Fat Friends
frillypantz
Posts: 134
What can we do to help our friends that have ZERO motivation to lose the weight that they want? I'm sick of friends whining about "how fat they look" while knocking back a bottle of wine and an entire box of chocolates!! If your weight makes you that unhappy then I don't see why you can't just put the chocolate bar down and just sub it for an apple or something?! I'm always complemented on my weight loss and EVERYONE always asks "how did you do it? I want to look like that!" but nobody ever seems to follow through with their diet plans! I'm almost feeling guilty for being the "skinny one" as I don't want my friends to end up resenting me because I "look good" and they feel worse for being around me, especially now it's bikini season! Please tell me I'm not alone in feeling like this! I just want them to love their bodies!
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Replies
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Introduce them to MFP. Tell them you'll do it together and you'll keep them accountable but they have to want to do it.. It might give you a new lease of enthusiasm and it'll help them
When they say "how did you do it?" say... " I don't drink wine and eat chocolates!"
When they say "how did you do it?" say... "i log EVERYTHING i eat"
When they say "how did you do it?" say... "I wanted to do it so i MADE it happen"
If you're skinner than other people and they resent you - You can't change that!!
You'll find some people don't like your shape and some people do.... you'll never always come out on top and you cant change how people feel!
You're not alone in how you feel - I don't look great but I have friends who are bigger than me and they mock and criticise me and then moan because they aren't the same size as me... They say "Monday I'm starting a diet!".... I say "Diet today!".
It's women I'm afraid.... Its life!0 -
Think back to when you were overweight... unless you were suffering from some illness etc. (in this case disregard anything I'm about to say) I mean to get to that point you probably weren't substituting the "bar of chocolate for an apple" yourself, Only they can motivate themselves to finally make the change just as you did, and if you feel it's negatively effecting you it may be time to distance yourself or find a group of friends who share your same views. If they really want to lose weight they'll (hopefully) hit their breaking point, whether it be at 100lbs overweight or 20lbs...0
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I know what you mean, though the overweight people in my life don't even understand why they are overweight despite the fact that they are always snacking on junk and eating larger than needed portion sizes, I try to help them when they ask me about being healthier but they never make any changes so I've given up now really.
I guess the thing is, people need to want to help themselves before anyone else can help them, if they don't want to change their eating habits then they aren't gonna, despite what you or I may say to help them.
I have a friend who is now morbidly obese, she knows she is big, I don't know how much she cares, and I know she doesn't want to stop eating so much, nothing I can do to help her, though it's so hard for me to sit there and watch her practically eating her way to an early grave :-(0 -
If it was that easy we would all be skinny!
You don;t need to help them at all. When they are ready, they will do it.
As long as you told them about MFP, that is all that you can do. I hand hold my friends too but until they leap, nothing we can do.
Deb0 -
I hear what you're saying. I am asked a lot about how I've lost weight by my overweight friends. But what it comes down to is....they will not do anything about it until they are ready to. They can whine all they want but whining and wishing is not going to get the job done. What I generally say is, "I cannot make anyone lose weight". And nor do I feel guilty about my accomplishment. I went out there and did it for myself because I was ready and not because someone wanted me to.0
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What can we do to help our friends that have ZERO motivation to lose the weight that they want? I'm sick of friends whining about "how fat they look" while knocking back a bottle of wine and an entire box of chocolates!! If your weight makes you that unhappy then I don't see why you can't just put the chocolate bar down and just sub it for an apple or something?! I'm always complemented on my weight loss and EVERYONE always asks "how did you do it? I want to look like that!" but nobody ever seems to follow through with their diet plans! I'm almost feeling guilty for being the "skinny one" as I don't want my friends to end up resenting me because I "look good" and they feel worse for being around me, especially now it's bikini season! Please tell me I'm not alone in feeling like this! I just want them to love their bodies!
Sometimes we "fatties" want it all. Chocolate and wine.
So my biggest recommendation? Teach them how to have chocolate and wine.... and lose weight. I think the hardest part is when friends start to micro-manage eating habits. I lost a few pounds and all of a sudden, because I appeared interested in weight loss, I started getting all the advice under the sun.... no carbs, no sweets, no alcohol.....
