I'll look great in 3 months, but what about in the meantime?
katenmills
Posts: 113 Member
I'm dedicated to losing 15lbs. I know it's a slow process and I accept that. I'm willing to do it the right way. I know my confidence will grow the more comfortable I get with my appearance but what about in the meantime? This weekend just been I cancelled plans to go out with some friends because I just hated the way I looked in all my clothes! I know that's crazy but can't seem to change my way of thinking of it. I just wanna go in hiding til the weight's gone! Lol.. guess this is why so many people go for the quick fix fad diets. Any advice on how you deal with not feeling sociable is much appreciated 
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Replies
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When it gets to the point where you don't want to go out because of your weight, that's pretty bad. I know because I experienced this myself. It's a terrible feeling to feel the need to hide ourselves from the world because of our weight! We did it to ourselves so we really can sit and complain. But PLEASE don't let your weight stop you from enjoying your life. You have to accept yourself at this moment in time. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "I will trust myself" & "I will reach my goals"! And don't give up.
I have turned down so many opportunities, activites, and people because of my weight and being afraid of what people would think of me (I've never been overweight but I was getting there) but it prevented me from having fun and just enjoying life. Just go out!
You can't speed up time. Just know that in a couple months you will look great. Right now is your prime time! If you can't be satisfied with yourself now, then you won't ever be satisfied0 -
I do this all the time. I'm home from school for the summer and I don't think I've gone out more than three times because of the way I feel. I just try to tell myself that I shouldn't care what every stranger out there thinks and I that my friends should be supportive and non judgmental. It is really hard though.0
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When it gets to the point where you don't want to go out because of your weight, that's pretty bad. I know because I experienced this myself. It's a terrible feeling to feel the need to hide ourselves from the world because of our weight! We did it to ourselves so we really can sit and complain. But PLEASE don't let your weight stop you from enjoying your life. You have to accept yourself at this moment in time. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "I will trust myself" & "I will reach my goals"! And don't give up.
I have turned down so many opportunities, activites, and people because of my weight and being afraid of what people would think of me (I've never been overweight but I was getting there) but it prevented me from having fun and just enjoying life. Just go out!
You can't speed up time. Just know that in a couple months you will look great. Right now is your prime time! If you can't be satisfied with yourself now, then you won't ever be satisfied
thank you!! you're right, i can't speed up time... better to accept that as something i can't control but reaching my goals is something i can 0 -
I do this all the time. I'm home from school for the summer and I don't think I've gone out more than three times because of the way I feel. I just try to tell myself that I shouldn't care what every stranger out there thinks and I that my friends should be supportive and non judgmental. It is really hard though.
I feel your pain! Even when I do go out, I'm feeling self-conscious almost the whole time and worst of all, can't help comparing myself to all the other pretty, slim girls around me. Maybe the more you challenge yourself and go out the easier it will get? Good luck 0 -
To be honest if you're willing to let 15 pounds dictate to you how you feel about yourself (and let it limit your life) then you've got far worse problems than your weight.
It sounds pretty self centred to me. Presumably your friends wanted you to go out with them and enjoy their company (and they wanted to enjoy yours) but you couldn't see beyond thinking about yourself? I really hope you judge your friends less harshly than you judge yourself.
How I deal with it is simple. I like my friends for who they are and I expect them to like me for the same reason. I realise that people aren't constantly thinking about me and that most of the time no-one will even notice whatever imperfection I've been stressing over apart from me.0 -
To be honest if you're willing to let 15 pounds dictate to you how you feel about yourself (and let it limit your life) then you've got far worse problems than your weight.
It sounds pretty self centred to me. Presumably your friends wanted you to go out with them and enjoy their company (and they wanted to enjoy yours) but you couldn't see beyond thinking about yourself? I really hope you judge your friends less harshly than you judge yourself.
How I deal with it is simple. I like my friends for who they are and I expect them to like me for the same reason. I realise that people aren't constantly thinking about me and that most of the time no-one will even notice whatever imperfection I've been stressing over apart from me.
Of course the problem is bigger than my weight, it's my self-esteem. Unfortunately for me, the way I feel about my appearance has a huge impact on my self-esteem... i truly wish I felt differently and hence the asking for advice!
Trust me, I could not care less about what my friends look like. I accept them for who they are. I'm just always 100% harder on myself than others, neeeeeed to change this!0 -
I know just how you feel as I have done the same thing in the past. Maybe you could go out and buy yourself a really pretty, floaty top or dress that skims over all the bits you're most self concious about (and also get some shape underwear if that helps). Then you can go out and have a good time with your friends safe in the knowledge that you won't need floaty tops and magic knickers for much longer. That will be your promise to yourself because you love yourself too much to feel this way any longer. I have 14 more lbs to go (having lost 8 so far) so I know that even a relatively small amount like that can make you feel horrible x0
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I look at losing weight like growing your hair.
