Could really use some cheering up
Options
southern_gurl
Posts: 77
I know that this is silly, but I am just having one of those days. :frown: My boyfriend (who is skinny and well built) works at night and when he calls me, I hope and pray that the voice on the other end will sound happy, like he misses me and wants to talk to me. Instead he sounds like it is such a waste of time to call me. He comes in this morning and picks a fight and tells me, and I quote, "You will see such a big difference in me when you are skinny, when you finally hit the goal I have for you in my mind. I will be affectionate then, and romantic and loving, but right now you know I don't like big women. I have stayed with you cuz I know that you will be skinny and sexy again". I guess he really doesn't have any idea how badly that hurt me!! Now, all I want to do is run to the refrigerator and make the emptiness and the pain go away but I know that will only make me feel worse. I thought love was supposed to be beyond the physical. I have lost a bunch of weight but he says it don't matter, only the end result matters. I don't know how to get past this without gorging myself and throwing away everything I have been working towards. Or worse, spending the next two weeks starving myself to make him happy..........................
0
Replies
-
Wowza...would you be offended if I called your man a jerk? You're such a cutie, he's lucky to have you. I wouldn't put up with a guy like that, but that's me.0
-
OMG... That is not right at all for your boyfriend to talk to you like that, I hope that you are losing weight for yourself and not for him, he is not treating you right, boyfriends are supposed to be supportive not break you down like that. I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a bad day, not to be mean but I think you should dump this guy if he continues to treat you like this, I just can't believe he said that stuff to you, at least you have mfp to come to and vent, we are hear for ya! Don't eat everything but DON'T starve yourself, thats not healthy at all. Don't worry you will get to YOUR goal but please do it for you not him! Hope tomorrow is better :happy:
~Leash
0 -
I know that this is silly, but I am just having one of those days. :frown: My boyfriend (who is skinny and well built) works at night and when he calls me, I hope and pray that the voice on the other end will sound happy, like he misses me and wants to talk to me. Instead he sounds like it is such a waste of time to call me. He comes in this morning and picks a fight and tells me, and I quote, "You will see such a big difference in me when you are skinny, when you finally hit the goal I have for you in my mind. I will be affectionate then, and romantic and loving, but right now you know I don't like big women. I have stayed with you cuz I know that you will be skinny and sexy again". I guess he really doesn't have any idea how badly that hurt me!! Now, all I want to do is run to the refrigerator and make the emptiness and the pain go away but I know that will only make me feel worse. I thought love was supposed to be beyond the physical. I have lost a bunch of weight but he says it don't matter, only the end result matters. I don't know how to get past this without gorging myself and throwing away everything I have been working towards. Or worse, spending the next two weeks starving myself to make him happy..........................
oh my goodnes, i am so sorry! you have to do this to make yourself happy-not anyone else! i am a very outspoken person so i would have to explain to him that by hurtin you hes disabling you!0 -
You will KEEP having 'those days' as long as you stay with him. Love DOES transcend the physical. Do you not know that you can do better than him?!!?0
-
Dump that jerk!!!
You are right love is not about the physical. He told you straight forward that he is staying with you because he knows you'll be sexy again. He's supposed to stay with you because he LOVES you!!! You deserve way better don't you dare starve yourself to please him. Losing weight is something you do for YOURSELF not for anyone else!!! Others may inspire you but you should never change yourself to please ANYONE other than yourself. The smart thing to do in your situation would be to leave him, lose the weight for YOURSELF and then flaunt your slim sexy body in front of him to show him what he can't have and doesn't DESERVE.
0 -
Ihave tried to explain to him how much he hurts me, and my progress by his remarks, but he just gets angry. We have been together for a year and I was 170 when we got together and now I am at 150. He was so sweet in the beginning, this whole jerk thing came about recently. I truly have no support system here, aside from my children, because he doesn't like my friends so I don't see much of them. I just feel so hollow inside and don't know how to stop it:brokenheart: :brokenheart:0
-
First off I'm glad that your on here and not at the fridge. Second off, your man is a complete jerk. That is the most immature, rudest, selfish thing I have ever heard someone say. Do you want to lose the weight? Don't lose it for him because your not being true to yourself. Whatever you lose is going to come right back if it's not because you want to lose it for you. Why would you ever want to change yourself for someone else who has just made it very obvious he cares nothing about you at all? This man has no right to speak to any one like that. I went through three years of an abusive relationship and I know now that no one deserves to have some one speak to them like that... You will never cheer up as long as you are with him.0
-
If he doesn't allow you to see your friends that's a whole other issue. I hope he's not controlling. If so you really need to get out of the relationship not only for yourself but for your children.
0 -
Wowza...would you be offended if I called your man a jerk? You're such a cutie, he's lucky to have you. I wouldn't put up with a guy like that, but that's me.
