I will ride it out until either
a) One ask for an exclusive relationship
b) I am ready to be with only one
If you don't communicate then you will be looking dumb sun...
so ask what's up...and if it's not what you want to hear...than hopefully you didn't give it up too fast with out laying down some ground rules..0 -
Why would the guy be so against the "label"? Keeping his options open for something better?
Everyone should be keepig their options open until there is a discussion on EXCLUSIVITY <yup it's a word..I looked it up0 -
Thanks Dr. Love!!!0
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Dating is stupid. LOL. But, it is the only way to get from here to there. I have never dated until recently. I hate it with every fibre of my being. But, even if I do date, I just call it hanging out. It takes away the formality of it, and makes it easier for me. I just prefer to meet people from friends, or at parties or whatever. i don't really do the "walk up to a stranger and ask her out bit" like some guys do. So, that takes the pressure off too, because it's not so foreign. If you met at a party, maybe you talked for a couple of hours and had a good connection, so it's easier the next time you "hang out".0
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Dating is stupid. LOL. But, it is the only way to get from here to there. I have never dated until recently. I hate it with every fibre of my being. But, even if I do date, I just call it hanging out. It takes away the formality of it, and makes it easier for me. I just prefer to meet people from friends, or at parties or whatever. i don't really do the "walk up to a stranger and ask her out bit" like some guys do. So, that takes the pressure off too, because it's not so foreign. If you met at a party, maybe you talked for a couple of hours and had a good connection, so it's easier the next time you "hang out".
I wish I had someone to hang with... girl friends are great and I have a great friend who I hang with once in a while when we have time, but sometimes you need to talk with the opposite sex.... it's just different. 0 -
thoughts?
Original writer is still in early twenties but has an outdated view of dating norms today.
Totally agree with this
I have a friend at work who would have DATING issues...and then one day I told her..."Stop callng it dating" Ask the dude to hang out..Crack some jokes...if you call it hang out...you will be more free to be yourself...Don't put so much pressure on it...Don't ask too many personal stuff right off...Just have fun...enjoy your surroundings and tell funny stories...
Repeat cycle while adding little by little personal info
then you will grow to appreciate each other
May end up married or Bumpin uglies
who knows
Hey Mercenary - You seem pretty knowledgeable... Tell me what is the difference between seeing someone and dating them?? If the guy isn't seeing anyone else and you're not seeing anyone else. You hang out 2 or 3 or 4 times a week and it's been going on for a couple of months, what the hell is such a big deal about calling it "dating"?? Why would the guy be so against the "label"? Keeping his options open for something better?
Want the answer! Here is the answer….You ask…That’s right ladies…If you don’t know what the relationship is…Ask…And…don’t get mad or upset if the answer isn’t what you expected.
Don’t assume you are dating, exclusive, the only one, the future wifey, the only cut buddy…
If I am hanging with a girl 3 to 4 times a week and it has been going on for a couple of months and she is the only one I am into...I will bring up making it exclusive...BUT...if I have another quality chick on the side...I will ride it out until either
a) One ask for an exclusive relationship
b) I am ready to be with only one
If you don't communicate then you will be looking dumb sun...
so ask what's up...and if it's not what you want to hear...than hopefully you didn't give it up too fast with out laying down some ground rules..
^^^And this is why I luv u so much and am very PROUD to be your friend
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thoughts?
Original writer is still in early twenties but has an outdated view of dating norms today.
ehehe. You don't say? What are the fresh "dating norms" of today so I'm current? 0 -
Gosh...Why do girls get caught up in dating or calling it dating...
Just hang out..don't lable it....
Dating for most guys is after hanging out...We don't tell our boys we are dating UNTIL we are into her...
Girls seem to date to get to know the guy...
Should be in this order
*Meet somone
*Hang out a few times
If there is a connection
*You date
If there isn't a real connection
*Become friends or just move on....
If it is just physical
*well you know what's up
lol Good points, but it's not an issue of titles. Our definitions of "dating" seem to have different meanings. Mine--going on with someone, the "hang-out" as you might see it. Yours--a relationship (that's my guess).
Your feedback is insightful! So, thanks!0 -
hahaha, I agree with you actually! this made me laugh0
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I guess my biggest pet peeve right now in this whole situation is that you meet someone who seems promising and they seem to think the same about you... you go on dates for a few weeks, maybe over a month with everything going well and then they flip a switch and act like a jerk all of a sudden. Can't we all just be honest from the get go about who we are?!
well that would take the fun out of it all...lol0 -
thoughts?
Original writer is still in early twenties but has an outdated view of dating norms today.
ehehe. You don't say? What are the fresh "dating norms" of today so I'm current?
please please please first of all, dont take that as mean- i did NOT intend it to sound mean if it did.
texting is a HUGE part of dating and it has been for about.... oh 7 or 9 years now. As soon as Nextel got rid of the stupid phoes that beep before announcing your business to the world, sexting sunk in deep. Its quick, effective and considered 100% acceptable by the majority. YES SOME PEOPLE vehemently prefer face to face and voice conversations, but most people have switched over to text.
