I'll look great in 3 months, but what about in the meantime?

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katenmills
katenmills Posts: 113 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm dedicated to losing 15lbs. I know it's a slow process and I accept that. I'm willing to do it the right way. I know my confidence will grow the more comfortable I get with my appearance but what about in the meantime? This weekend just been I cancelled plans to go out with some friends because I just hated the way I looked in all my clothes! I know that's crazy but can't seem to change my way of thinking of it. I just wanna go in hiding til the weight's gone! Lol.. guess this is why so many people go for the quick fix fad diets. Any advice on how you deal with not feeling sociable is much appreciated :)!
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  • Anyaaaa11
    Anyaaaa11 Posts: 242 Member
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    When it gets to the point where you don't want to go out because of your weight, that's pretty bad. I know because I experienced this myself. It's a terrible feeling to feel the need to hide ourselves from the world because of our weight! We did it to ourselves so we really can sit and complain. But PLEASE don't let your weight stop you from enjoying your life. You have to accept yourself at this moment in time. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "I will trust myself" & "I will reach my goals"! And don't give up.

    I have turned down so many opportunities, activites, and people because of my weight and being afraid of what people would think of me (I've never been overweight but I was getting there) but it prevented me from having fun and just enjoying life. Just go out!
    You can't speed up time. Just know that in a couple months you will look great. Right now is your prime time! If you can't be satisfied with yourself now, then you won't ever be satisfied
  • ExcusesStopHere
    ExcusesStopHere Posts: 16
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    I do this all the time. I'm home from school for the summer and I don't think I've gone out more than three times because of the way I feel. I just try to tell myself that I shouldn't care what every stranger out there thinks and I that my friends should be supportive and non judgmental. It is really hard though.
  • katenmills
    katenmills Posts: 113 Member
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    When it gets to the point where you don't want to go out because of your weight, that's pretty bad. I know because I experienced this myself. It's a terrible feeling to feel the need to hide ourselves from the world because of our weight! We did it to ourselves so we really can sit and complain. But PLEASE don't let your weight stop you from enjoying your life. You have to accept yourself at this moment in time. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "I will trust myself" & "I will reach my goals"! And don't give up.

    I have turned down so many opportunities, activites, and people because of my weight and being afraid of what people would think of me (I've never been overweight but I was getting there) but it prevented me from having fun and just enjoying life. Just go out!
    You can't speed up time. Just know that in a couple months you will look great. Right now is your prime time! If you can't be satisfied with yourself now, then you won't ever be satisfied

    thank you!! you're right, i can't speed up time... better to accept that as something i can't control but reaching my goals is something i can :)
  • katenmills
    katenmills Posts: 113 Member
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    I do this all the time. I'm home from school for the summer and I don't think I've gone out more than three times because of the way I feel. I just try to tell myself that I shouldn't care what every stranger out there thinks and I that my friends should be supportive and non judgmental. It is really hard though.

    I feel your pain! Even when I do go out, I'm feeling self-conscious almost the whole time and worst of all, can't help comparing myself to all the other pretty, slim girls around me. Maybe the more you challenge yourself and go out the easier it will get? Good luck :)
  • Xiaolongbao
    Xiaolongbao Posts: 854 Member
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    To be honest if you're willing to let 15 pounds dictate to you how you feel about yourself (and let it limit your life) then you've got far worse problems than your weight.

    It sounds pretty self centred to me. Presumably your friends wanted you to go out with them and enjoy their company (and they wanted to enjoy yours) but you couldn't see beyond thinking about yourself? I really hope you judge your friends less harshly than you judge yourself.

    How I deal with it is simple. I like my friends for who they are and I expect them to like me for the same reason. I realise that people aren't constantly thinking about me and that most of the time no-one will even notice whatever imperfection I've been stressing over apart from me.
  • katenmills
    katenmills Posts: 113 Member
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    To be honest if you're willing to let 15 pounds dictate to you how you feel about yourself (and let it limit your life) then you've got far worse problems than your weight.

    It sounds pretty self centred to me. Presumably your friends wanted you to go out with them and enjoy their company (and they wanted to enjoy yours) but you couldn't see beyond thinking about yourself? I really hope you judge your friends less harshly than you judge yourself.

    How I deal with it is simple. I like my friends for who they are and I expect them to like me for the same reason. I realise that people aren't constantly thinking about me and that most of the time no-one will even notice whatever imperfection I've been stressing over apart from me.

    Of course the problem is bigger than my weight, it's my self-esteem. Unfortunately for me, the way I feel about my appearance has a huge impact on my self-esteem... i truly wish I felt differently and hence the asking for advice!

