Backhanded compliment about my fatitude

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  • MrsPong
    MrsPong Posts: 580 Member
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    I think you're just misinterpreting a culture thing. I know a lot of asians (legitimately from Asia, not the westernised ones) who are very upfront in this way. I also have received a comment before from a thai.. "Ohhh, you have got fat since I last you!". Straight out. It sucks, but someone's gotta tell you.

    My husbands family is from Thailand, so they are straight up about EVERYTHING!!!! I lost about 20 lbs and his whole family saw me...one of them goes "your looking alot skinner these days (ok..compliment thank you) but went on to say lose about 10-20 more lbs and you'll be set!!"
    I didnt know what to think... hahaha they will also tell you "hey your eating to much, your looking fat" like its part of a normal converstation....It's just the way they are....still love them all ...tinny skinny short people ;-)
  • EellaK
    EellaK Posts: 16 Member
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  • theologynerd
    theologynerd Posts: 264 Member
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    I have gotten the "when are you due?" question so many times I can't even tell you the number. It is humiliating EVERY SINGLE TIME. Of course, it's always in public. How on earth are there so many people who have not learned basic manners? You simply do not ask a woman about her "pregnancy" unless SHE brings it up. I have lost nearly 80 lbs., and my stomach still has a kangaroo pouch. I don't think I'll ever get rid of it even though I eat right and work out all the time. So guess what? I still look pregnant. And despite my weight loss, which I know is a huge accomplishment, I still live in fear of the next public humiliation when some jack@ss congratulates me on my pregnancy.
  • endurowoman
    endurowoman Posts: 23 Member
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    I love the pregnant one, yes I have had that comment many times and all the others too!

    But, my bad was, a woman came to the library and I thought she was fat but I thought again and asked if she was pregnant. She was all offended and snapped back that she had had a baby 6 weeks ago. Then I realized it was a beer belly. I watched this baby grow and and she grew right along with him. He never was normal, she's not normal not even close, BUT it still hurt her feelings when I was accidentally rude.

    Live and learn everyday, even us fat ones.
  • wiccanwench
    wiccanwench Posts: 3
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    I've gotten "you carry your weight well." So, my fat is shaped nicer than other people's? Yeah, okay.
    Actually that's not even close to what it means, and it is a compliment, but good job on being over-sensitive.

    Wow, I've seen you on multiple posts, and all you are is negative. Show some support. That's what we're here for.

    I couldnt agree more, that is very much lacking in support... and being of similar body shape, very curvy but still fat, I totally understand why it stings as a backhanded compliment. But then again, all through high school my mother always looked at me and said I would be so pretty if I just lost weight. So, I did, became bulemic, developed a heart problem, hiatal hernia, digestive/bowel problems, stopped having my period, hair loss, gum disease, but damn if I didn't look amazing and she always complimented me!!! I still fight the urge to gag up everything I eat every day, after over 20 years... So again, here I am fat as all hell, my mother keeps hounding me about my weight, and I just wish people would stop to think about what their words do to people, regardless of their ill-thoughtout intentions...
  • histora
    histora Posts: 287 Member
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    My mother-in-law once told me she was amazed that I would wear a sleeveless shirt, and that she couldn't wear one because she has arms like me. I just looked at her in confusion and asked "Do our arms not fit in the sleeves of a sleeveless shirt?!" She got flustered and stammered out "Well, no, it's just that we have flabby arms!" I shrugged and said "I'm wearing it, people can choose not to look, and I don't care as long as I am cool." (We were in Arizona in the summer).

    I used to get defensive and hurt about comments on my shape. I had a friend tell me in a few years she'd gladly give me her clothes because by then she will have lost all the weight and won't need them anymore..apparently I would? I just shrugged and said I wouldn't hold my breath on that one. I don't have time to worry about what everyone is saying anymore...I'm too busy being awesome to let them drag me down.
  • _Christine_
    _Christine_ Posts: 1,388 Member
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    I was 185lbs and a woman asked if I was pregnant, and even touched my stomach. I replied semi-rudely "NO, I'm just fat" and turned my back to walk away. I wanted to cry.

    I did this even when I was VERY pregnant. Just to teach 'em a lesson.

    LOL!! I have done the same thing. When I was pregnant with the twins I even squeezed out a tear. I probably should have felt bad, but I didn't. ;)
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
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    A kid a church camp told me I should shave my head cuz I would look really good bald since my head is so round...???????
    Ok, sure.

    When I was at church camp, I sprained my arm and I didn't want to do one of the activities because of that, and because it involved heights and I'm scared of heights. But anyway, when I was telling the camp counselor that I didn't want to do it she said "Why? Is it because you're fat? We've had a 300 lb man do this once, so I think you should be ok." I was probably 14 and I was 160 lbs. I was pissed the rest of the day. New slogan for that camp should be "Calling 14 year olds fat, because that's what Jesus would do..."
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
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    Oh, and another. My boyfriends sister was getting married, and we were invited to the wedding. A few months before the wedding, his mom came over and offered to take me dress shopping because they don't carry my dress size in regular stores. Oh, so you're telling me that I can't walk into any JC Penny, Macy's, or Walmart even and find a size 14 dress? Really? What planet do you live on?

