Difficulty having close female friendships.

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  • Altruista75
    Altruista75 Posts: 409 Member
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    Guys are just easier to hang out with IMO...no vindictiveness on their end! Girls are ALWAYS competing against one another whether they want to admit it or not!
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
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    Me too :( Honestly the only female friends that I have are right here in MFP but in real life, nada. Anyway I'm always feel more comfortable hanging around with guys than girls from the start. I have one close guy friend & we've been friends for more than a decade but now he's in Spain although we still keep in touch sometimes. Right now my best friend is my boyfriend.
  • sullykat
    sullykat Posts: 461 Member
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    May I attempt a little advice? I know it is difficult when it feels like a relationship is onesided (though, I have no clue what your effort level was in these relationships), but sometimes it takes a lot of effort on one person's part. I am lucky, and I do have a (very small) group of very close girlfriends who know pretty much everything in my life, and I know theirs. There are times when none of them call me for months, and I just have to suck it up and call them. Why? Because maybe they think I'm the one not putting in the effort. Also, it is important to be certain you are opening up to them. We all like to feel needed, and it is very difficult to have a decent relationship with someone who is not telling you how they are doing. If a girlfriend is not feeling like she is valued, she will likely not put in too much effort or thought.

    IT's all about the effort.
  • sarantonio
    sarantonio Posts: 880 Member
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    Guys are just easier to hang out with IMO...no vindictiveness on their end! Girls are ALWAYS competing against one another whether they want to admit it or not!

    ^^^^
    This. I FINALLY have one chick friend, and I have my sister in law, and thats good enough for me. Only problem is I cant have a "girls night out" my sis in law is unable to come hang with me and my friend leads a different lifestyle (no partying.. eh Im young) but I cant really complan, Ive had my fill of crazy, and usually thats what you'll get with women. Cling to your man, thats who you really wanna be with anyway (unless you're gonna go get a sister wife) lol
  • killernut
    killernut Posts: 11
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    Im a guy, and I have a difficult time maintaining close friendships with other guys around my age. And no, I am not gay.
  • Tristis
    Tristis Posts: 288 Member
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    I totally get how you feel. It's difficult meeting and keeping quality friendships. Hang in there...hopefully, you will find your best bud soon. :)
  • Jnine25
    Jnine25 Posts: 126 Member
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    join some groups to find people who have the same interests you do. Book clubs, exercise classes, bunco, church group, etc are good ways to meet friends. I met my current bestie through my daughter (it's one of her BFFs mother). Gossip ruins a lot of relationships and so does jealousy, but not all girls are like that. It's summertime, so maybe hang out at the local pool to meet people. I think you'll find as you get older, it will be easier to find girlfriends, once a lot of the typical pettiness wears off. Good luck to you in finding someone you can confide in. They are out there! Feel free to chat with me if you'd like. I have had and still have several friends that I am close to. Best wishes!!!
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
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    Friendships change and evolve over time. I've "lost" close friendships simply because we changed as we grew up, into different people. There's always new people to meet. Don't take it too hard.
  • bobie1978
    bobie1978 Posts: 204 Member
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    I'm the same way! I have friends that I keep in touch with but no really close friends anymore. Its not that I am picky about friendship but it seemed as though all my friends took advantage of me in some way or another. If they needed something I was supposed to be there but when I needed something they were "busy". The past 3 years, I have limited most of my friends. I keep in touch here and there.. but there are things that they have done that are unforgivable. I agree on the backstabbing most women are. I always wanted a best friend that I could tell every single thing to without it EVER being repeated no matter what. I don't have dark secrets but it still would be nice to know that my "friends" are not spreading my business.
  • littlemoonsandy
    littlemoonsandy Posts: 1,930
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    My only girl friends are just dudes with girl parts. I'm not a girls girl. I do guy things for the most part. When I go to mom events at my kids schools, I want to hang myself. I just don't fit. I know there are others like me out there... I think we're just too jaded to dig thru the gossip to find each other.

    Wow. That didn't sound negative at all. Lol

    This is me..I'd much rather hang out with guys..drink beers, play horse shoes etc etc...I find most women to be money hungry b....s that like to gossip about a bunch of crap I dont care about it.
  • wasveganvictoria88
    wasveganvictoria88 Posts: 249 Member
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    Get some male friends, I always find them more appealing - 1. they're honest, 2. they are always there, 3. they will tell you if you look ****...I think that goes with no. 1 but women are ruthless and back stabbing - I have one close girl friend and shes pretty manly thats why I love her (not that she looks like a man, she looks amazing)
  • ambeer2
    ambeer2 Posts: 66 Member
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    I'm hoping that day will come sooner than later, because it get's pretty lonely sometimes.

    This sounds pretty lame, but have you ever considered yourself as your best girl friend? I might have seen something online or in my dreams the other day, saying that in life, we all are actually alone, always. It's a strong statement, though true. Cherish your alone time, and be happy with yourself.