    Trust me, I could not care less about what my friends look like. I accept them for who they are. I'm just always 100% harder on myself than others, neeeeeed to change this!
  • summeroflove99
    summeroflove99 Posts: 168 Member
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    I know just how you feel as I have done the same thing in the past. Maybe you could go out and buy yourself a really pretty, floaty top or dress that skims over all the bits you're most self concious about (and also get some shape underwear if that helps). Then you can go out and have a good time with your friends safe in the knowledge that you won't need floaty tops and magic knickers for much longer. That will be your promise to yourself because you love yourself too much to feel this way any longer. I have 14 more lbs to go (having lost 8 so far) so I know that even a relatively small amount like that can make you feel horrible x
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,554 Member
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    I look at losing weight like growing your hair.
    No matter how much you want it and try to do all the right things, you just can't make it happen overnight.

    I think you need to step back and look at this with a different perspective - you might wear a slighly baggy pair of jeans for a few weeks - will the world come to an end? I doubt it very much.

    Be proud of the fact that you are making positive changes in your life and if anyone comments (which is REALLY unlikely) then use the opportunity to show off.... "yeah, my jeans are WAYYYY too big now I've lost 5 pounds!".
    Be aware though, this might piss off your friends!
  • sweetpotatofry
    sweetpotatofry Posts: 209 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel. Whenever I go out with my friends, I always end up feeling like "the fat friend." It's definitely led to the refusal of a lot of social opportunities :frown: I'm not quite over this hurdle yet so I don't know what advice to offer... but just wanted you to know you have a comrade in me haha. I also have about 15 left to lose! GL to the both of us :drinker:
  • JessieBarkhouse
    JessieBarkhouse Posts: 6
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    Hey there! ^_^
    Yikes! It's really scary for me to think that someones esteem could be so low that they wouldn't go outside! Dx I live in a country where everyone is naturally skinny, but I'm not, so it's really hard for me (thus I'm trying to lose weight :tongue: ) But, what I do when I'm feeling ugly (besides wallowing in self-pity!) is I remind myself of what's important.
    "The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." (Psalm 45:11)
    I don't know if you believe in God or not (or what God you might believe in) But I am a Christian and this verse spoke to me! See, you might be an atheist, Muslim, or something else, but just know that there is a God out there (Yes, a God, meaning the God who created you, the Ruler of the Universe!!) and He took the time to make you beautiful! He is AMAZED at your beauty because you are beautiful to Him and that is what matters. Also, here is another verse:
    "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."-Proverbs 31:30
    I would love to be beautiful to others on the outside, but in the end it's what is inside that counts. (I know, very dramatic, but so true!!) So, just remember that God loves you a lot and thinks that you are the prettiest thing out there!! =):heart:
    With much love,
    Jessie
    P.S. Because God thinks you are beautiful, I too believe that you are the most beautiful thing ever! =) God bless! *hug*
  • Jezebel_Barbie
    Jezebel_Barbie Posts: 198 Member
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    I don't know if you believe in God or not (or what God you might believe in) But I am a Christian and this verse spoke to me! See, you might be an atheist, Muslim, or something else, but just know that there is a God out there (Yes, a God, meaning the God who created you, the Ruler of the Universe!!)

    You know what, even with the quoting of Psalms you had me, and I thought it was a nice post, right up until this point. It's ok to tell someone YOUR beliefs and something from YOUR faith that helped YOU, and hope it might offer them the same support and motivation. But to start your sentence with a qualifier acknowledging you don't even know what religion they follow, if any, and then go on to emphasise your god and what he thinks/does/whatever...I gotta say as a non-Christian I'd find that completely unhelpful.
  • MelbourneBelle
    MelbourneBelle Posts: 105 Member
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    I know my confidence will grow the more comfortable I get with my appearance but what about in the meantime? This weekend just been I cancelled plans to go out with some friends because I just hated the way I looked in all my clothes! I know that's crazy but can't seem to change my way of thinking of it. I just wanna go in hiding til the weight's gone! Lol.. guess this is why so many people go for the quick fix fad diets. Any advice on how you deal with not feeling sociable is much appreciated :)!

    You poor possum!

    Maybe its time to take a fresh look at your wardrobe and the way in which you combine your garments. There are so many tips and tricks for looking slimmer. I personally like the UK stylists Trinny & Susannah and Gok Wan. I have now accepted that I look smaller than I actually am becasue of the way I dress - I sometimes have disagreements with sales staff, insisting that they bring me a *bigger* size to try on when they don't belive I am a 16/14. I like to wear my hair "piled high upon my head" (to quote Judy Garland) because I think it balances me out and makes my face look slimmer. I use my makeup to define my features and play down the natural roundness of my face.

    I am absolutely certain that you have the ability to make new outfits from the clothes in your wardrobe that will make you feel excited to head out the door for fun with friends.

