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My girlfriend :(

Spiritwarrior3000
Spiritwarrior3000 Posts: 322 Member
edited December 2024 in Chit-Chat
Hey guys,

Now i've been with my girlfriend for just over 3 months and i love her and she loves me, but she was born in indonesia and has been in england for about a year. But im english and shes asian would'nt she feel more better with someone from her own country than with me. I know she loves me but sometimes i feel that she would be better dating someone who comes from her country. She always talks about indonesia and her friends that she misses and how much she loves her old country. And it hurts me deep because i believe she deserves someone different than me. mmm i feel so down :(

Does anyone know what i should do?
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Replies

  • still_crafty
    still_crafty Posts: 682 Member
    talk to HER about it cuz I will totally lead you down the wrong path, its just how I roll.

    /thread
  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 1,799 Member
    If you go through life never doing the things that someone else MIGHT be able to do better, you're never going to get anywhere. If you really want this, take a look at what those differences would be and make up for them. Learn the culture. Take her there. Be as good to her as that potential Indonesian guy would be. Go make life what you want it to be.
  • hooperkay
    hooperkay Posts: 463 Member
    I would hate for my boyfriend to tell me that he thought I should be with someone else. I would think that he didn't want to be with me anymore. If I felt so strongly about wanting to date someone of my own ethnicity, then I would (she probably would too). I think you should stop worrying about that and spend more time having fun together. :wink:
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    Where is your confidence?? This has to do with you...NOT her.
    If you love her, put on your big boy pants and put this behind you.
    She deserves that doesn't she.
    (Everybody has doubt every now and then. It's what you do with it)
    Not being mean I hope...:flowerforyou:
    Good luck
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Would you feel better with someone from your own country?
  • jjscholar
    jjscholar Posts: 413 Member
    At the risk of sounding like a cliche, if the two of you really love each other, than why does it matter that you are English and she is Asian...
  • art3mislecter
    art3mislecter Posts: 57 Member
    Where is your confidence?? This has to do with you...NOT her.
    If you love her, put on your big boy pants and put this behind you.
    She deserves that doesn't she.
    (Everybody has doubt every now and then. It's what you do with it)
    Not being mean I hope...:flowerforyou:
    Good luck

    Excellent advice. Part of what makes a relationship great is the differences you have. If you guys had the same background and family life, you would be bored out of your minds. If she's happy with you, then you just focus on being the best YOU for her. Diversity is not a bad thing-- embrace it.
  • LBxLB
    LBxLB Posts: 691 Member
    Where is your confidence?? This has to do with you...NOT her.
    If you love her, put on your big boy pants and put this behind you.
    She deserves that doesn't she.
    (Everybody has doubt every now and then. It's what you do with it)
    Not being mean I hope...:flowerforyou:
    Good luck

    Agreed, I think this issue may be more so with some insecurities you have. I could be completely wrong though because I don't know you but just my thoughts. If you tell her she's better off with someone else she may think that you don't want to be with her.

    Whatever you decide follow your heart and be honest with yourself and her. :flowerforyou:
  • enyo123
    enyo123 Posts: 172 Member
    Her missing home has nothing to do with you. (Trust me on this one. I'm from Florida and married to a Canadian man and living in British Columbia. I miss my family, friends, and Florida like crazy... but it has nothing to do with how much I love my husband.)
  • chattipatty2
    chattipatty2 Posts: 376 Member
    Don't hate the hater ^ I hear you. You want the best for her. That there tells how much you love her. I agree with the person who says to learn her culture, take her there. Love finds you. You don't find love. So now that it has, embrace it.
    She will find it so endearing that you take a special interest in her culture. Maybe learn some of the language?
    I say, start planning a trip!
  • butterflylover527
    butterflylover527 Posts: 940 Member
    If you love each other it doesn't matter where you come from. But I agree, talk with her about it. Maybe you guys can take trips to visit her family and she wouldn't be so sad?
  • shirayne
    shirayne Posts: 263 Member
    She has told you she misses her friends, family, and country... she didn't also say she missed the men from there. You have said she loves you as well. Why would she want someone else then? If she really wasn't happy with you because of your ethnicity, then she wouldn't be worth having as a girlfriend but since you love each other, I wouldn't worry too much about it and maybe plan a vacation there so she can visit (if feasible of course).
  • paint_it_black
    paint_it_black Posts: 208 Member
    Does being english define every inch of your being? If the answer is yes then yeah she probably would be happier with someone multi dimensional. But if you answered no, let her decide who she loves.


    Psssst you seem like a very caring guy, don't let a moments insecurity over your own worth ruin something great.
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    Nothing is sexier than a guy with low self esteem crying on a public forum about how he's not good enough.
  • jerzypeach
    jerzypeach Posts: 176 Member
    This insecurity is very unattractive.

    Grow a set and do what it takes to make it work, if that's really what you want.

    Relationships take more than just a little effort.....every day...show her that you're confident, care about her and about learning about her culture, and that you're someone she can feel safe with, and cared for by.

    Love is a verb.......your own actions will determine your success or failure here.
  • paint_it_black
    paint_it_black Posts: 208 Member
    This insecurity is very unattractive.

    Grow a set and do what it takes to make it work, if that's really what you want.

    Relationships take more than just a little effort.....every day...show her that you're confident, care about her and about learning about her culture, and that you're someone she can feel safe with, and cared for by.

    Love is a verb.......your own actions will determine your success or failure here.

