How to get your man to workout?

2

Replies

  • NYCDutchess
    NYCDutchess Posts: 622 Member
    Honestly, if my husband told me that "I work hard to look good and would like you to be my eye candy too" I would get my *kitten* to the gym...

    Seriously, I'd want him to look at me rather than all girls working it out in the gym...
  • jedibunny
    jedibunny Posts: 321
    My bf is a former gym rat. By "former" I mean that he hasn't gone to a gym in over a year, has gained a bunch of weight, lost motivation etc... but he used to be a bit of a bodybuilder. Since I'm showing an interest in my *own* health, he's started looking in the mirror a little harder and has openly said things about not knowing where his motivation went (it may simply be that we both got too comfortable after moving in together last fall). However, he's still making excuses about why he doesn't want to come to the gym with me or buy weights for the house. I've decided not to push, because pushing just means he'll push back harder.

    To the guy who said you're not subtle creatures: damn right you're not. I was nudging, hinting, suggesting, and finally decided to stop. Said nothing for a while. Yesterday we went out with my father for a belated Father's Day/birthday dinner where we actually had some healthier food (mediterranean) which he'd never eaten before, and he said something to the effect of "well, maybe eating better won't be so hard..." - which was the most encouraging thing I've heard from him lately. :)

    My point is, don't push. Just keep working and maybe he'll start noticing the changes and how easy it might be to join you on your journey. I'm hoping my guy will, but if he doesn't, I'm not going to force it upon him.

    Also,
    1) go to the bedroom
    2) get naked.

    :laugh:
  • galegetsthin
    galegetsthin Posts: 1,340 Member
    You cant. You just do it for you and eventually he will either start, or he won't. But, if he doesn't, don't be angry. YOUR goals may not be his. That is ok. He is his own person. You love him either way.
  • hellraisedfire
    hellraisedfire Posts: 403 Member
    I love my hubby, and he is my best friend. I wish he cared about his appearance. It would really be nice if he was into working out. I work hard to stay in shape and would like a little eye candy for me, too. Is it wrong for me to feel this way, and how can I get him to care?

    I don't/can't. I really try but I can't. He's always too "tired" or feels "sick" or has an excuse. You can't get someone to do something they don't want. :/
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    My wife was not attracted to me fat.
    She told me so.
    And she made it clear that she was not satisfied with our sex life.
    THAT DID IT FOR ME!
    I always exercised and was one of those brute strong men in the weight room all fat and sloppy looking but benching 350.
    I thought I was just fine:smooched:
    I can't say that's you guys, but this was my experience.
  • Happylady123
    Happylady123 Posts: 166 Member
    My boyfriend started using MFP about 3 months after I did when he saw me working out all the time, counting calories, and looking much better in my swimsuit. I would ask him questions like, "Do you think my marketability has gone up since I lost 8 lbs?" while turning around in my two piece... He seemed to take the hint and has lost 20 lbs in a couple of months.

    I have also been reading a lot of books about health and fitness and sharing little pieces of information with him. He's a computer science nerd, so he's into all of the apps. My favorite one is "Fitness for Geeks" which has a lot of great information on training regimens and vitamins. Now he wants to borrow the book when I'm done. I can actually see some tone in his abs now. He looks so much better. Good luck with yours!
    Yeah, I could see this working on him. Not that I would ever say anything like that to him, but he doesn't let me get to far away from him at the beach! lol
  • bulbadoof
    bulbadoof Posts: 1,058 Member
    Bedroom cardio! :laugh:
  • ericapaulfrey
    ericapaulfrey Posts: 4 Member
    I have the same problem with my husband. Appearances have become an issue, but I'm more concerned about his health than anything else as he is significantly overweight. He keeps thinking that bariatric surgery will be the cure all and in the meantime he can sit on his butt and eat whatever he wants. He loves junk food, fast food and HATES to exercise. However, last night I suggested he accompany my son and I on a walk and he joined in. We walked for about an hour, so I know he got a decent workout in for his size and I rewarded him with oral sex. I asked him if BJs were promised, if he would walk with me 4 times a week and he said "hell yes". I know, it sounds kind of bad, but I bet you can ask any guy and if a BJ is involved, they'll probably do just about anything. Maybe it'll work for you. Sorry if it's TMI.
  • lporter229
    lporter229 Posts: 4,907 Member
    Have him chase you down for sex.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    :smile: :smile: :smile: Love this!!!
  • Happylady123
    Happylady123 Posts: 166 Member
    My wife was not attracted to me fat.
    She told me so.
    And she made it clear that she was not satisfied with our sex life.
    THAT DID IT FOR ME!
    I always exercised and was one of those brute strong men in the weight room all fat and sloppy looking but benching 350.
    I thought I was just fine:smooched:
    I can't say that's you guys, but this was my experience.
    Yeah, that is def. how I feel. Just can't bring myself to say it.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    Here's the thing.