I love carbs.
I love sweets.
And I'll be damned if someone is taking my wine bottle away.
I figured it out eventually on my own. And now I'm pretty much where I want to be.... and it's very nice. And now said friends are all bitter because I can sit in front of them and eat Pizza Hut or something equally naughty for lunch while they eat salad.... but the key is moderation, and I know my limits.0 -
unless they ask, you dont need to help them. they aren't orphan waifs or abused pets. they are adults able to make their own choices and come to their own realizations in their own time about what they need to do with their bodies. coming at someone with unsolicited advice about what they should be doing with their bodies, not matter how well intentioned, either is going to come off as preachy or a*holish.
but what you can do is :
be the weight loss inspiration and let them ask you questions
when you're thinking of things to do, you can come up with ideas that are more active and not really centered around eating and drinking
also in general i have a rule with my friends that they not complain about stuff they have no intention of changing or fixing. that includes weight issues, jerky boyfriend situations or any other situation where they are letting themselves be abused but not wanting to do something about it. it might be a bit mean of me, but i've learned that some people like feeling like they are martyrs and like suffering but that doesnt have to mean i like listening to it.0 -
What can we do to help our friends that have ZERO motivation to lose the weight that they want? I'm sick of friends whining about "how fat they look" while knocking back a bottle of wine and an entire box of chocolates!! If your weight makes you that unhappy then I don't see why you can't just put the chocolate bar down and just sub it for an apple or something?! I'm always complemented on my weight loss and EVERYONE always asks "how did you do it? I want to look like that!" but nobody ever seems to follow through with their diet plans! I'm almost feeling guilty for being the "skinny one" as I don't want my friends to end up resenting me because I "look good" and they feel worse for being around me, especially now it's bikini season! Please tell me I'm not alone in feeling like this! I just want them to love their bodies!
Sometimes we "fatties" want it all. Chocolate and wine.
So my biggest recommendation? Teach them how to have chocolate and wine.... and lose weight. I think the hardest part is when friends start to micro-manage eating habits. I lost a few pounds and all of a sudden, because I appeared interested in weight loss, I started getting all the advice under the sun.... no carbs, no sweets, no alcohol.....
I love carbs.
I love sweets.
And I'll be damned if someone is taking my wine bottle away.
I figured it out eventually on my own. And now I'm pretty much where I want to be.... and it's very nice. And now said friends are all bitter because I can sit in front of them and eat Pizza Hut or something equally naughty for lunch while they eat salad.... but the key is moderation, and I know my limits.
^^ This. First off congrats on your success, you look amazing. You should not be made to feel bad about your accomplishments. I have over 200lbs to lose, I'm always the fat friend with the pretty face and until I was ready to lose weight I was that person *****ing about my weight yet still eating a cheeseburger chased by beer. I love food, sweets, and I like to drink and with the help of this website I am learning how to incorporate things I like into my diet within moderation. Losing weight is a way of life, you can't deprive yourself the things you love and expect it to be long term, binging will be inevitable. When a person is ready to lose weight they will find a way to do so. As a friend you should recommend this website, after that it's pretty much out of your hands. As the saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Also, if your friends are making you feel uncomofortable about your weight loss maybe it's time to make new friends with people who share your same views.0 -
I hear what you're saying. I am asked a lot about how I've lost weight by my overweight friends. But what it comes down to is....they will not do anything about it until they are ready to. They can whine all they want but whining and wishing is not going to get the job done. What I generally say is, "I cannot make anyone lose weight". And nor do I feel guilty about my accomplishment. I went out there and did it for myself because I was ready and not because someone wanted me to.
Absolutely this (and what others have said). I have a friend that constantly complains about being overweight, but hates exercise and won't change her diet. (She is in WW, tho...) One night, I went out on a double date with her, her husband and my boyfriend and she and her husband shared the loaded fries appetizer, with a side of ranch. She then had a salad with ranch, one of the biggest steaks on the menu and (i think) mashed potatoes. Her plate was all but licked clean. All of them! I can't remember how many calories my BF and I had calculated that to be, but I had to pick my chin up off the floor. Uh, why can't you lose weight again??? I don't offer her any advice. It's clear she doesn't want it, or she'd ask. Call me a bad friend, but nobody truly hears what they don't want to.