    MMMMMMMMM massive attack, nice quote
  • TexanThom
    TexanThom Posts: 778
    Dude...Come out of the closet already. JK. Talk to her!!!!!!!!!!
  • stargazer008
    stargazer008 Posts: 531
    Even if she talks about Indonesia, it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you less! And just because a couple are of the same ethnicity, doesn't mean they'll love each other more!
  • mariaj1979
    mariaj1979 Posts: 31
    Im in an interacial marriage my husband is a white British man and Im an American with Filipino heritage. He knows I prefer to be home in San Diego but my relationship with my husband is far more important than being back home. Also we cant just pick up and leave due to the fact he is in the British army so we go where the army says. Love is a wonderful thing she wouldnt be with you right nowif she didnt love you it sounds like she is pining for home. Ive been in England for 13 and a bit years and the first 3 years I hated it but now I'm adapted and I dont hate it anymore.
  • fraser112
    fraser112 Posts: 405
    Leave her so she can find a more manly man :)

    I would love to see someone say this to a girl
    2012 equality but only for females

    Of course not. You say "It's not you, it's me"

    I mean if an insecure girl posted and i said
    leave him so he can find a real woman

    What would be the difference? Not much in my eyes. I think a manly man should be with a real women anyway.
    The responses from the 100 woman saying its not her fault ect
    I would put money on it :laugh:
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    Leave her so she can find a more manly man :)
    I would love to see someone say this to a girl
    2012 equality but only for females
    Really not seeing a problem with that. It's advice designed to kick the OP in the butt.

    Yupp. This guy needs some alone time to grow some cajones anyway.

    To the OP, do some man stuff, like starting a fight club.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    Leave her so she can find a more manly man :)

    I would love to see someone say this to a girl
    2012 equality but only for females


    Of course not. You say "It's not you, it's me"

    I mean if an insecure girl posted and i said
    leave him so he can find a real woman

    What would be the difference? Not much in my eyes. I think a manly man should be with a real women anyway.
    The responses from the 100 woman saying its not her fault ect
    I would put money on it :laugh:


    I don't know if you looked around, but this website is probably 87.3% female.
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    Leave her so she can find a more manly man :)

    I would love to see someone say this to a girl
    2012 equality but only for females

    Of course not. You say "It's not you, it's me"

    I mean if an insecure girl posted and i said
    leave him so he can find a real woman

    What would be the difference? Not much in my eyes. I think a manly man should be with a real women anyway.

    Amen! If I, as a woman, posted some whiny insecure pansy *kitten* like this, my friends would tell me to quit being such a p*say and act like a woman, to be confident in myself, and to quit my whining.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    I am Asian and I have dated far east Asian, arab, Indian, caucasian, spanish and all kinds of girls I donot care about where the girls are from and race and stuff, I care mainly that they're not a stuck up b!tch. Thats my pre-req for you to date me.

    I can kinda feel where you're coming from however either you're trying to use this as an excuse to break up with her or are genuinely have low self-esteem in the relationship Either way, you should be looking into those 2 issues since she wouldn't be with you if she wanted a Indonasian guy in her life. I have lived in UK long enough to know that theres no shortage of Indonasian guys there :)
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    Lol, okay I'll give a nicer but still honest answer. In my experience, people who start being bothered by things like these in a relationship after so long just want an out anyway. She didn't suddenly tell you, three years later "Oh hey babe btw I'm indonesian!" You know this long before but now it bothers you enough to want to walk away? Or your nice way of saying it "let her go" (insert eyeroll)

    Perhaps you want something different or you're bored in the relationship, 3 years is sort of a long time to not have decided if this is a lifelong parter. The fact that you're questioning it at this point because of her country of origin makes it clear that she is not the one for you. Thats why I say stop wasting her time because no one likes to be strung along. Just do it quick, like a bandaid. There's really no nice or sweet way of breaking up with someone.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    I also don't buy that he has low self esteem. If it was a self esteem issue it would have bothered him from the beginning. Its more like OP is kind of a jerk but he's trying to be nice about it.
  • directorj
    directorj Posts: 537 Member
    Just break up with her if this is an issue. I see that you're only 18 anyways!
  • bluefox9er
    bluefox9er Posts: 2,917 Member
    gotta love these 1st world problems.
  • SMJ1987
    SMJ1987 Posts: 368
    Lol, okay I'll give a nicer but still honest answer. In my experience, people who start being bothered by things like these in a relationship after so long just want an out anyway. She didn't suddenly tell you, three years later "Oh hey babe btw I'm indonesian!" You know this long before but now it bothers you enough to want to walk away? Or your nice way of saying it "let her go" (insert eyeroll)

    Perhaps you want something different or you're bored in the relationship, 3 years is sort of a long time to not have decided if this is a lifelong parter. The fact that you're questioning it at this point because of her country of origin makes it clear that she is not the one for you. Thats why I say stop wasting her time because no one likes to be strung along. Just do it quick, like a bandaid. There's really no nice or sweet way of breaking up with someone.

    This makes perfect sense except that it's only been 3 months, not years. So I think its probably the insecurity thing.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    Lol, okay I'll give a nicer but still honest answer. In my experience, people who start being bothered by things like these in a relationship after so long just want an out anyway. She didn't suddenly tell you, three years later "Oh hey babe btw I'm indonesian!" You know this long before but now it bothers you enough to want to walk away? Or your nice way of saying it "let her go" (insert eyeroll)

    Perhaps you want something different or you're bored in the relationship, 3 years is sort of a long time to not have decided if this is a lifelong parter. The fact that you're questioning it at this point because of her country of origin makes it clear that she is not the one for you. Thats why I say stop wasting her time because no one likes to be strung along. Just do it quick, like a bandaid. There's really no nice or sweet way of breaking up with someone.

    This makes perfect sense except that it's only been 3 months, not years. So I think its probably the insecurity thing.

    Oopsie I can't read! Lol well if its only three months then what does it even matter! That's hardly a relationship.


    sheeeshhh I just wasted so much typing juice in this thread. I'm gonna log these exercise calories.
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