No matter how much you want it and try to do all the right things, you just can't make it happen overnight.
I think you need to step back and look at this with a different perspective - you might wear a slighly baggy pair of jeans for a few weeks - will the world come to an end? I doubt it very much.
Be proud of the fact that you are making positive changes in your life and if anyone comments (which is REALLY unlikely) then use the opportunity to show off.... "yeah, my jeans are WAYYYY too big now I've lost 5 pounds!".
Be aware though, this might piss off your friends!0 -
I know exactly how you feel. Whenever I go out with my friends, I always end up feeling like "the fat friend." It's definitely led to the refusal of a lot of social opportunities :frown: I'm not quite over this hurdle yet so I don't know what advice to offer... but just wanted you to know you have a comrade in me haha. I also have about 15 left to lose! GL to the both of us :drinker:0
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Hey there! ^_^
Yikes! It's really scary for me to think that someones esteem could be so low that they wouldn't go outside! Dx I live in a country where everyone is naturally skinny, but I'm not, so it's really hard for me (thus I'm trying to lose weight
) But, what I do when I'm feeling ugly (besides wallowing in self-pity!) is I remind myself of what's important.
"The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." (Psalm 45:11)
I don't know if you believe in God or not (or what God you might believe in) But I am a Christian and this verse spoke to me! See, you might be an atheist, Muslim, or something else, but just know that there is a God out there (Yes, a God, meaning the God who created you, the Ruler of the Universe!!) and He took the time to make you beautiful! He is AMAZED at your beauty because you are beautiful to Him and that is what matters. Also, here is another verse:
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."-Proverbs 31:30
I would love to be beautiful to others on the outside, but in the end it's what is inside that counts. (I know, very dramatic, but so true!!) So, just remember that God loves you a lot and thinks that you are the prettiest thing out there!!
With much love,
Jessie
P.S. Because God thinks you are beautiful, I too believe that you are the most beautiful thing ever! God bless! *hug* 0 -
I don't know if you believe in God or not (or what God you might believe in) But I am a Christian and this verse spoke to me! See, you might be an atheist, Muslim, or something else, but just know that there is a God out there (Yes, a God, meaning the God who created you, the Ruler of the Universe!!)
You know what, even with the quoting of Psalms you had me, and I thought it was a nice post, right up until this point. It's ok to tell someone YOUR beliefs and something from YOUR faith that helped YOU, and hope it might offer them the same support and motivation. But to start your sentence with a qualifier acknowledging you don't even know what religion they follow, if any, and then go on to emphasise your god and what he thinks/does/whatever...I gotta say as a non-Christian I'd find that completely unhelpful.0 -
I know my confidence will grow the more comfortable I get with my appearance but what about in the meantime? This weekend just been I cancelled plans to go out with some friends because I just hated the way I looked in all my clothes! I know that's crazy but can't seem to change my way of thinking of it. I just wanna go in hiding til the weight's gone! Lol.. guess this is why so many people go for the quick fix fad diets. Any advice on how you deal with not feeling sociable is much appreciated!
You poor possum!
Maybe its time to take a fresh look at your wardrobe and the way in which you combine your garments. There are so many tips and tricks for looking slimmer. I personally like the UK stylists Trinny & Susannah and Gok Wan. I have now accepted that I look smaller than I actually am becasue of the way I dress - I sometimes have disagreements with sales staff, insisting that they bring me a *bigger* size to try on when they don't belive I am a 16/14. I like to wear my hair "piled high upon my head" (to quote Judy Garland) because I think it balances me out and makes my face look slimmer. I use my makeup to define my features and play down the natural roundness of my face.
I am absolutely certain that you have the ability to make new outfits from the clothes in your wardrobe that will make you feel excited to head out the door for fun with friends.
Good luck! Let us know how you go!0 -
I can totally relate to this, I have a lot more to lose and my clothes are nice but everything looks horrible on me
going away with 9 other girls next month all slim and gorgeous and kind of dreading swimming etc so tempting to try a quick fix fad diet but I want to change the way I eat long term and that won't help me 0 -
I always thought of myself as the "fat friend" but I've never let it stop me from going out. Yep, I've felt uncomfortably and self-conscious and pulled at my clothes and sat with my arms across my belly to hide it, but my love for my friends has always exceded my hatred for myself, even though I've had to wear the clothing of a middle-aged woman while they were all dressed up in their cute outfits looking super-hot. This year I've spent a lot of time in hospital and gained about 8kg (18ish lb I think) and **I** felt fat, but nobody else noticed, in fact, they said I looked like I'd **lost** weight!!!
Trust me, your friends couldn't care less how you look in your clothes. You think they're judging you, just like I always thought my friends were secretly judging me when I ordered dessert when we were out for dinner, but they're really not. They love you for you, not what you look like in your jeans.