    Then again, I think she's just bitter because she looks like Snape.
  • SusanLovesToEat
    SusanLovesToEat Posts: 218 Member
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    I was 185lbs and a woman asked if I was pregnant, and even touched my stomach. I replied semi-rudely "NO, I'm just fat" and turned my back to walk away. I wanted to cry.

    Same thing happened to me! My response was the same "No, I'm just fat" but I just laughed! For me it was sort of a compliment because I was well over 50 and thought it was interesting she believed I could even be pregnant...
  • AngelaWeber
    AngelaWeber Posts: 95 Member
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    I've been in both sides of the fence. I am quite sure I offended an acquaintance. This woman was fairly petite but her stomach was fairly large. There was no doubt in my mind that she was pregnant so I asked the dreaded question "when are you due? ". Her response, "I'm not pregnant" So I felt the need to dig myself deeper I guess, so my response was "oh you just had a baby?" Why did I just not stop talking! The woman's child was like 7 years old. I was mortified!! I apologized profusely.

    Now as for myself, my grandmother always says and I quote "you're too pretty to be fat", "look at those great big arms and thighs" - not just big but Great Big, smh.

    I've only within the last 7 years endured being overweight (I'm 30 ) but it's certainly no fun and is harder than I thought to get rid of it.
  • Harts52
    Harts52 Posts: 6
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    Thanks to everyone who agrees my brother-in-law should have been ripped a new one :-)

    Funny, now he is about 350 pounds. I bet he's heard the "when are you due" comment. He's also now my ex-brother-in-law!
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    One thing this thread has pointed out to me --- people are just (a) stupid (b) rude and/or (c) mean.

    But reading this thread has made it so clear that the "don't give a *kitten*" of the poster that said "I'm a giver" (this made me laugh my @$$ off!!!) is exactly the right approach.

    I had some nastiness in my immediate family too. Things happened a couple years ago that created a complete break and I've never felt so free in my life. The whole thing about "their family" is BS. If they're toxic, they should be gone.

    I thought of another "gem" that someone said to me but I zinged her right back. Someone in my building said "I just lost a ton of weight. I bet all my old clothes would fit you. I'll bring them over." and I said "Oh, don't bother. I don't think we shop at the same stores."
  • SweetSammie
    SweetSammie Posts: 391 Member
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    A guy friend in college said, "You are about the size of the biggest girl I would date" (I was right around a healthy BMI) Right now I'm about 10 -15 lbs heavier than I was then... and his wife (and ex wife) are/were both bigger than me,.....
  • gchutson
    gchutson Posts: 657
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    A guy friend in college said, "You are about the size of the biggest girl I would date" (I was right around a healthy BMI) Right now I'm about 10 -15 lbs heavier than I was then... and his wife (and ex wife) are/were both bigger than me,.....

    You'll get your revenge when he finally realizes that he's gay.
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
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    After losing 80+ lbs, I have been asked if I was sick and I was also asked how much more I needed to lose. Couldn't people just say I looked good?
  • jenrome
    jenrome Posts: 7
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    My auntie is Thai and was over to visit when I was 14 (sensitive age). Her comment was, "Wow, you are getting so big. Your butt is almost as big as your mom's." Definitely cultural but try explaining that to a crushed 14 year old:)
  • outspan87
    outspan87 Posts: 98 Member
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    I spent some time in Uganda volunteering as a teacher. One of the other volunteers was a girl a bit overweight, but nothing out of the ordinary. The first day, the headmaster of the school saw her and the very first thing he said was: "Wow, you are so fat! You must be so strong, you'd be great for digging!"

    In Uganda, overweight women are held in the highest regards (as it's the best indication that they can afford food, and that they have "child-bearing hips"). Another time, the headmaster told me that all the fat women in his district were taken, so he had to walk all the way to a village in the next district (50 miles) to find a suitable wife.
  • kamiAK
    kamiAK Posts: 100 Member
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    I was at the store and a checker that i had not seen for a while was there and i said.."oh, Hi..remember me? I used to ask you not to sell me smokes when i was trying to quit?" she goes, "Yes, now.. i shouldn't sell you that ice cream. i was just so shocked i just said...i know and laughed. mind you the woman had literately one tooth in her head....just a ugly one toothed woman and she had the nerve to comment on me be over weight.


    another time i was at the store and i was getting some muffins for a meeting and a woman walks up to me and says ...oh honey you dont need those, get some fruit instead.

    I was telling my landlord how a dr was saying that i should get a MRI and he goes...you wont fit in the machine.

    my god i am just in the 200's ....it's not like i am 3, 4 or 500 pounds!

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