Friends trying to sabotage you?

gaiareeves
gaiareeves Posts: 292 Member
edited December 21 in Motivation and Support
I know, I know. "If they were really your friends they'd support you in this," "get better friends" etc.

But the thing is, I'm not sure if they're aware they're doing it.

I've lost a lot of weight over the last few months. I've gone from a size UK 14/16 (US 10/12) to a UK 10 (US 6). I'm now roughly the same size as the majority of my female friends. I'm planning on losing a bit more weight, but not loads more.

The problem? No matter what I tell them, they've treated what I've done as a diet, not a lifestyle change. "Oh, now you've lost all the weight, you can eat this cake and this fast food and this chocolate and everything else all day everyday with us!"

No, I can't, and no,I don't want to. I plan to keep up eating healthily 95% of the time for the rest of my life. Thing is, I'm a teenager. My friends are teenager. None of them struggle with weight or food issues. They like to get drunk, they like to eat everything in the world, and they don't understand the difference between a diet plan and a lifestyle change.

So, they're inadvertently trying to sabotage me. While I was heavier and eating healthy, I was encouraged. But now I'm a healthy size and still doing the same, they've started bringing me cakes, biscuits, chocolate, alcohol, etc. If I reject it, I'm made to feel guilty.

I don't think they're doing it for any ulterior motive, they just don't seem to understand that I have no plans to going back to eating how I used to, no matter how much I tell them. They all associate "healthy eating" with "dieting".

It's starting to really frustrate me.

Replies

  • lumayaa
    lumayaa Posts: 19
    what you just told us, you should tell them, because the only way to resolve any issue is to talk about it, communication is key.

    Just be like, "i appreciate you guys bringing me this ---- and that ----, but i don't actually enjoy eating these sort of foods any more" they will get offended, but they will remember next time to not do it.

    Honesty is key, because it's not fair on you that they promote that kind of life style that you don't want to be associated with any more, and i think it's a minor issue to not want to be friends with them.

    just talk to them, a real friend will understand.
  • PJ64
    PJ64 Posts: 866 Member
    Not Friends but My Wife! When I sart losing weght she will start buying junk food and baking more. Which is weird because she NEVER baked before. She constatnly tells me "You're almost 50! just live with your body" It can be aggravating, but I am not doing this for her. I'm doing it for me.
  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
    i can relate to this, especially as a college student, and with parents who cook a lot each time i come home.

    stand your ground! explain to them how you're trying to change your lifestyle, and you appreciate their generosity, but that it's interfering with your weight loss. or, if you don't want to do that, accept their gives, and then give them away! trust me, i've given away MANY baked goods... sometimes, they might not realize they're doing it, and other times, it might turn out that they've been jealous of you bettering yourself. i had a friend admit this to me awhile back. if y'all hang out or go out somewhere, plan ahead, bring your own stuff, etc. once again, if they start giving you grief for trying to be healthier, stand up for yourself, and let them know how it makes you feel.

    i use people's comments and judgement as my motivation. my family used to always want me to be healthier and lose weight, and they're the ones who comment on my choices now. as far as friends go, i'm smaller than some friends i used to be bigger than, and they always poke fun at me for ordering healthy when we go out to eat and stuff.

    you can do it, and know you're not alone! <3
  • Kai85
    Kai85 Posts: 439 Member

    Just be like, "i appreciate you guys bringing me this ---- and that ----, but i don't actually enjoy eating these sort of foods any more" they will get offended, but they will remember next time to not do it.

    Honesty is key, because it's not fair on you that they promote that kind of life style that you don't want to be associated with any more, and i think it's a minor issue to not want to be friends with them.

    ^ This. The one thing I would say is try and do it in a nice way. I have some friends who have gone on diets and will NOT shut up about it. That is infuriating. "do you know how much sugar is in that" "that is really bad for you...." It's beyond frustrating when this happens.
  • Lesley2901
    Lesley2901 Posts: 372 Member
    Your friends have associated weight loss with 'diet' rather than with lifestyle change. Now that you've reached your goal they expect you go back to your old way of eating. Once they realise this is not going to happen they will accept that this is the new you and stop trying to get you to eat foods you no longer want.
  • Poods71
    Poods71 Posts: 502 Member
    Know how you feel, but it is my hubby. Don't think he is trying to sabotage me or anything and he is quite happy to go along with it as long as it doesn't interfere with him in anyway. But he will get annoyed at my "silly diet" as he likes to call it when I am not having the same as him or I read labels or want to check the calories of something before he adds it to my food. It could be that your friends think that you have lost the weight and can go back to how things were or maybe there is some jelousy there too. I find accepting things and then just giving them away works for me too lol.
  • Emmabulliemum
    Emmabulliemum Posts: 294 Member
    what you just told us, you should tell them, because the only way to resolve any issue is to talk about it, communication is key.