You have three choices - one, hide and miss out on life. Two, find a feature you like (eyes, lips, legs, boobs, hair), and work it, baby! Three, you can always meet your friends in a setting that DOESN'T involve dressing up with an expectation of looking especially nice, unlike going out for a night on the town does. Go for a hike, or play tenpin bowling or go roller skating or something. That way you're burning calories, seeing your friends AND in a situation where you're not expected to look hot. Plus you can still work that feature you like - there must be something. Go easy on yourself. Not long now and you'll reach your goal. Good luck!0 -
You know what, even with the quoting of Psalms you had me, and I thought it was a nice post, right up until this point. It's ok to tell someone YOUR beliefs and something from YOUR faith that helped YOU, and hope it might offer them the same support and motivation. But to start your sentence with a qualifier acknowledging you don't even know what religion they follow, if any, and then go on to emphasise your god and what he thinks/does/whatever...I gotta say as a non-Christian I'd find that completely unhelpful.
Oops! Sorry I lost you there. So, maybe it would be easier for you to understand/follow if I didn't remind you that you're not a Christian..? What I was trying to say there was that God loves you - even if you don't love Him. >.> <.< Yeah.. x) Sorry if I lost you there! D= I'll try and do better next time. God bless!
Jessie0 -
I can completely relate, and I've been there. All I can say is that you probably don't look nearly as bad as you think.
Do you exercise? For whatever reason, even if I haven't lost a pound, and even though I have about 10 lbs to go, exercising makes me feel like I look better.0 -
You know what?? Go get a few new outfits that look great on you. Get another friends opinion. Plaster on a smile. Talk. If you drink, have one, and just enjoy yourself.0
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The in-between time is rough!
When I'm having a bad day and feeling like I can't compete with other people because I haven't reached my goals yet, I remind myself that I am doing something to improve. I remember that I am making healthy eating decisions and exercising, and I am proud of myself. Today is better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today. Even if I'm not there yet, I'm on the road! That gives me the encouragement to keep going and be pleased with where I am now.
Lastly, I remember that I'm cheating myself by postponing my happiness while I wait for something to occur. Allow yourself to be happy now rather than waiting for those 15 pounds to disappear. I have learned from experience that reaching a weight-loss goal is a major boost to self-esteem and makes many things easier, but it does not, in and of itself, make you happy. Remember to live in the moment!0 -
Life's way too short to miss out on opportunities. If ever I come across a bump in the way I ask myself "what's the worst that can happen" and it's never anything I can't deal with. Don't hide yourself away. In 20 years time you'll look back at now and regret not grabbing hold of every opportunity that crossed your path. I can't remember where I heard this quote "Risk everything, regret nothing" but it's true. Just you hold your head up high and get out there. The people who matter won't mind and the people who mind don't matter. Best of luck to you. :flowerforyou:0
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.hree, you can always meet your friends in a setting that DOESN'T involve dressing up with an expectation of looking especially nice, unlike going out for a night on the town does. Go for a hike, or play tenpin bowling or go roller skating or something. That way you're burning calories, seeing your friends AND in a situation where you're not expected to look hot. Plus you can still work that feature you like - there must be something.
I love this idea!0 -
I look at it this way: "Will I regret not going?". If I am going to regret it, then I know that I should go because I can never "make up" that experience. If I let my weight hold me back I would have never have gone to visit my friend when she moved across the country. I definitely do not regretted going, but I would have missed out on that experience if I hadn't gone.
The same with my most recent work event. I did not want to go because I am the largest sized person. Everyone else was buying new skinny dresses and high heels, etc. Everyone all dressed to the nines quite literally. I was not able to purchase fancy dress up shoes and ended up wearing work pants to the event along with a dressy shirt. I felt under dressed and awkward about being the biggest one, but I still went and had fun.
I don't want to miss out on things, to miss out on life itself, because of my current size. I am keeping in mind that the next time that I will go such and such place or go do such and such that I will be healthier/more able/a smaller size, etc. It's motivation to go and keep on going both out and on with my journey.0 -
Took me 2 years to lose my 31kg & I used to fake before I made it! I would pretend I was close to goal weight... Really visualize it! It worked a treat haha
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To be honest if you hate how you look now losing 15lb won't change your looks. It's truly a number. If you're letting your 'overweight feelings' then I would encourage you to talk to someone. These feelings aren't going to go away because the scale number changes.0
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The in-between time is the hardest as your clothes start hanging on you and not looking that great but you don't want to buy all new clothes to grow too thin for them again in a few months.
What I do is go op shopping and buy temporary clothes just to get me through this period. I think if you find some clothes that fit your new size better you will actually like what you see in the mirror and give you the confidence to go out with your friends.
