Teetotal... Why the stigma?

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Replies

  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    I've never had a drink or touched a drug in my life so I know what you mean. I'm not religious, haven't had a bad experience with an addicted family member or friend, just made an individual choice when I was a kid and now stick to it more because I'm a stubborn mule than anything else.

    @ed up.

    Don't worry about it. People get used to it, as long as you *aren't* judging them or making tsk tsk tsk comments to them all the time. Or ever. Don't EVER judge/comment on them if you don't want them to judge/comment on you cuz that door swings both ways. After a while they will accept you for who you are and stop with the forever "I'm gonna get you drunk/high tonight" proclamations. All of my friends drink, and most of them smoke pot (what do you expect, I'm in SoCal!) too. They do their thing, I drink my Gatorade, we have a great time.

    Sidenote: I do find it hilarious when they take the time to tell me how bad Gatorade is for me while they are holding their 4th Corona in their hand....

    Parting tip: Your regular friends will adopt, but it's tiring as all hell to explain over and over again to new people about your drink habits. If you are socializing with strangers, order cokes in the same glass that Jack and cokes get served in. Or something like that with a more ladylike drink if you prefer. You can drink that all night or even just have it sit in front of you half full and never have to explain yourself.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    I used to socialize with a group of people that drank constantly. I mean constantly. I thoroughly enjoy one or two drinks but after that its not fun anymore. I stopped hanging out with them, not because of the drink, but what it did to them. Made them fat and slow. Some of them would try and get me to drink more, but I wouldn't do it.

    Stick to your guns and only drink if and when you want to.
  • helenoftroy1
    helenoftroy1 Posts: 638 Member
    I know I know *waves hand furiously in the air*

    People think they are really funny when they are pissed. They're not. They also do stoopid things. And then forget. They also rely on others being pissed too so that they
    a) think they are really funny and hi-laaaarious
    b) forget when they have done something stoopid.

    Because people lose their inhabitions when they are drunk they might say something to someone
    a) nasty
    b) too lovely (you're my bestest friend in the whole world)
    c) incriminating (it was me that wrote you those Valentine cards cos I love you)

    If you don't drink and the other person does, they may be a bit wary of you remembering these things.

    there you go problem solved!

    :laugh:
  • KiwiKim25
    KiwiKim25 Posts: 61 Member
    There are plenty of us out there that think there is nothing wrong with abstaining from alcohol. We're just not as verbal as the other jerks. :)
  • crzyone
    crzyone Posts: 872 Member
    It's the people you hang with. If they drink, they are going to want you to drink. It's the same as the people who try to talk those who are eating healthy to just eat the cake, or pie, or whatever, because cheating won't hurt. They don't understand and they want you to be the same as they are. What fun are you if you're not drunk like they are? So, it's up to you to love 'em or leave 'em.......they will get used to you being that way and, in time, will probably stop commenting. For now, you can either take it and go on or dump 'em and move on.

    I don't get those comments because I don't drink and I don't hang out with anyone who does.

    Good luck on sticking to your decision!!!
  • BigenFluffy
    BigenFluffy Posts: 56 Member
    I've never heard of it until now. With my friends, and the particular bar that we hang out at, there's no pressure. Drink, don't drink, karaoke, don't karaoke, no one cares.
  • janalayn
    janalayn Posts: 510 Member
    I don't drink often because I would rather eat food than drink my calories but I'm still the same wild crazy girl with or without alcohol. I agree with some of the other posts...it probably does make some of the people uncomfortable that you are changing. They may even be worried that they are going to be judged - when everyone is drunk and stupid it's okay --- but it is embarassing the next day when the sober person asks "did you really mean to do that ____ (fill in with stupid behavior). You may have matured past these people. Stick to your guns and don't feel pressured ... I'm pretty sarcastic and if they were giving me **** I would tell them I stopped bowing to peer pressure in high school so suck it up and grow up. But that's just me. Good luck and good for you giving up the alcohol - it really doesn't make you cooler or more fun and it doesn't make a party more fun, especially if you end up with a hangover the next day.
  • StrawberryPip
    StrawberryPip Posts: 6
    maybe you should arrange to meet up with all your friends, and bring it up then.. It gives you the chance to address if they really have an issue with you not drinking or if it's just idle remarks. They may have concerns about you judging them too.