    Good luck! Let us know how you go!
  • chazsucks
    chazsucks Posts: 170
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    I can totally relate to this, I have a lot more to lose and my clothes are nice but everything looks horrible on me :( going away with 9 other girls next month all slim and gorgeous and kind of dreading swimming etc :( so tempting to try a quick fix fad diet but I want to change the way I eat long term and that won't help me
  • vanessalillian82
    vanessalillian82 Posts: 350 Member
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    I always thought of myself as the "fat friend" but I've never let it stop me from going out. Yep, I've felt uncomfortably and self-conscious and pulled at my clothes and sat with my arms across my belly to hide it, but my love for my friends has always exceded my hatred for myself, even though I've had to wear the clothing of a middle-aged woman while they were all dressed up in their cute outfits looking super-hot. This year I've spent a lot of time in hospital and gained about 8kg (18ish lb I think) and **I** felt fat, but nobody else noticed, in fact, they said I looked like I'd **lost** weight!!!

    Trust me, your friends couldn't care less how you look in your clothes. You think they're judging you, just like I always thought my friends were secretly judging me when I ordered dessert when we were out for dinner, but they're really not. They love you for you, not what you look like in your jeans.

    You have three choices - one, hide and miss out on life. Two, find a feature you like (eyes, lips, legs, boobs, hair), and work it, baby! Three, you can always meet your friends in a setting that DOESN'T involve dressing up with an expectation of looking especially nice, unlike going out for a night on the town does. Go for a hike, or play tenpin bowling or go roller skating or something. That way you're burning calories, seeing your friends AND in a situation where you're not expected to look hot. Plus you can still work that feature you like - there must be something. Go easy on yourself. Not long now and you'll reach your goal. Good luck!
  • JessieBarkhouse
    JessieBarkhouse Posts: 6
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    You know what, even with the quoting of Psalms you had me, and I thought it was a nice post, right up until this point. It's ok to tell someone YOUR beliefs and something from YOUR faith that helped YOU, and hope it might offer them the same support and motivation. But to start your sentence with a qualifier acknowledging you don't even know what religion they follow, if any, and then go on to emphasise your god and what he thinks/does/whatever...I gotta say as a non-Christian I'd find that completely unhelpful.

    Oops! Sorry I lost you there. So, maybe it would be easier for you to understand/follow if I didn't remind you that you're not a Christian..? What I was trying to say there was that God loves you - even if you don't love Him. >.> <.< Yeah.. x) Sorry if I lost you there! D= I'll try and do better next time. :) God bless!
    Jessie
  • kls13la
    kls13la Posts: 377 Member
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    I can completely relate, and I've been there. All I can say is that you probably don't look nearly as bad as you think.

    Do you exercise? For whatever reason, even if I haven't lost a pound, and even though I have about 10 lbs to go, exercising makes me feel like I look better.
  • mommy7
    mommy7 Posts: 153
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    You know what?? Go get a few new outfits that look great on you. Get another friends opinion. Plaster on a smile. Talk. If you drink, have one, and just enjoy yourself.
  • NikkiSixGuns
    NikkiSixGuns Posts: 630 Member
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    The in-between time is rough!

    When I'm having a bad day and feeling like I can't compete with other people because I haven't reached my goals yet, I remind myself that I am doing something to improve. I remember that I am making healthy eating decisions and exercising, and I am proud of myself. Today is better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today. Even if I'm not there yet, I'm on the road! That gives me the encouragement to keep going and be pleased with where I am now.

    Lastly, I remember that I'm cheating myself by postponing my happiness while I wait for something to occur. Allow yourself to be happy now rather than waiting for those 15 pounds to disappear. I have learned from experience that reaching a weight-loss goal is a major boost to self-esteem and makes many things easier, but it does not, in and of itself, make you happy. Remember to live in the moment!
  • comet_wow
    comet_wow Posts: 180 Member
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    Life's way too short to miss out on opportunities. If ever I come across a bump in the way I ask myself "what's the worst that can happen" and it's never anything I can't deal with. Don't hide yourself away. In 20 years time you'll look back at now and regret not grabbing hold of every opportunity that crossed your path. I can't remember where I heard this quote "Risk everything, regret nothing" but it's true. Just you hold your head up high and get out there. The people who matter won't mind and the people who mind don't matter. Best of luck to you. :flowerforyou:
  • MelbourneBelle
    MelbourneBelle Posts: 105 Member
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    .hree, you can always meet your friends in a setting that DOESN'T involve dressing up with an expectation of looking especially nice, unlike going out for a night on the town does. Go for a hike, or play tenpin bowling or go roller skating or something. That way you're burning calories, seeing your friends AND in a situation where you're not expected to look hot. Plus you can still work that feature you like - there must be something.

    I love this idea!

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