From one Brenda to another, sorry to say it, but your guy IS a jerk, and I hope you realize it soon, before he hurts you and demeans you anymore than he already has! :grumble:0 -
First off, there is nothing silly about this. This is about a man trying to control you. Not only that, he is verbally abusing you to achieve his goal. I do not want to offend you, but until or unless he can build his self esteem in a positive manner instead of by beating others down, he will be incapable of having a healthy relationship. I worked in the mental health field for 32 years, and I have seen this many times. Please remember, YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS TREATMENT! Healthy relationships and true love do not rely on physical appearances. There are plenty of men who will love you for the person you are, not for the person that they dream that they can turn you into.
I am very glad that you recognized your need to get support rather than sabotaging your health and your self esteem. Please continue to make healthy choices for yourself, not only in your eating but in your relationships. If you need help, don't be afraid to contact a mental health center or a pastor or a good friend to support you as you work through these issues.
I hope that I have not offended you, and I hope that you don't mind that I am praying for you. Please take a good look at your relationship, and never give up on your health! We are here for you!0 -
I'm so sorry you had to hear, find & have a boyfriend like that:mad: He should know if he's trying to help you -he just took the wrong approach!
I too once long ago had a body building boy friend that was Gorgeous, Book Smart (And I emphasize book smart) he really liked the way I looked at first then try to change me along the way.....saying I wasn't skinny enough, I couldnt do that good enough etc etc...SHALLOW!!!! He wanted me to jog with him & work out at the body building gym then eat tuna, raw eggs etc....obviously insecure about himself & making me into his creation.
Don't waste anymore of your youth on him:noway: ....At first for me in my old past... I blamed myself...thinking I wasn't good enough (I weighed 130lbs in those days) & he told me the only thing I could do better than him was make a bed (I use to work at a Hotel when I was a teenager) too competitive, trying to build themselves up at your cost...so you see some people are very Plastic, Surfacey, Phoney....You are worth more in your little pinky than his whole (skinny) body.
You should tell him how you feel. See what he says then. If he is persistant than maybe it's time for a break? Don't go into that fridge & ruin everything you've been working for. Have a banana or peanut butter on celery...that's sorta a feel good food. Or talk to us all night? Good Luck & know that we care about you & your success here :flowerforyou:0 -
Men--or women for that matter--who say things like that just make me see RED!!! Love is about transcending the physical and accepting your partner UNCONDITIONALLY!!! I was about 150-160 when I got married , and at my worst I got up over 300 pounds. Never once did my husband EVER treat me badly or say hurtful things to me.
Be sure you are taking care of YOURSELF first, then your kids, and LASTLY your BF, he is an adult after all. Pease do NOT let him control you or destroy the life you are building.0 -
:explode: Dump the jerk. He sounds like a classic abuser. Once you're at your ideal weight, I can almost guarantee there will be something else about you that he will find wrong. NO ONE deserves to be treated like that. Don't make excuses for him. If he cared about you, he would love you for who you are and support and encourage you. :mad:0
-
Please get rid of this guy ASAP. He is abusing you by talking to you in this way. This is also horrible for your kids to watch. If they see this kind of treatment, they will end up with people that abuse them too. I was in a very similiar relationship with my son's father. He too isolated me from my friends. I felt like I had to stay with him, because we had a baby. I was so wrong!! It was very hard leaving him, since I was brainwashed into believing that I could not do better than him. Man was that wrong. After I got away from him, and had time for my head to figure out that he was abusive, my life was great. I have been lucky he didn't want to pay child support, so I have not had anything to do with him in 14 years. I later married a great guy that adpopted my son. YOU too can get through this, but you first need to get rid of him. there is no way a good guy would say such horrible things to you. If you need to talk feel free to message me:flowerforyou:0
-
Thoughts from a guy: dump him. I mean, really.
I would never treat my wife that way. She's lovely no matter what her weight is, and she is overweight like I am. Everyone deserves to be loved the way they are.
Seriously, there's thousands (or millions) of guys out there that would be happy with you the way you are now.
Not all guys are jerks, you know?
0 -
He's abusive. He's controlling. He's hurtful, insulting and condescending.
Yes, that's who he is and what he's doing to you. BUT, if you continue to stay in this relationship to be with this man, you will be the one who is abusive, hurtful, insulting, condescending to yourself. If you stay, you're letting him to continue to do be bad to you. He may be doing these things, but you are giving him a sitting target if you stay.
Do you truly know what Love is? I don't think you do. To love is to love yourself. And if you truly love yourself, you would not let anyone do what your "boyfriend" does to you. In your heart of hearts, know that you deserve the best, that you are a good person, that you deserve to love and be loved in the best, most healthiest way possible not just in any way that is available.
