I Binge.

elbiekoh
elbiekoh Posts: 22
in Food and Nutrition
I generally try to eat quite healthy, clean foods. I avoid processed, dairy, meat etc. But when I have an emotional low I HAVE to binge. This is the main issue I want to resolve with the help of MFP. so today was my third or fourth day without having to binge. It was all well and good until 9pm, when I attacked the giant box of Maltesers I was babysitting for my boyfriend. In a mindless frenzy I consumed roughly 1300 calories worth of Maltesers in under 30 minutes. I'm determined not to beat myself up over it, I find when I get upset for bingeing it starts a downward spiral, resulting in more bingeing.

So, I thought I'd start a thread for people like me who need moral support, and want to confess their binges. I feel I have a very turbulent emotional relationship with food, I'd like to know if others feel the same and how they go about making changes/ prevention.

Thanks
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Replies

  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    I too have a very turbulent relationship with food. My trainer told me that it is unlikely I will ever be able to learn to eat intuitively after so long as I am, but I have hope. I too eat pretty healthy, but when I am feeling overtired, too relaxed, too happy, bored or stressed, I am prone to binge eating. It does not help that I am not good at realising I am experiencing those emotions at the time, before the binge, or at dealing with them in other ways. I simply gravitate towards eating, moreso if I am sitting around in the evening, or if I have gone out into town on an empty stomach, or do a heavy workout without eating something after. I have downed over 6k calories in some of my binges, but bear in mind, I am also bulimic so there is that aspect to my issue as well. Nevertheless, I wish I came here and said I was about to binge...I don't as I don't think anything anyone could say would help stop me once the mental state was there. It is the aftermath I always need support for, when I am realise there are so many foods I cannot even have around me because I lack control with them. So, so ironic for an ex anorexic, to find herself in a predicament where she actually cannot stand to be hungry anymore.
  • elbiekoh
    elbiekoh Posts: 22
    I've had problems with eating disorders too. Not an anorexic, or at least never seen a specialist for it, but I don't eat regularly, I have phobias of certain foods and at times I do make myself purge or abuse laxatives. It's something that I always hoped I'd grow out of, but it seems to be getting worse and my level of control directly relates to my bingeing pattern. It's interesting how your P.T. said youll never have the intuition to know when you're full. I can be at a point where one more bite will feel like my throat will clog, and still desire it. If you can't identify when to stop via intuition, then how can you know when to stop? Does this mean every meal must be measured and weighed? I don't want to have to do that. I know putting those kind of calculated restrictions will only fuel my want to binge. So what do we do?

    To give you a brief timeline

    LW: 54kg age 16
    HW: 79kg
    CW: 79kg
    GW: 60kg.

    I'd like to enter the new year having reached my goal weight and overcome my binge problem. 60kg seems underweight for my height [6ft 1] but I think I looked best at that weight. Considering the quantity/ regularity in which I binge, without that I think I would be between the 60-65 kg mark
  • elbiekoh
    elbiekoh Posts: 22
    Can I ask, what are your go to binge foods? Do you binge in secret, have issues eating 'normally' in front of people, do you have to hide or secretly dispose of the food packaging/ waste afterwards?

    Thanks for replying too. Just to know someone else is in a similar situation to me, it's comforting.
  • 13inchestogo
    13inchestogo Posts: 296 Member
    I have gone through/am going through the same things with binge eating as you. It has gotten better for me since working out and keeping myself busy with going on walks with my dog, or leaving the house when I feel like I just NEED to eat. I would also reccommend listening to music you love, I believe it can help to alter your mindset into a more positive one. Even if you have a good friend to talk to. I know nothing can satisfy that horrible craving feeling of 'needing' to eat the box of chocolates, or 'needing' to eat 3 bags of chips, 7 bowls of cereal, the whole tub of yogurt, or 10 granola bars. But the sooner you kill the part of you that wants to keep feeding that 'need' the sooner you can start to feel more in control. Those are very easy words to say, I know that actually stopping bingeing is very very hard. But it can be done and a lot of the problem ( at least for me ) was the hate cycle that I would put myself in after a binge. So love yourself no matter how much that voice is saying not to, and keep trying your best to treat your body in a healthy loving way.