To the people who have worked hard and succeeded (or are in the process of succeeding) don't feel guilty about your hard work and let haters hate. Never apologize for what you earn
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What can we do to help our friends that have ZERO motivation to lose the weight that they want? I'm sick of friends whining about "how fat they look" while knocking back a bottle of wine and an entire box of chocolates!! If your weight makes you that unhappy then I don't see why you can't just put the chocolate bar down and just sub it for an apple or something?! I'm always complemented on my weight loss and EVERYONE always asks "how did you do it? I want to look like that!" but nobody ever seems to follow through with their diet plans! I'm almost feeling guilty for being the "skinny one" as I don't want my friends to end up resenting me because I "look good" and they feel worse for being around me, especially now it's bikini season! Please tell me I'm not alone in feeling like this! I just want them to love their bodies!
My simple answer is, "I already told you, if you don't want to do it then why you complain about it?" My friend isn't fat but he wants to lean up evey week he says "i am starting my diet" I tell him, "that's what you said last week"
I have a few. They ask I tell them about MFP. None ever stick to it for more than a week. I gave up trying to motivate them. I wish I could do more but ultimately it's up to them. I'll be there for them if they ever want to get dedicated but I cant hold their hand for them.0 -
Everyone needs to find their own path, in their own time.0
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Well if you were (or are) overweight yourself, I'm sure you can think back to a time when you were like them. A lot of overweight people "want" to lose weight but don't want to give up their trigger foods. I still struggle with it myself. And it's easy to go to fast food restaurants or your favorite ice cream shop and see all the skinny people chowing down on "bad" food and say "Well if they're eating it, it must not be the food. It's just me." It's easy to use that excuse, even though you know that's likely not the case. People are always eager to "know the secret" because they know there really is no secret. They just desperately want some magic secret to weight loss. People will go through every crash diet, overpriced gym equipment, detox, and gimmick before finally surrendering to exercise and a better diet. Everyone who is going to lose weight will have their own "come to fitness" moment when their want to be smaller/fitter/healthier will outweigh their want for their favorite junk food. It is something that can't be forced, especially by other people.0
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Think back to when you were overweight... unless you were suffering from some illness etc. (in this case disregard anything I'm about to say) I mean to get to that point you probably weren't substituting the "bar of chocolate for an apple" yourself, Only they can motivate themselves to finally make the change just as you did, and if you feel it's negatively effecting you it may be time to distance yourself or find a group of friends who share your same views. If they really want to lose weight they'll (hopefully) hit their breaking point, whether it be at 100lbs overweight or 20lbs...
YES, exactly. They'll lose the weight when they are ready. Motivate them while they are trying to lose weight.0 -
It's almost like people are disappointed when they ask how I'm doing it and I say "diet and exercise"... I'm sorry, did you WANT the answer to be "meth"??
But in all seriousness, think about where you were before you started losing weight. I remember thinking, wow I really shouldn't eat this..... and then eating two of it, and on a pretty regular basis. You have to want it more than you want to eat yummy things all day. Don't get me wrong, I still eat yummy things, but less of them, and less frequently.
A big part of my approach is sharing recipes, or cooking for other people, and not mentioning low calorie substitutions until after I've gotten some compliments. Things don't have to taste bad just because they aren't bad for you, and I think a lot of people struggle with that mentality.0 -
I hear what you're saying. I am asked a lot about how I've lost weight by my overweight friends. But what it comes down to is....they will not do anything about it until they are ready to. They can whine all they want but whining and wishing is not going to get the job done. What I generally say is, "I cannot make anyone lose weight". And nor do I feel guilty about my accomplishment. I went out there and did it for myself because I was ready and not because someone wanted me to.
So much truth in this response. The want to has to come from within the person. That said so much more does play a part in many of the decision that influence food and exercise choices. As a survivor of child abuse food was my comforter and the one thing I felt I had control of in my young life it was not until decades later that I realized that food was controlling me. Even understanding this for the last few years I have only now had the strength to try and break free of this bondage that I have become trapped in.
