Anyone else concerned?

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RosmaryApplestrudle
RosmaryApplestrudle Posts: 18
in Health and Weight Loss
There seem to be a lot of girls on here, particularly young girls who are dieting- when they are underweight (in terms of healthy ranges I have looked up- but admittedly these could be wrong!!!!) anyway. One girl, who I have messaged who I am friends with, is living off 500 calories- and much less calories quite often, per day. And then there's exercising on top of this low calorie number. I don't know whether its my place to say anything? Its just having seen this one particular persons friends list, well they all seem to be wanting to be extremely small (unhealthily so). One girl lives on 250 calories per day and exercises for at least an hour burning around 400 calories each time. Another girls name basically says 'shrink until i disappear'.

I am not a doctor. I have no training in fitness etc. So is it possible I am wrong about this? It is likely its none of my business I just dont want such a young sweet girl going through a hard time with her weight and her ending up unwell. I feel a bit responsible, that I should say something at least, even though I know it is her body to do as she chooses. I dont want to interfere I'm just worried!
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Replies

  • mattack
    mattack Posts: 137 Member
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    Dont worry about things that are out of your control.
    Greatest lesson I ever learned.
  • debloves2ride
    debloves2ride Posts: 386
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    I can't imagine living off of those low calories! If they are on your friend list I would message them and express your concern. other than that I don't think there is a whole lot you can do!
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    The people you are talking about have eating disorders. It's your choice whether to say anything or remain friends with them. If they are not ready to get treatment to deal with the illness, nothing you can say will change that, although the support and friendship may be beneficial to them.
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
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    It's called anorexia. I wish these people would seek help and stop misusing MFP, but it's their illness and not my place to interfere.
    Ultimately all you can do is unfriend them if seeing that sort of thing is negatively affecting you. I choose to unfriend anyone with an ED who's not actively trying to recover, because it's way too triggering for me.
  • Poods71
    Poods71 Posts: 502 Member
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    It's good to be concerned about other but at the end of the day if these girls have eating disorders (which sounds very likley) they probably won't listen. On the other hand it could be that they are just a bit lazy with their food diary and not adding everying, but that probably isn't the case. I'm afraid the sad truth is that these girls won't accept any help unless they want to get better.
  • crimsoncat
    crimsoncat Posts: 457 Member
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    Dont worry about things that are out of your control.
    Greatest lesson I ever learned.

    This.

    If you're really concerned you could just pm them and suggest they should go see a dietitian to help them really get into the weight loss safely. However, you have to understand that there is a very good chance they will go "That's nice. Don't care." Do the best you can to lead by example, provide them with options if they ask for it, and be supportive of good habits. However, you cannot take the world onto your shoulders or it will hurt you. People always have problems, but they cannot be solved unless the people want help. Don't beat yourself up for something you can't control.
  • tabulator32
    tabulator32 Posts: 701 Member
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    Malnourishment and anorexia is a terrible issue, especially among young girls, but this has been an ongoing issue with every diet site and flame wars will ensue over this thread and all the other threads that have been posted previously concerning this issue.
  • jess1992uga
    jess1992uga Posts: 603 Member
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    As someone using this site to recover from doing that I understand your concern. Just know that telling them what they are doing is wrong and going on a whole rant about it won't help. However telling them how you are scared for them, coming out of a place of concern, and telling them you will be there to help them out of the place of darkness that could help. Just understand that they will most likely react in anger, but it is not them, it is their eating disorders. If you have any questions message me :)
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
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    Some people use MFP to support eating disorders. All you can do it ask them to get help and then you can either report them, or just un-friend them.
  • chrisb75
    chrisb75 Posts: 395 Member
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    Unfortunately its not just young girls. Do a search for 1200 calories and look how many WOMEN are starving themselves on this site.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    Unfortunately its not just young girls. Do a search for 1200 calories and look how many WOMEN are starving themselves on this site.
    1200 calories is low but OP is talking about people who are eating 500 or less. 1200 calories does not generally equal an eating disorder.
  • katzuck
    katzuck Posts: 2
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    It is scary to see this on a site meant for good health. Unfortunately, the community that is created online only gives people fodder for sticking to their disordered behavior. Remember that, as bad as it makes you feel, eating disorders are mental health issues, and cannot be changed easily or quickly - or with commentary from an online community. If you want to do something to help, encourage those people you find who are working on changing their behavior! And set a positive example :)
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
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    I totally understand the OP's concern. I saw a thread the other day from a girl who said something to the effect of " I had an eating disorder, but I've been recovering for 2 months. I haven't gained weight in 2 weeks, so I think I am done gaining, and now I want to lose weight in a healthy way" The problem was, she had no professional help with her "recovery" and she was already within a healthy BMI range, but wanted to hit that LOWEST number in her healthy range ( which for most of us is obscenely low)
  • Dipmom
    Dipmom Posts: 228 Member
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    I don't know very much about eating disorders, but I suspect the issues go way deeper than just eating. I am continually shocked at the terrible relationships some of these young women are in. I'm sure when they vent it sometimes gets exaggerated, but some of them have hooked up with real losers.
  • chrisb75
    chrisb75 Posts: 395 Member
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    Unfortunately its not just young girls. Do a search for 1200 calories and look how many WOMEN are starving themselves on this site.
    1200 calories is low but OP is talking about people who are eating 500 or less. 1200 calories does not generally equal an eating disorder.

