Teetotal... Why the stigma?

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  • ceannesjourney
    ceannesjourney Posts: 250
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    I had to change my friends when I stopped drinking. Btw, I always thought the term was "tea-totaller" as a person who drinks tea. I guess i just live my tea. lol!
  • alexandria412
    alexandria412 Posts: 177 Member
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    I don't really drink anymore. I order a seltzer or sprite *in a rocks glass* with a wedge of lime. Looks like a gin and tonic. No one has to know. Ditto for a coke. Just make sure it's in a rocks glass.

    Or, tell them you're on some sort of medication that doesn't mix with alcohol. Like for migraines or back pain, whatever.

    Also, I wouldn't say that you have to abandon your friends completely. Just be aware and understanding that you probably make them uncomfortable by making better decisions.
  • _Thanatos_
    _Thanatos_ Posts: 166
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    I don't care what people think. I steer clear of the stuff. I just don't see what's so fun about getting so messed up that you're no longer in control over your own actions.
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,311 Member
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    Hey all!

    This year after spending my 20's binge drinking I decided to give my Liver and Kidney's a break and am now teetotal, not only has this had excellent health benefits it has also made my weekends feel longer as a) I now remember the whole thing and b) I don't spend hours feeling hung-over and hideous :)

    So why do other people have such a hang up with it? I understand why alcohol is so socially acceptable but why is it so socially unacceptable to abstain?

    So far I have had comments like "She's still being boring" or "I can't believe you're still not drinking", people roll their eyes at me when I refuse wine and ask for a soft drink or coffee instead and it's really starting to put me off going out. I am always really chatty and feel perfectly at ease with people on a night out so I am quite baffled by people's obsession with my being teetotal, I could understand if I stood in the corner on a soap box and judged everyone's drinking habits but I don't.

    Any thoughts? Are of you guys in a similar situation? Is it the same in other countries or is it just a UK obsession?

    Debs x

    Because people feel like you are trying to be better than them. It makes them uncomfortable. Its because they are mentally weak. Dont let them make you feel bad. I would however suggest that maybe they aren't real friends and you should start spending time with some others that you find more enjoyable
  • rumpusparable
    rumpusparable Posts: 160
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    I'm with those that suggest getting new friends. I've always drank very rarely and barely ever have I gotten drunk. I've never had friends pressure me or talk bad to me about it. If your friends think and speak badly about you for just not drinking and are pressuring you then they aren't actually friends. Friends don't try to make you feel bad on purpose. Get some new ones.
  • sun33082
    sun33082 Posts: 416 Member
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    Non alcoholic beer? Sprite in a rocks glass with lime to look like a gin and tonic? Why should anyone need to or feel like they need to fake drinking? Just drink what you enjoy and let others deal with their own issue of you not drinking alcohol.

    I've never been one who feels the need to "fit in". Maybe that's because I've always been over weight and never have. *shrug*
  • Ke22yB
    Ke22yB Posts: 969 Member
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    I stopped drinking over 4 years ago and on those occasions that there is any comments I just laugh and say when I hit 370 pounds and my drink meter rolled over 100000 gallons it was time to stop. This usually confuses them somewhat and by the time they figure out I am kidding about having consumed 100000 gallons the conversation has moved on
  • drezha
    drezha Posts: 18
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    Having given after up after a stupid night out, I know what you mean though my friends here are happy with it and have gotten used to it and don't pressure me.

    However I'm starting a new job and that will prove to be difficult to get across I think. I get more stick as well because I don't drink regular coke when going out but diet (yes, I am aware of the potential health risks of diet soda over regular soda but that's my choice to make, as is not drinking!)

    However, best decision I ever made was give up drink (well either that or to buy a new bike when I was at my heaviest ;) ). I'm better off (financially and health wise) and I get all weekend to do what I want rather than nurse hangovers. Best feeling ever was New Years Day when I was out for a run before 8 and saw people wandering home rather worse for wear!
  • moepwr
    moepwr Posts: 349 Member
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    I go back and forth but as I am breast feeding I only have maybe a glass of wine very occasionally. Most of our friends are in the same boat so no one cares. I do go to a lot of events with my work. It is amazing how you can fake drink! I have made a glass of wine last 4 hours! Or order a fancy non alcoholic drink that looks like a cocktail. Or apple juice in a wine glass. There are all kinds of tricks but if your not drinking then your friends should respect that.
  • deaddawn
    deaddawn Posts: 42 Member
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    Because you have changed. You are no longer like them. Deep down they know they are about to get silly and make fools of themselves and a sober person will be there to remember how stupid they regularly get.

    I am certainly NOT calling you an addict. Some struggles addicts face do apply here though. One of the biggest reasons people go to meetings like AA, is to gain the support and social interaction with people who aren't going to insist that they have a drink. You have will power so you are not going to give in, but the annoyance is still there.

    You may want to find a few new friends and activities. You have more money now that you are drinking less, right? Why not learn something fun to show off what a person can do when they aren't binge drinking. Rock climbing, sailing, hiking, diving, or some sort of volunteer work. Pick something YOU have always wanted to do that involves a sober mind and body.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    I've never had a drink or touched a drug in my life so I know what you mean. I'm not religious, haven't had a bad experience with an addicted family member or friend, just made an individual choice when I was a kid and now stick to it more because I'm a stubborn mule than anything else.