They will also notice your weight loss and give you compliments which then helps motivate you to lose the rest of the weight.
And by op shopping you are not wasting a lot of money 0 -
To be honest if you're willing to let 15 pounds dictate to you how you feel about yourself (and let it limit your life) then you've got far worse problems than your weight.
It sounds pretty self centred to me. Presumably your friends wanted you to go out with them and enjoy their company (and they wanted to enjoy yours) but you couldn't see beyond thinking about yourself? I really hope you judge your friends less harshly than you judge yourself.
How I deal with it is simple. I like my friends for who they are and I expect them to like me for the same reason. I realise that people aren't constantly thinking about me and that most of the time no-one will even notice whatever imperfection I've been stressing over apart from me.
What an awful, rude, hateful thing to post.
OP, we've all been there and you're not self-centered and petty or whatever other crap is implied above. You're normal.0 -
I know how you feel! My weight peaked about 6 years ago and I've been cutting back on social engagements ever since. I hated buying clothes at my high weight (cause most stores didn't even carry my size) and didn't feel confident when I went out.
It was getting a little ridiculous, actually. I finally told myself that I had to go out and buy a couple of cute outfits that I felt good in, no matter my weight, and leave the freakin' house.
You can't wait 3 months to live your life - go find something you feel comfortable in.
Also, exercise, especially strength work, makes me feel much better about my body while I'm losing weight. I'm still a long way from goal, but I feel much more confident because I feel better about myself after a good strength training. Even though my muscles are under a layer of fat, there are subtle changes in my shape.
Don't beat yourself up - we're constantly bombarded with images of perfect, tiny bodies. Exercise, have at least a couple of outfits you feel good in no matter what you weight - and get out there and live life. It's too short to do anything else.0 -
Oh I really feel for you! This is the very thing I hate the most about having problems with weight and food - On a bad day I am the same.
I guess what works for me (and it is great to have the chance to write it here so I can remember it to) is to think that I am already here, see, I cannot put myself on hold until I get to a certain wait. Whatever I do I am here and my commitment to myself today i to be present in my life no matter what size.
I bet you are the same as me, I can feel really big when I am smaller and not too bother when I have been bigger. I believe for me it is all about how I am feeling emotionally, the weight is just something I use to bit myself up when I am down.
Finally, I know logically that a few kilos do not make a great deal of a difference in how people look to me. When my friends put on weight they look the same, just a bit bigger, but in essence the same. I am sure others will think the same about me :-)
Hope your day gets better hon and thanks everyone for their posts!
Good day :-)0 -
To be honest if you're willing to let 15 pounds dictate to you how you feel about yourself (and let it limit your life) then you've got far worse problems than your weight.
It sounds pretty self centred to me. Presumably your friends wanted you to go out with them and enjoy their company (and they wanted to enjoy yours) but you couldn't see beyond thinking about yourself? I really hope you judge your friends less harshly than you judge yourself.
How I deal with it is simple. I like my friends for who they are and I expect them to like me for the same reason. I realise that people aren't constantly thinking about me and that most of the time no-one will even notice whatever imperfection I've been stressing over apart from me.
What an awful, rude, hateful thing to post.
OP, we've all been there and you're not self-centered and petty or whatever other crap is implied above. You're normal.
I don't think this is rude, hateful, awful thing to say at all - certainly no more than your reply to it was!
A bit insensitive maybe - along the lines of "Pull yoursefl together" as if it's that simple. However there is some good well-meaning advice there0 -
.hree, you can always meet your friends in a setting that DOESN'T involve dressing up with an expectation of looking especially nice, unlike going out for a night on the town does. Go for a hike, or play tenpin bowling or go roller skating or something. That way you're burning calories, seeing your friends AND in a situation where you're not expected to look hot. Plus you can still work that feature you like - there must be something.
I love this idea!
Yeah you know what, that's some of the best advice that I've seen on here! Hiking and tenpin bowling are great examples where you dress for practicality, and not with the only aim to look good. It's difficult when a lot of things that women (and to an extent) guys, like all seem to involve you looking your best (which I guess is some of the appeal) Theatre, dancing, nice restaurant - as was said 'night on the town'0 -
To be honest if you're willing to let 15 pounds dictate to you how you feel about yourself (and let it limit your life) then you've got far worse problems than your weight.
It sounds pretty self centred to me. Presumably your friends wanted you to go out with them and enjoy their company (and they wanted to enjoy yours) but you couldn't see beyond thinking about yourself? I really hope you judge your friends less harshly than you judge yourself.
How I deal with it is simple. I like my friends for who they are and I expect them to like me for the same reason. I realise that people aren't constantly thinking about me and that most of the time no-one will even notice whatever imperfection I've been stressing over apart from me.
You're sorta rude. It isn't self centered to have extreme confidence issues. It's actually really horrible.0
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