Question for everyone who just settles.
victoria4321
Posts: 1,719 Member
If you're capable of doing a lot more, trying harder, doing better, why are you content with just settling?
I always see people saying they'll be happy at a bigger size or whatever even when it's not a healthy size for them. Or women who say they don't care to strength train. What I'm wondering is if you could be fitter, stronger, faster, look better, be more healthy, etc, why wouldn't you want to try it at least?
Its fine if you try it and it just doesn't work out for you because at least you tried. I'm more curious about the people who aren't even interested in putting in the effort.
***Just to throw out, please don't turn this into a big argument thread because I'm genuinely curious. For myself, my original goal weight was 135 once. When I got there and realized I was capable of more I decided to give it a try. And by capable of more I don't mean I'm just trying to drops pounds all willy nilly. I want to have more strength, endurance, and look better naked.
I always see people saying they'll be happy at a bigger size or whatever even when it's not a healthy size for them. Or women who say they don't care to strength train. What I'm wondering is if you could be fitter, stronger, faster, look better, be more healthy, etc, why wouldn't you want to try it at least?
Its fine if you try it and it just doesn't work out for you because at least you tried. I'm more curious about the people who aren't even interested in putting in the effort.
***Just to throw out, please don't turn this into a big argument thread because I'm genuinely curious. For myself, my original goal weight was 135 once. When I got there and realized I was capable of more I decided to give it a try. And by capable of more I don't mean I'm just trying to drops pounds all willy nilly. I want to have more strength, endurance, and look better naked.
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I have wondered the same thing. I have a very dear friend who is very overweight, probably by 100 lbs. She knows she's very overweight. She thinks it's funny. She went to the doctor for a routine checkup and the doctor told her she should lose weight before it starts affecting her health. Her exact words as she was recounting the story were "As long as it's not affecting my health, I don't give a ****. I like food, and I don't like exercise. When it starts to cause me health problems, then I'll try to lose the weight, and I'll do what it takes. Until then, I don't give a **** what the scale says."
It hurts my heart when she talks like that. She knows that someday, her obesity is going to cause health problems. But she doesn't care to take action before her life is in danger. I don't understand.0 -
I think people just have different priorities. For years, although I was unhappy with my weight, I was focused on my education, getting a job, getting a boyfriend, working on hobbies. I knew that "some people" went to the gym and bought/ate healthier food, but I didn't see that as a priority for myself. I'm glad that I eventually did change my priorities--and lifestyle--but really, it NEVER occurred to me for many years that it was something I could/should/might ever do.0
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It's a matter of where you're comfortable and what you have time for. You can't give 100% of your time and effort to anything unless it's literally the only thing you do.0
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The same could be said about anything in life though. As lil_pulp said, it's about priorities.
For example, look at the number of people who are unhappy with their jobs, their education, their relationships, etc. People just have so much time and energy to put into things that for them, certain things aren't a priority. It's a lot of work, a lot of time and sometimes a lot of money to put into something that's difficult and doesn't guarantee long-lasting results.
I'm sure most people who are overweight have tried at some point to lose the weight and have found it difficult so they've jjust given up altogether. It's difficult to do and because results are sometimes slow it's hard to stay motivated.0 -
I thought about quoting your post and inserting any other thing in the places where you mention exercise, health etc. but it seemed overboard.
Why don't people educate themselves more (education)
Why don't people explore the world more (travel)
Why don't people meditate more (meditation)
Why don't people give more (compassion)
In the end, it is about what we value most- and we are all different, have different priorities and ideas about health. There are only so many hours in the day.0 -
Because I'm lazy. It's that simple.0
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I agree with the others - priorities.
A lot of people ask me why I don't try and lose more weight. I am at the high end of for ideal weight for my height. My answer? I'm happy here. I wanted to get that weight off to insure that I didn't follow on the same health path as my family members. After losing the weight, I've had medical tests done and they've determined that I am in excellent health. That my heart (a big issue in my family) is in excellent condition and does not show any of the early warning signs for the diseases and ailments that plague my family.
Now, I want to live life. I don't want to spend all my time at the gym. I do not want to agonize over every bite I put in my mouth. I do not want to have to evaluate every single calorie that I may consume.
