Suportive Signifacnt Others Or Are They Making It Harder?

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  • wingednotes
    wingednotes Posts: 279
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    Its scary when your sig other starts making changes. Eating and exercise are major lifestyle changes, and your boyfriend might be resentful, worried about losing you, worried about having to make changes himself, or just clueless to how important this is to you. Perhaps he thinks this whole "diet thing" is just a call for attention and thinks the proper way to deal with it is give you gifts (put the food you like near you to make you happy.) Or worse case scenario, he might be hoping this is all a phase and is trying to end it so that everything can return to normal.
    Whatever is going on, talk to him first. Find out what he is thinking.
  • 78brownie_wechanged
    78brownie_wechanged Posts: 291
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    Could be A LOT more supportive...a lot
  • RPerret
    RPerret Posts: 1
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    I am (at least I think I am) sort of the opposite. Most of the people that I see on MFP are women I am a man and I am thankful that I have a great supporting partner in my wife. I do tend to think that guys are not quite as insightful as to what support is all about because as the saying goes: "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus" it's true. But dare I say it my wife has never been satisfied with her body (although I think she's gorgeous) and I've always been on the bigger side of average and never really tried to do anything about it. On the surface I made sure that everyone knew I was comfortable with myself but, deep down I wasn't. But because I'm a man ego played a big part in helping me "pretend" all was good. Women tend to wear their emotions on their sleeve and always let you know how they feel. I say all of this because this is the reason a lot of women can find it hard to get support from their male partners. I was and am to some extent, your typical man, I've just learned to accept that you don't need to put up a front and that it's okay to show vulnerability. My wife is more understanding when it comes to feelings and she has certainly helped me and gave me the support I needed and still need, to make myself a better more healthier person. And this in turn has helped me to be supportive of her and her goals.

    Just take the time with your partner(s) have an honest conversation of what you need, what you need to hear, and how you need understanding, encouragement and at times supportive and constructive criticism. Us men really don't have a clue until you let us know. But we also have to do our part and be willing to grow as people and let our ego's or our "manliness" not get in the way.
  • jackibailey
    jackibailey Posts: 206 Member
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    My husband tries to be supportive. But he wants snacks and not carrots and celery. So I buy him his snacks, and then force myself to stay away. It's really hard to sometimes though. Sometimes the temptation is too much. I have bulimia and binge eating disorder. I've just recently joined Overeaters Anonymous to try to work out why my thought process is so messed up. But my husband is supporting that. Really the one thing he does that drives me bat *kitten* crazy is ask me if I've weighed myself. And if I've lost. And am I below 300 lbs yet. It doesn't help and I don't see why my being under 300 lbs is like a magic number for him. I get really excited when I lose a couple of pounds, but I've stopped telling him because there's no congratulations, good job, or keep it up. Just am I under 300 pounds yet. It makes me feel bad. Like I'm not doing it good enough. It really just feeds my insecurities about not being a good enough person. This whole thing has been difficult but I keep plugging away. Last year I lost 70 pounds with mfp and then I gained 55 lbs back. Well now I've lost another 20 lbs. So just keep plugging away and hopefully he will come around and see that what he's doing is not helping you at all. I've just found that I've had to look in other places for the support and understanding that I need. And the nice thing is that I can give that back to others. Feel free to add me as a friend. The more the merrier right? Take care. Jacki.
  • scarlet_necro
    scarlet_necro Posts: 28
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    The most important thing is that you don't give in. It is your choice what you eat. My husband supports me, but eats whatever he wants and we have some goodies in the cupboard for the kids. I choose to eat the way I want to and not give in to cravings. Although it would nice for support and to not be begged into bad food, it is ultimately you who has the choice on what you eat and no blame should be put on your s/o. Good luck.
  • xBettyBoopx
    xBettyBoopx Posts: 11
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    Your choices are not his fault. It is a fact of life that people will eat in front of you, they will eat things that you have decided not to have. That doesn't make them jerks or rude. It isn't their problem that you are making these choices.