    A lot of us men take an inordinate amount of pleasure in deliberately not giving a monkey's about things girls care about. Appearance, tidyness, and footwear to name but 3.

    It's what we do.


    You might have to be cruel to be kind and just tell him he's lost some zing. Don't overdo it though. Once a month is enough. Too much and it becomes nagging, which never works.

    Any advice on how to do the same with my hard working, 2 jobs wife would be much appreciated though.

    That's basically how I approached the subject with my boyfriend. He's a naturally athletic guy, and for a couple of years the extent of his exercise was playing softball a couple times a week (note: this is rec softball where they drink beer during the game) and water/sand volleyball in the summer, and mediocre eating habits at best....and he still looked like a guy in decent shape. Yeah. Not fair.

    But anyway, once I started getting really into health and fitness I would mention my accomplishments to him and say how much I'd love to be able to do certain active things together (that I knew he wouldn't be able to do at the time---like running a half marathon) and I think it kinda got to him that here was his girlfriend, the least athletic person of all time (seriously, it's embarrassing how non-athletic I have been my whole life) who is doing all these things, when he, Mr. college baseball player/lifetime athlete can't do them. I think it took a shot at his pride a little, and while I didn't mean it that way, I think it was the right kind of kick in the pants to get his butt in gear.

    Now he eats pretty healthy (although since he doesn't have any weight to lose, he has more wiggle room than I do) and we hit the gym together about 6 days a week. It sorta makes me want to punch him that after a month in the gym he's made more progress than I did in like 5 months, but whatever. Added plus: now we have a hobby that we can enjoy together :smile:
  • LindaLouLu
    LindaLouLu Posts: 271 Member
    Not sure about your husband, but I got mine to the gym by challenging him. "I can lose faster", "I can run farther" ,"bike harder", "Let's have a race", etc. It works for me because he is competitive.
  • chachita7
    chachita7 Posts: 996 Member
    bribe him with... well you know what all men would do anything for...

    LOL

    After 16 years with my hubby....that no longer works lol He KNOWS that I want it too... :-)

    Are we talking about the same thing here... cuz I have been married for 19 yrs and well though I have not used the bribery method in a long long time - I know it would still work...
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    I love my hubby, and he is my best friend. I wish he cared about his appearance. It would really be nice if he was into working out. I work hard to stay in shape and would like a little eye candy for me, too. Is it wrong for me to feel this way, and how can I get him to care?

    You don't. If he want's to workout/change he will.....You can set a good example it might help. If not you have to decide......you either love him for who he is or don't.
  • Bob314159
    Bob314159 Posts: 1,178 Member
    Sometimes it takes multiple things - that cannot be planned.

    In my case, my wife told me about this site (without nagging me) - which I thought ... ho hum another gimicky weight loss site,but I found the interface and the food database better and easier to use than the program I've used for the last 15 years. That started my monitoring calorie intake about 3 months ago - but no weight loss or change in activity

    Then I realized I was not in shape for an upcoming vacation that required walking a lot, and though I was hiking a lot 5 years ago - for various reasons I stopped. So I started walking again.

    Then I got hit with some unknown condition that acted like arthritis and I could hardly walk upstairs and I panicked - turned out to be nothing and went away in a few days- but I started walking much harder and eating more carefully.

    After a month of that, I decided I was being serious and bought a FitBit and that helped my walk more and climb stairs more.

    Then despite losing weight and going down 2 belt holes, and exercising 6 days a week and keeping within calorie limits 95% of the time - I found I might get on the plane and be asked to buy another seat if don't fit. Although time is running out, I am now tuning my food,to cut down on the sugar percentage.