If the first text I get from a guy is Send me a pic.... then I know he's tentatively interested and I gotta get him flirting (via text or phone) instead of rewarding that bad behavior. After a few days or so of casually joking around, he's gonna get a picture when he least expects it. So he wont ever hound me for one, he'll just have fun with me and now and then he'll get a treat. trading pics via phone is even important to me because i live in a ridiculously busy city and not everyone has time to get together- so if we trade pics.... it warms me up and makes me feel like awww we just saw'd each other!
the "gaping hole of emotional need" guys and the incessant same story everytime i eat with a new stranger parts are DEAD ON. The only reason I mentioned you are still in your twenties is because for most of us in our thirties, this is all captain obvious stuff, Im sorry
The good part? Its stupid but its really really still worth it when you meet cool people- no matter how long you get to keep them for
:flowerforyou: :drinker:0 -
I dated a lot through college -- the idea of marriage never crossed my mind. I worked at a bar, met a lot of people and was more about having fun (in a non-slutty way, just to put that out there!) but than I met a guy, we instantly became exclusive, he told me he loved me after a month of dating, proposed six months later, and we got married a year after our first date.
Now my little brother and sister are around the same age as I was, and I hear all their stories. No matter how much my husband may drive me crazy, I would rather be "stuck with him" than be out dating and going through what my brother and sister experience.
I got married at 21 and it's been six years!
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After two long term relationships that covered the span of 17 years, I started dating. It was not what I thought it would be but it wasn't bad either. I enjoyed being single, having the freedom to flirt and not feel guilty, having options that I could actually exercise, and a few other things I will not mention:blushing: , but it took a a while for me to learn how to date...you have to ask yourself
1.What is your motive, are you looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now
If you are looking for Mr. Right, then you should only accept dates from Men, whom you could actually see having a relationship with, and they have to have more than some nice qualities...it has to be more like a deal with him and ALL his qualities good and bad( I compiled a list of all the things I was looking for in a mate...lol )
If your looking for Mr. Right Now, then you should accept dates from Men who want to show you a good time, have fun and just want to "hang out"0 -
I look at it like this. I don't expect to be friends with every single person I meet, and my standards for a buddy are less rigid than for someone I would date.
So if every person I meet isn't likely to be a friend match, why would I ever expect most of the people I date turn out to be a love match?
With that in mind, I think it is a numbers game. You have to get out there and see what's available. The more people you interact with, the better chance you have of finding someone who is a match.
Sure, it can be exhausting, occasionally annoying, and sometimes embarrassing. But you try and be open and honest, you learn more and more what you do and (ESPECIALLY) what you don't want, and you refine your methods and criteria.
If it's too much then just take a break!0 -
I don't have that much experience with dating, but what you say rings pretty true with me. I'd enjoy going out on dates with people I felt a potential connection with, or who I'd like to explore the possibility with, but I have turned guys down for dates for a few reasons. One is that it's a lot easier to turn someone down for the first date than it is to break up with them later. The thought of breaking up with someone is one I've gotten more used to but I find it a very difficult thing to think about. I don't want to hurt people's feelings but at the same time some people I know I don't have a future with. Another is that you really can be in a position in life when you value your freedom. You're 23, exploring exactly where you want to go in life (I'm still in that as well), and you don't necessarily want to have someone who is influencing those decisions unless you particularly want that person around anyway.
So yeah, I wouldn't say I hate dating (maybe I just haven't gone on enough dates), but I'm somewhere between the "I'm just looking for a serious relationship," and "I just enjoy going on dates," at the "I'll date to explore a connection with someone, but it's just exploring early on, and then who knows what'll happen." I may not have many dates with that mentality, but it allows me to be truer to myself and happier.0 -
If the first text I get from a guy is Send me a pic.... then I know he's only interested in my physical appearance
FTFY0 -
After two long term relationships that covered the span of 17 years, I started dating. It was not what I thought it would be but it wasn't bad either. I enjoyed being single, having the freedom to flirt and not feel guilty, having options that I could actually exercise, and a few other things I will not mention:blushing: , but it took a a while for me to learn how to date...you have to ask yourself
1.What is your motive, are you looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now
If you are looking for Mr. Right, then you should only accept dates from Men, whom you could actually see having a relationship with, and they have to have more than some nice qualities...it has to be more like a deal with him and ALL his qualities good and bad( I compiled a list of all the things I was looking for in a mate...lol )
If your looking for Mr. Right Now, then you should accept dates from Men who want to show you a good time, have fun and just want to "hang out"
Wait...Mr. Right Now can hide in Mr. Right clothing...
