Question for everyone who just settles.

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  • Starklover
    Starklover Posts: 57
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    I guess it is all a personal preferene. I am one of those girls that is aiming for what most would call an unhealthy higher weight, or at least out of my BMI range. I want to get to 170. I guess once I get there I can reevaluate, but that is what I weighed when i graduated high school and I had all the confidence I needed and I felt sexy. I think I truly belong in the time of Marilyn Monroe when it was socially acceptable and even coveted to be curvy, and have a little bit of meat to them. I have a large chest, butt, and hips and prefer it that way. The chest and but can and maybe will shrink, but my hips are most likely not going to change- big hips run in my family- and dropping down to low in weight, I feel is going to make my hips look weird. I dont think that it is okay to just eat whatever and let yourself go completely but what good does it do to try and explain it to someone who doesnt care about themselves already.,

    I dont consider this my journey to weight loss, I consider this my journey to my happy body, and if that happens to be 20 pounds heavier than my BMI says I should be then it is going to be 20 lbs heavier than my BMI. Good question tho :)

    Marilyn monroe has a 23" waist and I think 38" hips btw. She was curvy but not big by any means. She just had a very exaggerated hourglass figure.

    I have the same figure, big hips, big chest, and little waist. If I take off a few inches then I would have close to the same figure that she did. I guess I should have clarified it to say that that is the figure I was shooting for, I love the style of this circle skirts from the 50's... especially the rockabilly style. Thanks for the info tho :)
    Just wanted to mention that I wasnt trying to pick on you if it came across that way. I just see a lot of people saying she was a size 14 and passing along misinformation. I wish I had that figure though lol lucky you

    Not at all! Its a nice figure, if I didnt have the baby pouch stomach! Well she was a size 12/14 in the standards sizing of the 1950s... which equates to like a size 4/6 in todays sizes. :) Crazy that the sizing has changed that much :)
  • small_ninja
    small_ninja Posts: 365 Member
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    I lost around 20 pounds or so in high school, my lowest weight was probably 53-54 kilos but I didn't maintain it well so ended up at around 56 kilos. I still wasn't completely satisfied with how I looked but I settled because I thought I couldn't maintain the lower numbers. But the reason I couldn't maintain those numbers was because I was dieting and exercising to the extreme to get there in the first place, and I didn't want to keep doing that so I rebelled against myself and, well, here I am again. This time I'm going to do it properly and lose the weight slower. If I can keep losing at a gradual and sustainable pace I'd like to get down to 54 kilos (118 lb, I think).
  • schustc
    schustc Posts: 428 Member
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    I skimmed but didn't see this in the replies (may have missed it) - but I have a different take. I may be delusional :) I think at least some people have given up trying. I think they are so tired of failing, and the depression and horrible cycle of lack of self worth that it creates, that it's easier and SAFER to just not try anymore. To accept themselves as they are is less painful than dealing with the fact (or their reality that they perceive as fact) that they can't do anything to change it.

    I may be in denial, but there's a part of me that thinks it's impossible for EVERYONE who is overweight - specifically morbidly obese- to be happy with who they are. Sure, there are some people who naturally would be for their own reasons, but I would guess that as many or more are settling because they believe in their heart that there isn't another option, and choose acceptance versus misery of constant failure.

    Just my opinion.

    Tina
  • bulbadoof
    bulbadoof Posts: 1,058 Member
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    Personally, I've always thought plus-sized women (not overweight women, probably no more than 15-20 lbs over their recommended "normal" weight) had a beauty and radiance to them that I just don't see in a thinner body. I can't ever see myself enjoying having a thin body, but I don't want to be unhealthy either. I'm shooting for the highest healthy BMI for my height, and I might go down 5-10 lbs more after that if I feel my body isn't the way I want it, but I'm simply not interested in being 105 lbs or super toned. I respect people who hold those goals and work toward them, but it just isn't for me.
  • Jennvandemark
    Jennvandemark Posts: 179 Member
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    I always see people saying they'll be happy at a bigger size or whatever even when it's not a healthy size for them. Or women who say they don't care to strength train. What I'm wondering is if you could be fitter, stronger, faster, look better, be more healthy, etc, why wouldn't you want to try it at least?


