Fat Friends

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2

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  • susannamarie
    susannamarie Posts: 2,148 Member
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    Quite honestly, I don't talk about diets with them.

    Well, that's a bit harsh. At first, I will tell people what I'm doing (which is just eating less of the things I used to pig out on) and direct them to myfitnesspal. If they ask other questions, I'm happy to answer. Once it becomes clear that all they want to do is complain about being fat, skip breakfast and lunch and then eat a quart of ice cream after dinner because they're hungry and sad, I talk about other subjects.
  • annahiven
    annahiven Posts: 185
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    People won't lose weight until they WANT to. Telling them how to do it isn't going to matter, because people KNOW how to lose weight. It's not rocket science. They just have reasons and excuses why they don't get serious about it, so if you want to help, I would focus on talking to them about their addiction to food and the causes.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
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    There is nothing you can do.
    I severed all my connections to fat friends.
    It's mutual relief. They don't want to engage in my lifestyle of health and fitness, and I have zero interest in sitting around drinking, eating and being lazy.
    I have made new connections with others who have either been fit and active their whole lives or, like me, they got fit after getting fed up being fat.
    Sometimes one must close a door for others to open.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    What can we do to help our friends that have ZERO motivation to lose the weight that they want? I'm sick of friends whining about "how fat they look" while knocking back a bottle of wine and an entire box of chocolates!! If your weight makes you that unhappy then I don't see why you can't just put the chocolate bar down and just sub it for an apple or something?! I'm always complemented on my weight loss and EVERYONE always asks "how did you do it? I want to look like that!" but nobody ever seems to follow through with their diet plans! I'm almost feeling guilty for being the "skinny one" as I don't want my friends to end up resenting me because I "look good" and they feel worse for being around me, especially now it's bikini season! Please tell me I'm not alone in feeling like this! I just want them to love their bodies!

    *like*

    I could have written this.
  • birdlover97111
    birdlover97111 Posts: 346 Member
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    If it was that easy we would all be skinny!
    You don;t need to help them at all. When they are ready, they will do it.
    As long as you told them about MFP, that is all that you can do. I hand hold my friends too but until they leap, nothing we can do.

    Deb

    THIS ^-^

    Weight loss is not only physical, but mental...You may want it for someone else, but they need to want it for themselves...
  • cmeade20
    cmeade20 Posts: 1,238 Member
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    I mind my own business unless asked for help.
  • CiarraCA
    CiarraCA Posts: 56
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    congrats to the individual replying with an 87 pound loss, keep it up!!!!
  • surromom2010
    surromom2010 Posts: 457 Member
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    Introduce them to MFP. Tell them you'll do it together and you'll keep them accountable but they have to want to do it.. It might give you a new lease of enthusiasm and it'll help them

    When they say "how did you do it?" say... " I don't drink wine and eat chocolates!"
    When they say "how did you do it?" say... "i log EVERYTHING i eat"
    When they say "how did you do it?" say... "I wanted to do it so i MADE it happen"

    If you're skinner than other people and they resent you - You can't change that!!
    You'll find some people don't like your shape and some people do.... you'll never always come out on top and you cant change how people feel!

    You're not alone in how you feel - I don't look great but I have friends who are bigger than me and they mock and criticise me and then moan because they aren't the same size as me... They say "Monday I'm starting a diet!".... I say "Diet today!".

    It's women I'm afraid.... Its life!

    This this soooo much this.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    I ignore it when they complain then offer them all my left overs. Its a perfect relationship cause i wanna stay slim and they don't mind staying overweight.