    Full disclosure: I have a best female friend, whom I've known since we were 8, along with a couple other close girl friends. At least someone I can call to hang out with at a whim and vent over a bottle of wine. It is nice, but I've also been mostly a guys' gal. I do try to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend. After all, if you love someone, why shouldn't you? The way I "deal" with my romantic relationships has broken up some of my female friendships in the past, though, but the real ones have lasted.
  • Moviedust
    Moviedust Posts: 110
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    I have the same thing. I have female friends but none of them are the BFF kind. Or at least not the kind I had when I was younger. All the ones from when I was younger faded away (probably because different now too). But I kind of wish I would have had a sister or be really super close to someone. We have a close group of friends, but most of them are guys.
  • focus4fitness
    focus4fitness Posts: 551 Member
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    This sounds pretty lame, but have you ever considered yourself as your best girl friend? I might have seen something online or in my dreams the other day, saying that in life, we all are actually alone, always. It's a strong statement, though true. Cherish your alone time, and be happy with yourself.

    This is what I do. I have a very hard time with friendships in real life because I simply don't know how to do it. There was a study I read sometime ago that showed that many people who moved a lot in their childhood didn't learn the skills that they need to find and maintain friendships the same way that other people do, and I moved way more than most people do. I also don't live near any cousins, and my brothers were all WAY older than me and most moved out by the time I was 5. I used to feel bad about the fact that I didn't have any close girlfriends (yes I have had some girlfriends but not super close BFF kinds) but now I just realize that its just part of who I was and once I let go of the idea that this was something I was "supposed" to have, I feel much better about it.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    I think its the whole competitiveness thing for me. Like I mentioned a semi good friend I have earlier. She makes little remarks about how life is so much easier for me because I'm thin. That I could have any man I want and she can't because she's heavy. Its not like that at all. And frankly I get sick of hearing those little remarks.
    Men are way less complicated than women. I guess I'm just one of the guys.
  • MzBug
    MzBug Posts: 2,173 Member
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    I am the same way. I grew up with 5 older brothers and no sisters. I was a tomboy from day 1. I had a close female friend in grade school, but then I moved. I had a close female friend in high school, she moved. I haven't really had one since. I have shared houses with other females...I learned that I just don't understand them. I have had many male friends and house mates over the years and got along fantastic. I just can't relate to other women. My boyfriend is my best friend and I his. We still go out and do things with co workers and neighbors and have fun, but we just seem to be more content with just us.
  • MooMooooo
    MooMooooo Posts: 306 Member
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    I've always had best friends - plural - always 2 at a time.

    Until I was about 26 or 27 when I becames just best buds with one girl in particular.

    I could and did tell her anything and everything. Until she 'dumped' me in February of last year for not being 'there' for her enough.

    After 10 years.

    Since then I've had no best friend and I'm sad and it sucks.

    It was my New Years Resolution to make a best friend this year - it's already June and zip.

    But it's partly my fault - I'm picky as hell and kinda hard to get along with - I have a LOT of secrets that I'm dying to spill, but no confidants on the horizon.... fml.

    At this point my husband is my bestie and he is awesome, but to whom shall I whinge about him? lol.
  • secretgirl4611
    secretgirl4611 Posts: 474 Member
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    O I am the same way, I don't know I don't really like other females period. MOST can be really scandalous and back stabbing! And well on here is one thing I have chic friends but I don't know them personally.. And when it comes to hanging out I was only able to hang out with like 1 or 2 chic's. I have a friend who is a girl from high school who always tries to get me to go over and hangout but I'm like NAH and I feel bad but I ditch out... I find it SUPER EASY to chill with dudes tho, and yea that's me. So, the only thing that sucks is even tho I'm not hot and sexy lmao new guys that I seriously just meet and I try to JUST BE FRIENDS WITH always END UP LIKING ME?!?! Its really annoying, but I am pretty different from most ppl girls and guys. I belong to no social group what so ever!
  • gogojodee
    gogojodee Posts: 1,261 Member
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    Here is my rant: I've always seemed to have bad luck (or bad friends) when it comes to having and keeping meaningful female friendships. I've gone for years now without having a close friend that I hang out with often.

    It started in 6th grade when my best friend found a new group of friends. Then in 8th grade I had a close girlfriend but she was destructive and pretty opposite of me at the time. In 9th grade, I made some good friends, but then I moved 50-60 miles away. In 10th grade I made a good friend, but our friendship fell apart because of problems with her dating my boyfriend's brother, she lied, she was jealous of me wanting to hangout with my boyfriend often.
    (I can admit this one was partially my fault, but it seems she overreacted.)

    In 11th and 12th grade I made a couple of good friends, but then after we graduated, my friend got pregnant. We stayed friends, I attended her baby shower and such. Then, I moved to college and she had a kid so it was hard to hangout anymore. I tried, but there always seemed to be conflicts in time and other factors. In college, I made some new friends, but my friend's closeness to her religion pushed us apart because she wanted to be closer friends with people who shared her beliefs. A girl who also was friends with us became closer to me, and now we hangout every once in a while. Now, she is in Japan (where she is from) for the summer.

    I have female acquaintances, and people who I hang out with in groups, but I feel so lonely without a female confidant. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 1/2 years and he is my best friend, but he still has his guy friends. I just wish I had someone to confide in, to text, to laugh with, and be girly or stupid with. I feel like I've been missing this part of me for a long time. It's obviously not the hardest thing to make friends, but I feel like I don't know how to make good friends anymore.

    /rant over.

    I agree wholeheartedly. I'm in the same position, sans boyfriend.

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