    @ed up.

    Don't worry about it. People get used to it, as long as you *aren't* judging them or making tsk tsk tsk comments to them all the time. Or ever. Don't EVER judge/comment on them if you don't want them to judge/comment on you cuz that door swings both ways. After a while they will accept you for who you are and stop with the forever "I'm gonna get you drunk/high tonight" proclamations. All of my friends drink, and most of them smoke pot (what do you expect, I'm in SoCal!) too. They do their thing, I drink my Gatorade, we have a great time.

    Sidenote: I do find it hilarious when they take the time to tell me how bad Gatorade is for me while they are holding their 4th Corona in their hand....

    Parting tip: Your regular friends will adopt, but it's tiring as all hell to explain over and over again to new people about your drink habits. If you are socializing with strangers, order cokes in the same glass that Jack and cokes get served in. Or something like that with a more ladylike drink if you prefer. You can drink that all night or even just have it sit in front of you half full and never have to explain yourself.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    I used to socialize with a group of people that drank constantly. I mean constantly. I thoroughly enjoy one or two drinks but after that its not fun anymore. I stopped hanging out with them, not because of the drink, but what it did to them. Made them fat and slow. Some of them would try and get me to drink more, but I wouldn't do it.

    Stick to your guns and only drink if and when you want to.
  • helenoftroy1
    helenoftroy1 Posts: 638 Member
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    I know I know *waves hand furiously in the air*

    People think they are really funny when they are pissed. They're not. They also do stoopid things. And then forget. They also rely on others being pissed too so that they
    a) think they are really funny and hi-laaaarious
    b) forget when they have done something stoopid.

    Because people lose their inhabitions when they are drunk they might say something to someone
    a) nasty
    b) too lovely (you're my bestest friend in the whole world)
    c) incriminating (it was me that wrote you those Valentine cards cos I love you)

    If you don't drink and the other person does, they may be a bit wary of you remembering these things.

    there you go problem solved!

    :laugh:
  • KiwiKim25
    KiwiKim25 Posts: 61 Member
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    There are plenty of us out there that think there is nothing wrong with abstaining from alcohol. We're just not as verbal as the other jerks. :)
  • sunrise611
    sunrise611 Posts: 1,912 Member
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    I am not a drinker either simply because it's not something I typically need or desire and prefer not to drink my calories.

    I don't rule out drinks and will have them on occasion so I'm not an official "teetotal" person but I abstain more than I indulge.
  • crzyone
    crzyone Posts: 872 Member
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    It's the people you hang with. If they drink, they are going to want you to drink. It's the same as the people who try to talk those who are eating healthy to just eat the cake, or pie, or whatever, because cheating won't hurt. They don't understand and they want you to be the same as they are. What fun are you if you're not drunk like they are? So, it's up to you to love 'em or leave 'em.......they will get used to you being that way and, in time, will probably stop commenting. For now, you can either take it and go on or dump 'em and move on.

    I don't get those comments because I don't drink and I don't hang out with anyone who does.

    Good luck on sticking to your decision!!!
  • BigenFluffy
    BigenFluffy Posts: 57 Member
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    I've never heard of it until now. With my friends, and the particular bar that we hang out at, there's no pressure. Drink, don't drink, karaoke, don't karaoke, no one cares.
  • janalayn
    janalayn Posts: 510 Member
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    I don't drink often because I would rather eat food than drink my calories but I'm still the same wild crazy girl with or without alcohol. I agree with some of the other posts...it probably does make some of the people uncomfortable that you are changing. They may even be worried that they are going to be judged - when everyone is drunk and stupid it's okay --- but it is embarassing the next day when the sober person asks "did you really mean to do that ____ (fill in with stupid behavior). You may have matured past these people. Stick to your guns and don't feel pressured ... I'm pretty sarcastic and if they were giving me **** I would tell them I stopped bowing to peer pressure in high school so suck it up and grow up. But that's just me. Good luck and good for you giving up the alcohol - it really doesn't make you cooler or more fun and it doesn't make a party more fun, especially if you end up with a hangover the next day.
  • StrawberryPip
    StrawberryPip Posts: 6
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    maybe you should arrange to meet up with all your friends, and bring it up then.. It gives you the chance to address if they really have an issue with you not drinking or if it's just idle remarks. They may have concerns about you judging them too.

    I think it definately does seem odd in the UK to be the one in a group of friends who doesn't drink, especially if you used to, but that doesn't mean you aren't as much, if not more, fun. like you say, it's a personal decision and ultimately your friends should accept and support that.
  • tmm01
    tmm01 Posts: 137
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    I used to drink, quite heavily as a student, but then who didn't?

    As I got older I developed terrible hang overs, so stopped getting drunk as I couldn't cope with a whole 24hrs of feeling rotten afterwards.

    I then used to drink the odd glass of wine, or 1/2 lager when out, but I didn't even average 1pt or even 1/2 a bottle a week.

    Now I don't drink at all, not saying this will last for ever, but at the moment it's just empty calories. When I go out for a meal now I ask for tap water, so that I can enjoy a few extra calories on the meal. As long as I have a cup of tea (I'm a caffine addict!) I'm happy.

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