    It does to me when they are excercising 2 hours a day and burring a 1000 of it off. I understood the OP's POV, but I think the under 1200/intense exercise WOMEN are adults with an eating disorder. IMNSHO
  • cheetosandburritos
    cheetosandburritos Posts: 93 Member
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    You're right OP, it's none of your business. Just concern yourself with you and make friends with people who share your own weight loss goals. This is a big site with room for everyone.
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
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    Having struggled with eating, body image and weight issues most of my life since 13 years old, I tend to remove anyone who I see is not actively trying to recover, or who is eating below the 1200 calorie net. I personally struggle with a bit of bulimia and admittedly am currently maintaining at the lower end of my ideal BMI but I do eat plenty and find it, personally, not only triggering but very frustrating as I know that no amount of advice, encouragement or support will help them until they decide they want the help. I always feel terribly guilty for removing anyone from my list, as if that makes me a bad person, as I don't like giving up on people, but I have to do it for my own sanity.

    I don't think there is anything you can do for those who use this site to further their eating disorder. Most are so sure they are still fat, and are so totally consumed with their obsession, that nothing said would make any difference. It is best to just let them, hopefully, realise themselves in time the damage they are doing, and how short life is. Before they know it, years will have slipped by, and all they will have to show for it is a number on the scale, a list of calories consumed and lots of missed opporrtunities.
  • nofatpants4me
    nofatpants4me Posts: 13
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    And some people are just ignorant of the facts. A woman came into the health club where I work and was looking quite unwell when she finished her workout. After talking with her for a couple of minutes, I learned that she had read on the internet that to lose weight she should only eat 500 calories per day. I honestly don't know how she was still on her feet. I was struggling with 1200 calories per day on the days I didn't work out. I explained the flawed thinking in this idea and asked her to go home & eat! She did and has been feeling much better. The internet can be a wonderful tool, but there is so much bad information out there. I wish people would not rely on just one source, but do some research on issues that are really important to their overall well-being. I would definitely say something to the girl and pray that she is one who just got some bad information.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    I know a girl who works out every day, and is skeleton thin, She looks old, but is actual younger than me.
    Its sad because she has twin girls and they are getting the same bad ED.

    So you can't always sit on the sidelines, but you really can't help someone unless they want help. Same thing for smokers.
  • mkvilmin
    mkvilmin Posts: 46
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    Wow. You have a very tender heart. I find that if I find friends that have common interests with me ie. 50/60s, heading for a healthy retirement, grandma, etc. I do better, We relate more to each other. Our exercising is different as we are not the young women we used to be, but we still are successful and we get it done. I guess what I would like to say is try not to stress over the choices those young girls are makeing all you can do is say a prayer for them.

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