    Yes people will eat infront of you and it is not there fault you are making healthyer choices but they do not need to drag you down the junk isle (litrally) or continue to pester you about junk so i buy it for him.

    Also when someone brings these foods i dont want to be around to MY HOUSE to eat them, normally if i didnt want to see someone eat something i would walk away, so should i leave my own house?

    Yes it is his problem, or if he doesnt stop it is going to be his problem

    I am sorry if i sounded rude but that really got to me. Did you not read the whole post? if it was just that he was eating in front of me that would not be as big of an issue i would just leave, it is the rest that is down right rude
  • xBettyBoopx
    xBettyBoopx Posts: 11
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    Why doesnt he have a job ?

    no thats why he pesters me to order the fast food
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,554 Member
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    I thought you were talking about a child until I re-read your post and realised this is your boyfriend that you are referring to.
    If he is going to behave like a child, treat him like a child - say no, say no, then say no again.

    It's not going to be easy, but it's your responsibility to make the decisions that affect your health. If he won't throw away something that is tempting you - then you throw it away. If he brings something to you - get up and walk away.
    If he "drags" you down the aisle, just keep walking and go pick up some apples instead of chocolate.

    I also find that often it works best if you just do what you want and don't talk about it. Telling people you are trying to lose weight and trying to stop eating certain food might make them defensive or scared or contrary. Just quietly do what is right for you, he knows wha tyou are doing but if you don't make any fuss about it, he might not respond so much (again, like a child!)
  • mogletdeluxe
    mogletdeluxe Posts: 623 Member
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    I can only echo what others have said before me - I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling, and that your boyfriend is unsupportive. I'm very fortunate in that my boyfriend is hugely supportive of my weight loss and what I'm undergoing to achieve it. He is very different to me - naturally slender, with the metabolism of a speeding bullet. He can munch and munch and munch and it won't touch the sides, whereas I so much as look at a slice of cake and I might as well smear it straight on my stomach. But he cooks healthy meals for me when I visit, and offers constant support and advice.

    I think that the support of others, whether that's a partner or your friends, is hugely important to progress and confidence when losing weight and the opposite can be hugely damaging and a massive hinderance. You are making a positive change for your health and your life; anyone trying to sabotage that doesn't have your best interests at heart.
  • xBettyBoopx
    xBettyBoopx Posts: 11
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    I want to thank all of you for you support.

    i have talked to him over and over about it

    now i jsut let him read what everyone had to say lol

    He really didnt like the no junk in the house one but if it has to be that way. we started out with different coubords. i put my food in one and his in the other so i didnt see the junk all the time and said if you wanna munch out please dont do it around me, (considering it is my house i pay the rent and buy the food i dont think that is to much to ask for he has a pretty easy ride but we will touch on that one leter, dont worry i am in counsling for it lol)

    Now it is no junk. you can get it on your own but i am not "paying for you to torture me" in a sence.

    it was alwasy a pick your battles thing is iteasyer to give in and get the junk that i end up eating because it is here or deal with the whining and littlaly being told it is not fair i get my stuff and he does not get his.......... i alwasy say you wanna talk about fair, is it fair i work and you dont, is it fair i clean the house you are suppost to have clean, is it fair...... ect you get the point lol.

    once i saw the weight getting bad again i desided that this is one of the battles i wanna pick. just maybe needed a little support and wanted to ask if other people thought i was being as rude as he thought i was being lol.
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
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    I have to say it sounds like you are dating a child,he doesnt work,doesnt clean,and whines an pouts when he doesnt gget his way.
    It sounds like you are in a relationship with a three year old. To me thats a bigger problem than him tempting you with food
  • kristelpoole
    kristelpoole Posts: 440 Member
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    Wow. This is a man? Someone who is supposed to support his woman, care for you, respect you, and encourage you? He doesn't sound like a man to me; he sounds like a pestering brat. I won't even get into my opinions on the current situation as I think you already know in your heart that it's wrong.

