Another curious "Childless by Choice" question...

i would think that if this was happening on a dating site then it would = just wanting to bang it out, not really have a relationship
JMO

I wouldn't want to raise some others kids. Its hard enough with mine most days and Moms are sometimes jealous and vindictive and I wouldn't want to be 'the other woman' in a kids life

i would think that if this was happening on a dating site then it would = just wanting to bang it out, not really have a relationship
JMO

Kinda agree, sadly *L*

This is my thought too. May help you weed out those looking for actual relationships vs. short term good time at least.

I don't mind being a step parent, so I definitely don't mind dating a man with children. It's those without kids who do want kids that I seem to be running into lately. Men who have no children and no desire to have them is my first choice though, in a mate.

If I were single again, I would not consider dating a man with kids. The lifestyle of a parent is not one I am interested in leading - I want to be able to travel with no regard for school schedules, I don't want to have to socialize with other kids' parents, and I'd rather be able to devote myself to my wonderful career rather than have to worry about maternity leave/staying home with a sick child/leaving early to go to their baseball game.

I'd want to date someone with my same morals and interests, so I can't say I'd really be interested in a meaningful relationship with someone who is already a parent.

My daughter and I were talking about this.

I just ended a relationship with her step father that was awesome for about 3 years and then got really sour the last two years. His boys and their growing list of special needs became the breaking point. Not because I didn't like it, or couldn't handle it, but rather that his perception of my daughter (thankfully not special needs and very mature and independent for her age) became very sour and negative as more and more problems with his boys came to light. (ADHD, ODD, Aspergers, sleep issues, being sickly constantly, allergies....etc)

The last year the communication and ability to even be civil or nice to my daughter or to me about my parental decisions broke down completely and got very ugly.

So, as a result of our discussions and talking about that relationship and how it soured for both her and I, we've made a list of what would be necessary in another partner once I am ready to enter the dating field (which won't be for a LONG time)

- he has to not want more kids, i'm fixed, i'm done and I'm happy that way
- if he has kids, then it has to be a girl, nothing against little boys, but the past year and the way those boys acted and were allowed to get away with it because they were "special needs" (aka inappropriate potty humor, flashing, touching themselves in public, being gender biased etc) my daughter actually has some anxiety around boys...so we wouldn't be to interested in welcoming another boy into our lives at this point...we will love them from afar (this could change though)
- if he has kids, the child has to be the same age or older than my daughter. I don't want to raise anymore babies. I'm done with that.

I know it sounds picky and I know it maybe even sounds judgemental, but it's what my daughter and I would need to be happy, so it is what it is....it has nothing to do with boys, and more to do with letting my daughter heal her social anxiety and stress than anything. She comes first, she doesn't want boys? I don't want boys.

Lauren

My 53 year old brother is childless by choice. He says that kids prevent people from being able to go where they want when they want, and are a financial drain. When my brother dates someone, he wants to date the kind of person he sees a long future with. He will not knowingly date women who have children, even women whose children are older and have left home. He says too much emotional "baggage" comes with it, even if the kids are not in the mother's life every day. The kids will always come first to the mother, rather than him. He broke up with his "soul mate" after 5 years of being together because she wanted to have children and he did not. It was just that important to him. He finds it very hard to find single women to date because they either want children or have children.

He also doesn't want to date women who treat their pets like children, he says that's just as bad. He's had experiences with women who either want to bring their little dogs with them on dates, spend tons of money on pampering their pets or won't leave home for more than a couple of hours because of the dog, and who have insisted he give the pets kisses.

I have a near 6 year old. I am divorced. I do the online dating thing sometimes.

I get contacted by men that do not have nor want children. They are very clear about that. And while I have no problem with their choice, I do question why they would want to DATE someone with children. To me, it would be much like those that agree they're awkward around or don't really like other people's kids... I guess I don't really understand it. While my son has a great dad and I'm not looking for a father figure, clearly he is a huge part of my life. Being with me would mean being with him.

Personally, I happen to lean towards those that do have children. Biased of me, I realize, but after dating both categories there seems to be some understanding there. My child comes first, I won't always be available, while I date my son does not and you will not be meeting him, etc... Those are my values which seem to be more easily accepted by other single parents.

I guess the question is, if you are Childless by Choice (and God Bless you for it!) would you be inclined or uninclined to date those with children? And why?

well i am childfree .. don't want kids and i don't date people with children because i can't stand to be around them. but some childfree by choice folks can tolerate children. and then there are some childfree folks who are looking to just date ...and that is it so whether you have a child or not isn't an issue for them because they don't plan to become serious.

My 53 year old brother is childless by choice. He says that kids prevent people from being able to go where they want when they want, and are a financial drain. When my brother dates someone, he wants to date the kind of person he sees a long future with. He will not knowingly date women who have children, even women whose children are older and have left home. He says too much emotional "baggage" comes with it, even if the kids are not in the mother's life every day. The kids will always come first to the mother, rather than him. He broke up with his "soul mate" after 5 years of being together because she wanted to have children and he did not. It was just that important to him. He finds it very hard to find single women to date because they either want children or have children.

He also doesn't want to date women who treat their pets like children, he says that's just as bad. He's had experiences with women who either want to bring their little dogs with them on dates, spend tons of money on pampering their pets or won't leave home for more than a couple of hours because of the dog, and who have insisted he give the pets kisses.

i broke up with my fiancee, the love of my life, because he "flipped" on me. i don't want kids and he knew this when we met and started dating. then ... he decided that he did want to be a father after all. it was painful but for the best. i'm glad he changed his mind BEFORE we got married.

I think I would be ok with being a stepparent. I just never wanted the responsibility of being a full time parent, of being responsible for raising another human being and hoping to make them a standup member of society. Too much pressure. Plus I'm selfish, I admit. I like having my adult time to do what I want with it, and full time parenting doesn't fit into that. Having said that I do like kids, and I'm a fanf*ckingtastic aunt. So stepparenting would be ok with me, as long as they didn't live with me.

wanting me-time whenever you want it, and not wanting to raise children doesn't make you any more selfish than people who have kids because they want to "continue their legacy" or for whatever other reason. no one ever asks potential parents why they want to have children or why they did have kids ... don't let society's influence make you present excuses or soften the blow on your choice not to.

once you reach a certain age i dont think you have much of a choice.

for instance i'm 40, dont want kid, but the odds of me finding an age appropriate man without kids at this age is much harder than when i was 25. as long as i get along with the guy, i'm flexible on the kid thing. i just know i dont want to be squeezing any out of my my uterus