Perhaps to some people it may appear that I am lazy or settling, but I do not feel that way. I am happy and content where I am and whether or not it pleases someone else is irrelevant to me. Could I be thinner? Sure. Could I be stronger? Of course. Could I be this or that? Probably, but those things aren't important or a priority to me.
We all have our own goals, wishes and desires.. If you achieve yours or are happy with yourself, is it really settling simply because someone else thinks you should be thinner, stronger, etc?
I don't think so.0 -
I thought about quoting your post and inserting any other thing in the places where you mention exercise, health etc. but it seemed overboard.
Why don't people educate themselves more (education)
Why don't people explore the world more (travel)
Why don't people meditate more (meditation)
Why don't people give more (compassion)
In the end, it is about what we value most- and we are all different, have different priorities and ideas about health. There are only so many hours in the day.
I kind of feel the same way for everything else you posted too. I get the priorities part as the only reason maybe. You only have one body though, I just wonder why some people wouldn't prioritize their health before other things. I didn't prioritize my own health at one point too. It just wasn't something I thought to do but after starting and knowing what I know now, I feel like it would be silly to ever let myself go again.0 -
I am one who fits your profile of not wanting to try. I have said that if I end up 5 lbs too chunky because I have Mac & cheese too often-so be it. Like many people who started morbidly obese, I've "tried" a million things to lose weight. Most of them some kind of "extreme" (or extreme to me) type of alteration. Meaning-stop eating carbs, stop eating sugar, stop eating white things, etc. That's not sustainable for me-at all-as evidenced by my getting all pissed off at no carbs, sugar, etc and saying *kitten* it and going to town on whatever it was I had "stopped". We all know where that landed me.
My absolute number one concern is that I do something that I feel I can maintain forever & ever amen. If I can sustain something that leaves me a few pounds too chunky, that is infinitely better (in my opinion) than forcing myself to push that last little bit to be in optimum health (as that would lead to the previous *kitten* it response- and a return to morbid obesity). I may very well change my mind at a later date-but for now, I don't even consider trying anything that I don't feel I can absolutely and unquestionably maintain for the rest of my life. That applies to eating habits & exercise.0 -
I agree with the others - priorities.
A lot of people ask me why I don't try and lose more weight. I am at the high end of for ideal weight for my height. My answer? I'm happy here. I wanted to get that weight off to insure that I didn't follow on the same health path as my family members. After losing the weight, I've had medical tests done and they've determined that I am in excellent health. That my heart (a big issue in my family) is in excellent condition and does not show any of the early warning signs for the diseases and ailments that plague my family.
Now, I want to live life. I don't want to spend all my time at the gym. I do not want to agonize over every bite I put in my mouth. I do not want to have to evaluate every single calorie that I may consume.
Perhaps to some people it may appear that I am lazy or settling, but I do not feel that way. I am happy and content where I am and whether or not it pleases someone else is irrelevant to me. Could I be thinner? Sure. Could I be stronger? Of course. Could I be this or that? Probably, but those things aren't important or a priority to me.
We all have our own goals, wishes and desires.. If you achieve yours or are happy with yourself, is it really settling simply because someone else thinks you should be thinner, stronger, etc?
I don't think so.
You just said yourself that you think you could be all those things so its not settling because of what someone else thinks, you're settling to yourself because you're just content at that point. Nothing wrong with it either I think if it just not important to you. My question isn't about fitting into other peoples ideals. It's pushing yourself towards your own goals, ideals, maximum achievements really.
Some people know they can do better but they just don't feel like it. This can apply to anything really, not just health related issues.0 -
Some people just aren't driven by success/achievement. Some people are just always going to be happy with "good enough". How good "good enough" is wiil obviously vary from person to person. That applies to all areas of life, not just weight loss. As far as weight loss goes, there are (for some people) a whole lot of emotional, social and environmental issues that make it more complicated. Weight loss is hard and does take effort, but I know plenty of people who work damn hard in other areas of their lives, but never really crack the weight loss thing. They're not lazy, but for them it's more complicated than just putting effort in.
