Had To Turn Away An Old Friend Because . . .

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Peschuntz
Peschuntz Posts: 270 Member
in Motivation and Support
I gained so much weight and would have been humiliated to be seen as I currently am. An old childhood friend contacted me about 2 years ago online. We kept in touch via the internet. Considerable stress and my age have caught up with me and I find myself weighing more than ever. After 2 years, this friends says he would like to meet (lives in another state). I told him thatI although I had plans this week (untrue), I would love to see him next time, but really just wanted to buy some time to get into shape. In the past few years I have had a problem sustaining motivation. Now I have motivation and want to know from you the greatest calorie burners (food and/or exercise). What tips can you share to help burn many calories? Please help. Thanks much.:smile::brokenheart: :flowerforyou:
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Replies

  • douglasmobbs
    douglasmobbs Posts: 563 Member
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    A friend who you have a romantic interest in or a standard friend?

    If it is the latter that is not great to put aesthetics ahead of friendship, either way I hope it gives you the motivation needed.
  • Just_Dot
    Just_Dot Posts: 2,289 Member
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    Honestly, eat less and move more. Whether it's walking, biking, dancing, boxing, weight lifting...whatever it is that gets your heart rate up and burns calories is going to be the "best" thing for you to do.
  • tabulator32
    tabulator32 Posts: 701 Member
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    First, it ain't gonna happen fast. You just need to work at it every day.

    You're not just trying to fool your friend. You're trying to fool yourself.

    I hope you meet your goals but take it one step at a time and do it in good health.

    Chicken, fruit, veggies, water.

    No soda, no junk.

    Good luck.
  • fitandyoga
    fitandyoga Posts: 27
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    If your friend really liked you and cared about you, they wouldn't care how you look.

    And if you are really that concerned, just explain the situation to them and that you are eating healthy now. They will understand.
  • Giraffe33991
    Giraffe33991 Posts: 434 Member
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    Hey,

    Been there and done that MANY times! Its nice to catch up with people on line, but when you don't feel good about yourself it's hard to be face-to-face with people that were used to seeing a smaller you. I get it and you have nothing to feel badly about.

    Just make a committment to see him in the future (set a date) so you have a goal to keep you on target! Now I'm down 71 pounds and I still avoid people from my childhood because I am not "rich enough". I guess I'll always have something I'm insecure about!

    Good luck!
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
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    I can relate...I've been avoiding family and friends for a long time now. I have no desire to see people until I lose the weight, although I know if the situation were reversed, I wouldn't care at all if someone gained weight. We are harder on ourselves than other people can ever be.
  • vade43113
    vade43113 Posts: 836 Member
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    I don't see an issue, other than self-confidence... but It would be a pleasure to help. Fell free to add me, if you want
  • sullykat
    sullykat Posts: 461 Member
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    your story breaks my heart! Please don't degrade your self like this. If he is a true friend, and you two have gotten reaquainted over the past 2 years, he surely will see past what you feel are flaws. In fact, he should support you with reaching your goals. Living in a state of shame may make you lose amazing oportunities in your life. Live your life to it's fullest.

    Keep plucking away. You'll do great
  • harrietlg
    harrietlg Posts: 239
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    oh believe me I know how you feel! eat less and move more is a very good quote! try walking lots more and if you want to run then run :) just start weighing your foods so you know what portion sizes you should eat and eat lots of protein, fibre and drink lots of water! it is a slow process i'm afraid but as soon as you turn it into a lifestyle you'll start winning!
    add me if you like i'm always on here!
  • wasveganvictoria88
    wasveganvictoria88 Posts: 249 Member
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    Try the 30 day shred - 20 mins a day, search the web for before and after pics, I got mine for a fiver off amazon
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
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    Hey,

    Been there and done that MANY times! Its nice to catch up with people on line, but when you don't feel good about yourself it's hard to be face-to-face with people that were used to seeing a smaller you. I get it and you have nothing to feel badly about.

    Just make a committment to see him in the future (set a date) so you have a goal to keep you on target! Now I'm down 71 pounds and I still avoid people from my childhood because I am not "rich enough". I guess I'll always have something I'm insecure about!

    Good luck!

    I understand!
  • shaelataylor
    shaelataylor Posts: 224 Member
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    im kinda the opposite. i like for people to see me when im still fat so i know they like me for me instead of because im fit.

    anyway, i mostly run or walk a few miles like 4 times a week. i plan my meals ahead and leave a bit of room for extra snacks so i can have them when i get hungry. i tend to net kinda low on days i exercise but its not intentional. if im hungry and can eat back exercise calories, i do. i dont bother watching what time i eat. i just do when im hungry. drink lots of water. pretty much any attempt you make should help :)
  • RebelliousRibbons
    RebelliousRibbons Posts: 391 Member
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    You're a very pretty lady. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. This friend, if he were a friend, would have accepted you.

    It sounds like you might be interested in being more than friends, however, and even if this were true, he should still love you at your "worst" before he should get to love you at your "best."
  • sehrler
    sehrler Posts: 89 Member
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    Please don't put your life on hold because of feeling bad about how you look! I skipped my 20th HS reunion for that reason and regret that. My friends wouldn't have cared that I was fat, they just wanted me there. And since then (only 6 years ago) we have lost several classmates that I have now never gotten the chance to see again because I was ashamed of how I looked. I'm almost back down to HS weight but if I had it to do over again, I would GO, 100 extra lbs be damned. Life is too short.
    (my ticker says 43 lbs but that's just since I started MFP in March, I've lost 97 all told).

