Why Are You Here?

I got lost one night, I must have been a little drunk and I wandered in here. Now I am stuck, I can't seem to find the door.

Because... I'm fat. And I look gross fat. And I want to be naked and look hot... and be clothed and look hot. Sooooooooooo.... here I am.

Originally I wanted to look good and have a six pack. As my change began I noticed changes in my energy levels and strength and that is what drives me now. I am amazed at how well our bodies work when fueled correctly. To get that kick *kitten* body would be nice but if it never comes to that but I feel great and I am able to pass on better habits to my daughter than I am glad I came to this.

To begin with it was to keep up with my kids, but now its for me. So I can find myself again and love being me as everyone should love themselves.

Motivation/support that I don't get at home. South Jersey is not exactly full of fitness lovers, I'm a school bus driver and they all look at me like they hate me (the ones who think I'm naturally thin lol) or nuts (the ones who actually find out I work HARD to look like I do lol) and my family tries to be supportive as they stockpile the house with crap food (my dad, who's diabetic and doesn't eat the Entemann's he brought home yesterday, knows I'm not gonna eat it, and mom shouldn't eat it lol). Living back at home after being out on my own for 13 yrs has been tough...that's when I really started working out consistently and eating better then to move back home and smell hot dogs every single Monday night while I eat my grilled chicken I pre-cooked and froze to quick heat up b/c it's kinda hard to whip up healthy dinners when the folks are occupying the kitchen. Anyway, I'm babbling. Support and motivation and hopefully I motivate and inspire someone

I'm here because I realized that I needed to lose weight and be held accountable for what I put in my mouth. I also needed the wonderful support I've gotten from my MFP family to succeed, because without your encouragement I couldn't have total success.

I have a lot of self-loathing (years of verbal, sexual, and emotional abuse) and a lot of it stems from my appearance. I'm 5'2" on a good day and I'm just a round squishy thing that has to live in men's clothes. I've gone through therapy for the other stuff and it was time I got started on the other half, especially after I began dating a man I'd known and crushed on since I was 14. I got even more motivation after I learned my best friend of 9 years was using me as the "fat friend" among other things; I wanted to spit back in her face all the years she let me start talking to guys then shoved me out the way so she could flirt with them even though she and I no longer associate. I also just really wanted to wear awesome clothes. There's not much stuff for big girls and what there is, is expensive. So after years of half-trying I kicked my *kitten* into gear in January and I just keep rolling. This place has been a huge help, not only with letting me know what I'm eating and how much but with the knowledge in the forums that help me tweak myself.

I'm here because it works. Seeing my calories printed out for me is a real eye opener. Having the app on my phone keeps me accountable through the day and when I know I've been good all day, it keeps me looking forward to something tasty at the end of the day if I've got the leftover calories.

Seeing my friends (and my husband) on the site, seeing their exercises, their trials and their triumphs, it's an encouragement for me to get myself in gear and work harder so I can post my accomplishments as well.

It just plain works. Obviously I'm fat. But the other day my mom (who isn't always the most supportive) said to me "I can tell you're losing weight - your butt's getting smaller". And she said it in a POSITIVE way and it felt good to hear it.