Dating After Divorce

I have a strange history....
I got divorced in January of 2008. I moved in with my best friend (eventually became my boyfriend, then my husband) in September of 2008. That first year was HARD. I was still dealing with a lot of emotions post-divorce and I was very fortunate that Nate and I had a solid friendship we had built years before we started dating otherwise it would have probably fallen apart. My best advice to myself would have been to wait 1 year at least before cohabitating again. Luckily for me, it worked out. We've been in a romantic relationship for 4 years now, married for two of them, and he's been my best friend for 6 or 7 years. It could have been destroyed by the emotional baggage divorce brings that doesn't always show itself right away.

If you think your new love is really a keeper, then do yourselves and your relationship a favor and take it REALLY slow until the wounds of divorce have healed.

That being said - good luck to you as you start this new chapter in your life.

My suggestion to you would be to get your apartment, have your own space, and get to know yourself again. :-)

Thanks.

I'm glad that I'm not the only one that seemed to be able to move on quickly, faster than I thought. If we do end-up living together it wouldn't be for a couple months at least so we have more time to get to know each other.

On the other hand I am attracted to somebody else too but my current GF and I have such great chemistry I'd hate to give it up on a whim.

If you're attracted to someone else, I wouldnt be moving in with your gf. Not unless you're sure it's her you want to be with, and she's not just a rebound.

This or she won't be your girlfriend or friend for long!!

Good thread. I will just sit back and take notes on this one.

OP - 12 years is a long time. You need to take some time and grieve that relationship. Don't jump into another big commitment, you will regret it, because you will likely bring your relationship baggage with you. Enjoy your time getting to know yourself again.

Thanks.

I'm glad that I'm not the only one that seemed to be able to move on quickly, faster than I thought. If we do end-up living together it wouldn't be for a couple months at least so we have more time to get to know each other.

On the other hand I am attracted to somebody else too but my current GF and I have such great chemistry I'd hate to give it up on a whim.

You wouldn't happen to be getting divorced because you're incapable of being faithful, would you? I've dated guys like you. Tell your wife congrats and the poor souls who all think they're you're one and only I'm sorry.

Nice post. Go find another website where you can go cry a while.

So I've been separated from my wife for about two-months now and I've been dating somebody. I can see things are moving quickly but we have quite a bit of chemistry together, very surprising to me. I didn't really go into this relationship with any expectations and was just going to take it one day at a time, but I do find myself getting closer to her. I have about 3-months left on my lease before I'm going to leave and my initial plan was to get myself a small one-bedroom apartment. However, I'm getting the sense that as we get closer we might discuss living together. I'm really not sure how to feel about that. I don't want to jump too fast into anything but I can't ignore the chemistry we seem to have. I guess I have a little time left before I need to make any decisions.

Anybody care to talk about their post-divorce dating and how quickly it was before they moved on and got serious with somebody else?

WOW! You started "dating" 2-3 months after divorce and separation. No offense but was it over before the papers? I have been separated now 12 months and just now feel that I am ready to start dating again...wouldn't even think about LIVING with someone. I don't know, but I have heard that some people feel that the way to get over a relationship is to "hop right back on the horse." I think that is crazy, if it was a serious relationship it takes time to digest what happened in the relationship and what your own life is about. I have learned that the 1st person is usually a REBOUND (especially if you had no time to digest what has happened), you just want to "feel good" about yourself after going through a "demeaning process" like separation...When you come back to yourself, you may realize that the person is nothing that you want.

For Me, because I am a monogamous person and enjoy the committed Life, the separation/divorce process was despicable, so I had a lot of soul searching to do Mainly because I want to marry in the future and I do NOT want to REPEAT that process. My Partner was already in a relationship within 2 months after we separated. I refuse to compete in something like that, I refuse to join a race to the bottom because I want so much more for My future.

The best advice I can give is to give yourself time to heal.


After mine, the best advice I got was this: Would you give someone a broken gift? No, right? If not, then don't try to give them a broken heart. Let your heart heal before you give it to someone else.


Take some time, whether you think you need it or not. You'll thank yourself in the future.

I Really Like that!!!

Interesting topic but one that needs talking seriously about. I agree in the taking it slow part. After separating you SERIOUSLY need to find yourself again. There is time between separating and finalising divorce but both things are huge emotional drainers and do need their own time for all thoughts to come out and get dealt with. You need to deal with all thoughts that keep going around in your head so you can EFF off the ones you dont need to waste time on and ones you do need to spend time contemplating their reasons for being there in the first place.

Find out what it is you want and what it truly is you need now and for your near future. Its been 'us' as the couple part recently prior to divorce, so now its just 'me', you need time to find out what that 'me' part wants to do prior to going back into another 'us' situation. You need to re-assess things so it doesn't just end up as the bounce back relationship. One you run into.

On the other hand, you cant ignore true gut feelings of 'clicking' with someone because when you first separate you often go towards negative thoughts of "I'll never find love again". You also have the benefits of things being better financially with having two people live together. There are serious positives and negatives to consider. Of all things, you can think also that you have the ability to survive when 'things' dont work out. You've made it so far. break ups are hard. Take this op to get a small place of your own and find 'you' again hey, if thats what you find you really need right now. You get to date, you get to go out, you get to sleep over each others places but then you also have that ultimate freedom and escape when needed of coming home to YOUR place. Think it over.

Go with your gut as your mind will fight with you over this. Best thing to do over the next few weeks is to write your thoughts down and see what list they go to. Is it a 'left side of the brain' thought being logical and mindful over your thoughts and decisions. Left side thinkers are often dog lovers, good at maths (Google it, its facinating stuff!) or is the 'right side of the brain' taking over emotionally, the feeling, creative, dreamer side. Right now I reackon you are being in a tug of war between both and this needs to get sorted out prior to making 'BIG' decisions like living with someone new. They each have their place mate, so dont ignore those thoughts that come to mind. Look it up and see whats driving your thought processors. Writing them down not only gets them 'out' of your head for some peace but also gives you the opportunity to re-read later and think things over.

Of all things. Best of luck. I think its awesome you are in a position like this where you are able to take control and reassess your goals and aims in life hey. Just think, of all things, this is the time for YOU! I am so sure my husband would be thinking the same things!! I dont know where I sit right now, but thats just another thing all while approaching our 15 year anniversary :huh: Thats life hey I do know, I need to think about me and what it is I want right now, we have kids, we have responsibilities, so to assess these fairly, they are being written down, talked about and taken 'out' of my head.

Here for a chat, vent, unwind anytime you need. Thats the counsellor in me! I just spend too much time assessing myself thats all. And I tell ya, it doesn't bloody help other than create bigger tug of wars!!!! GGGrrrrrrrr

Cheers :drinker:
Lou

Honestly getting your own place is probably best for her too if you two want to have the best chance of having things work in the long run.

I had a similar situation. I did move into the one bedroom apartment, and then he did too its small and cramped with no storage and only one of us can be in the kitchen at a time: and its the best thing that ever happened to me. I jumped in head first and will never look back. When it's right its right and timing is never good but do what will make you happy not what makes sense the two dont always line up