And you are right to not feel guilty about your accomplishments I hope that I am able to one day know that feeling of success !!!!0 -
What can we do to help our friends that have ZERO motivation to lose the weight that they want? I'm sick of friends whining about "how fat they look" while knocking back a bottle of wine and an entire box of chocolates!! If your weight makes you that unhappy then I don't see why you can't just put the chocolate bar down and just sub it for an apple or something?! I'm always complemented on my weight loss and EVERYONE always asks "how did you do it? I want to look like that!" but nobody ever seems to follow through with their diet plans! I'm almost feeling guilty for being the "skinny one" as I don't want my friends to end up resenting me because I "look good" and they feel worse for being around me, especially now it's bikini season! Please tell me I'm not alone in feeling like this! I just want them to love their bodies!
I'm not the "skinny one" in the group.... but I'm probably the one that eats the most "crap". And I'm okay with that. It's getting better, and luckily my friends and I still all love each other. But that is key - friends that support you, or that let you do your thing. And I don't tolerate people trying to push what they "think" I should do anymore.
Luckily my best friend is the same type of person. We get along well. And we pig out on Pizza Hut together while the rest of the girls at the office eat their salads. :-)
Sometimes we "fatties" want it all. Chocolate and wine.
So my biggest recommendation? Teach them how to have chocolate and wine.... and lose weight. I think the hardest part is when friends start to micro-manage eating habits. I lost a few pounds and all of a sudden, because I appeared interested in weight loss, I started getting all the advice under the sun.... no carbs, no sweets, no alcohol.....
I love carbs.
I love sweets.
And I'll be damned if someone is taking my wine bottle away.
I figured it out eventually on my own. And now I'm pretty much where I want to be.... and it's very nice. And now said friends are all bitter because I can sit in front of them and eat Pizza Hut or something equally naughty for lunch while they eat salad.... but the key is moderation, and I know my limits.
^^ This. First off congrats on your success, you look amazing. You should not be made to feel bad about your accomplishments. I have over 200lbs to lose, I'm always the fat friend with the pretty face and until I was ready to lose weight I was that person *****ing about my weight yet still eating a cheeseburger chased by beer. I love food, sweets, and I like to drink and with the help of this website I am learning how to incorporate things I like into my diet within moderation. Losing weight is a way of life, you can't deprive yourself the things you love and expect it to be long term, binging will be inevitable. When a person is ready to lose weight they will find a way to do so. As a friend you should recommend this website, after that it's pretty much out of your hands. As the saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Also, if your friends are making you feel uncomofortable about your weight loss maybe it's time to make new friends with people who share your same views.0 -
well done to everyone that has lost weight. I have told lots of people about mfp but none of them have used it. I think they are crazy not to it is free help. 0
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you can't force people to do things.
if they want to, they will
willpower and motivation are key!0 -
It's almost like people are disappointed when they ask how I'm doing it and I say "diet and exercise"... I'm sorry, did you WANT the answer to be "meth"??
But in all seriousness, think about where you were before you started losing weight. I remember thinking, wow I really shouldn't eat this..... and then eating two of it, and on a pretty regular basis. You have to want it more than you want to eat yummy things all day. Don't get me wrong, I still eat yummy things, but less of them, and less frequently.
A big part of my approach is sharing recipes, or cooking for other people, and not mentioning low calorie substitutions until after I've gotten some compliments. Things don't have to taste bad just because they aren't bad for you, and I think a lot of people struggle with that mentality.
Haha this. People want it to happen in a week and it really takes months and sometimes years of hard work and commitment. Hell, look at all the post right here everyday that say, 'ive been at it a week (or 2) and nothing is happening.' I've only been at this 4 months, I know my body is changing because of clothes and such but I still haven't got to the point where I see the change in my own eyes. On those days where I just want to quit, I have to remind myself its going to take at least a year to get to a point where I can say I've truely made a 360.0 -
I have a extremely obese friend who is constantly on some type of fad diet or another. She'll ask for my help and then reject my advice. I've suggested MFP to her as well.. When ever she brings up diets, diet pills and sensa now I just change the subject. She's not ready to change yet, maybe she'll never be ready. And we all know you can't change someone who does not want to change!0
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Quite honestly, I don't talk about diets with them.