    Just be like, "i appreciate you guys bringing me this ---- and that ----, but i don't actually enjoy eating these sort of foods any more" they will get offended, but they will remember next time to not do it.

    Honesty is key, because it's not fair on you that they promote that kind of life style that you don't want to be associated with any more, and i think it's a minor issue to not want to be friends with them.

    just talk to them, a real friend will understand.
    Very true words
  • kay_gee7
    kay_gee7 Posts: 3
    AMEN! But this happens to me at work. Our office has about 70 people in it, and a lot of the people like bringing all sorts of candies and cakes and cupcakes and pastries for all to share. Which is fine, but when people come aruond to my cubicle, and say "Have one!!!!!!!! COME ON!!!" and I say "No, thank you." they carry on and on. Even after I say "I'm avoiding those sorts of food now, but thank you very much." they push. I think this is SO rude and it really bothers me. But I think they just feel guilty about indulging all day and want to lessen their guilt.

    GO-GO GADGET WILL-POWER! It's hard sometimes!!
  • islandnutshel
    islandnutshel Posts: 1,143 Member
    Not Friends but My Wife! When I sart losing weght she will start buying junk food and baking more. Which is weird because she NEVER baked before. She constatnly tells me "You're almost 50! just live with your body" It can be aggravating, but I am not doing this for her. I'm doing it for me.

    You changing is making her fearful. Include her, reasure her. I notice the same in my husband, so I tell him how it is making me feel better. He is who I want no matter what size we may be at. That is what married people want to know.
  • MileyClimb
    MileyClimb Posts: 414 Member
    I've been there to also and so relate to this as well.
  • 2012asv
    2012asv Posts: 702 Member
    Most of the world doesn't understand the difference between diet and lifestyle change. Especially those who have not struggled with it. As long as you know the difference and do what's best for you, that's what matters. If you simply don't like those foods anymore, just say it. It doesn't have to be about your diet/lifestyle change. It would be no different than them not wanting to eat something you like.

    You can babysit a beer while they throw back 50. My friends and I talk shi*t to each other all the time- it's easier when you laugh at it. Good luck!
  • AmyParker979
    AmyParker979 Posts: 84 Member
    Part of the problem is that people don't understand that food will affect you differently than it does them. Whether it be a "gateway food" (it's a slippery slope for me) or the fact that your body might react differently to foods than theirs. There's a study that shows people who have lost weight will always have to eat less than those people who have never gained and lost the weight - even if the two people are currently the same size. (Saw it on HBO's Weight of the Nation series).

    This article also kind of helped explain it to me:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/01/magazine/tara-parker-pope-fat-trap.html?pagewanted=all
  • cristaine
    cristaine Posts: 87
    I can totally relate and you have got great advice. Be honest. Say to them what you did to us, sure they may be offended but then its out there, in the open and they can take it (and if they are your friends they care about YOU more than what you eat with them.)

    My husband does the same thing for what its worth: suddenly brings in cookies, and chips, eats a huge plate of nachos each and every night. Buys me my favorite chocolate bars. And, twice in the past week bought doughnuts and left them in the cupboard!! Doughnuts. In the cupboard. 2 times in a week but also 2 times in like FIVE YEARS. AFTER I mentioned I would rather not have tempting stuff in the cupboard because sugar is like crack for me and the second time after I specifically mentioned I would prefer he hide my favorite maple dip donut if he brings it in the house and doesn't eat it..... If its there, I must get it. lol I walk away soooo many times from that cupboard. And sometimes I win the battle but inside there is a nagging little bit of resentment that I am forced to fight this battle without his (conscious) support even though he *does* support me in every other way. Of course, maybe they think they they are being forced to do without around me because I have problems with willpower in weak emotional moments, who knows. Maybe it goes both ways, I am open to that. :/

    In the end though, I know this is my battle and its up to me to champion my own cause and just say no when offered those few nachos every night, or the rum, or the chocolate bars I adore, or the cannolli .... etc. He is skinny and never gains weight and feels it is rude to not share, despite being asked NOT to ask me. *shrug*

    I don't think some people truly get HOW HARD it is for some people to get and stay in shape because it isn't THEIR battle. It's hard to feel that way from friends, family etc, but it is the reality that our weight is *our* issue, our battle and it is up to US to make sure we get what we need. Don't be afraid to ask for it.

    I'd say be honest. =) And vent here when you need to. Sometimes that helps too =)
  • NotThePest
    NotThePest Posts: 164
    The "sabotage" behavior is not just about food, Anytime you make a decision to change, you will be tested by friends, family and acquaintances.
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