Question for everyone who just settles.

If you're capable of doing a lot more, trying harder, doing better, why are you content with just settling?

Because my body shape has been this way since I was 8. I have yet to find any exercise or nutrition that will make my gut flat, hips shrink 30 inches, and arm wattles/wings to go up. The only thing that will do those is surgery which, unless it's life threatening, is out of my league.

It's possible that someone else's goal, achieved through hard work and dedication looks like settling to you.

That, and 9/11 are what happened for me. I didn't lose anyone close, but there are people in my town who died. They might have refused to settle -- done everything perfectly, but in the end, it didn't help them. What I mean is, we have the illusion of control, especially regarding weight.

You can do everything right, and still have something else go wrong in your life.

So, I think some of the people who are "settling" are simply deciding, that's enough for me.

What an interesting subject, clearly a lot of people here misinterpreting it and getting quite defensive unnecessarily which doesn't surprise me. For what it's worth I think it's basically just human nature for people to take the path of least resistance, no matter what area of their life it is. That is of course until something gets in the way which is why I think many of us ended up on here in the first place. Not everyone has the drive and will to push themselves to their limits, otherwise we'd all look like models and be all earning megabucks, or be olympic athletes, and there'd be no need for sites like this as we'd never have put ourselves in a place where we needed to lose loads of weight in the first place :-)

Forgive my rambling but I guess what I'm trying to say is that until pushed or forced most people like being in a comfort zone, which isn't a problem for most of us.

I have wondered the same thing. I have a very dear friend who is very overweight, probably by 100 lbs. She knows she's very overweight. She thinks it's funny. She went to the doctor for a routine checkup and the doctor told her she should lose weight before it starts affecting her health. Her exact words as she was recounting the story were "As long as it's not affecting my health, I don't give a ****. I like food, and I don't like exercise. When it starts to cause me health problems, then I'll try to lose the weight, and I'll do what it takes. Until then, I don't give a **** what the scale says."

It hurts my heart when she talks like that. She knows that someday, her obesity is going to cause health problems. But she doesn't care to take action before her life is in danger. I don't understand.

Are you talking about my sister? OMG! she says the same thing and it drives me insane!

My simple answer. This time of year I am super busy, I'm tired, and I'm letting myself get lazy in the food area. Trying to get back in the groove though!:ohwell:

For me it wan't about "settling" I have a disability andcan not work out the way I once did - so I needed to redo everythin g from eating to excercise to find what would work for me w/o ending up shaking. As a result I gainned all my weight back. I "settled" while I tried to find what works for me. I'm still experimenting which is why my weight fluctuates. However - I'm mindful of the food excercise equation so I haven't gave up all I lost. However, I still gain from time to time when I can't move i.e. eworkout or even walk due to my physical limitations. For that reason I "settle."

What an interesting subject, clearly a lot of people here misinterpreting it and getting quite defensive unnecessarily which doesn't surprise me. For what it's worth I think it's basically just human nature for people to take the path of least resistance, no matter what area of their life it is. That is of course until something gets in the way which is why I think many of us ended up on here in the first place. Not everyone has the drive and will to push themselves to their limits, otherwise we'd all look like models and be all earning megabucks, or be olympic athletes, and there'd be no need for sites like this as we'd never have put ourselves in a place where we needed to lose loads of weight in the first place :-)

I agree. Weight loss and living a healthy lifestyle are difficult. It requires alot of hard work and planning and making sensible choices. With our easy access to fast food and unhealthy choices, it's easier to just order something than to prepare something at home. This coupled with the fact that exercise requires (sometimes) extreme effort could lead to someone just "settling".