    When we eat out I can get the dessert and have one bite knowing someone else is gonna eat it.
  • jmewyogirl
    jmewyogirl Posts: 2
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    Coming from one of those 'fat people' drinking a bottle of wine and eating the box of chocolates is easy and comes with some strange but guilty level of satisfaction. Encouragement to consume these things in moderation is all you can do. Severely obese people (like myself) want weight loss to be easy. Some magical transformation that happens with little effort. Of course we all know it doesn't work this way but it's what we want. Maybe try and engage your friends in some fun activities that don't necessarily feel like exercise because trust me, it's really hard not to feel a bit resentful when your beautiful friend start having all the fun, getting all the attention, and being entirely successful on their journey. With a little encouragement, one day it will click. It did for me. So far I've lost 22 lbs. in about 3 months.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
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    Think back to when you were overweight... unless you were suffering from some illness etc. (in this case disregard anything I'm about to say) I mean to get to that point you probably weren't substituting the "bar of chocolate for an apple" yourself, Only they can motivate themselves to finally make the change just as you did, and if you feel it's negatively effecting you it may be time to distance yourself or find a group of friends who share your same views. If they really want to lose weight they'll (hopefully) hit their breaking point, whether it be at 100lbs overweight or 20lbs...

    This. And lead by example.
  • BJPCraig
    BJPCraig Posts: 417 Member
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    My wife has the same problem with her friends at work, who keep complementing her on her weight loss and telling her, "I wish I could lose weight" as they stuff their daily potato chips and cookies into their mouths. So I'll tell you what I tell her.

    Just explain to them, "Look, you know as well as I do that there's one way to lose weight: Eat better and exercise more. If I can do it, you can do it. If you want to do it, I'll be happy to help. If you don't want to do it, please stop complaining, because you obviously aren't as interested in losing weight as you claim, so we should just move on to another topic."

    At the very least, you won't have to listen to them whine any more...
  • sophiathedss
    sophiathedss Posts: 97 Member
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    All I can be is a good example :) I make myself available if they ask questions and offer advice only when asked...keeps everyone happy that way ;)

    11269213.png
    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter
  • RenitaDeShanne
    RenitaDeShanne Posts: 20 Member
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    Don't feel guilty about loving yourself and wanting to be healthy. When your friends are delivered the bad news in the doctors office they will do something about it. I know because I was one of those fat chicks that knew I needed to lose weight but I didn't want to let go of the ribeyes, hamburgers and the feeling of fullness yet. Once my doctor told me I was diabetic and to lose the weight or be place on insulin, that same day I jumped on a treadmill. I haven't stopped walking yet. I have many family members who have died of that illness and its not gonna be me.
  • swthrtsmrf
    swthrtsmrf Posts: 384
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    I have a few people in my life who wanted to lose the weight, have joined MFP and have not logged in almost a month plus. And yet they continue to eat unhealthy and continue on the same path. I have come to the realization that I will support them when they are ready to take charge. You cannot unfortunately force people and it is hard to sit back and watch.
  • takechances
    takechances Posts: 65
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    If they are serious about wanting to lose weight, they will.
    Quite frankly, I think that telling someone that they are fat and need to lose weight like you did is doing more harm than good. I didn't decide to seriously lose weight until I was ready. My friend's mom told me about this website and how it helped her. A month later I decided to go for it.
    Making someone feel bad about themselves so they'll lose weight creates eating disorders.
    If you don't want to be around them, then don't.
    Simple.
  • takechances
    takechances Posts: 65
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    Oh! Just thought I would add that I'm not trying to be rude and I understand that you care.
  • Chantal34
    Chantal34 Posts: 128
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    I hear what you're saying. I am asked a lot about how I've lost weight by my overweight friends. But what it comes down to is....they will not do anything about it until they are ready to. They can whine all they want but whining and wishing is not going to get the job done. What I generally say is, "I cannot make anyone lose weight". And nor do I feel guilty about my accomplishment. I went out there and did it for myself because I was ready and not because someone wanted me to.

    I love this!
  • Candi_land
    Candi_land Posts: 1,311 Member
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    congrats to the individual replying with an 87 pound loss, keep it up!!!!

    Thanks hun!! I have a very long road still ahead of me, but I'm in this for the long haul ;) Feel free to add me if you want, maybe we can motivate each other :)
  • shamr0ck
    shamr0ck Posts: 296 Member
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    Can't help those that won't help themselves. I bought a friend several sessions with my personal trainer, who rocks. She'd go to the sessions, then eat 1200 calories at lunch. Admitted she knew she was blowing away any benefit.

    She'll change when she is ready. That time is different for each of us.

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