    So I got a nudge from my wife, support from my wife, a health scare and some real life incentives. too bad its taken all that to get me motivated.
  • galegetsthin
    galegetsthin Posts: 1,340 Member
    bribe him with... well you know what all men would do anything for...

    wings and beer?????
  • Happylady123
    Happylady123 Posts: 166 Member
    I love my hubby, and he is my best friend. I wish he cared about his appearance. It would really be nice if he was into working out. I work hard to stay in shape and would like a little eye candy for me, too. Is it wrong for me to feel this way, and how can I get him to care?

    You don't. If he want's to workout/change he will.....You can set a good example it might help. If not you have to decide......you either love him for who he is or don't.
    Agreed, and I do love him either way. It would just be nice to be physically attracted to him.
  • Beezil
    Beezil Posts: 1,677 Member
    I think the answer to this question is pretty obvious. >.> Ahem.

    :yawn:
  • Buckeyt
    Buckeyt Posts: 473 Member
    It has to come from within. My wife watched me bust my butt for more than two years with P90X and other workouts but despite my asking her all the time if she wanted to do any type of workout with me she declined. Luckily I do all the dinner cooking so she ate what I ate, which was healthy, but she was on her own when it came to snacks between meals and that's where the ice cream and other crap came into play. She finally got back into working out a few months ago with the 30 Day shred and has lost about 15 pounds and feels much better, but it happened when she was ready.

    Tim
  • mandi2r
    mandi2r Posts: 228 Member
    My fiance attepts to work our with me.. usually it ends up him being behind my on the floor acting all worked out and encouraging me to carry on..

    But I do encourage him do do activities he likes that burns calories such as golf or shooting hoops with his friends. Maybe try that too. Tell him to go out and do something that gets him moving.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    You can't make someone lose weight/get fit. All you can do is lead by example. It took about a year of me running and losing weight for dh to decide he didn't want to be the less attractive half of our couple, and to start thinking about his food. He still doesn't exercise much, but he has lost the gut.
  • missdaisy79
    missdaisy79 Posts: 566 Member
    My husband started working out before I did, he started running and lost a load of weight. We both worked hard in the run up to our wedding - it helps to have a good motivating factor! Recently though he's been plagued by constant calf strains and back problems, and it's taken him a while to face up to the face that he needs to do something about this. If he decides he wants to do it, then he'll do it. If not, well, you can take the horse to the water but you can't make him drink!
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    My wife was not attracted to me fat.
    She told me so.
    And she made it clear that she was not satisfied with our sex life.
    THAT DID IT FOR ME!
    I always exercised and was one of those brute strong men in the weight room all fat and sloppy looking but benching 350.
    I thought I was just fine:smooched:
    I can't say that's you guys, but this was my experience.
    Yeah, that is def. how I feel. Just can't bring myself to say it.
    OUCH, really?
    That's tough. I am the kind of guy you can say anything to, and instead of being hurt, I take action to change.
    No all people are like that. Do as you think best.
    Good luck to you both:flowerforyou:
  • nlwilliamson
    nlwilliamson Posts: 225 Member
    My boyfriend is the same way, I try to get him to do workouts with me or at least make slightly healthier choices, but alas he is a mechanic and could care less about appearance. The only thing that works for me is asking him to go hiking at his favorite place and swimming afterwards, but one light hike a week won't do a darn thing considering the amount of food eaten
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    It's not wrong to want to want your SO to be healthy and to want to be attracted to them.

    I ended an engagement partly because my fiance made no attempt to live a healthy lifestyle and that made it difficult for me to. I am not hung up on "eating clean" or being overweight on the BMI, but he gain nearly 80 pounds - he had no health issues -- he just made terrible, terrible food choices and didn't want to work out. After I gained 30 pounds in the relationship, I knew I had to do something because I felt horrible. I went to WW dropped 40 pounds, that was 8 years ago and have kept it off. He was terrific support while I was losing, but when it came to maintaining he couldn't accept that I wasn't willing to hit up McDonald's or get pizza 3-4 times a week. From his perspective, I lost the weight so I should go right back to how things were. That was a struggle, eventually he stopped expecting me to go back to old habits and I stopped expecting him to adopt new ones.

    We remained together but we drifted apart. A year and a half later, I ended the relationship. I realized one of my non-negotiables is being with somebody who has an active concern for their health -- because it really is a lifestyle.