I think it's a valid question, especially when people complain about their situation, but don't seem to want to do anything about it. Everyone's life is different though, and not everyone has the same priority. Why doesn't everyone with reasonable intelligence work multiple jobs to get the money to put themselves through college? Why do come people give up a dream of finding that perfect romantic soulmate and "settle" for a life with someone they don't feel passionate about but who is "good enough" and will treat them nicely and have kids with them? People make compromises all the time, it just depends what is a priority in life for that person.
Personally, I will be happy when I am a healthy weight according to the BMI, have a healthy body fat percentage, have a healthy waist/height ration, fit into a certain size of clothes and reach certain fitness goals. That will be good enough for me, and I'm willing to put every effort in to get there. When I do achieve that, there will always be "better" - there will always be more that I could achieve with health and fitness, but I'm not prepared to put the effort in that it requires to be as fit as an Olympic athlete. I'm just not interested in that.0 -
I think that sometimes it's not as simple as what one sees or what meets the eye.
For the longest time i would sit with people and say i am completely happy with myself no matter what weight or size and would go home and cry and wonder why is it that every time i tried to lose weight it failed, that i failed. Then one day i woke up looked in the mirror after my step-grandmother died and was disgusted and decided no matter how many set backs i have (and believe me i have) that this is something that i was going to get control over, no matter how long it takes. But before, people thought i was happy with me, because heck, as far as they were concerned no one could be as confident as i am...right...wrong!!
People sometimes tell people things (which could sound so off) but we never REALLY know what is going on behind closed doors. Nor should we judge them based on it, because one day they may wake up and just get it, but they need that time to just get it...as for wanting to settle. everything in baby steps, what you might consider as settling is another person's way to get them up and going for the next great challenge ahead and them asking themselves are they ready...0 -
I started in Feb of 2011 and have lost 72lbs and just recently reset my ticker for a fresh start. My husband told me he like heavier girls so I used that as an excuse to stay and maintain for a while, I am still right around the 200lbs mark. I have been within 10lbs of onederland for over 6 months...and for a long time I was telling myself that this is ok for a few reasons one being my husband, the other reason was I figured I am nowhere near what I was at so be happy with where you are. The reason for my reset is because I DON'T WANT TO SETTLE, I am happy with how far I have come but I am NOT happy with where I am. And the husband can suck my.....you get it..... if he thinks I will settle for him.
Also a part of me is afraid to fail, but with a fresh reset I am hoping to pound out the last 30-40 lbs...I will certainly try!!0 -
It's because they are lazy, and I'm not saying that to be mean. My hubby finally broke down and told me that is why he hasn't jumped onto my fitness train yet. It's also a personal choice I think. Not going to lie, I thought about stopping right now where I am. I have already achieved more than I thought I could, but I too want to see where I can go.0
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If you're capable of doing a lot more, trying harder, doing better, why are you content with just settling?
I always see people saying they'll be happy at a bigger size or whatever even when it's not a healthy size for them. Or women who say they don't care to strength train. What I'm wondering is if you could be fitter, stronger, faster, look better, be more healthy, etc, why wouldn't you want to try it at least?
Its fine if you try it and it just doesn't work out for you because at least you tried. I'm more curious about the people who aren't even interested in putting in the effort.
***Just to throw out, please don't turn this into a big argument thread because I'm genuinely curious. For myself, my original goal weight was 135 once. When I got there and realized I was capable of more I decided to give it a try. And by capable of more I don't mean I'm just trying to drops pounds all willy nilly. I want to have more strength, endurance, and look better naked.
My original goal weight was 160. Once i lost 50 and made it to 182, I decided, "why stop at 160, if I'm working so hard and doing so well why not go all the way". My new goal is 145 and we'll see when I get there. What I'm experiencing is a little different. I'm ALL about getting fitter, stronger, healthier, and thinner. Every time I refuse to jump into a night out with the girls for margaritas or putting money in for pizza at work or to cancel a training session for a relaxing evening at home with the boy and a movie.. I get backlash from my friends and family LOL. They say, "you've done so well", " you can cheat a little", "just take a little break", "why are you not happy with your progress".
Seriously??!! No way I'm gonna sabotage myself like that or allow them to do so LOL. Overall tho, most are impressed with my discipline and commitment. Many have asked how I'm doing it and jumped in for a minute.. but fell off.