    I think it definately does seem odd in the UK to be the one in a group of friends who doesn't drink, especially if you used to, but that doesn't mean you aren't as much, if not more, fun. like you say, it's a personal decision and ultimately your friends should accept and support that.
  • tmm01
    tmm01 Posts: 137
    I used to drink, quite heavily as a student, but then who didn't?

    As I got older I developed terrible hang overs, so stopped getting drunk as I couldn't cope with a whole 24hrs of feeling rotten afterwards.

    I then used to drink the odd glass of wine, or 1/2 lager when out, but I didn't even average 1pt or even 1/2 a bottle a week.

    Now I don't drink at all, not saying this will last for ever, but at the moment it's just empty calories. When I go out for a meal now I ask for tap water, so that I can enjoy a few extra calories on the meal. As long as I have a cup of tea (I'm a caffine addict!) I'm happy.
  • frixtine
    frixtine Posts: 965 Member
    My brother and sister are heavy, heavy drinkers. I used to be a weekend drinker, but got really tired of worshipping the porcelain goddess and just decided that enough was enough and I just don't want to drink anymore. So now, my brother and sister think I'm in some kind of depression because I won't drink. They won't invite me anywhere with them. They tell me I'm not the same person. They tell me I used to like to have fun.

    The crazy thing is, and I've told them this... I still would want to do all the things with them and I still would want to laugh at their crazy drunk *kitten*, but I just don't want to drink myself anymore. Maybe I'm not quite as boisterous as I was when I was drinking, but what's wrong with that? I get violently ill when I do. Even when it's just 2 glasses of wine. It's just not worth it for me.

    Now, it's gotten to the point where I think they're offended with the fact that I don't drink, as if they think I'm better than them and they barely talk to me. It sucks. But they spend all their non-working time drinking... every minute of it. Its ridiculous that a little ethanol is splitting a family apart...
  • mnishi
    mnishi Posts: 419 Member
    Isn't the term teetotaler? I've never heard the word teetotal used.
  • BL_Coleman
    BL_Coleman Posts: 324 Member
    Don't worry men who don't drink or smoke do exist. My husband doesn't smoke ( i can't stand the smell) and doesn't drink and I am a glass of wine a night girl...when i'm not on a diet...sigh. But he's exceedingly popular in our crowd and gets to extravegant Bday presents becasue he always drives and we as a group can go out and have a drink or two and be fine.
  • amsohs85
    amsohs85 Posts: 166
    The real question is whether the people who do this to you are really your friends and so called family or are they just enablers with their own addiction issues!!!!!!!! I have never had someone ask me why i'm not drinking or for that matter why i am drinking. After all in adult relationships we dont need to roll eyes, criticize and attempt to bully someone into doing what we like or want. The people who will do the worst damage to you are the ones who will only accept you as they want you to be...meaning its their way or the highway. You really have three ways to deal with this problem:

    1.) Ignore the comments and eyerolls...eventually maybe they will start antagonizing someone else

    2.) Find new people to hang out with who will accept you for you

    3.) Make a stand and clearly state that it's your life you will abstain from drinking if you want to and if they want to drink themselves to death so be it. In other words "If you dont like what i'm doing don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!!!" Lol...

    Never live your life based on what others think and do....be true to you!!! Congrats on your life change...we go through many on this journey.......
  • yo_andi
    yo_andi Posts: 2,178 Member
    Hey all!

    This year after spending my 20's binge drinking I decided to give my Liver and Kidney's a break and am now teetotal, not only has this had excellent health benefits it has also made my weekends feel longer as a) I now remember the whole thing and b) I don't spend hours feeling hung-over and hideous :)

    So why do other people have such a hang up with it? I understand why alcohol is so socially acceptable but why is it so socially unacceptable to abstain?

    So far I have had comments like "She's still being boring" or "I can't believe you're still not drinking", people roll their eyes at me when I refuse wine and ask for a soft drink or coffee instead and it's really starting to put me off going out. I am always really chatty and feel perfectly at ease with people on a night out so I am quite baffled by people's obsession with my being teetotal, I could understand if I stood in the corner on a soap box and judged everyone's drinking habits but I don't.