    I wanted to answer your question and really didn't read through the rest of the comments so I am not sure if someone is going to say what I am about to say, so sorry if I am repeating myself.

    I think the reason you hear people saying they would be happy at a bigger size is because that number in their head is reach able and a time in their life they can remember when they looked and felt good.

    I am a big girl who is starting my weight loss travel again for the 100th time. In 2008 I weighted in at 362 and got down to 307 in 6 months, was very proud of myself but the closer and closer I got to the 299 it scared the crap out of me. When you have lived with being big for a long time the idea of losing and then gaining is a heart breaking reality in so many of our lives. I was able to keep 30 pounds off and now starting my weight loss travels again. I am 2 pounds away from hitting 299 and I am not as scared as I was in 2008. My goal right now is to make it to 270. I am sure once I get there I will want to keep losing weight but honestly I can not see myself ever hitting the 100s. Its not that I wouldn't love to be 165 pounds but I know me and I know my body I can live with being 230, its no where close to 362 and when I get there I want to keep going I will. No matter what I am getting healthy right now. I can be 200 something and be healthy. Until you have lived years and years of people looking and talking in a whisper loud enough for you to hear. Worried if you are going to fit in that set at the movies or plane or restaurant. 200 something looks good to me. Don't judge people on their goal when it doesn't fit in your or the worlds idea of perfect or ideal weight. When I make it to my goal (which by the way is not a number) I will have given me and family years I would have lost staying at 300 something. I will feel better and look better and who knows maybe I will keep going.

    What I am really trying to say is this people say they would be happy getting to such and such weight because getting to that weight in their mind is reachable doable and they know they can get it. They will more then likely keep going after they get there but they need to believe that, that number will be okay for them. For a person who is 300 pounds saying they want to be 150 is a big deal but 270 is workable and when I get there a new number will pop in my head.
  • mandimuscles
    mandimuscles Posts: 107 Member
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  • eyecandy1202
    eyecandy1202 Posts: 15
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    For me... I was once very fit, worked out and loved it and the funny thing is I remember loving it and how good I felt and how much energy I had. I was very happy with my weight at 135 lbs Size 4/5. I would run every morning b4 work, did martial arts, swimming etc, then one day I was in a car accident so now we have broken legs, pelvis and ankle. Doctors said I would never walk normally again. Lost so much muscle... after 8 months of physical therapy I was able to walk (normally) I could no longer run the way I use to, my ankle would lock up on me and still does to this day. Well then comes pregnancy and a c-section. So now you have work, a baby to get ready in the morning and drop off at the sitters house. It was not until last week I decided to let go of my anger over what I "use to" be. Sometimes life throws us a ***** slap in the face.
  • WillPowerYes
    WillPowerYes Posts: 103 Member
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    It's difficult to do and because results are sometimes slow it's hard to stay motivated.