Hang out does not mean SEX...it doesn not mean Right Now...
How can you get to know someone truely without simply hanging out...We are in the midst of social network and texting...
Dating as we use to know it ...IS over...Want to get to know someone you can damn near google them...but it's all paper..
Hanging out with a guy is the true way to get to know him...And use multiple environments..
Museum, Drinks at a bar, Movies, Bowling, Fight Party, Hiking, etc...etc....but make it fun and laugh....LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH.. if he is boring...lighten the mood...Make a joke tell funny stories...but for goodness sake don't be all out there checking boxes to see if he is Mr. Right...
I forgot to mentioned that not only should men be hanging with multiple chicks...girls should be hanging with multiple guys...
Once again....hanging out doesn't mean sex....and if a dude only want to hangout at the house...call up cute guy number 2 and hang with him...0 -
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please please please first of all, dont take that as mean- i did NOT intend it to sound mean if it did.
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Lol. No, not at all. No problems here. I come in peace..
I appreciate your feedback, and I do agree in most aspects.
Obviously, someone with 10+ years over me and my fellow twentysomethings will have more dating experience. My position on dating/going out is based on my present lens, where I currently am in life. I've much to learn, clearly! lol
Thanks for the good conversation.0 -
OP... I hate to say this, but society has screwed you over. Your generation and those after have a difficult time in understanding what is and what is not "respectable." which is a direct reflection upon the parents. Don't hate dating, just be straight forward in the type of guy you want. Though you have more trash to wade through, there are diamonds in the rough0
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great post, but i hope you never come back saying "where are all the good men!!??"
so many women have such great guys that are there for them or want to be there for them, but they are "in the friendzone"
same goes for guys, some really great women out there too that the guy has put "in the friendzone"
Take the guy "Shane" for example, doesnt sound like anything is wrong with him, it just sounds like hes too much in a hurry.
The Davis guy though, piece of ****. he can go f' himself.
anyway, you shouldn't hate dating, u could really miss out on some great people without giving them a possible chance at even finding out who they are or what they may be like.
dating sux sure, but no need to absolutely hate it.
"Where are all the good men?!?" *shudders*
Never that. One of the most ridiculous questions to ever escape women's lips!
Great response by the way, thanks!0 -
I agree with most of what you said, and I never said that Mr. Right Now or dating was synonymous to having SEX, my point is a person whether male or female has to be clear with what THEIR intentions are and what THEIR motives are before you begin the dating process. Simply put, know what you want. If you want a friend and to hang out...date Mr. Right Now, I never said that he couldn't turn into Mr. Right, but if a person again male of female is looking for a mate, then yes the boundaries change, and you have to be real clear about what you looking for so that you know it when you see it.(so if that means you got to check the boxes, check em!After two long term relationships that covered the span of 17 years, I started dating. It was not what I thought it would be but it wasn't bad either. I enjoyed being single, having the freedom to flirt and not feel guilty, having options that I could actually exercise, and a few other things I will not mention:blushing: , but it took a a while for me to learn how to date...you have to ask yourself
1.What is your motive, are you looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now
If you are looking for Mr. Right, then you should only accept dates from Men, whom you could actually see having a relationship with, and they have to have more than some nice qualities...it has to be more like a deal with him and ALL his qualities good and bad( I compiled a list of all the things I was looking for in a mate...lol )
If your looking for Mr. Right Now, then you should accept dates from Men who want to show you a good time, have fun and just want to "hang out"
Wait...Mr. Right Now can hide in Mr. Right clothing...
Hang out does not mean SEX...it doesn not mean Right Now...
How can you get to know someone truely without simply hanging out...We are in the midst of social network and texting...
Dating as we use to know it ...IS over...Want to get to know someone you can damn near google them...but it's all paper..
Hanging out with a guy is the true way to get to know him...And use multiple environments..
Museum, Drinks at a bar, Movies, Bowling, Fight Party, Hiking, etc...etc....but make it fun and laugh....LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH.. if he is boring...lighten the mood...Make a joke tell funny stories...but for goodness sake don't be all out there checking boxes to see if he is Mr. Right...
I forgot to mentioned that not only should men be hanging with multiple chicks...girls should be hanging with multiple guys...
Once again....hanging out doesn't mean sex....and if a dude only want to hangout at the house...call up cute guy number 2 and hang with him...
) 0 -
lol i'm considering tapering down my dating to 1x a month so as not to suffer burnout and give up. still want to find that someone and all. 0
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i'd suggest you start adopting some cats, because if you write off dating forever those will be your only company...0
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You're 21 and tired of the dating game. Imagine being 45 and doing the "dating thing". You would think older meant wiser, Noooo. Hang in there hopefully it'll get better (hopefully),
^^^^this. except I'm 43.0
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