    The more you resist and empower yourself and strengthen your will, the better you will feel about the control you have over yourself. Sometimes yes it is very difficult to stop and listen, really listen to that voice who is telling you to stop and walk away but the more you do the better you will feel.

    Being addicted to food is seriously straining :( ... But with forgiveness for yourself and a never-give-up attitude you can restore balance into your relationship with food and make it a healthy one :):)
  • jodycoady
    jodycoady Posts: 598 Member
    I binge and the other thing that no one wants to bring up.

    No pun intended.

    Only during my T.O.M -- no other time.
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    Can I ask, what are your go to binge foods? Do you binge in secret, have issues eating 'normally' in front of people, do you have to hide or secretly dispose of the food packaging/ waste afterwards?

    Thanks for replying too. Just to know someone else is in a similar situation to me, it's comforting.

    I think 60kg is probably too low a goal for your height and just adds to the unhealthy thinking pattern. My personal trainer says I need to put on weight, but isn't rushing into that right now, and yes, she does advocate planning and some sort of routine for eating, and eating regularly, to try and deal with the binges. I must say, I will find that incredibly difficult too as I don't like pre preparing stuff and tend to ignore it anyway if I am in binge mode.

    I don't have to binge in secret as I live alone. But I do try and get rid of the packaging as soon as I can as I hate seeing it when I get up the next day as a reminder. I also quickly vacuum up any signs as well, for my own benefit, and I hate food mess anyway. I don't tend to binge in a way that is uncontrolled, as in stuff it in at high speed, it is more the fact I get multiple different binge foods and then eat each one until I am horribly full and bloated, long past the point when the taste was enjoyable. The only thing I can eat in quantity and actually keep enjoying is ice cream.
  • cinasana
    cinasana Posts: 40
    Hello ladies,

    A booked that literally changed my life was Marianne Williamson's "A course in Weightloss". I pray that each of you, struggling with an ED (i.e. binge eating) will give this read a chance. This is an exceptional spiritual guide to help you better control your food.

    Love,
    Jenny
  • Heidi64
    Heidi64 Posts: 211 Member
    I'm a binger! That's why I've really tried to retrain myself with the help of MFP. I did the emotional binging, but now that I am hooked on exercising, I usually do something physical if I am upset or whatever, so that's one victory. I found that when I told myself no and can't, I did a "do what I want" binge. With MFP, I pretty much have a treat a day, not always, but a majority. I don't deny. BUT, when I have whatever craving/treat I want, I make sure to TAKE MY TIME enjoying and savoring EVERY bite. Also, when I'm in that "grazing" mode when I wander aimlessly thru the kitchen looking for food, I make sure to drink water with each item I eat. That strategy worked for me today, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes, my food diary is pretty pitiful. When that happens I try not to make it worse by continuing, try not to tell myself "you can't eat anything else". I try to just work thru the day, get in extra exercise if possible and start fresh the next day. This is definitely an up and down journey of "too hard" and "what's the point?" but if you have any fortitude at all, you pick yourself up and go on. You CAN do this!!! You know you can. Good luck!!
  • vetpet130785
    vetpet130785 Posts: 5
    I'm a chronic binger!! The problem is I'm an "all or nothing" kinda girl, so I try to eat super healthy and if I have so much as one bite of something "naughty" it kicks off a whirl-wind that lasts the rest of the day (no later than the stroke of midnight, and then I suddenly believe that because it's technically a new day, I am starting afresh)....I had one just last night. I've always had a bad relationship with food and just can't seem to get a hold of it......I'm really hoping that with MFP I can train myself to feel ok about having a little chocolate or something, just log the calories and include it into the day's calorie count......I'm sick of feeling disgusted with myself.....in all seriousness I've had "pig-out days" (cheat days) where I would've clocked up thousands and thousands and thousands of calories....no joke....so disgusting :(
  • jodycoady
    jodycoady Posts: 598 Member
    Hello ladies,

    A booked that literally changed my life was Marianne Williamson's "A course in Weightloss". I pray that each of you, struggling with an ED (i.e. binge eating) will give this read a chance. This is an exceptional spiritual guide to help you better control your food.

