Keep your goals to yourself

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outspan87
outspan87 Posts: 98 Member
in Motivation and Support
I found this TED talk quite interesting:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHopJHSlVo4

Replies

  • jenniprr
    jenniprr Posts: 119
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    That is very interesting. The research I have read states that we should tell people our goals so that they hold us accountable. Although, both of the these statements could be correct. Just because I tell people my goals and they hold me accountable does not necessarily mean that I will be more successful at achieving my goals. Thanks for the interesting post!
  • Amandaleemixon
    Amandaleemixon Posts: 7 Member
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    Wow, I actually have experienced this…
    When I wanted to begin my weight loss journey I told my mother-in-law. Now she hounds me about what I eat, drink, and how I exercise. It really puts a lot of pressure on me, which makes me really not want to go to the gym. I know she is trying to be supportive, but it really makes me feel like a fat a**! BUT, in reality, such a big lifestyle change comes up.
  • lookpretty
    lookpretty Posts: 276 Member
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    I dont tell people what my goals are, perfect example, went into south beach diet thinking it was going to be fantastic, by the third day I felt like poo and didnt expect that to happen, it was seamless, try someting else and no one had to rub anytihng in
  • outspan87
    outspan87 Posts: 98 Member
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    That is very interesting. The research I have read states that we should tell people our goals so that they hold us accountable. Although, both of the these statements could be correct. Just because I tell people my goals and they hold me accountable does not necessarily mean that I will be more successful at achieving my goals. Thanks for the interesting post!

    The way I see it, you can still tell your friends as long as you phrase it right ("motivate me because I have a long way to go"). That's why I changed my ticker from "kg lost" to "kg to go:" I'll always be reminded that I'm not there yet, instead of resting on my laurels.
  • akaporn
    akaporn Posts: 231 Member
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    The most important thing is to have a Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG) which is aggressive, defined and measurable with the set time limit. It's not that I want to loose 10 lbs but "I want to be 150 lbs on June 30, 2012. Then have a discipline to plan the work and work the plan. In order to utilize the support from my MFP friends without loosing track of the reality, I would say something like "CW = 155, GW = 150. It's my 20th day into my 30 days plan. I have lost 5 pounds so far when I should have lost 6.7 pounds". Otherwise, all you gonna get is a bunch of "WTGs".

    My observation: The research population may use the average people who just love to talk the talk but not usually walk the walk. Therefore, they will definitely get the satisfaction of talking it out loud. But, most of my MFP friends are the people who already started to walk the walk. Thus, they wouldn't be satisfied unless those goals are met. And, lastly, once you surround yourself with many many respectable, disciplined, goal-oriented people, it kinds rubs on you quite a bit.
  • galaxiegal
    galaxiegal Posts: 90
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    I only tell those who will be supportive, not meddlesome! For instance, my fiancee knows, my mother-in-law, does not. Coworkers don't know either because, well aside from the fact that they don't need to, they always seem to want to make you eat at the monthly potlucks. "Oh one plate of nachos and some cake won't hurt you." Yes, yes it will.... Just because you don't have the willpower to say no to the carbs doesn't mean you can bring me down with you!!!
  • Jenyphur
    Jenyphur Posts: 59 Member
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    I love this: "I only tell those who will be supportive, not meddlesome! " I totally agree.
  • Drevious
    Drevious Posts: 69 Member
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    Thanks for sharing this! Has anyone else found that when they tell people they are trying to loose weight the person always end up talking about themselves! That's a lot of thoughts and negativity that this optimistic California girl doesn't need!
  • outspan87
    outspan87 Posts: 98 Member
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    My observation: The research population may use the average people who just love to talk the talk but not usually walk the walk. Therefore, they will definitely get the satisfaction of talking it out loud. But, most of my MFP friends are the people who already started to walk the walk. Thus, they wouldn't be satisfied unless those goals are met. And, lastly, once you surround yourself with many many respectable, disciplined, goal-oriented people, it kinds rubs on you quite a bit.

    I agree that picking the right friends is extremely important. I've only been a member for a week, but I'm seeing a lot of "enabler" comments when one of the people in my friends list slips up and consistently eats way too much, doesn't stick with exercise, etc.

    I'd much rather have friends that give me constant "reality checks" and help me keep my eyes on the prize.

    So, I suggest that if your friends start saying "no big deal" a little too often, either tell them that IT IS a big deal, or remove them from your list. Whatever you need to keep in mind that you still have work ahead of you.
  • Justkeepswimmin
    Justkeepswimmin Posts: 777 Member
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    I dunno ... on D Day, my turning point day. I got off my jade dynasty game...that I LIVED in while eating morning noon and night....I knelt down next to him on the couch. I told him "I am going to lose weight, I am going to get healthy, whether or not you decide to come along with me".

    I needed to do that. Later of course I discussed more specificially what those goals were - and now are.

    After I lost a few lbs I went and told my aunt - and we have become great weight loss buddis and shared goals.
  • outspan87
    outspan87 Posts: 98 Member
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    I dunno ... on D Day, my turning point day. I got off my jade dynasty game...that I LIVED in while eating morning noon and night....I knelt down next to him on the couch. I told him "I am going to lose weight, I am going to get healthy, whether or not you decide to come along with me".

    I needed to do that. Later of course I discussed more specificially what those goals were - and now are.

    After I lost a few lbs I went and told my aunt - and we have become great weight loss buddis and shared goals.

    That's great!

    What I got out of that 3-minute talk is not to avoid telling people my goals, but to phrase them in a way that reminds me (and them) that I still have work to do to achieve them. My guess is your aunt became a great weight loss buddy because you both put more emphasis on the work ahead than on what you had already achieved.

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