    Exactly.
  • Krazy_Kat
    Krazy_Kat Posts: 212
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    I'd settle. I would never obsess about my weight/fitness. Life is fun! Food tastes nice. Drinking occasionally is also fun. I think I'd be boring. Weight BMI etc is not a perfect indication of health anyway. You can be a bit overweight on a chart, but healthy as anything! Sure beats being 100 lb overweight. Also It's all about how much of your life you're willing to give away. I am not willing to give up ever going out with friends or trying new foods or eating chocolate, just so I can be "better". Also, myself worth is not wrapped up in how I look or how other people see me, honestly I don't see the point in training hard and getting super skinny/fit. I just want to live my life. You can't tell, by looking at someone whether they are healthy or not. That's between them and their doctor. The important thing is you're living true to yourself. If body building or aerobics competition is your thing go for it. Some people just want to be able to climb the stairs. When your weight or fitness hinders you from doing the things you want, then I don't understand why you don't want to improve them. But otherwise getting skinnier/fitter so you can be skinnier and fitter..... I just ?? Another thing, I am more than my body. I am my mind, I am my personality. I'd prefer people to say "she's a great person" not "she's hot" (though both is fine)
  • gogophers
    gogophers Posts: 190 Member
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    I don't understand why people find it odd that different people have different goals. When I was in college, losing weight wasn't a goal of mine. I wanted to focus on other things. When I graduated, I didn't have other things to focus on, so weight loss became a goal.
  • naomi8888
    naomi8888 Posts: 519 Member
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    Might be fear of failure. I've always wanted to run a full marathon, I have run two halves but have never just bit the bullet and entered a marathon.

    Also as others said, it's priorities. I'm a single mum working full time so if I spent more time at the gym then it would be less time with my daughter. But maybe that just an excuse because I know if I REALLY made it a priority I could make it work... So maybe it brings me back to my first point...
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    I don't understand why people find it odd that different people have different goals. When I was in college, losing weight wasn't a goal of mine. I wanted to focus on other things. When I graduated, I didn't have other things to focus on, so weight loss became a goal.

    I guess its coming across wrong but the way I see it is losing weight shouldn't be an active endeavor. To say losing weight wasn't your goal, can you conversely say that gaining weight was your goal? If you're just living a healthy lifestyle overall and make taking care of yourself in the most basic sense important then you'd just make healthy food choices overall right?

    Now the only exception I'd give here is when it comes to a person with the lack of education on nutrition, which is probably most people. Even for myself it took me a while to learn how to eat right.
  • setaylor86080
    setaylor86080 Posts: 210 Member
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    I think weight lose and being healthy etc. is all a mind game. Or at least it is with me. First I had to admit that I didn't like the way I looked. Then I thought well I will just go for a walk every so often. Then one by one I added walking everyday, buying one more healthier option at the store, gym, food scale etc. Until I am doing it everyday and I am craving health stuff lol. Some people just don't think that they can do it and if they reach for the stars and don't make it then they are a failure. If they do one little thing and reach it they can then think about moving forward.
  • gogophers
    gogophers Posts: 190 Member
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    To say losing weight wasn't your goal, can you conversely say that gaining weight was your goal?

    You could, but the first definitely doesn't necessitate the second. When I saw a piece of pizza I would eat it. It's not that my goal was to gain weight, it's that fulfilling my goals (I used the piece of pizza as an example; I don't even really like pizza that much) resulted in my gaining weight. It was a "side-effect" so to speak.

    I think it's definitely true to say that at any given time, I made a choice to not lose weight.
  • awisegirl84
    awisegirl84 Posts: 82 Member
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  • 1nsanity
    1nsanity Posts: 95 Member
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    If you're capable of doing a lot more, trying harder, doing better, why are you content with just settling?

    I always see people saying they'll be happy at a bigger size or whatever even when it's not a healthy size for them. Or women who say they don't care to strength train. What I'm wondering is if you could be fitter, stronger, faster, look better, be more healthy, etc, why wouldn't you want to try it at least?

    Its fine if you try it and it just doesn't work out for you because at least you tried. I'm more curious about the people who aren't even interested in putting in the effort.