    Love,
    Jenny

    Can you tell us more about it?
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
    I've been a binge eater for 3+ years and it developed into bulimia last fall.

    However, I have now gone two weeks binge/purge free - my longest streak in a VERY long time :)
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    I've been a binge eater for 3+ years and it developed into bulimia last fall.

    However, I have now gone two weeks binge/purge free - my longest streak in a VERY long time :)

    Well done for that, I can get 4 or 5 day stretches sometimes but then the weekend comes and things go wrong. Either that, or TOM hits badly.
  • vanessalillian82
    vanessalillian82 Posts: 350 Member
    I'm 6'1.5" and have been on the high end of normal or the low end of overweight for most of my life. Apparently tall girls "carry it well". A big part of my problem is binge eating - once I start on a packet of biscuits I find it very hard to stop, and my usual trick is to buy up a whole lot of stuff I crave at the supermarket and sit there and scoff it in one hit, to the tune of several thousand calories. And I eat secretively and hide the wrappers, too. I'm starting to learn that if I feel guilty about eating it, or feel the need to hide it or lie about it, I just shouldn't be eating it (or at least, not in that quantitiy). It took me until I turned to the internet for weight loss support to realise that binge eating is actually a disorder, and I tick 99% of the boxes. I couldn't believe there were more people like me out there, although I guess it's not surprising as bingers like to hide it! Chances are I have friends who do the same and I just don't know it.

    At present I'm around 80kg and I want to get down to 72-73, partly because that's about as low as I can go before I enter "underweight" territory, and partly because 73kg is 10kg less than the weight I was so miserable and fat at in highschool. Mind you, my body shape has changed considerably since then. I now exercise more regularly. And I think that's a word of advice I have for you - don't focus on the number on the scale. Instead, focus on how you feel or look or what size pants you fit into. I didn't realise how important that is until I read SlimKatie's (runsforcookies.com) post http://www.runsforcookies.com/2011/08/answers-to-your-questions-long-post.html (it's about half way down the page) and she posted a photo of her at the exact same weight, but one through diet alone and the other through running and eating healthy and feeding herself properly. She's considerably larger in the "diet only" picture. She's a pretty inspirational woman and fairly focused on being fit and healthy, but is also a normal girl who likes her treats like the rest of us, but she's learnt to treat herself sustainably.

    I'm having a lot of trouble shifting weight now, and I think it's partly because of the muscle gain, but I'm learning to appreciate things like measurements and size. I think I have a healthier mindset now but I do still slip back into binge mode occasionally and the hate spiral that attends it. I'm trying to exercise when I feel like binging because it elevates my mood, rather than wallowing in the mood and feeding my feelings. I know I will never be perfect, but I guess nobody can be.

    Anyway, good luck! It would seem that there are a lot of binge eaters out there so you're definitely not alone :)
  • toysbigkid
    toysbigkid Posts: 545 Member
    all of you are me :( ............I'm working real hard trying to alter my state of mind when things go south but it doesn't always work for me, I've lost 73 pounds but it's the binge attacks that I want to work on the most. I'm always thinking of why should I do all this if I can't get it under control but I'm still here, eating clean, exercising and drinking my water. I'm just afraid of later, sure don't want to gain any back...............I will try that take the dog for a walk thing next time.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    i usually binge/overeat. i'm never happy until i'm stuffed and feel like i'm going to burst.

    when i do low carb, i am super strict though. it's really easy for me not to binge.
    i actually have a problem trying to eat more that what i do. it's such a change from stuffing my face!
  • elbiekoh
    elbiekoh Posts: 22
    I'm so overwhelmed with the amount of responses. Truly, I've felt so alone and ashamed about my eating habits - but reading everyone's posts, I relate to all of them! Thanks for responding, if you would like to add me as a friend, then we can all network and try to overcome this problem together.

