Is there a way to make your parents love you?

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BeautyFromPain
BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
in Chit-Chat
For my whole life, I have been screamed at, called names, and get blamed for practically everything that goes wrong in their lives.
When my younger brother was physically abusive towards me, I would be blamed saying I must have done something to provoke it. They never listen to anything I say.

They treat me so different to my younger brothers, they show them love, buy them anything they want/need but with me it seems like nothing but hatred (they have told me they hate me and was a mistake many times). They buy them clothes, cars, everything whilst I have to buy my own clothes and car.

Is there a way to make them love me?

This seriously hurts so much :/
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Replies

  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Unless I'm missing something here, you aren't the one who failed here. They are, and big time.

    Give it some time. Prove yourself to yourself and hopefully if they are worthy, they will see who you are and that they have erred in the past.


    But love shouldn't hurt, ever. And a child should never have to write a post like this.

    :( I'm sorry
  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
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    You can't choose your parents and some people are dealt a **** hand. Emancipate yourself and move on.
    -wtk
  • TheArmadillo
    TheArmadillo Posts: 299 Member
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    honestly, no. You have to come to terms with it. Once you learn to stop trying to get approval from them it gets easier.

    Try reading 'Toxic Parents' - available on amazon.

    Sorry if I sound harsh but I wasted too many years trying and it was a waste.

    Message me if you want to chat more about it - I don't like putting details on an open forum.
  • Adureeuh
    Adureeuh Posts: 24 Member
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    Sadly, you can't make anyone love you. It's sad when this happens, because family is supposed to love you unconditionally. However, I suggest you do just that. If you love them unconditionally even if they don't deserve it, they may start to open their eyes. Treat them exactly the way you want to be treated. Once you set the standard by the way you treat them, they may start treating you the same.

    Just an idea.
  • k2charmed4u
    k2charmed4u Posts: 282
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    To be honest chick I know this might sound harsh but do you want to be loved by someone who is so cruel to you?
    I've had harsh words from my own grandparents and some family members and although it hurts to hear I ignore them as I know they're not doing it most of the time. But in your case I don't think I could forgive that.
    If you want to create a relationship with them I would recommend family councilling. But that doesn't mean they'll go :frown: other than that I wouldn't know what to suggest. Life is too short to be around anyone who acts like that family or otherwise. Only you know what to do now it has to be your decision as no one on here could possibly feel what you do as its your family :frown:

    Hope you sort it though xx
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    Kick their *kitten* to the curb ASAP and prove them all* wrong.


    *All of your family.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,704 Member
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    I wouldn't want to "make" someone love me. I'd want it to be unconditional.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • ZugTheMegasaurus
    ZugTheMegasaurus Posts: 801 Member
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    Sorry to say that no, I don't think there is a way to make your parents love you. My boyfriend tried for years to forge a good relationship with his abusive mother (similar to you, she's fine with the other kids -- the ones who don't question her -- but has done serious, even criminal, things to him) before he finally decided it just wasn't worth it. He cut off all contact and says she's dead to anyone who asks, and it was the best thing he's ever done in terms of his own mental health and well-being. He now has great relationships with my family and with friends.

    Family should be about mutual love and respect, regardless of shared genetics. There are people out there who will give you that, trust me. You just have to find them.
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
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    Thanks for all your responses xx
  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 2,073 Member
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    You can't choose your parents and some people are dealt a **** hand. Emancipate yourself and move on.
    -wtk

    I second this motion.
  • clairyfairy247
    clairyfairy247 Posts: 425 Member
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    I understand your frustration.

    No-one wants a bad relationship with their parents.
  • Shannon2714
    Shannon2714 Posts: 843 Member
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    I wouldn't want to "make" someone love me. I'd want it to be unconditional.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Exactly.

    It isn't your fault that they act this way or treat you poorly. Move on. It will hurt for a time, but their treatment will hurt much longer. Cut all ties and it will be their loss and your gain. Good luck!
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
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    You did not choose to be here, your parents made a willful choice to have a raise a child. With this said some parents just suck and have no right to be counted on by their children as you are programmed to love them and want their approval. Here is where it gets harsh. FLY LITTLE BIRD! Open your wings, count on yourself, you can not make them love you. You are not the cause of their issues, someday they will see the error of their ways but by that time I hope you are strong enough to stand on your two feet fly with your dreams and forgive them for the hurt they caused but not forget. Move on. Get a good counselor, talk out your issues and learn your own self worth. Learn how to love the right way and not by the poor example you have been shown in life. If you are under 18 emancipate, and find help to get you through school and out into the world. You can do it!
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
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    You did not choose to be here, your parents made a willful choice to have a raise a child. With this said some parents just suck and have no right to be counted on by their children as you are programmed to love them and want their approval. Here is where it gets harsh. FLY LITTLE BIRD! Open your wings, count on yourself, you can not make them love you. You are not the cause of their issues, someday they will see the error of their ways but by that time I hope you are strong enough to stand on your two feet fly with your dreams and forgive them for the hurt they caused but not forget. Move on. Get a good counselor, talk out your issues and learn your own self worth. Learn how to love the right way and not by the poor example you have been shown in life. If you are under 18 emancipate, and find help to get you through school and out into the world. You can do it!

    I LOOOOVE THIS! Thankyou :D
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
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    To be honest, you shouldn't have to make family love you... they should be able to do it automatically... From the sound of your OP, I would say it's not you, it's them... genuinely... And I agree with the others, that it may be time to cut them out and find people that do genuinely love you....
  • emnk5308
    emnk5308 Posts: 736
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    You can add/ message me anytime!! I met my Dad when I was 12 years old, and he wants NOTHING to do with me. He didn't even come to my graduation because he was 'tired'. I know all I can do is accept it and move on. I'm fighting right now to find a lost sister. So I know the feeling. =(
  • snoopytwins
    snoopytwins Posts: 1,759 Member
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    As a parent, this breaks my heart for you! You cannot make someone love you. I can't imagine the hurt of wanting that love so badly and not getting it...from your parents. Just know that they are ones missing out.
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
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    thanks for everyones replies xx
  • ShareeMorty
    ShareeMorty Posts: 324 Member
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    You just have to accept that they are the way they are and either tolerate them of cut them out of your life.

    My mother makes it blatantly obvious that she doesn't love me, I almost had a breakdown 7 years ago because of the way she treats me. I had to do what is best for me and limit my contact with her, she is a toxic person and just because she gave birth to me doesn't make her a good mother. She continues to blame me for any issues between us, she is the one missing out by her attitude to me. I have recently cut all contact with her after the way she reacted to my marriage break up. Life is too short to put up with people that treat you badly - surround yourself with the people that do love you and make your own family.
  • karylee44
    karylee44 Posts: 892
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    you can not change your parents.. you can only change YOU.

    sometimes you have to let go and move on.. no matter how much it hurts.

    you are fabulous..

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