    I guess what I am saying is, you can't really motivate somebody who doesn't want it (at least on some level) for themselves.
  • 2knoxs
    2knoxs Posts: 81
    Same prob here. DH felt like he was in good enough shape and really the shape of his body didnt change much after we left the Marines it just softened a little but all his cloths still fit right...he was just soft now. I want him to work out with me because I want him to be healthy and in shape and be with me longer (I am by no mean in good shape right now either need to lose15-20 pounds) so I am working on it and it is just a blast to spend time with him...no matter what we do. I started JM30DS and have done it 12 times todate; I like to do it in the morning, it = any exercise, but for whatever reason (I dont remember now) I had to do it at night after the kids went to bed, and he watched me....I would always say things like, "does it look hard, do this with me, u need it too" and then he sat and watched me that night and I went to go get a drink of water er I was finished and came back and he had started the video, he has doen it 6 times now and plans to do it mon, wen, and friday. I asked him why he did it (because Im a woman and I have to know these things and cant just leave well enough alone) and he said "It looked easy and I couldnt even make it all the way through it" I know him well enough to know that ment "It kicked my @$$ and I cant let that be okay" :D We dont neccessarilly work out together, we have done it once together, and I like to run and he doesnt, but it made me so happy that he got a wake up call that he is not in the great shape of the Marine days. This was long sorry but I wanted you to know it can happen.
  • Happylady123
    Happylady123 Posts: 166 Member
    My boyfriend is the same way, I try to get him to do workouts with me or at least make slightly healthier choices, but alas he is a mechanic and could care less about appearance. The only thing that works for me is asking him to go hiking at his favorite place and swimming afterwards, but one light hike a week won't do a darn thing considering the amount of food eaten
    /wow! Seriously, my husband is a mechanic, too. Must be in the something about em.
  • Happylady123
    Happylady123 Posts: 166 Member
    :wink:
    Same prob here. DH felt like he was in good enough shape and really the shape of his body didnt change much after we left the Marines it just softened a little but all his cloths still fit right...he was just soft now. I want him to work out with me because I want him to be healthy and in shape and be with me longer (I am by no mean in good shape right now either need to lose15-20 pounds) so I am working on it and it is just a blast to spend time with him...no matter what we do. I started JM30DS and have done it 12 times todate; I like to do it in the morning, it = any exercise, but for whatever reason (I dont remember now) I had to do it at night after the kids went to bed, and he watched me....I would always say things like, "does it look hard, do this with me, u need it too" and then he sat and watched me that night and I went to go get a drink of water er I was finished and came back and he had started the video, he has doen it 6 times now and plans to do it mon, wen, and friday. I asked him why he did it (because Im a woman and I have to know these things and cant just leave well enough alone) and he said "It looked easy and I couldnt even make it all the way through it" I know him well enough to know that ment "It kicked my @$$ and I cant let that be okay" :D We dont neccessarilly work out together, we have done it once together, and I like to run and he doesnt, but it made me so happy that he got a wake up call that he is not in the great shape of the Marine days. This was long sorry but I wanted you to know it can happen.
    Thanks, girl. :wink:
  • ChristinaBarnhouse
    ChristinaBarnhouse Posts: 274 Member
    I had that same problem with my hubby. Over the past 2 years I started working out for the first time and lost over 50 pounds. About 6 months ago I sat down and had a very serious conversation with him. Some points I made to him...

    1. The older you get, the harder it will be to lose the weight.
    2. We have 2 little boys... you want them to grow up with an overweight father or a role model who is fit and in shape?
    3. I had lost weight, not only for myself, but for him too.... time in the bedroom can and will be much better! :)
    4. Fewer health problems by losing weight.
    5. You will feel much better about youself and gain so much confidence.

    Other than being a great role model, the best thing you can do for him is communicate. Tell him EXACTLY how you feel and find out how he feels on the subject. Communication is key!
  • direwolfprincess
    direwolfprincess Posts: 261 Member
    Live and let live I suppose. Incentives don't always pay off and I will not kid anyone by trying to withhold pleasure. But I can say even without mentioning it only took a little while for the effect of my conscientious activity to rub off and although he may not be totally committed I see him weighing options, subtly mentioning calories and workouts.

    Also, we have recently tackled landscaping and we are out there sweating every weekend while making our property look nice. Perhaps not a "workout" in the traditional sense but maybe some home renovation or improvements could jump start things in terms of avoiding sedentary activity.

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