    For me, I haven't yet made a change for the better - but I desperately want to. I don't want to be thirty and spending all of my money on junk food, avoiding clothes shopping, socializing or making excuses for my weight gain. I would like to no longer feel guilty, or that I can't keep foods in the house; that I have to keep secrets from the people closest to me. If I'm completely honest with you, sometimes my habit seems so hopeless and out of my control that I feel suicidal. Emotionally and physically, how I am now is not right.

    So last night, after a good day and with no apparent reasoning - I binged on a 370gm family size box of Maltesers. I stopped there as I've recently moved into a share house and keep all my food in the downstairs kitchen. I want to force myself to only eat in public [i.e. not my room] generally though, I would have ate a lot more. The Maltesers where in my bedroom as they were my boyfriends [I'm going to now refill the box, so he doesn't know]. This is the second time this week I've had to refill the box.

    Normally my battle plan post binge is to calculate the quantity of calories and then divide that by the remaining days of the week. I then subtract that number from each daily intake requirement, so that I under-eat the rest of the week to accommodate for the binge. Example:

    tuesday: 4000 calories. RDI: 1650. Over ate: 2350 calories
    remaining days of the week : 5

    2350/5: 470

    1650- 470 : 1180 daily intake for the remainder of the week.

    At first I thought this was a good system, but it has never worked for me. Cutting calories has always resulted in more bingeing, to the point where I write off the week and decide to "start again on Monday"

    However this time, I started this thread. I'm going to consume the recommended intake by MFP and I'm going to try to go for a walk. The day after a binge I'm usually so ashamed, leaving the house to go for a walk or the gym doesn't happen. I think that everyone can see the gluttony of the night before's binge, I feel paranoid and hideous.

    Starting today, I'm going to try to go a week without bingeing. I generally achieved 3-4 days.

    Thanks again for everyone's support. I hope we can all find the solution, together. Please post when you have binged or are considering bingeing. Admitting to eating all those Maltesers was kinda therapeutic, like a secret I could finally share. I would like to encourage you all to do the same.
  • elbiekoh
    elbiekoh Posts: 22
    I'm 6'1.5" and have been on the high end of normal or the low end of overweight for most of my life. Apparently tall girls "carry it well".

    I get that too! I've always had such distain for that comment. It feels like they're saying "being fat suits you" or "there's nothing you can do about it"

    People dismiss weight gain on tall people, they don't consider it a problem. When I was happy and healthy - when I didn't diet or consider food with guilt; I was naturally underweight. To me, that was what suited me best. Just because I don't look fat, doesn't mean I'm healthy.

    I know that's not what they mean, but it's how I interpret it.
  • elbiekoh
    elbiekoh Posts: 22
    I have gone through/am going through the same things with binge eating as you. It has gotten better for me since working out and keeping myself busy with going on walks with my dog, or leaving the house when I feel like I just NEED to eat. I would also reccommend listening to music you love, I believe it can help to alter your mindset into a more positive one. Even if you have a good friend to talk to. I know nothing can satisfy that horrible craving feeling of 'needing' to eat the box of chocolates, or 'needing' to eat 3 bags of chips, 7 bowls of cereal, the whole tub of yogurt, or 10 granola bars. But the sooner you kill the part of you that wants to keep feeding that 'need' the sooner you can start to feel more in control. Those are very easy words to say, I know that actually stopping bingeing is very very hard. But it can be done and a lot of the problem ( at least for me ) was the hate cycle that I would put myself in after a binge. So love yourself no matter how much that voice is saying not to, and keep trying your best to treat your body in a healthy loving way.

    The more you resist and empower yourself and strengthen your will, the better you will feel about the control you have over yourself. Sometimes yes it is very difficult to stop and listen, really listen to that voice who is telling you to stop and walk away but the more you do the better you will feel.