    What I wanted to say is more about you than about your brat boyfriend. Why do you put up with this? Why do you give in? Why are you settling for someone who doesn't support you? What are you afraid of if you put your foot down? Why are you settling for a life that doesn't fulfill you?

    I'd do some serious soul searching or even therapy to get at these answers. You need to be strong mentally, emotionally, and physically for this journey so I suggest you dig deep and find that strength. THEN you can decide if you'd like him to join you on that journey and beyond...

    Good luck. :flowerforyou:
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,143 Member
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    I have to say it sounds like you are dating a child,he doesnt work,doesnt clean,and whines an pouts when he doesnt gget his way.
    It sounds like you are in a relationship with a three year old. To me thats a bigger problem than him tempting you with food

    My thoughts exactly.
  • jfcarlson713
    jfcarlson713 Posts: 108 Member
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    Put your BIG GIRL panties on and take ownership of your own choices. He can't sabatoge you without your permission. Good word to learn "NO".
  • Lula16
    Lula16 Posts: 628 Member
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    I have to say it sounds like you are dating a child,he doesnt work,doesnt clean,and whines an pouts when he doesnt gget his way.
    It sounds like you are in a relationship with a three year old. To me thats a bigger problem than him tempting you with food

    My thoughts exactly.


    my thoughts exactly X2!


    My hubby and kids support me. They will eat anything I put in front of them. We made a rule to only eat out fridays and/or saturdays and from sunday on I cook healthy and we eat at home. I dont buy junk food or sweets. I fill our cookie jars with low fat chex mix and sweet and salty trail mix. Good luck to you. I hope the both of you can meet somewhere in the middle.
  • bailyc
    bailyc Posts: 57 Member
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    If he wants McDonalds or doughnuts then maybe you should let him go have them by himself and just stay home?? My boyfriend loves pizza and beer (which I do too) but just because he wants that for dinner doesn't mean we have to eat the same thing... kinda common sense. What do you want more? To be joined at the hip with this dude, doing whatever and eating whatever he wants, or having the body you have been dreaming of? My bf can see the change in me emotionally with each pound lost and knows that if I turn down an invite to go have beers or whatever, he will drop it and either meet friends or make us some salmon and steamed broccoli for dinner. I would suggest talking to him about the lack of support. Maybe he doesn't realize how it is effecting you.
  • tripitena
    tripitena Posts: 554 Member
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    My husband is very supportive. He is on his own weight loss journey and it's great having another thing to share. He is an avid recipe hunter and a huge fan of Hungry Girl dishes.
  • AmyP619
    AmyP619 Posts: 1,137 Member
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    My hubby used to be like this every time I tried dieting. He'd always suggest getting take out or going out to eat, and we never kept healthy snacks in the house. Finally, one day, my hubby decided he wanted to get healthier and lose weight, so he suggested we do Power 90 together. It has been SO wonderful! We use each other as motivation, so when I don't feel like doing my workout he tells me to get my butt in there and do it anyway!! We eat the same healthy meals and the same snacks, so grocery shopping is great. It was impossible for me to lose weight before, but now that we're doing this together it's such a huge help. Hopefully he can be more supportive, or maybe you can try to convince him to be healthy with you!! Especially if he knows it'll help you out BIG TIME! good luck!
  • marykay_and_ashley
    marykay_and_ashley Posts: 26 Member
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    Ouch. Yes you do need somebody supportive, especially if you can't support yourself.

    Sorry honey , but you have to learn to avoid temptation. That is the hardest part.

    Tell your boyfriend to go **** himself, and go do YOU!

    You can do it!!! Just have to have willpower, strength and believe in yourself!

    You are the only person who can change, your boyfriend, or anyone else who wants to drag you down, should be left in the dust.

    Good luck girl!!
  • _Ivian
    _Ivian Posts: 198
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    Someone posted it already; he can only sabotage your efforts if you allow him to. Find support elsewhere since he seems too selfish to take your weight loss into consideration. Do your own groceries, learn and practice saying NO, and do you. He'll either come around, or he'll watch you succeed.

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