    That being said, for food/exercise advice:
    Cardio plus some weight training works great for me. I do 30 mins cardio on my elliptical and about 15 mins weights, and alternate in pilates.

    Food/Exercise:
    I use MFP religiously. Eat a lot of protein, try for 100 or more grams/day. Lots of water, fruits, veggies. I like to teach myself to add veggies in to things wherever possible, like if I'm in a hurry and eat a WW Smart ones (I love the Chicken Fettucini) I add in fresh broccoli. I eat 5x a day--breakfast fruit and greek yogurt (yummy and twice the protein as regular yogurt), late morning snack (usually an EAS protein shake, zero sugar, 17g protein, 3g fat and only 110 cals), healthy lunch, late afternoon snack (usually something like peanut butter on a rice cake, 215 cals total and very filling), healthy dinner.

    I limit sugary empty calories but I love ice cream and pizza so I work them in when I feel like it. I have to live like this to be healthy for life, so I can't cut everything out. Now I just eat 2 helpings of salad with pizza instead of two helpings of pizza and no veggies. I eat a small portion of ice cream, and sometimes it's Ben & Jerry's but Skinny Cow is great and ~150 cals so it's easy to work in. I don't eat these things every day or even every week sometimes, but knowing I'm "allowed" keeps me from craving, obsessing and bingeing.

    It won't come off overnight but for me, these things have made me healthy, strong and able to lose steadily. I did have one plateau where I only lost 5lbs in a month but just ignored the scale and kept on going and things eventually progressed.

    Feel free to friend me :) Best of luck to you!
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
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    I can't offer you a solution but I can offer you a beginning:

    tumblr_m5etdpWVmv1rwb4jxo1_400.jpg
  • vacherin
    vacherin Posts: 192
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    I can totally relate to this, having had what feels like a lifetime of turning down social invitations because I know I have no clothes that fit!

    I was about to say that your friend won't care what you look like, but I suspect that what he thinks is irrelevant and the fact is that YOU care what you look like, and you care enough to turn down a social engagement because of it.

    I am absolutely rubbish at sticking to a diet plan, but what has worked for me, a bit, so far, is ditching the booze. If you are one of those people who can have a couple of drinks and leave it at that, then lucky you - but I found that "a couple" just made me want more! It was easier to cut out completely, and it's made a massive difference (not least because I am no longer too hung over to exercise!). It also seems to have changed how my body deals with a big pig-out - these days I seem to be able to eat more and not really gain weight as a result. And exercise. It doesn't need to be a massive 3hr gym workout - 30 mins a day of anything that will get you out of breath works just as well.

    Good luck! xxx
  • glenbabe
    glenbabe Posts: 303 Member
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    I was in the same boat this time last year. Do not be in a hurry as long as you make progress each week you will see steady but sure rewards. My profile used to state " This time next year" now it says "my future is forward" and I am on my last 6 pounds before maintenance.
    Eat within your calorie allowance but not under1200 calories and I just do walking everyday.This I find easy to fit into my lifestyle and my choice is something I will be able to do for life.....my future is forward there is no going back.Good luck to you and I hope you do as well as I have and achieve what you wish for :flowerforyou:
  • marci423
    marci423 Posts: 130 Member
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    just get up and get moving and you are 2 steps ahead :o)

    eat healthy foods, I have been staying away from processed foods and my weight is starting to move down........ I walked a lot to get off the first loss, and now I walk, run/jog and go to the gym....like the others have said, it doesn't happen quickly, your friend will like you no matter your size and stay away from junk foods.....also foods high in sodium............... the sodium is not my friend for sure :o)

    and, how do you know that your friend hasn't gained as well?

    my friends are my friends.......... they don't care what size I am, and if they did, well, they probably wouldn't be a friend!

    good luck!
  • SueD66
    SueD66 Posts: 405 Member
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    this is what has helped me, but you will also find what works for you.
    Every morning i work out, no wait only 6 out of 7 days.
    I drink all my water if not more. that's 8 full 8 ounce glasses
    I eat one cup of oatmeal with 1 tsp brown sugar. only because i like it that way. and a hard boiled egg
    for lunch i have a nice salad with all the fixins. but not the crutons i dn't like them. i even eat what ever dressing i like, not reduced fat for me.
    I will also throw in a snack of some sort, crackers n cheese or fruit or what ever healthy thing that looks good in the fridge
    For supper i cook for others so what i make is what i have, just figure my portion to what calories i have left.
    I also eat back my exercise calories most days.
    Well there you have it.It's what i do when i'm really motivated and for me it workes
  • AlmstHvn
    AlmstHvn Posts: 378 Member
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    I can relate...I've been avoiding family and friends for a long time now. I have no desire to see people until I lose the weight, although I know if the situation were reversed, I wouldn't care at all if someone gained weight. We are harder on ourselves than other people can ever be.

    So, so true. We certainly are harder on ourselves. I wouldn't care a bit to see an old friend had gained weight - I care most that they are happy!

    My advice : Set up a lunch or dinner date with them, and let that be one of the MANY subjects you talk about as you catch up! If you're feeling good about the choice you've recently made to get healthy, that strength will certainly shine through!

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