Slap me please!

Mikkimeow · June 2012

Yesterday, I went swimsuit shopping with my boyfriend. If anyone who is uncomfortable with the number on their scale knows, this is a complete nightmare. I decided to try a plus size fashion store for teens and young adults, Torrid. When I arrived there, I really didn't find a swimsuit I liked. The saleswoman was, of course, thinner and much more attractive than me. I happened to look up and see a model with one of their signature one pieces on. I loved it. I turned to the saleswoman and asked her if they had any left. She told me, "We might have a couple, but you won't fit into it. It was designed to control and suck in fat, and a lot of our larger women are having trouble fitting into it." I was so pissed and hurt by what she said, and it killed me that my boyfriend heard her tell me that. I felt my eyes tear up, and I grabbed the nearest swimsuit and told her to just take me to a fitting room. I sat in that room and cried for five minutes. I spent a couple more drying my tears, and walked out. Maybe I overreacted, maybe I should have said something. But instead I let it boil inside me, and I spent the rest of the evening feeling like the biggest whale in the ocean. And to top it all off, the stupid swimsuit really didn't fit.

What happened at that store really made me think. When the hell did I become such a little *****? Two years ago I would have ripped her a new one, and then bought the freakin suit anyway. What has happened to me? Today is the one month anniversary of starting mfp. So far I have lost 10 lbs. My total weight loss goal is 107 lbs. But... This month has been ridiculous! I am sure I would lose more, but I will do great for a few days, then completely crash! I am trying to find the motivation that keeps the fire burning, really gives me a passion for change. I want to feel like the old me. So what stokes the flames?

I thought that when I saw a picture of myself it would make me want to really get out there and do what I need to do(I refuse to look at myself in pictures or allow people to take them). So I asked a friend to show me a current picture of myself. I really believed I could use it for starting ground. What was in the camera made me literally nauseous. I looked like a caricature, a bloated, sad version of myself. Again, the old me would have burned the pic over some tequila shots and gone on a six mile jogg. Well, I am not that old Mikki anymore. Which is probably why I am here. So instead, I sank even lower. I have gained three of the ten pounds back in two days already.

I just started working a second job (at 24 hour fitness with a free gym membership no less), and some really rough demons from my past have been burrowing into my mind. I have taken my frustration out on my boyfriend, and he and I just cannot seem to get along. I want be healthy and happy again.I really do. So badly. I am just absolutely lost on how to juggle everything in my life, and devote myself to becoming the person I have always wanted to be. I am embarrassed about the way I look, especially knowing that the love of my life has to come home and see that. I am ashamed that I used to be so proud of my athletic ability, and now I see a pathetic slob in the mirror.
What do I do? I want to feel beautiful again. I don't like seeing a picture of myself and have to hold back tears. I hate that I don't have any clothes that fit, or when I go out, I try and avoid eye contact so that no one sees the fear of ridicule all over my face.I am tired of avoiding my family so that they won't know I have let myself become this... THING. I want this so freaking bad. But I don't know how. I guess to end this, I am terrified, absolutely terrified. I need help.

Graciecny · June 2012

I don't know what to say, other than the b***h at the store is the one that needs to be slapped! :explode: :mad: I'd go all :devil: on her *kitten*!

lilpoindexter · June 2012

You don't need a slap..you just need to be patient. You're on the right path, stay focused on your goals, eventually you will reach your goals. I would guess that about 60-70% of us or more are not happy when we look at ourselves in the mirror...so you are defintely not alone. You're taking the right steps, just stick to your plan and don't let insensitive sales people derail you.

mightyminerva · June 2012

I'm off to bed at the moment, but I *had* to respond in some fashion right now. I hope you'll excuse the brevity.

You've only been at this for a month! I've lost just over 10 pounds but in 40 days. You're doing so well, and I think you're on par for how you should be losing. Please don't lose your motivation! That saleswoman be darned. You are worth so much!

You've made the first step in coming on here and by logging everything. You just need to find a routine that works for you. Hopefully your new job will help you to find some activity that can become an easy everyday addition to your schedule. Don't lose hope! You're just beginning. You're here to lose 107 pounds, and you've lost 10! That's a huge achievement!

As for your boyfriend, could you sit down with him and tell him that you're frustrated and why you're having a hard time? I don't have a boyfriend to accompany me on this journey, but I do have friends. I've found that they respond with support and understanding. I'm sure he would too, and isn't it better that he understands that your change in temperament is because of your own health-related issue instead of anything he's done? I'm sure he could help you sort your frustrations out.

Keep going, and together we can reach our goals. We're friends on MFP, and we have both lost about the same amount and have the same ultimate amount to lose. Please don't give up. Prove that saleswoman and yourself wrong!

Lots of love, xx

jagwab · June 2012

I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I know first hand the humiliation you must have felt.
I think you took the high road and didn't say what you were thinking.
Now go write a letter and call the company headquarters and tell them exactly what happened.
And just keep going day by day, hour by hour if needed to get to your goal.
Don't let anyone or anything get in your way.

MENichols5 · June 2012

I don't think you overreacted at all. I have been a sm/med most of my life and at my heaviest two years ago a sales person pointed out rack of dresses to me and said "these are all larges so you should look through them!". I was mortified because I never thought I would get to a size large (I'm short) and it ruined the rest of my day BUT this was actually a turning point for me. A few weeks later I joined weight watchers online and in 5 months I lost 18 lbs and was down to a size small again.

Long story short, I know how it feels! That saleswoman is not only terrible at her job, but is also mean and has other issues going on I'm sure. I know that felt horrible when she said that, gut-wrenching actually, but use it as motivation. Like you, I've had the "great for a few days, fall off the wagon, great for a few days..." rut but I've found that setting a goal helps me stay focused (an upcoming event or something to work towards fitting into a new outfit perhaps?).

Anyways, you've lost 10 lbs so far which is amazing (and those 3 you gained back are most likely just water weight from a few bad days). Just set a goal and jump back in! Don't give up

Mikkimeow · June 2012

Thank you guys, I really appreciate that. It definitely shook me up a bit. I need to try and be more positive and adulate myself on the things I HAVE been doing right. Sometimes I forget that I am only human.

JustPeachy044 · June 2012

Hang in there. I think you might benefit from making a list of things you like and love about yourself right away. Anything can go on that list, physical features, character traits (restraint and courtesy can go right near the top), skills. Hang it where you can see it! I have been there, hating myself because of how I looked, and that did NOT motivate me to improve anything. I just felt defeated and thought, "oh what does it matter?" and didn't make much effort to improve anything. Then, set some goals. Again, they can be physical, but not JUST how you look. I think the physical goals should be action goals, "I will work out ( ) days per week for ( ) minutes". I will eat (set calorie goals---REALISTIC ones).

I believe in you. You can make the changes you want to make, be the person you want to be. Just take one step at a time. That 3 lb. gain will disappear quickly and you will be on your way to a healthier and happier you. Good luck!

BTW, for what it's worth, that sales clerk was incredibly rude! Even if she was having a "bad day" or whatever, there is NO excuse for her to treat you like that. I personally would think twice about shopping there again! The hard thing about contacting the manager is that you have to re-hash the whole experience. It might be a good idea so she doesn't get away with what she did, but you will have to decide if it is worth bringing the whole thing up. On the other hand, it might also bring you some closure to the terrible experience!

lelstar · June 2012

Slap - purely cos you asked ;-)
Now, that lady was *****y and its what I hate about customer service these days. If you want to work things out with your bf start by explaining to him what's in your head - he's the one person you should be able to be totally honest with - and then when you start totake it out on him in future stop, breathe and start again. As for your weight loss just like everyone else has said you've only just started! Keep going, it will take time and you still need to find what works for you.

harleygaljojo · June 2012

I would send a nice little pissed off letter to the main office letting them know exactly what happened. That you thought this was a plus size store to help people with what they needed not to insult them. And that you have already notified all of your buddies of MFP of what has happened and they will not shop there as long as they keep that person employed.

DorisInTheDena · June 2012

Saleschick needs a new job and some tact. I would be calling the stores main office, for sure! That is ridiculous!! :mad:

By the way, you are BEAUTIFUL!

Bobby_Clerici · June 2012

It does not sound like she was trying to be unkind to you.
It was just a young, awkward person wanting to help. We can't expect the world to treat us with kid gloves.
You are doing what you need to do to reach your goals, so worry not.
All Is Possible:flowerforyou:

Kal_n_130 · June 2012

I would deff be balling my eyes out as well.. But id totally tell that lady off! Your a gorgeous girl, don't let any one put you down! I know exactly what ur going through i always do great then end up screwing up after a few days but u just have to keep pushing things will get easier and u will regain ur self control! Every thing takes time ur doing a great job so far. AND if ur progress is going slower than u want just remember your changing ur life and being healthier at least. Things will fall in place!

mynameiscarrie · June 2012

whaaaaaat?!

First: keep your head up! you're not overreacting

Second: eff that lady. I woulda told the manager so fast. that's so rude to say and horrible even if someone was 1000 pounds. I would definitely go back and tell the manager...

tishad58 · June 2012

Oh BOY. I think the first thing you need to do for you is- complain about the woman at the store. She has NO biz working in a plus size store with THAT attitude!! No- take that back,,, She doesn't need to work in a clothing store at all- period. Seriously, please either call the manager or write a letter to the company and let them know what kind of an experience you had there.

I say that because I think you will feel a lot better about yourself if you make that complaint- it puts you in control of the situation and it sounds like you need that.

Maybe we aren't at the BMI we want to be at yet- but that does NOT give ANYONE the right to treat you or me or any of us like *kitten*.

mikek333 · June 2012

Not a lady so I may be way off base here. But wasn't the sales lady actually doing you a favor by not wasting your time with something that doesn't fit and wouldn't look good. Granted, she could have asked your size and offered to order one in your size if they didn't have one in stock.

If you have 100 + pounds to lose, you are doing the right thing the right way on MFP and you should be ecstatic with your results so far. I am impressed, FWIW.

MadiRose2 · June 2012

I don't know what to say, besides YOU CAN DO THIS! I promise. Do not give up! You will be so happy once you reach your goal, that you did not give up.

Good luck to you!!!!!!!

YOU. CAN. DO. THIS.

ashlye08 · June 2012

Firstly, the mirror doesn't reflect anything but the physical representation of you. We tend to get stuck on it a lot because its what is easiest to identify. You seem very intelligent and an emotional person. The emotional doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing, it just means you understand how words effect those around you.

My advice is to focus on yourself. Remember that you are a beautiful person no matter what the scale says. It takes will power, dedication, and sometimes several attempts to reach the goals you set. If they were easy you wouldn't have to work so hard.

So (and I don't mean this in a bad way) pull on your big girl panties, take a deep breath, and tell yourself "yes, this is hard but it is for the better" and just do it.

Basil is an herb that can help elevate your mood so use fresh basil whenever possible to give you a boost, exercise does too. And remember, just because you have something you REALLY shouldn't sometimes doesn't mean you should feel guilty and punish yourself and give up on your goals. You just have to make sure that the little cheat isn't a daily activity. I mean the calorie tracker on here gives you the knowledge to understand what you have to do to earn those cheats!

Good luck, I hope this helps and that stupid c**t from the store probably ought to take her happy as$ to a new job where she won't have to expose people to her poor attitude and lack of tact.

rahmyers · June 2012

Wow what a horrid sales woman! You can over come this. Use her nasty words every time you want to give up and cheat. Every time you've got to push that last bit to get a tough workout done because think about how miserable she is inside herself to have to be like that! You just have some weight to loose, her ugly is inside and it's a lot harder to change! If ever or possible!! You'll be thinner and happier while she sadly will still be miserable.

Lady_Bane · June 2012

Sorry to say, but this is my issue: WHY DOES TORRID HAVE SWIMSUITS FOR PLUS SIZE WOMEN THAT PLUS SIZE WOMEN CANT FIT INTO.....just saying, thats a little horrible to do to people.

MrsJaimeW · June 2012

whaaaaaat?!

First: keep your head up! you're not overreacting

Second: eff that lady. I woulda told the manager so fast. that's so rude to say and horrible even if someone was 1000 pounds. I would definitely go back and tell the manager...

I couldn't agree more!

Le_Joy · June 2012

I am a big fan of giving customer feedback. You should email the store and let them know! You don't need to yell at people or anything, but standing up for yourself is a good thing.

KaleidoscopeEyes1056 · June 2012

Personally, I think the sales person should have let you try one on and let you figure out on your own whether or not it would have worked.

But, like the others have said, you're on the right track. You're here now, trying to get healthy and lose weight. Maybe you can buy the swimsuit and keep it for a goal of yours! Never give up, dear. :flowerforyou:

ETA: And, I don't think the sales person was really trying to be rude either. Just from the description that you gave, it seemed like she was trying to be helpful, but maybe not in the most tactful manner.

SwissRiviera · June 2012

Beautiful comes from within. You are what you believe. Your boyfriend likely wouldn't be with you unless he cared. Give him some credit for having good taste. Look inside your soul, rediscover that flame that says, I AM! Keep trying, success only comes with patience. Cheers to you for the 10 pounds. That is a big deal! Don't forget, this is not a television show it's real life. You might be interested in checking out TOP's Taking Off Pounds Sensibly. The most important thing is to love yourself where you are today and that amazing body that has brought you to this date.

duhblond · June 2012

That woman was out of line!!!!!!
You are a beautiful person and I hope for your sake you lose the weight you want so that you can be a better you.
I know sometimes I'm not motivated to work out, so it really helps finding something you enjoy doing that does not feel like a "workout"
I like belly dancing (there are great instructional tapes out there) or playing the dance games on wii.
I hope you reach a point where you are inspired to get healthy.
I'm on everyday so if you want feel free to fr me

chattipatty2 · June 2012

Well, now that we've taken care of the b-i-t-c-h a-s-s sales clerk, can I offer a few suggestions?
1. Make a list of "healthy food" you love. Keep a running list on the fridge. I wish I had done that, cuz I have to go searching all the time for what worked 100+ days ago.
2. Try to keep your diet pre-planned. It's so much easier, leaves less room for eff ups. Pack a cooler, bottom lined with water bottles. Even pre-log what your gonna eat for the day. This may help.
3. Drink water, water, water. It's filling, flushes toxins, and really does wonders for skin toning. You will notice your complexion getting better, and when all the fat is gone, less saggy skin if any at all.
4. Take it easy. The pounds are coming off. Weigh self same time, dressed same every week. No peeking in between.
5. Friend those with longevity and large weight loss. Friend trainers. Friend me if you want. I'm not perfect, but now back from vacation, I am getting back on the fast train. Read diaries. Get ideas.
6. Stay away from eating out for a while. Work out prior to picnics, and enjoy yourself.
7. Follow MFP like the BIBLE, but stay away from negative forums, in fact, try to stay away from those that offer any more than the basic information that you need to succeed.
8. You are your own Cheerleader. No one can do this for you. Only you can do this for yourself. ITS EASY ONCE YOU GET THE HANG OF IT.
Good luck kiddo. Oh and Don't hate the haters, they just don't get it.

MissNations · June 2012

What a ****ty saleswoman.

-poor technique

-RUDE!!@!!!!!

-UNhelpful

Please don't shop there again and please don't go into a downward spiral because of one stupid woman. 10 lbs in one month is GREAT. You are doing just fine and don't let that ***** de-rail you. Wipe the slate clean and start over tomorrow. You CAN do this. You CAN.:flowerforyou:

spoonful · June 2012

The first thing you need to do is write to the store and get the assistant fired. She should not be working in a clothing store period.

The second thing you need to do is stop judging yourself by the criteria of other people. Many people just love to tear others down. The more that you're down on yourself, the harder it is to get in shape.

You look and sound like a terrific girl and you actually have it easier than many people. It's a lot easier to lose weight than develop a nice personality and/or grow a brain.

Be as nice and caring to yourself as you are to others and you'll be just fine.

pkfrankel · June 2012

I could tell you hundreds of cliches in response to your post but I will rely on only one. Rome wasn't built in a day. You need to remember that each day that comes is another step towards your goal. In time you will learn to eat more healthy foods and what exercises work best for you. Find a cardio exercise that you really enjoy doing whether it's running, cycling, jump rope. Jumping rope burns about 10 calories a minute. Doing exercises you enjoy helps keep you going. There are a lot of exercises you can do without equipment and little time.

We live in the same town so please friend me. I will gladly offer tips and advice if you ask. In return you can sign a softball for me when you go pro! Best of luck and don't worry about the sales cluck (not a typo) at the swim shop!

amsohs85 · June 2012

Sorry to say, but this is my issue: WHY DOES TORRID HAVE SWIMSUITS FOR PLUS SIZE WOMEN THAT PLUS SIZE WOMEN CANT FIT INTO.....just saying, thats a little horrible to do to people.

Because the fashion industry has treated plus size women like the proverbial redheaded step child for years. Despite the fact that over half of the female population is size 14 or larger the industry is focused on smaller sizes. As if larger women need to crawl under a rock and die!! I have shopped at large size stores and im 5'2". It is virtually impossible to find something that fits me correctly and is also attractive. The shirts are too long, the pants are too big in the leg and the dresses are tents that drag the floor. I have yet to see a bathing suit that was flattering. Hey lets have the fat ladies wear polka dots or better yet how about some paisley print across your butt. Throw some tummy reducing panels inside so she can feel like she is being strangled to death and then when she goes up two or three sizes the *kitten* of the suit can hang down to the back of her knees. Put a big bow on it and a skirt that looks like a two year old would wear it so she can feel like a complete moron... just shoot me please!!

This is why im on MFP.... i refuse for my only clothing options to be something my grandmother would have worn and probably looked better in... :noway:

laulyn · June 2012

I am so sorry. I have been there, hell, I am there. I used to be proud of my athletic ability and strength. Now I feel like a fraction of myself and look like I ate the girl I used to be! I have battled my own demons, things that have crept in to my head, that resounding negative voice, the fear that even if I get it all off AGAIN, I am scared out of my mind I will just gain it back. I have hid in my house not wanting to go out and let people see me, especially not my family and friends; because at least strangers don't know how far I have fallen. Honey, it is a terrible feeling. It is a terrifying . So here is what I have done.... I have recognized, (since I am a social worker) I NEED the people around me who love me. I NEED accountability. I NEED support. I feel like my problem is bigger than what I can handle on my own. I know i must commit to a lifetime of health. So, just like any recovering addict (ugh, I hate using that to describe myself), I need an action plan. Just like an alcoholic needs a plan. An alcoholic may meditate and call their sponsor to stay on their road to recovery. I have created my own action plan. I wrote my action plan in a journal. It is my go to when the *kitten* hits the fan or I have a case of the"I don't wanna's" or the "What is the point anyway?". My personal action plan is #1-When I begin to struggle I will check out before and after stories, I find them inspiring. Before and afters light some sort of intrinsic motivation for me. #2- I will be accountable to people I love and feel safe with. My best friend and my long term boyfriend are on duty. If they see me beginning to slip, they can come to me in a loving manner to speak to me about it in a kind considerate manner. We even have a "safe word". When they come to me with the "safe word", I know it means they are concerned and they know I want to be fit for life and they are committed to helping me, by holding me accountable. #3- If i can not manage the motivation to eat healthy or work out, I will log on to MFP and do exactly what you just did. I will get on a forum and i will ask for help from a community of people I feel have walked 4,000 miles in my shoes and know my struggles. I know if I am slipping I will log on. No matter how sh*tty I feel, I can pick up the computer.

I know some of that sounds cheesy, but it is my lifeline. I truly hope it is helpful. The road is long and it can be a difficult journey, but stay the course. You can do this. You are a beautiful girl with a bright future, I can see it in your eyes. Being destined for greatness is a big responsibility and not for the faint of heart. You have got this, move through the fear.

Courage is feeling the fear, and doing it anyway.

Slap me please!

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