    Being addicted to food is seriously straining :( ... But with forgiveness for yourself and a never-give-up attitude you can restore balance into your relationship with food and make it a healthy one :):)

    This is really great advice, thank you.
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
    I started after I quit smoking last year and then had some health problems.

    It's been over a month since my last binge. The way I've avoided it is by rearranging my eating. I'm currently eating at maintenance for my current height/weight and letting my exercise calories be my deficit instead of eating them back. I no longer feel deprived, which was one major reason I binged. I was obsessed with food. Another reason I haven't binged is because I average everything out once a week to see what my average deficit is. If I binge one day, that's going to throw off my entire deficit. I just don't obsess about it anymore. I eat enough to feel satiated and just don't worry about it further than that.
  • milkyskinn
    milkyskinn Posts: 126 Member
    It's always comforting to know you're not the only one suffering from this.

    I never really knew about binge eating, I read about it a few times some years back but couldn't really imagine what it was like because I was a) really strict b) actually grew up enjoying healthy food and refusing to drink sodas and c) was far too scared of gaining weight. All 3 of those are of course still part of me, but I suddenly experienced one (although small in comparison to others) around last year, after having gone through some emotional, busy 2 years, getting my degree after so much hard work, not being able to find work for +9 months which was very demotivating, and when I finally found work, I fell ill (which I still am) which forced me to stop working after 3 months of just having gotten a job.

    It's definitely an emotional factor for me, mostly because I felt like I had failed at so many things, that my body was not doing what I wanted despite me caring for it more than any of my friends, and that every attempt to get my life back together wasn't working. I don't have them frequently but they have gotten worse. I had a really bad one recently (and also consumed the most calories) and it was a lot of stuff which I don't even thoroughly enjoy, or, let's say, wouldn't be my top picks if I'd be a moment to treat myself to something off-track.

    What has helped me stop binges sometimes (completely, or halfway) is working out instead of it. Playing a video game. Jump rope for 5 minutes on your favorite song. Put on your favorite dress/clothes in which you feel pretty and keep it on until the urge passes. Or, probably the best; pick a healthy food you enjoy (or even, create a 'binge prevention meal' like a colorful plate filled with veggies and a healthy dip, or make a granola&yoghurt parfait; as long as it's healthy and looks super pretty and appetizing. I clean my room, dim the lights, put on some music or watch a movie/tv show while slowly treating yourself to that healthy food, really taking time to appreciate how good it tastes and how it feels in your body. It can work wonders :)

    And hey, what's better in the end? An extra plate of healthy food on top of your daily intake or too much empty calories that's going to ruin your mood?
    It sounds so simple, I know. I wish it was that simple. Losing control is terrifying, but I find once I've conquered it one time, it gets easier again over time. :) I hope I can definitely beat it for good as well, very soon...
  • NattyPeat
    NattyPeat Posts: 2
    I binge like hell, and its always chocolate and cakes. Im a sweet aholic! anything sweet or sugary is my downfall.

    I get in this cycle where i eat say one bar of choc and feel bad so end up having about another 3 and basically thinking F**k it. Only to feel angry and upset with myself afterwards.

    I have always had this problem and i am now 26 and cant get out of it. :(
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
    If anyone needs a texting buddy to help hold them accountable when the urge to binge happens, let me know. It's so helpful having someone to talk to.
  • graelwyn
    graelwyn Posts: 1,340 Member
    once I start on a packet of biscuits I find it very hard to stop, and my usual trick is to buy up a whole lot of stuff I crave at the supermarket and sit there and scoff it in one hit, to the tune of several thousand calories.

    That is exactly how it happens for me, to a tee.
  • elbiekoh
    elbiekoh Posts: 22
    When I go food shopping with the intent to binge, I get really preoccupied with how it looks and what the shop assistant thinks when I pay. I can't buy a single serve chocolate bar, because the person selling me the chocolate bar would know I'll be the one eating it. But if I buy a selection of food, so that it looks like I'm throwing a dinner party or cooking for my family, then I don't have a problem.