    ***Just to throw out, please don't turn this into a big argument thread because I'm genuinely curious. For myself, my original goal weight was 135 once. When I got there and realized I was capable of more I decided to give it a try. And by capable of more I don't mean I'm just trying to drops pounds all willy nilly. I want to have more strength, endurance, and look better naked.

    why have you settled with the career you are in? if you believe you can earn more, do more, and be more at your job, why havent you achieved that yet?

    different people are happier with different things in life. everyone is self fulfilling in that they want to make themselves happy. you may be happy with other aspects of your life and arent willing to work to make them better. same goes for some people and their weight.
    To say losing weight wasn't your goal, can you conversely say that gaining weight was your goal?

    this is a fallacy. just because something isnt one thing, does not mean it is the other. nobody makes it a goal to gain weight, but more or less, its just a goal to not lose weight. which (in the end) they ultimately fail at. other priorities in their lives took precedence over their weight/health. i gained weight at college. why? because in my eyes, my "goals" were: 1) education 2)having fun 3)doing whatever i had to in order to fulfill the first two goals.

    not everyone sees their weight as a problem that needs immediate fixin. i have finally come around and am losing weight, but i am also in a different mindset than i was two and a half years ago.
  • Duck_Puddle
    Duck_Puddle Posts: 3,224 Member
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    I don't understand why people find it odd that different people have different goals. When I was in college, losing weight wasn't a goal of mine. I wanted to focus on other things. When I graduated, I didn't have other things to focus on, so weight loss became a goal.

    I guess its coming across wrong but the way I see it is losing weight shouldn't be an active endeavor. To say losing weight wasn't your goal, can you conversely say that gaining weight was your goal? If you're just living a healthy lifestyle overall and make taking care of yourself in the most basic sense important then you'd just make healthy food choices overall right?

    Now the only exception I'd give here is when it comes to a person with the lack of education on nutrition, which is probably most people. Even for myself it took me a while to learn how to eat right.

    I think this may be a matter of semantics. For my purposes, I'm going to define someone who "settles" as someone who does work to become healthier, is willing to become healthier, but "settles" happily at a point that is less than thief "ideal" (meaning someone who is "settling" at 24% body fat or 10 lbs above their "ideal" weight).

    Initially, you posted asking why people would "settle" when they could work harder to achieve something closer to ideal or ideal itself. People, myself included, have posted back with a multitude of responses, but the primary theme is that everyone's priorities are different and some people (myself included) are not willing to put body-perfection above all else in the world. That's everyone's own prerogative. Acheiving body-perfectIon requires tremendous commitment, a great deal of effort, a lot of time doing strength training & cardio and eating extremely well nearly all the time. Kudos to those who are wiling to work for that, and even greater kudos to those who have achieved that. That's fantasic and you deserve every bit of praise you receive.

    In the post above, you talk about a healthy lifestyle not being an active thing-meaning it's just something you do. And as part of that-wouldn't you just make healthy food choices. Absolutely! But healthy food choices alone are not going to get someone to the "best" they can be. And everyone's limit of how much "healthy lifestyle" they can fit into their life before it becomes an active thought. Essentially-once you reach a point where you must choose between one thing or another (family time or going to the gym for example)-that "healthy lifestyle" grows beyond something you just "do". Choosing to be your optimal, best self is a serious commitment that will require sacrifices. Many of us value things more than we value having the absolute beat possible body we can.

    And lastly, I think (although I may be very wrong on this-could be another person with a cute kitten avatar) that you have posted elsewhere that you were never really large-just not as fit as you could be. I'm NOT trying to put a whole fat girl/skinny girl thing out there (really, I'm not)-but for those of us that have been morbidly obese (or even just really obese), just being in a healthily weight range already feels like optimal success. To not have to use the railing to pull yourself up the stairs, to not having your doctor talk about strokes and heart attacks and diabetes and all kinds of other things, to be able to shop in the regular sizes (regardless of what number), to no longer being the fattest person in the room, to having new people you meet never even know you were fat, etc. These are already enormous victories. To achieve "normalcy" doesn't mean settling-it means unequivocal success. Could we go beyond "normal" and get "ideal"? Of course. But just achieving normal is really already a dream come true. Again, not going for a fat girl/skinny girl thing-but someone starting in "normal" maybe doesn't appreciate how absolutely fantastic "normal" can feel. My apologies if this entire part of my ramble doesn't apply.

    Ok-that's all-nothing that hasn't really already been said-just felt the need to ramble on for a while.
  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
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    I don't understand why people find it odd that different people have different goals. When I was in college, losing weight wasn't a goal of mine. I wanted to focus on other things. When I graduated, I didn't have other things to focus on, so weight loss became a goal.

    I guess its coming across wrong but the way I see it is losing weight shouldn't be an active endeavor. To say losing weight wasn't your goal, can you conversely say that gaining weight was your goal? If you're just living a healthy lifestyle overall and make taking care of yourself in the most basic sense important then you'd just make healthy food choices overall right?

    Now the only exception I'd give here is when it comes to a person with the lack of education on nutrition, which is probably most people. Even for myself it took me a while to learn how to eat right.

    I think this may be a matter of semantics. For my purposes, I'm going to define someone who "settles" as someone who does work to become healthier, is willing to become healthier, but "settles" happily at a point that is less than thief "ideal" (meaning someone who is "settling" at 24% body fat or 10 lbs above their "ideal" weight).

    Initially, you posted asking why people would "settle" when they could work harder to achieve something closer to ideal or ideal itself. People, myself included, have posted back with a multitude of responses, but the primary theme is that everyone's priorities are different and some people (myself included) are not willing to put body-perfection above all else in the world. That's everyone's own prerogative. Acheiving body-perfectIon requires tremendous commitment, a great deal of effort, a lot of time doing strength training & cardio and eating extremely well nearly all the time. Kudos to those who are wiling to work for that, and even greater kudos to those who have achieved that. That's fantasic and you deserve every bit of praise you receive.

    In the post above, you talk about a healthy lifestyle not being an active thing-meaning it's just something you do. And as part of that-wouldn't you just make healthy food choices. Absolutely! But healthy food choices alone are not going to get someone to the "best" they can be. And everyone's limit of how much "healthy lifestyle" they can fit into their life before it becomes an active thought. Essentially-once you reach a point where you must choose between one thing or another (family time or going to the gym for example)-that "healthy lifestyle" grows beyond something you just "do". Choosing to be your optimal, best self is a serious commitment that will require sacrifices. Many of us value things more than we value having the absolute beat possible body we can.

    And lastly, I think (although I may be very wrong on this-could be another person with a cute kitten avatar) that you have posted elsewhere that you were never really large-just not as fit as you could be. I'm NOT trying to put a whole fat girl/skinny girl thing out there (really, I'm not)-but for those of us that have been morbidly obese (or even just really obese), just being in a healthily weight range already feels like optimal success. To not have to use the railing to pull yourself up the stairs, to not having your doctor talk about strokes and heart attacks and diabetes and all kinds of other things, to be able to shop in the regular sizes (regardless of what number), to no longer being the fattest person in the room, to having new people you meet never even know you were fat, etc. These are already enormous victories. To achieve "normalcy" doesn't mean settling-it means unequivocal success. Could we go beyond "normal" and get "ideal"? Of course. But just achieving normal is really already a dream come true. Again, not going for a fat girl/skinny girl thing-but someone starting in "normal" maybe doesn't appreciate how absolutely fantastic "normal" can feel. My apologies if this entire part of my ramble doesn't apply.

    Ok-that's all-nothing that hasn't really already been said-just felt the need to ramble on for a while.

    Wow, that was incredibly well said!
  • 1nsanity
    1nsanity Posts: 95 Member
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    i worded the second part of my post incorrectly. i meant to say "nobody makes it a goal to gain weight, but more or less, its just not a goal to lose weight."
  • Jeneba
    Jeneba Posts: 699 Member
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    Great question! In my case, I am settling for 105 at the moment instead of 100 - because I am just not at all overweight, I just feel better 5 lbs. thinner. But - I am physically exhausted right now & need a lot of quiet time, down time, whatever you want to call it. Right now isn't the time to be pushing myself because my body is telling me that it just does not have what it takes to push itself into high gear.... So, I "settle."

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