I hope all my friends and family will eventually make a commitment to health and fitness. 0 -
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I cant settle at my age. My skin is stretched and as we all know , the older you get the less elastic your skin is. So I have to strengthen some muscles and develop them so I dont look like a dripping candle when I lose the weight. ;D0
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Like my good friend and Beachbody coach told me: "high five yourself for wanting to do something about it!!! that makes you 5 steps ahead of most people."
Tis true.0 -
I know I need to lose weight because I'm really overweight. I want to be a normal size that I can do the things I want and buy the clothes I want. I'm not worried at this point about some ideal weight but maybe its because its so far off. When I get closer to actually seeing serious results and seeing what I look like at a smaller size, I might reevaluate where I want to be but for now, I just want to be not huge.0
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I agree with the others - priorities.
A lot of people ask me why I don't try and lose more weight. I am at the high end of for ideal weight for my height. My answer? I'm happy here. I wanted to get that weight off to insure that I didn't follow on the same health path as my family members. After losing the weight, I've had medical tests done and they've determined that I am in excellent health. That my heart (a big issue in my family) is in excellent condition and does not show any of the early warning signs for the diseases and ailments that plague my family.
Now, I want to live life. I don't want to spend all my time at the gym. I do not want to agonize over every bite I put in my mouth. I do not want to have to evaluate every single calorie that I may consume.
Perhaps to some people it may appear that I am lazy or settling, but I do not feel that way. I am happy and content where I am and whether or not it pleases someone else is irrelevant to me. Could I be thinner? Sure. Could I be stronger? Of course. Could I be this or that? Probably, but those things aren't important or a priority to me.
We all have our own goals, wishes and desires.. If you achieve yours or are happy with yourself, is it really settling simply because someone else thinks you should be thinner, stronger, etc?
I don't think so.
You just said yourself that you think you could be all those things so its not settling because of what someone else thinks, you're settling to yourself because you're just content at that point. Nothing wrong with it either I think if it just not important to you. My question isn't about fitting into other peoples ideals. It's pushing yourself towards your own goals, ideals, maximum achievements really.
Some people know they can do better but they just don't feel like it. This can apply to anything really, not just health related issues.
But, if I am happy and content here -- how am I settling? That's my question. If you are happy with yourself, content with who you are and where you are... you aren't settling.
Settling is saying to yourself "I wish I weighed 130lbs, but I don't" and then not doing anything about it. Settling is accepting less than YOU want yourself to be.
I don't want to be anything else. So, I'm not settling in MY mind. I may be "settling" in someone else's mind, but not in my own.
If I'm happy with me and my life, there's no settling involved here.0 -
For me it was a combination of being lazy, lack of motivation and probably throw some depression in there from my 4 miscarriages. I gained weight from being pregnant and then a few more pounds each time from the sadness that I endured (aka my comfort food). So a few pounds here and there, I am now 30 lbs over. Now we have decided to no longer try for another child and I am focusing on myself, because I know that my self esteem is not going to get any better unless I DO something about it. If I don't take control now, then this whole scenario will continue to spiral out of control. I have lost about 4-5 lbs so far. It is a start.0
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This is so weird as i just had this talk with myself, no no not out loud;)- and thought what the heck am i doing? why am i not giving it the best that i can. I am so worth it and what do i have to lose right? Right! with that said i have been there thinking i have such a long way to go, i'm to old for things to change and be/look better. Screw that, sorry for the language, but really? I know that if i get off my butt and do something for me i will be better for those other that i care about or for the ones i have not met yet.
Yep great question thanks for asking!
Now get off your butts and do something are you with me????0 -
Because what looks like settling to you might not feel like settling to me.
Some people want to spend time with their kids more than their trainer. Some people want to improve their golf game rather than their macro levels. Some people want to run a marathon instead of eat mac and cheese. None of these are invalid.0 -
Yeah, I don't know. I guess it depends on personalities and priorities. Me, I'm kind of an over-achiever. I don't mean that I work out like a fiend every day, because I don't. But I do like the challenge of seeing how strong and fit I can be. Of course, I want to be healthier which at my age should be the priority, but that isn't as fun as lifting heavier or getting my interval speeds higher.0
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How do you define settling?
I'm at a healthy weight. (5'9" - 140 lbs) I can hike fifteen miles of rough, steep mountain terrain without stopping. I feel strong and fit and energetic. I have a good, balanced training schedule. I eat a widely varied diet of mostly healthy but also indulgent foods.
However, I could start trail running instead of hiking - it's more intense. I could choose to strive for longer distances, maybe 25 miles a day - it would improve my endurance. I could work really hard on my diet and training regime so I could have six-pack abs and totally ripped arms/legs.
I choose NOT to strive for these things because achieving them would take away from my quality of life. I don't want to spend more time in the gym or working out. I don't feel the need to be any stronger, faster, leaner. I don't like the way six packs and ripped muscles look on women. I don't want to start down the path of forbidden foods or force myself to eat more protein/fewer carbs. I like what I'm eating now, and enjoying my food is important to me.
Essentially, I'm already good enough the way I am. Maintenance is really all I strive for these days.0 -
Because what looks like settling to you might not feel like settling to me.
Some people want to spend time with their kids more than their trainer. Some people want to improve their golf game rather than their macro levels. Some people want to run a marathon instead of eat mac and cheese. None of these are invalid.
That's the way I feel. I am a full time mom, teacher, coach; I am getting my master's, we are building a house, and getting ready to try for baby number two.
I am fit. I am healthy. I run, play sports, and lift.
But I do not have the perfect body. I do not eat perfectly all the time. I do not get to fit in a hardcore workout every single day.
When I stopped beating myself up ALL the time about not being perfect or trying every second to be perfect, I became much happier.
And I think that's why I've been able to maintain a healthy lifestyle for so many years.0 -
I have wondered the same thing. I have a very dear friend who is very overweight, probably by 100 lbs. She knows she's very overweight. She thinks it's funny. She went to the doctor for a routine checkup and the doctor told her she should lose weight before it starts affecting her health. Her exact words as she was recounting the story were "As long as it's not affecting my health, I don't give a ****. I like food, and I don't like exercise. When it starts to cause me health problems, then I'll try to lose the weight, and I'll do what it takes. Until then, I don't give a **** what the scale says."
It hurts my heart when she talks like that. She knows that someday, her obesity is going to cause health problems. But she doesn't care to take action before her life is in danger. I don't understand.
Your friend is a prime example of why a degree of government intervention is necessary. Even when informed, people don't do the right thing. Unnecessary health costs related to obesity should be avoided.0 -
For me, it was just being lazy and unmotivated- for years. I always said "I want to lose weight", "I want to be fit". But I never did anything about it. I knew what I needed to do - as I had done it before. But I just didn't.
I have finally gotten serious about it. I'm really tired of being like this. I want to be healthy. No more excuses.0 -
I started logging on this site to keep track of calories during my recovery from an injury. I have to admit that all the delusion and excuse-making are making me consider trying to get back somewhere nearer to my college weight 88 to 94. It will be hard because I'm older and while vain and health-conscious, I'm not an exercise and diet fanatic. But I am curious.
Certainly no one within a healthy range is settling.0 -
The same could be said about anything in life though. As lil_pulp said, it's about priorities.
For example, look at the number of people who are unhappy with their jobs, their education, their relationships, etc. People just have so much time and energy to put into things that for them, certain things aren't a priority. It's a lot of work, a lot of time and sometimes a lot of money to put into something that's difficult and doesn't guarantee long-lasting results.
I'm sure most people who are overweight have tried at some point to lose the weight and have found it difficult so they've jjust given up altogether. It's difficult to do and because results are sometimes slow it's hard to stay motivated.
And this is the truth of it. It's why myself for many years just gave up trying. Some of us simply aren't in the right place in our lives to be able to devote so much effort to either improving our lives or to be able to financial support healthier habits, and or simply don't have the mental state to be able to care about such things when we deem so many other things as more important to our happiness than getting on a treadmill for hours a week when we could be enjoying our lives in other ways. Every person's situation is different. You can't always see what they are on the inside, or what they really go through daily. Motivation is hard to find when you've been kicked around by life sometimes, and sometimes there are greater obstacles to overcome in your life than fitting into a smaller pant size.0
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