    Similarly, I can't go walk into a KFC or a Mcdonalds. I can't order a lunch meal. But if I order chinese, or go drive-through, I buy more than I actually want, so that it looks like I'm not the only person eating.
  • elbiekoh
    elbiekoh Posts: 22
    So , day and a half since my last binge. TIred. exhausted, hating my job, feeling sorry for myself. I resisted the urge to go buy bulk from the shops and hide in my room, even though I ate todays and tomorrows lunch I figured skipping dinner would not help me. After dinner however, even though I tried to convince myself not to - I ended up back with the box of Maltesers.

    I feel like the stress I'm experiencing right now, and my inability to handle it - is the reason for my binges. If I can overcome my stress, then I wont have to resort to food for comfort.

    Some good, some bad - baby steps. :wink: How's everyone else going?
  • KmSmiles49
    KmSmiles49 Posts: 2
    Hey... Let me just say, thanks so much for the post. Great topic and one that I really needed right now-- very happy I found it. I binge... and I hate it. I can usually do pretty well. Sundays were typically always my binge days until I realized that I was basically negating an entire weeks worth of healthy eating and exercising by going completely out of control and eating thousands upon thousands of calories (and thank to MFP, I realized I was also eating hundreds of grams of fat in my binge days). I have been pretty good recently about only allowing myself one cheat meal (as opposed to an entire day), or allowing myself certain bonuses, such as full fat cheese instead of fat free. I realized if I allow myself those little perks every now and then, then I tend not to want to binge.

    Of course.. this past weekend I had a horrific binge and have felt terribly ashamed since. I have been eating complete nonsense since, because, in my mind one bad day of eating= complete annihilation of my good eating habits. I really need to just learn that one bad day of eating is just that. ONE bad day of eating. I need to just pick my bloated *kitten* up the next morning get to my workout--maybe throw in a couple half hour or so if i can to try and compensate-- and then continue my healthy eating as usual. I need to stop torturing myself for days on end about one day (or usually one night) worth of bad behavior.

    Let us all remember.. take it one day at a time, one minute at a time. Good luck to you all and I hope we can all learn to control our binges.

    Lots of health, love and happiness...
  • dotti1121
    dotti1121 Posts: 751 Member
    GREAT thread! Thanks SO much for posting...

    I binge, although less than I used to since starting MFP.. Been doing MFP for a few months now and most days I do very well, then BAM! I can resist sweets all day long, but my weakness is mexican food in general, but specifically cheese dip. Had this obsession since I was very young. Weird....

    A big trigger for me is being home alone. I very rarely have the house all to myself, so when it DOES happen, my first thought is to go out and buy tons of cheese dip, devour it, and hide the evidence. It's like I just can't get enough. ADDICTED. Whoever says there is no such thing as a food addiction is FLAT OUT out of their mind!

    I, along with some of you, also feel like one unhealthy choice of food just triggers my mind to think I've blown the entire day, then I eat whatever I want :(

    Someone above mentioned a text buddy for when those urges hit...I kinda like that idea!
  • dotti1121
    dotti1121 Posts: 751 Member
    Question for everyone: Do you log your binges? I log when I overeat (even considerably) but I don't log binges, although they don't happen near as often anymore...
  • itsjustdawn
    itsjustdawn Posts: 1,073 Member
    I binge. It's weird. I only tend to do it at specific places, knowingly. I will eat until I am physically in pain. And to the person that asked about logging the binges. No, I do not.
  • elbiekoh
    elbiekoh Posts: 22
    Question for everyone: Do you log your binges? I log when I overeat (even considerably) but I don't log binges, although they don't happen near as often anymore...

    I'm logging my binges. I've only been on MFP for a few days, but already I feel my attitude towards bingeing is changing. I find the 5 week projected weight gain a really harsh wake up call that I can't ignore. I really need to take responsibility for my binges, and stop writing them off, MFP is helping me do that.

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