Well, that's a bit harsh. At first, I will tell people what I'm doing (which is just eating less of the things I used to pig out on) and direct them to myfitnesspal. If they ask other questions, I'm happy to answer. Once it becomes clear that all they want to do is complain about being fat, skip breakfast and lunch and then eat a quart of ice cream after dinner because they're hungry and sad, I talk about other subjects.0 -
People won't lose weight until they WANT to. Telling them how to do it isn't going to matter, because people KNOW how to lose weight. It's not rocket science. They just have reasons and excuses why they don't get serious about it, so if you want to help, I would focus on talking to them about their addiction to food and the causes.0
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There is nothing you can do.
I severed all my connections to fat friends.
It's mutual relief. They don't want to engage in my lifestyle of health and fitness, and I have zero interest in sitting around drinking, eating and being lazy.
I have made new connections with others who have either been fit and active their whole lives or, like me, they got fit after getting fed up being fat.
Sometimes one must close a door for others to open.0 -
What can we do to help our friends that have ZERO motivation to lose the weight that they want? I'm sick of friends whining about "how fat they look" while knocking back a bottle of wine and an entire box of chocolates!! If your weight makes you that unhappy then I don't see why you can't just put the chocolate bar down and just sub it for an apple or something?! I'm always complemented on my weight loss and EVERYONE always asks "how did you do it? I want to look like that!" but nobody ever seems to follow through with their diet plans! I'm almost feeling guilty for being the "skinny one" as I don't want my friends to end up resenting me because I "look good" and they feel worse for being around me, especially now it's bikini season! Please tell me I'm not alone in feeling like this! I just want them to love their bodies!
*like*
I could have written this.0 -
If it was that easy we would all be skinny!
You don;t need to help them at all. When they are ready, they will do it.
As long as you told them about MFP, that is all that you can do. I hand hold my friends too but until they leap, nothing we can do.
Deb
THIS ^-^
Weight loss is not only physical, but mental...You may want it for someone else, but they need to want it for themselves...0 -
I mind my own business unless asked for help.0
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congrats to the individual replying with an 87 pound loss, keep it up!!!!0
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Introduce them to MFP. Tell them you'll do it together and you'll keep them accountable but they have to want to do it.. It might give you a new lease of enthusiasm and it'll help them
When they say "how did you do it?" say... " I don't drink wine and eat chocolates!"
When they say "how did you do it?" say... "i log EVERYTHING i eat"
When they say "how did you do it?" say... "I wanted to do it so i MADE it happen"
If you're skinner than other people and they resent you - You can't change that!!
You'll find some people don't like your shape and some people do.... you'll never always come out on top and you cant change how people feel!
You're not alone in how you feel - I don't look great but I have friends who are bigger than me and they mock and criticise me and then moan because they aren't the same size as me... They say "Monday I'm starting a diet!".... I say "Diet today!".
It's women I'm afraid.... Its life!
This this soooo much this.0 -
I ignore it when they complain then offer them all my left overs. Its a perfect relationship cause i wanna stay slim and they don't mind staying overweight.
When we eat out I can get the dessert and have one bite knowing someone else is gonna eat it.0 -
Coming from one of those 'fat people' drinking a bottle of wine and eating the box of chocolates is easy and comes with some strange but guilty level of satisfaction. Encouragement to consume these things in moderation is all you can do. Severely obese people (like myself) want weight loss to be easy. Some magical transformation that happens with little effort. Of course we all know it doesn't work this way but it's what we want. Maybe try and engage your friends in some fun activities that don't necessarily feel like exercise because trust me, it's really hard not to feel a bit resentful when your beautiful friend start having all the fun, getting all the attention, and being entirely successful on their journey. With a little encouragement, one day it will click. It did for me. So far I've lost 22 lbs. in about 3 months.0
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