Fat Friends

My wife has the same problem with her friends at work, who keep complementing her on her weight loss and telling her, "I wish I could lose weight" as they stuff their daily potato chips and cookies into their mouths. So I'll tell you what I tell her.

Just explain to them, "Look, you know as well as I do that there's one way to lose weight: Eat better and exercise more. If I can do it, you can do it. If you want to do it, I'll be happy to help. If you don't want to do it, please stop complaining, because you obviously aren't as interested in losing weight as you claim, so we should just move on to another topic."

At the very least, you won't have to listen to them whine any more...

Don't feel guilty about loving yourself and wanting to be healthy. When your friends are delivered the bad news in the doctors office they will do something about it. I know because I was one of those fat chicks that knew I needed to lose weight but I didn't want to let go of the ribeyes, hamburgers and the feeling of fullness yet. Once my doctor told me I was diabetic and to lose the weight or be place on insulin, that same day I jumped on a treadmill. I haven't stopped walking yet. I have many family members who have died of that illness and its not gonna be me.

If they are serious about wanting to lose weight, they will.
Quite frankly, I think that telling someone that they are fat and need to lose weight like you did is doing more harm than good. I didn't decide to seriously lose weight until I was ready. My friend's mom told me about this website and how it helped her. A month later I decided to go for it.
Making someone feel bad about themselves so they'll lose weight creates eating disorders.
If you don't want to be around them, then don't.
Simple.

I hear what you're saying. I am asked a lot about how I've lost weight by my overweight friends. But what it comes down to is....they will not do anything about it until they are ready to. They can whine all they want but whining and wishing is not going to get the job done. What I generally say is, "I cannot make anyone lose weight". And nor do I feel guilty about my accomplishment. I went out there and did it for myself because I was ready and not because someone wanted me to.

I love this!

Can't help those that won't help themselves. I bought a friend several sessions with my personal trainer, who rocks. She'd go to the sessions, then eat 1200 calories at lunch. Admitted she knew she was blowing away any benefit.

She'll change when she is ready. That time is different for each of us.

Everyone needs to find their own path, in their own time.

I agree. Your friends aren't stupid. They know the answers, they just aren't ready to go there yet.

I think a huge percentage of this board is still there too, in some way. Losing weight slowly, regaining now and then because they don't want to give up [insert bad food here]. It's something that they have to come to terms with inside, when they're ready. All you can do is be a good friend and let them know you'll support them when they do make that choice to become healthy.

What can we do to help our friends that have ZERO motivation to lose the weight that they want? I'm sick of friends whining about "how fat they look" while knocking back a bottle of wine and an entire box of chocolates!! If your weight makes you that unhappy then I don't see why you can't just put the chocolate bar down and just sub it for an apple or something?! I'm always complemented on my weight loss and EVERYONE always asks "how did you do it? I want to look like that!" but nobody ever seems to follow through with their diet plans! I'm almost feeling guilty for being the "skinny one" as I don't want my friends to end up resenting me because I "look good" and they feel worse for being around me, especially now it's bikini season! Please tell me I'm not alone in feeling like this! I just want them to love their bodies!

It's kind of sad saying this but everyone seems to wanna take the easy road now-a-days. They don't wanna diet and eat healthy and workout.. It's strange people have come up to me and asked me "Whats your secret". I sometimes just sit there with a blank expression on my face... I MEAN COME ON? SECRET? I eat healthy and workout.. There's no secret on how to lose weight.. Every time I have a friend come up to me and complain about how they're fat I just tell them "You have no right to complain unless your doing something about it.". That actually starts to get the fire burning.

I want to help one of my friends very badley! So badley because she is deathly over weight and I want to be able to see her next summer (im in az shes in ky i have an annual vacation to her neck of the woods) She wants to lose weight but she has flat out said "if I have to give up my foods then I have no motivation to lose weight" Shes passed morbidly obesed and I fear for her life and so does her partner and shes been starting to have health issues but refuses to see a doctor

I care very deeply about helping my overweight friends (especially her) but just as its been said over and over, people will not work for it until they want it BAD ENOUGH! If you want it bad enough then you will make time for it and make it happen, sacrafices will be made and changes will be adapted to if you want it bad enough. My friends life is hanging by a thread it feels like and if that doesnt motivate her It sucks but theres nothing I can do. It feels horrible to feel like Im just watching her slowly fade but what can I do without her resenting me, ive constantly thumped weight loss and her situaution on her and she doesnt want it bad enough. thats all it boils down too.

Please dont feel guilty for being healthy chika, you look great and your friends are still by your side, in the meantime all you can really do is continuely inspire their considerations in losing weight by being you and doing what youve been doing for yourself.

I have become a lot closer to my friends who are also into working out and eating right. And at the same time, sadly have grown apart from those who don't care about their eating/exercise habbits. It sucks because I miss them, but everytime I hangout with them their idea of a good time (what mine used to be as well) eating/drinking/sitting around. Is not what I like to do anymore. But, on the bright side, I fit in with my active friends really well we work out/eat together sometimes (healthy things lol as opposed to my other friends) we go for a run, talk about new exercises/routines.....etc. we just seem to have more in commen.

I barely have the energy to take care of me!!! If they want to lose the weight they have to show they are dedicated over time. I won't help if they don't ask but I can't invest much help if they don't invest it first in themselves.

I barely have the energy to take care of me!!! If they want to lose the weight they have to show they are dedicated over time. I won't help if they don't ask but I can't invest much help if they don't invest it first in themselves.

Excellent. I'll dish out the advice when asked but if they don't want to hear what I have to say then why say it?

The people who lack motivation first have to find it before they can be "helped."

I'm the fat friend. But I work-out more than my skinny friends. I eat better than my skinny friends. Then I listen to them complain about how fat they are when, in reality, they are approximately the size of my leg.

THIS.

I have the opposite problem - getting lectured on what I should be doing and what current fad they are following and how whatever I am eating is all wrong.

Sometimes I get patronised and overpraised like a small child when I eat stuff like fruit.

They are still the same weight and I have lost 42 pounds. They have not noticed my weightloss. We started at similar weights.

Mostly I do what I do when they talk to me about other stuff which is just to go mmm and go to my happy place :laugh:

They are chasing the quick and easy route to weightloss - I am doing the boring and long winded way of healthy eating and exercise/lifestyle changes for life.

I don't tell adults what to do unless im being paid. It's not my job. When they are ready to change they will change. Until then work on you and be a SILENT motivation.

she has chronic migraines and 4 kids under age 8

Isn't that the same thing? I kid! I kid!

I know, right?! But seriously, she has migraines that will last like 4 days--the last thing you wanna do during one of those is go into a brightly lit gym and run for 30 minutes.