Sabotage????

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becsnz1
becsnz1 Posts: 85 Member
in Motivation and Support
Ok, so my man and I moved in together about 7 months ago. All my life I have had weight issues, and then had Bulimia which I went to counselling for and am no longer Bulimic which is great but I always worry about my weight, I gain weight easily, still do the odd binge/overeat then feel guilty....Before we moved in together we discussed a lot of stuff about how we would get on etc and one thing that was important to me was that he would support me in my battles for getting fitter/healthier. He said he would support me, run with me, go walking etc etc.

Anyway, 7 months down the track and I felt I had to talk with him as he has no concern for his health, eats whatever he wants, when he wants despite putting on a large amount of weight in the past 18 months. Talking to him, he doesn't care and even me saying to him that I am concerned that he has put on so much weight, he doesn't care. He told me not to put my concerns about how I feel about weight and fitness and improving health onto him. Which I guess is fair enough, yes I probably am too concerned with it in his eyes. When I tried to discuss about our conversations and him supporting me before we moved in together, he just laughed and said well people change.

This of course ended in tears with me feeling like he didn't give a *kitten* about how I feel. He doesn't care what size I am. But to me it's really important that I do my best to be healthy and exercise.

Gahhh I just feel like he is trying to sabotage me and I don't have his support so questioning why we are together. It's really hard. Any suggestions on how I can get him to understand how his attitude is really hurting me???

Replies

  • becsnz1
    becsnz1 Posts: 85 Member
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    Bump....

    Any suggestions on how I should deal with this situation please????
  • Spanaval
    Spanaval Posts: 1,200 Member
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    You cannot and should not be controlling how he eats or exercises. As long as he is understanding of your needs to do those things for yourself, I don't see an issue here.
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
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    Obviously, prior to marriage/moving in together, etc., many will "promise the moon" but once they settle in for daily life, those "commitments" are easily forgotten. This is pretty common behavior in dating couples... putting one's best foot forward during the dating process but once daily life begins, there is a reverting to old lifestyles.

    Sounds more like he is not so much into sabotaging you as it is that he is really not committed to losing weight himself. Honestly, we all have to come to terms with our weight issues on our own. The first thing you have to do here is not to allow his lack of commitment to affect you. The second thing is that if this relationship is important to you, try to be supportive of him... At some point in the future, perhaps he will realize that this is a destructive behavior and make adjustments.

    There have been times in the past that I have NOT been committed to healthy living when my wife has been... At other times it was the other way around. When this happens it is hard but not really impossible. Now we are both on the same journey and it really is a lot easier. The main thing is do what you are doing for yourself... Never allow yourself to be brought down by the behavior of another.
  • sawebber
    sawebber Posts: 15
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    He's not committed to losing weight for himself. I don't think he's necessarily dragging you down, unless he is being rude in regards to your attempts at weight loss. All you can do is try to get him motivated. It is sad that he is not keeping his word. =( It sucks exercising alone, I know how you feel but you just have to, for yourself. Maybe if he sees the weight you lose and how well you do it will motivate him. Do not let him be your excuse for not losing weight, it is all in your control.
  • Lolli1986
    Lolli1986 Posts: 500 Member
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    I probably wouldn't consider that sabotage, from what you have said (though there may be more to the story). You have got to decide whether you like that he does not care about his health, though.
  • becsnz1
    becsnz1 Posts: 85 Member
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    Thanks everyone for your help and suggestions, it is good to have someone neutral offer ideas and it's made me realise that I just have to be stronger and do this because it is important to me and me only. Thanks again.
  • Impy84
    Impy84 Posts: 430
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    It does not sound as if he's trying to stop you from bettering you. So let him do him and you do you. He doesn't have to go with you for you to run/jog/ work out. He doesn't have to eat a salad for you to choose one.

    Focus on you and either he'll catch up or if you decide his health is a deal breaker you'll leave.
    No one can get healthy until they choose to.
  • fsmalley
    fsmalley Posts: 62 Member
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    I'm surprised that so many responses seem accepting of this behavior. All successful relationships are truly "Partnerships". You cannot have a successful partnership between two people who are not like minded on a lifestyle issue. Living a healthy life and wanting your partner to do the same, and support you in the effort, is not pushing your feelings on someone. I would remind my partner of the offer of support before the cohabitation and ask that he keep his word. The only thing that every results from a relationship in which one partner is non supporting of the others efforts is resentment.

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