What would you do in this situation? Very stressed over this

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Replies

  • bharriscar
    bharriscar Posts: 91 Member
    Don't do it, it will backfire on you.
    Have them take out a loan based on their tax return.

    Signed "Advice from an old guy who's been there."
  • skylark94
    skylark94 Posts: 2,036 Member
    If you have to take out a loan to get them the money, then ABSOLUTLEY NOT!

    I have learned to never, ever, ever, lend out money that you can't afford to lose.
  • davitalynette
    davitalynette Posts: 117 Member
    If you can't go without the money, then you CANT help. If you are, however, ABLE to help, I would help no questions asked! Social capital is more important in my opinion...
  • askme12
    askme12 Posts: 155 Member
    "do not lend money to a friend unless you can live with the possibility of not being repaid". If you are not in a position where you could make it a gift instead of a loan, simply explain your circumstance and hope the friendship is enough to overcome any hard feelings.

    I hope it works out for you.

    This^
  • LastSixtySix
    LastSixtySix Posts: 352 Member
    Listen to your instincts. Seems they are telling you the truth - run, don't walk away from this. It will add stress to your life and. . .pounds. It is NOT being selfish to say "no". It is being honest with your limitations.

    Now, if you are independently wealthy, no stress. Who cares? But, it also sounds like the timing is just too much too fast. No No No NO NO NO.

    Good luck with your decision.
  • bella_babe_86
    bella_babe_86 Posts: 503 Member
    Money and Friendship just doesnt mix, someones feelings always get hurt. Explain to your friend that you just are financially stable enough to do this at the moment and help him/her out by finding other options.
  • ElizBald
    ElizBald Posts: 20
    If the friendship dies because you can't lend the money then, at least, you are not in a financial bind as you might be if the money couldn't be paid back.
  • Pifflesmom
    Pifflesmom Posts: 134 Member
    That's a bad situation, and frankly, unfair of your friends to even ask you for that kind of commitment.

    Lending money is always such a touchy thing; I've done it and been burned badly - but I've also done it and been paid back. It's a tough call.

    If it were me, however, I would have to say no - you're risking your own good reputation and credit rating and that's something, that if their plans go awry, will affect you for a very long time. What happens if this 'tax money' doesn't come through for whatever reason? Then what?

    Good luck.
  • MMarvelous
    MMarvelous Posts: 1,067 Member
    Tell them you will BUY the home from them or have a document drawn up stating if they default on repaying you, that you gain ownership of the home. But I would not be surprised if a mortgage was NOT on that property or another lien. Do some research. BUT HAVE A SIGNED CONTRACT if you decide to give them the money.
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
    Listen to your instincts. Seems they are telling you the truth - run, don't walk away from this. It will add stress to your life and. . .pounds. It is NOT being selfish to say "no". It is being honest with your limitations.

    I get the impression that listening to her instincts is actually the wrong decision. I think she's trying to rationalize taking out the loan because her friend has been so good to her over the years and isn't the *typical* deadbeat friend who borrows money and then doesn't have the means to pay it back. So her instinct is trying to say, "its okay because this situation is atypical".
  • Josie_lifting_cats
    Josie_lifting_cats Posts: 949 Member
    As a real estate agent I can tell you honestly DON'T DO IT.

    I do foreclosures, and I see this all the time. And it doesn't end well. I don't know where you are located, but it's quite possible that property values aren't done increasing. Rental properties are a risky venture on their own anyway, much less when you get tangled into it with more people.

    This is an insanely tough situation for you to be in, but unless you know way more than it sounds like you do (their credit score, the reasons WHY their score is what it is FOR SURE (not just their word), their income, etc.), I don't think it's a good idea.
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
    The best way to loose a friend is to get involved loaning them money. If you can't afford to give it to them then don't take out a loan.
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
    Thank you all for taking time to give me your honest opinions.

    As soon as I left work I called her and explained the stress this is causing me. I told her that I wish with all my heart that I was in the position to fix this for them, but i'm not. That doing this will put me in a very distressing situation, which I can't put my family in (my son and I).

    I reminded her that when I was in a better position I didn't hesitate to help, but at this time in my life, I couldn't even make up a missed payment. She knows I don't handle unpaid bills well, I will lose sleep over late or unpaid bills.

    She said she understood and didn't want to cause me stress. Thanked me for being honest and the conversation ended.

    I went to the gym and feel as though a ton has been lifted from me.

    All your answers were very appreciated and helped me go with the decision I knew was best for me, but very difficult to express to my dear friend. I pray they are able to get some assistance to keep the property.


    You all were very kind, thank you:flowerforyou:
  • sassylilmama
    sassylilmama Posts: 1,493 Member
    Glad it all worked out!
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    Thank you all for taking time to give me your honest opinions.

    As soon as I left work I called her and explained the stress this is causing me. I told her that I wish with all my heart that I was in the position to fix this for them, but i'm not. That doing this will put me in a very distressing situation, which I can't put my family in (my son and I).

    I reminded her that when I was in a better position I didn't hesitate to help, but at this time in my life, I couldn't even make up a missed payment. She knows I don't handle unpaid bills well, I will lose sleep over late or unpaid bills.

    She said she understood and didn't want to cause me stress. Thanked me for being honest and the conversation ended.

    I went to the gym and feel as though a ton has been lifted from me.

    All your answers were very appreciated and helped me go with the decision I knew was best for me, but very difficult to express to my dear friend. I pray they are able to get some assistance to keep the property.


    You all were very kind, thank you:flowerforyou:

    I'm glad she understood!
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    This person sounds like a lot more than a good friend. They almost sound like family. I can understand the stress of the situation. Nobody here knows the level of trust between the two of you but if you let a child stay with them like you said the trust must be high. Depending on the trust you have in them, loaning an "almost like family" friend might be safe. That being said, I would never borrow money to lend to anyone except my son and then I'd have to think about it a while. I hope things work out for you...and your friend.

    Except this person has bad credit and is unable to secure a loan themselves. This money will go down the drain for the OP. Don't do it.

    The OP already posted her update, but for anyone else reading here is one more tidbid from me: One of the people who conned my ex into buying her a 200K property was like a second mother to both of us. Even if they are like family, if i can't afford to give it away the I will not loan.
  • jupeto
    jupeto Posts: 4
    AS a pastor , I have tried to work out situations that came from this type of situation. Here is a Biblical Point of View:

    No - Your friend is putting you up against the wall and allowing you to take all the risks. This is not a friend if they cannot take a pleasant NO. When dealing with Friends, keep it out of the financial and personal realms. Only give expecting nothing in return and when they do pay it back - Praise God for a true friend.

    Personally, I have been asked for this type of loan and I replied that I could not afford to at this time. Not that I didn't want to but it was not a good thing for our friendship or for me financiually.

    Praying for you and I hope you can make the "RIGHT" decison for you. It boils down to "Your Choice." Good Luck.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Don't do it. You'll regret it. If your friendship ends because you won't do it, then it wasn't as solid as you thought. I guarantee your friendship will end if you take out this loan.
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