I think for me I settled with my weight until I was in a psychological spot where I could deal with it. And there are other areas of my life where I'm essentially "settling" (yeah, I'm looking at that mound of laundry) because I can put my major effort into one area at a time.
Does that make sense? I'm looking back at the last few years of my life and realizing that there were a lot of areas in my life where I didn't have my act together. I needed to do one at a time.....grieving for my mom, getting my financial act together, etc. Now I'm addressing my weight. Did I know these areas of my life were messed up? Yep. Could I deal with all of them at once? Probably not successfully. I was aware that I was dissatisfied with these areas of my life but needed to "settle" for things being the way they were until I could deal with the other areas. Do I have other areas in my life that I need to work on after my weight? Sure. I'll try to get to them eventually but I can only fix one area of my life at a time.
The thing is I'm not even sure what weight I'll "settle" on. Does that make sense? I've lost a bunch of weight already. I'm glad it's off. Am I happy where I am? Nope so I'm trying to keep on going. But I'm not entirely sure where I'll be happy stopping. My first goal was to get out of the obsese BMI zone. Done that. Next I'd like to get down to a normal BMI. But that's a big range of weights. Would I be happy with a number at the upper end? Maybe I'll settle for it.

So if I'm capable of running an ultra marathon but I prefer to only run a regular marathon, does that mean I'm settling? I mean, c'mon. Just because someone CAN do something doesn't mean they are settling just because they don't WANT to do it, or choose NOT to do it.

ETA: My post is basically in reference to someone who is technically healthy, just not as healthy as they could be. As far as why someone who is unhealthy and happy about it, well that I can't answer for you.

I don't see it as settling for me. When I look back on my life, I was happiest in my life and with my body at a size 6/8. I wasn't too thin, but not big. Still had a flat stomach and thin thighs. My husband married me at 180 and he loves me the way I am. He just encourages me to be happy with myself, but he does not want me to lose my curves either. My goal is to be fit and happy, but not to take it to an extreme. A 6 pack and a size 2 has never been in my dreams. If I feel good and look good and am healthy and active, I will be happy at whatever number I end up at.

I guess it is all a personal preferene. I am one of those girls that is aiming for what most would call an unhealthy higher weight, or at least out of my BMI range. I want to get to 170. I guess once I get there I can reevaluate, but that is what I weighed when i graduated high school and I had all the confidence I needed and I felt sexy. I think I truly belong in the time of Marilyn Monroe when it was socially acceptable and even coveted to be curvy, and have a little bit of meat to them. I have a large chest, butt, and hips and prefer it that way. The chest and but can and maybe will shrink, but my hips are most likely not going to change- big hips run in my family- and dropping down to low in weight, I feel is going to make my hips look weird. I dont think that it is okay to just eat whatever and let yourself go completely but what good does it do to try and explain it to someone who doesnt care about themselves already.,

I dont consider this my journey to weight loss, I consider this my journey to my happy body, and if that happens to be 20 pounds heavier than my BMI says I should be then it is going to be 20 lbs heavier than my BMI. Good question tho

Marilyn monroe has a 23" waist and I think 38" hips btw. She was curvy but not big by any means. She just had a very exaggerated hourglass figure.

I have the same figure, big hips, big chest, and little waist. If I take off a few inches then I would have close to the same figure that she did. I guess I should have clarified it to say that that is the figure I was shooting for, I love the style of this circle skirts from the 50's... especially the rockabilly style. Thanks for the info tho

Just wanted to mention that I wasnt trying to pick on you if it came across that way. I just see a lot of people saying she was a size 14 and passing along misinformation. I wish I had that figure though lol lucky you

Not at all! Its a nice figure, if I didnt have the baby pouch stomach! Well she was a size 12/14 in the standards sizing of the 1950s... which equates to like a size 4/6 in todays sizes. Crazy that the sizing has changed that much

I skimmed but didn't see this in the replies (may have missed it) - but I have a different take. I may be delusional I think at least some people have given up trying. I think they are so tired of failing, and the depression and horrible cycle of lack of self worth that it creates, that it's easier and SAFER to just not try anymore. To accept themselves as they are is less painful than dealing with the fact (or their reality that they perceive as fact) that they can't do anything to change it.

I may be in denial, but there's a part of me that thinks it's impossible for EVERYONE who is overweight - specifically morbidly obese- to be happy with who they are. Sure, there are some people who naturally would be for their own reasons, but I would guess that as many or more are settling because they believe in their heart that there isn't another option, and choose acceptance versus misery of constant failure.