    Any thoughts? Are of you guys in a similar situation? Is it the same in other countries or is it just a UK obsession?

    Debs x

    I go on and off the sauce a few times throughout the year, depending on what I am training for or how I am feeling and I get the same reaction. I really think it's just that you're highlighting something in their own lives they may feel guilty or uneasy about. Similarly, people who make comments about you eating healthy or rising early to work out or going to bed earlier to get enough sleep... it's their own insecurities.

    Also, it can be tough to abstain and still be social, so :flowerforyou:
  • grubb1019
    grubb1019 Posts: 371 Member
    I really have never understood the popular belief that drinking is "fun". Why? Its expensive, you loose control of your actions, and you normally end up with a headache and puking. I suffer from migraines, so the headache aspect of drinking is what really turns me off. Why invite a headache? My father was an alcoholic and I knew I didn't want to grow up to be like that. Most of my friends don't drink and we have a blast, not boring at all. I agree with others that you need to find new friends. And there are men that don't drink and smoke. My husband has been drunk once in his life when he was 21. He doesn't drink at all now. His best friend was killed in a drunk driving accident, so he doesn't even look at alcohol.
  • klwells08
    klwells08 Posts: 158 Member
    Neither my husband nor I drink. When we were younger it was a bigger deal with our friends. They some how interpreted our not drinking as thinking we were better than them. For a while it was nonissue. However, in my current job I am the odd man out. I don't care if others drink around me, it is up to them. I do not volunteer for DD duties and have no desire to be responsible for someone else who does drink. Even so, I get comments like "we'll get you to drink one day" or "I would love to see you drunk." I think it is a bigger deal to them than to me, although the same comments over and over get annoying.
  • justal313
    justal313 Posts: 1,375 Member
    They have a built-in designated driver if you go out drinking with them. Where's the problem? My Buddy George is Irish and has never had a drop. We don't make fun of him for that, we make fun of him for his VERY PICKY eating :p
  • RuthieCass
    RuthieCass Posts: 247 Member
    There is a total stigma on teetotalers. I work with a guy who has never had a drink of alcohol in his life (highly related to his religious preferences/beliefs) and finally have someone to sit on the sidelines with.

    My co-workers pick on me for not drinking, but that's their business. If they wanna go out and blow $85 at the bar on Friday night and then try to find a ride home or try to find their clothes on the hotel room floor the next morning, that's their mess to be in -- no longer my life.

    My hardest thing is dating. It is very very rare that I meet a man who does not drink. On every singles profile, on every blind date, on every 'hey my friend said we should hang out' message, all the men I see are drinkers. Some claim to be social drinkers and are... some claim to be social drinkers and don't understand the definition of social drinking -- if you have to have a beer with breakfast and every other meal and one on the way home from work WHILE DRIVING... you are not a social drinker in my opinion and the opinion of many medical professionals. I digress. Anyway, I have yet to meet/date a man who doesn't drink or smoke. I don't drink or smoke or use drugs because I'm an addict. I've been in recovery for over 8 years and though I don't go around telling just any old soul about it, I'm proud of my sobriety. It's just hard to meet guys that I can see a future with because of the drinking.

    **shrug**

    Maybe you will get more like-minded dates if you specify that you never drink/ don't like drinking in your profile. It can be annoying, but sometimes you need to be more straight-forward when online dating. I met plenty of guys who did not drink at all (it could depend some on your city, but this was even in Miami). Good luck!
  • Kebby83
    Kebby83 Posts: 232 Member
    I don't really drink. I love jack Daniels and if I do drink I go for that. I have to be careful because I tend to use it to numb emotions.
    My ex husband is an alcoholic, my mother is an alcoholic, my grandmother died from wet brain (bought on my chronic alcoholism for 60 years). I don't want to be them - I would rather be boring that see the devastation alcohol can cause.

    Noone really says anything. If I go out with a friend I might have a glass of wine. Meh, it's just a glass of wine. Noone says anything.

    If someone calls you boring just smile and say you've found a way to have fun without the hangover :)

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