You want to lose weight? Dead unhealthy weight that does not do you any good? Start by dumping this loser, your boyfriend. Then, you'll have lost at least 170 lbs (of excessive unhealthy dragging you down) weight out of your life.
If you put one more piece of food in your mouth in reaction to what he said, you're not eating for the nutrition, you're eating for protection. You're trying to protect yourself from this menace. BUT, ultimately, the person who is hurting you the most is not him. It's you. You're the only one who kept him around. You're the one who is keeping him around in a relatioship. Do not play the victim. It would only leave you feeling powerless. Be empowered instead and say that you're the one who created this situation. And also, you're the only one who can remedy this situation by saying goodbye to him. I know it will be tough to end this unhealthy relationship, no ending of any relationship is easy. We all know that.
There is the pain of ending an unhealthy relationship vs and there is the pain of staying in an unhealthy relationship. Which is greater?
What is it that you want? Do you want to love and be loved? Well, then whatever you have with this guy ain't it.
***********
p.s., Not sure if you watch The Biggest Loser, but two contestants Antoine, and Alexandra fell in love and are dating. Yes, through all the layers of fat, they saw the real beauty in each other. They saw the other as determined, passionate, courageous in pursuing a healthier lifestyle and a better life. And the two were among the earlier contestants to leave the show and now are dating, eating healthier together, working out together. That to me is Love. To see in the other their true potential and encouraging the other to pursue the true potential WHILE pursuing one's own and not judge and not make it conditional of love when the other is a certain weight number. They love each other now during the journey not when the destination is reached. Because the journey is never reached. Health and fitness is not a destination. It is a journey and so is Love itself.
http://www.accesshollywood.com/billy-bush/booted-biggest-loser-alexandra-it-was-rough-being-overweight_video_11596090 -
Thanks everyone for the advice and the kind words. On a good note, I did not attack my fridge, I snacked on a small apple with organic peanut butter, took a hot bubble bath, and popped in a dvd and curled up with my kids and relaxed. I realize that it is not worth getting upset over, that I know that I am a good and strong woman who deserves so much better. I sat and thought about whether or not I would still love him if he was overweight and the answer was yes, because my love is not shallow or superficial. There is so much more to me than numbers on a scale and this weight loss journey isn't just about my looks or my physical body, but about my health and living a clean and long life, enjoying everything God has given to me. NO ONE should stand in my way of that, and if the only way they want to "encourage me" is to demean and degrade me than they need to be apart from me because I AM better than that. So again, thank you all so much for the support and the understanding, I really don't know what I would do without MFP. And thanks Goblin for giving me perspective from a man's point of view, and to you ladies who have been there, thanks for the wake up call.0
-
Here is a man who has been married for 31 years advice. Dump him and keep looking. There are many other fish out in the sea. You need to find one that will treat you with respect the way a woman should be treated.0
-
Southern_Girl,
You're missing the point. This is something to get upset over. You should be so upset that you will not take it anymore, not for another minute, and pick up that phone, call him, and end it right now, right this minute. Draw a line in the sand.
This is not about losing weight. No one on this site is only here to lose weight. We are all here on MFP to learn to love ourselves. Properly, and in a healthy way. And if anything in our lives is not part of that plan, is not congruent to loving ourselves whether it is a greasy, full of fat donut or lots of physical clutter junk in our closets, garage, junk drawer or sapping our energy poor finances or a sneaky, passive aggressive pathological liar pretend to be our friend or a slimy, or a full of **** boyfriend, then, no matter what it is - it needs to get out of our lives. Because as long as these things are in our lives, we are not loving ourselves.
We on MFP is not only trying to shed weight of lbs but of any unnecessary psychological weight that is weighing us down. Isn't that the reason why we turn to food to comfort us because we've got unhealthy things in our lives we like to hide from? Why not get rid of the unhealthy things in our lives, get rid of it from our lives, get rid of the clutter, end the unhealthy relationships, goodbye to the poor finances situations and give ourselves permission to live better, healthier. And a better healthier weight will be the result.
Like I said before. Loving ourselves is the key. He's not respecting you because you're not respecting yourself by staying with him, a louse. Do not blame him for what he is. Take responsibility for your own destiny and do not stay. Leave, go and seek a better life not only for yourself but for your children as well.0 -
I agree with what everyone has said here. I started my journey on Aug 17 2008 at an astounding weight of 278 pounds as of this morning I weighed in at 139.2. I asked my husband just the other day if I put all my weight back on would he still love me and he replied yes I love you for who you are not your weight. I did this for me no one else but me. My kids are also seeing there is things they can change they still get some junk food just not as much,,,,
Dump this Jerk like everyone else has said and find you a real winner your kids will be happier also... They see how he is treating you and its not fair to them,0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.7K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 395 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 960 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions