Would you hire me?
BeautyFromPain
Posts: 4,952 Member
in Chit-Chat
Okay so dealio is that gyms here in canberra are always looking for staff, and as I just completed my cert 3 I would LOVE to get a job in one. I was going to give out my resume with this cover letter :
To Whom It May Concern, 26/06/12
My name is Ellie Stevenson and I am writing to you about any positions which are open, or may become open in the near future for Reception or Gym Floor Work. I am very enthusiastic about any opportunities which I may receive.
I believe that I am well suited for this gym as I have experience with customer service and a passion for health and fitness. I have done extensive research in exercise and nutrition. One of my strong points is that I strive to keep learning.
I would love to work with your gym as I enjoy every aspect of being healthy and fit. Working with people is very enjoyable to me and helps keep me motivated to excel in my responsibilities.
This is a great opportunity and I would love to be considered.
I look forward to meeting with you.
Kind Regards, Ellie Stevenson.
A few questions.. someone suggested to me, that I should say something about my weight loss or put a before/after photo with it, what do you think?
What would you wear at an interview/handing out resumes.. gym clothes or slacks and a nice blouse?
To Whom It May Concern, 26/06/12
My name is Ellie Stevenson and I am writing to you about any positions which are open, or may become open in the near future for Reception or Gym Floor Work. I am very enthusiastic about any opportunities which I may receive.
I believe that I am well suited for this gym as I have experience with customer service and a passion for health and fitness. I have done extensive research in exercise and nutrition. One of my strong points is that I strive to keep learning.
I would love to work with your gym as I enjoy every aspect of being healthy and fit. Working with people is very enjoyable to me and helps keep me motivated to excel in my responsibilities.
This is a great opportunity and I would love to be considered.
I look forward to meeting with you.
Kind Regards, Ellie Stevenson.
A few questions.. someone suggested to me, that I should say something about my weight loss or put a before/after photo with it, what do you think?
What would you wear at an interview/handing out resumes.. gym clothes or slacks and a nice blouse?
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Replies
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It is a good idea to post a photo of before and after as it would show you are positive in what you are doing.0
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It is a good idea to post a photo of before and after as it would show you are positive in what you are doing.
Okay, what would be the best way to do this without looking snobby?
Should I write something in the cover letter as well?0 -
bump0
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very good letter. defintely include before and after pictures in your resume. I would wear a blouse and pants. on an interview you want to dress up more than you normally would. when I went to work at a daycare while most of the staff wore a t shirt and jeans I thought I would wear a dressy blouse and dress pants.0
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If they are hiring someone based on looks rather than skills, then you have to ask yourself if that is where you want to be working.
overweight or skinny, if you have the required skills then you may be successful in the job. Adding a photo does nothing to promote your skills, which is what you should really be selling, not your clothes size.0 -
Having worked in HR for years, if I get resumes for "any positions which are open", they go right in the trash.0
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To Whom It May Concern, 26/06/12
My name is Ellie Stevenson and I am writing to you about any positions which are open, or may become open in the near future for Reception or Gym Floor Work. I am very enthusiastic about any opportunities which I may receive.
I believe that I am well suited for this gym as I have experience with customer service and a passion for health and fitness. I have done extensive research in exercise and nutrition. One of my strong points is that I strive to keep learning.
I would love to work with your gym as I enjoy every aspect of being healthy and fit. Working with people is very enjoyable to me and helps keep me motivated to excel in my responsibilities.
This is a great opportunity and I would love to be considered.
I look forward to meeting with you.
Kind Regards, Ellie Stevenson.
I do this for a living...so consider this a freebie!
I rewrote parts of it for you:
To Whom It May Concern, 26/06/12
My name is Ellie Stevenson {no need to introduce yourself here...you will be signing the letter...makes the letter redundant} and I am writing to you about any positions which are open, or may become open in the near future for Reception or Gym Floor Work. I am very enthusiastic about any opportunities which I may receive.
Sounds better as:
In direct response to the success of your facility and fitness center, I am writing to offer myself to be included in the search for a candidate that may be open for a receptionist or floor attendant at your location. I am very enthusiastic about any opportunities I may receive.
I believe {do not use words as "believe, appears, seem, etc" as those words are opinionated and cast doubt} that I am well suited for this gym as I have experience with customer service and a passion for health and fitness. I have done extensive research in exercise and nutrition. One of my strong points is that I strive to keep learning.
I would love {do not use love, use "cherish the opportunity" or something similar} to work with your gym as I enjoy every aspect of being healthy and fit. Working with people is very enjoyable to me and helps keep me motivated to excel in my responsibilities.
This is a great opportunity and I would love to be considered. {To be considered for a position would be a great opportunity. Thank you for your time and consideration.}
I look forward to meeting with you.
Kind Regards, Ellie Stevenson.0 -
I very highly recommend having a friend or family member with an English degree read that over.0
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To Whom It May Concern, 26/06/12
My name is Ellie Stevenson and I am writing to you about any positions which are open, or may become open in the near future for Reception or Gym Floor Work. I am very enthusiastic about any opportunities which I may receive.
I believe that I am well suited for this gym as I have experience with customer service and a passion for health and fitness. I have done extensive research in exercise and nutrition. One of my strong points is that I strive to keep learning.
I would love to work within your gym as I enjoy every aspect of being healthy and fit. Working with people is very enjoyable to me and helps keep me motivated to excel in my responsibilities.
This is a great opportunity and I would love to be considered.
I look forward to meeting with you.
Kind Regards, Ellie Stevenson.
I do this for a living...so consider this a freebie! I rewrote parts of it for you:
To Whom It May Concern, 26/06/12
My name is Ellie Stevenson {no need to introduce yourself here...you will be signing the letter...makes the letter redundant} and I am writing to you about any positions which are open, or may become open in the near future for Reception or Gym Floor Work. I am very enthusiastic about any opportunities which I may receive.
Sounds better as:
In direct response to the success of your facility and fitness center, I am writing to offer myself to be included in the search for a candidate that may be open for a receptionist or floor attendant at your location. I am very enthusiastic about any opportunities I may receive.
I believe {do not use words as "believe, appears, seem, etc" as those words are opinionated and cast doubt} that I am well suited for this gym as I have experience with customer service and a passion for health and fitness. I have done extensive research in exercise and nutrition. One of my strong points is that I strive to keep learning.
I would love {do not use love, use "cherish the opportunity" or something similar} to work with your gym as I enjoy every aspect of being healthy and fit. Working with people is very enjoyable to me and helps keep me motivated to excel in my responsibilities.
This is a great opportunity and I would love to be considered. {To be considered for a position would be a great opportunity. Thank you for your time and consideration.}
I look forward to meeting with you.
Kind Regards, Ellie Stevenson.
Thank you for your help. Sorry I don't have the best english skills.
To Whom It May Concern, 26/06/12
In direct response to the success of your facility and fitness centre, I am writing to offer myself to be included in the search for a candidate that may be open for a receptionist or floor attendant at your location. I am very enthusiastic about any opportunities I may receive.
I am well suited for this gym as I have experience with customer service and a strong passion and dedication for health and fitness. I have completed extensive research in exercise and nutrition and I strive to continue learning as new technologies and methods are introduced.
I will motivate and encourage your clients to achieve the life changes they're pursuing. I strive to help others’ overcome their fears, and become the best person they can be through the knowledge which I have gained throughout my own weight loss journey, and schooling. I hope to be able to inspire any and all clientele which I come into contact with.
I would cherish the opportunity to work with your gym as I enjoy every aspect of being healthy and fit. Working with people is very enjoyable to me and helps keep me motivated to excel in my responsibilities.
To be considered for a position would be a great opportunity. Thank you for your time and consideration.
I look forward to meeting you.
Kind Regards, Ellie Stevenson.
Is that better?0 -
Do you have actual formal education? You need to mention that. Otherwise try this:
26 June 2012
Dear Mr./Ms. X (find out the gym manager’s name):
I am interested in a position at your facility as a receptionist or floor attendant.
I have experience in customer service and am passionate about and dedicated to health and fitness. I have extensively researched exercise and nutrition and intend to continue my education in those areas as technology and methods evolve. I have used my knowledge to improve my own physical fitness and would like an opportunity to inspire and assist your clients to reach their own goals.
Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Ellie Stevenson0 -
Do you have actual formal education? You need to mention that. Otherwise try this:
26 June 2012
Dear Mr./Ms. X (find out the gym manager’s name):
I am interested in a position at your facility as a receptionist or floor attendant.
I have experience in customer service and am passionate about and dedicated to health and fitness. I have extensively researched exercise and nutrition and intend to continue my education in those areas as technology and methods evolve. I have used my knowledge to improve my own physical fitness and would like an opportunity to inspire and assist your clients to reach their own goals.
Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Ellie Stevenson
Yeah I do, I thought that was just said through your resume, not the cover letter but okay thanks! 0 -
Do you have actual formal education? You need to mention that. Otherwise try this:
26 June 2012
Dear Mr./Ms. X (find out the gym manager’s name):
I am interested in a position at your facility as a receptionist or floor attendant.
I have experience in customer service and am passionate about and dedicated to health and fitness. I have extensively researched exercise and nutrition and intend to continue my education in those areas as technology and methods evolve. I have used my knowledge to improve my own physical fitness and would like an opportunity to inspire and assist your clients to reach their own goals.
Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Ellie Stevenson
Yeah I do, I thought that was just said through your resume, not the cover letter but okay thanks!
You mention it briefly in the cover letter, which is the first thing potential employers see and the thing that they use to decide whether to even look at the resume. The way you word it in the cover letter, it sounds like you just looked some stuff up on the Internet, which will not work in your favor.
Ideally, a cover letter should be no more than three short paragraphs that serve as an introduction, a statement about what job you're applying for and a small taste of the highlights of the resume.
I have never NOT gotten a job I applied for, so I know a little about this. :-)0 -
Okay so dealio is that gyms here in canberra are always looking for staff, and as I just completed my cert 3 I would LOVE to get a job in one. I was going to give out my resume with this cover letter :
To Whom It May Concern, 26/06/12
My name is Ellie Stevenson and I am writing to you about any positions which are open, or may become open in the near future for Reception or Gym Floor Work. I am very enthusiastic about any opportunities which I may receive. (This sounds desperate. Rephrase to say something like you are eager to begin a career in the fitness industry and you are willing to work your way up.)
I believe that I am well suited for this gym as I have experience with customer service and a passion for health and fitness. I have done extensive research in exercise and nutrition. One of my strong points is that I strive to keep learning. (You are well suited for this gym, but not others? Emphasise your customer service and point out you are continuing to educate yourself in the filed of fitness.)
I would love to work with your gym as I enjoy every aspect of being healthy and fit. Working with people is very enjoyable to me and helps keep me motivated to excel in my responsibilities. (Again, you would love to work with their gym, but not others? Expand your customer service in the previous paragraph, this is kind of redundant.)
This is a great opportunity and I would love to be considered.
I look forward to meeting with you.
Kind Regards, Ellie Stevenson.
A few questions.. someone suggested to me, that I should say something about my weight loss or put a before/after photo with it, what do you think?
What would you wear at an interview/handing out resumes.. gym clothes or slacks and a nice blouse?
I have made a few notations above to consider.
Always dress nice and discuss the dress code for the specific job. I think you take the photos to the interview to show your progress and that you are interested in helping others. It could be a new marketing area for them to show it can be done.0 -
I think Ronni's letter is an improvement, but there are too many passive verbs, and you need to remember a gym is an especially "go-get-em" kind of place. You want a lot of action - I will, I can, I look forward to, I'm great at.
When I was in school, a teacher told me this is how to write an essay: "Tell them what you're going to tell them, tell them, and tell them you told them." It works well in cover letters too.
May I edit your version of his edit? my additions are noted in brackets.
To Whom It May Concern,
I am writing to apply for a position as a receptionist or floor attendant at [Name of Fitness Centre]. Your centre is well known as a great place to work out and a great place to work, and I would be honored and excited to be a part of it. I believe my knowledge of exercise and nutrition and my own experience with weight loss would be a valuable addition to your team.
[you don't need to mention "any openings, any opportunities available, etc because they won't assume you're applying for a job that isn't available]
I am very interested in the body and the way it works. I have completed extensive research in exercise and nutrition and I strive to continue learning as new trends, technologies and methods are introduced. I also have experience with customer service and a strong passion and dedication for health and fitness. I love working with people and in a fast-paced environment.
I will cheerfully motivate and encourage your clients to achieve the life changes they're pursuing. I am eager to utilize my knowledge and experience to help others [no apostrophe here] overcome their own fears and stumbling blocks, and become the best [deleted person] they can be. I also am able to relate to others through my own weight loss journey. I look forward to helping people feel inspired, informed, and successful.
I look forward to the opportunity to speak with you, and I believe you'll agree that my skills, experience and positive attitude would be a great fit for your team. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Ellie Stevenson.0 -
Thank you everyone 0
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I'd hire you! I think it wouln't be a bad idea to include something about your weight loss so that they realize how well you could help others.
As for clothing, I say nicer clothes, not althletic.
Just my opinion!0
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