Just my opinion.

Tina

I always see people saying they'll be happy at a bigger size or whatever even when it's not a healthy size for them. Or women who say they don't care to strength train. What I'm wondering is if you could be fitter, stronger, faster, look better, be more healthy, etc, why wouldn't you want to try it at least?

I wanted to answer your question and really didn't read through the rest of the comments so I am not sure if someone is going to say what I am about to say, so sorry if I am repeating myself.

I think the reason you hear people saying they would be happy at a bigger size is because that number in their head is reach able and a time in their life they can remember when they looked and felt good.

I am a big girl who is starting my weight loss travel again for the 100th time. In 2008 I weighted in at 362 and got down to 307 in 6 months, was very proud of myself but the closer and closer I got to the 299 it scared the crap out of me. When you have lived with being big for a long time the idea of losing and then gaining is a heart breaking reality in so many of our lives. I was able to keep 30 pounds off and now starting my weight loss travels again. I am 2 pounds away from hitting 299 and I am not as scared as I was in 2008. My goal right now is to make it to 270. I am sure once I get there I will want to keep losing weight but honestly I can not see myself ever hitting the 100s. Its not that I wouldn't love to be 165 pounds but I know me and I know my body I can live with being 230, its no where close to 362 and when I get there I want to keep going I will. No matter what I am getting healthy right now. I can be 200 something and be healthy. Until you have lived years and years of people looking and talking in a whisper loud enough for you to hear. Worried if you are going to fit in that set at the movies or plane or restaurant. 200 something looks good to me. Don't judge people on their goal when it doesn't fit in your or the worlds idea of perfect or ideal weight. When I make it to my goal (which by the way is not a number) I will have given me and family years I would have lost staying at 300 something. I will feel better and look better and who knows maybe I will keep going.

What I am really trying to say is this people say they would be happy getting to such and such weight because getting to that weight in their mind is reachable doable and they know they can get it. They will more then likely keep going after they get there but they need to believe that, that number will be okay for them. For a person who is 300 pounds saying they want to be 150 is a big deal but 270 is workable and when I get there a new number will pop in my head.

For me... I was once very fit, worked out and loved it and the funny thing is I remember loving it and how good I felt and how much energy I had. I was very happy with my weight at 135 lbs Size 4/5. I would run every morning b4 work, did martial arts, swimming etc, then one day I was in a car accident so now we have broken legs, pelvis and ankle. Doctors said I would never walk normally again. Lost so much muscle... after 8 months of physical therapy I was able to walk (normally) I could no longer run the way I use to, my ankle would lock up on me and still does to this day. Well then comes pregnancy and a c-section. So now you have work, a baby to get ready in the morning and drop off at the sitters house. It was not until last week I decided to let go of my anger over what I "use to" be. Sometimes life throws us a ***** slap in the face.

I'd settle. I would never obsess about my weight/fitness. Life is fun! Food tastes nice. Drinking occasionally is also fun. I think I'd be boring. Weight BMI etc is not a perfect indication of health anyway. You can be a bit overweight on a chart, but healthy as anything! Sure beats being 100 lb overweight. Also It's all about how much of your life you're willing to give away. I am not willing to give up ever going out with friends or trying new foods or eating chocolate, just so I can be "better". Also, myself worth is not wrapped up in how I look or how other people see me, honestly I don't see the point in training hard and getting super skinny/fit. I just want to live my life. You can't tell, by looking at someone whether they are healthy or not. That's between them and their doctor. The important thing is you're living true to yourself. If body building or aerobics competition is your thing go for it. Some people just want to be able to climb the stairs. When your weight or fitness hinders you from doing the things you want, then I don't understand why you don't want to improve them. But otherwise getting skinnier/fitter so you can be skinnier and fitter..... I just ?? Another thing, I am more than my body. I am my mind, I am my personality. I'd prefer people to say "she's a great person" not "she's hot" (though both is fine)