How can i do this when u always do that???

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caspelletier28
caspelletier28 Posts: 7
in Motivation and Support
i love my boyfriend i really do, but he is not quite into this weight loss thing like i am.. i cook us a healthy dinner, I do not give him exact portion sizes, or anything, but i sure as hell do for myself, and he complains, saying things like, ur gonna wither away to nothing if u dont eat more then 1200 calories a day.. or when i work out in the living room he always finds the need to tell me how i am doin it all wrong.. i can handle this, its no big deal.. its just annoying.. and makes it difficult but i still workout every day.. however when he comes in the house with chocolate bars in hand saying "look babe i bought u something" with a huge grin on his face.. its like he is trying to set me up for failure every time.. i wish he would just realize that i'm trying to better myself for not only him to have something more appealing to latch onto, but for myself to just feel sexy and healthy for once.. i have to think that maybe he is acting this way because he knows the confidence i build with every pound lost.. is he scared i will become attractive to other people as well?? i wish he would just realize that i want to be healthy, i dont want to look at a BMI chart and see myself fall into the obese category. i have done it for way too long now.. its time i do the right thing.. i just need him to stop leading me into this temptation!!

i did not mean to make this sound like a ***** fest i swear!

Replies

  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
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    Men are stupid. Well, some of them. lol =)

    Set him down and talk to him. a REAL talk. Tell him that you are doing this for YOU, not for him, or anyone else. Tell him all the good stuff... about what all you will be able to do together *ahem* once you are thinner.. less likely to get out of breath! Talk to him about trying something new once you feel sexier, and if he helps you to do that.. he will get *ahem* something special!

    If he isnt supportive.. kick him in the butt! (and out the door!) I mean, really.. if he cant support you in a little weight loss, what if something major in your lives happen? Will he support you there?
  • emnk5308
    emnk5308 Posts: 736
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    My boyfriend has done the 'I bought you something!!' thing.. he really means well and honestly forgets.. =/ I agree with just having a talk with him.. Tell him it is something you have to do for yourself. Tell him you appreciate the surprise candy but to surprise you with something else instead. =) My boyfriend has started bringing me the Absolutely Zero Monsters now.. or Skinny Cow. =) He still gets to be sweet without ruining my day. =D
  • legaline
    legaline Posts: 35 Member
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    agree with evilonerider 100%. sounds like he's a little worried about what your changes will mean for him--just let him know that they are GOOD, for both of you!
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
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    probably his insecurities. talk to him. i'm actually dealing with a similar situation and having a sit down with my husband tonight.

    i have changed SO much over the course of our marriage (both physically and nonphysical) and he has stood by my side supporting me up until recently. as i get closer to my goal, he seems a little less supportive. he rolls his eyes if i have questions. he doesn't like talking about my workouts or diet. a friend asked if maybe he was insecure thinking maybe i'll "stray" because she has heard and seen it before. sometimes people who drop a lot of weight and are more confident in the way they look sometimes (not always) feel the need to go out and do the things they didn't do when they were less confident. i sure as hell hope this isn't what he thinks because if that's the case then he is a moron. lol
  • caspelletier28
    caspelletier28 Posts: 7
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    probably his insecurities. talk to him. i'm actually dealing with a similar situation and having a sit down with my husband tonight.

    i have changed SO much over the course of our marriage (both physically and nonphysical) and he has stood by my side supporting me up until recently. as i get closer to my goal, he seems a little less supportive. he rolls his eyes if i have questions. he doesn't like talking about my workouts or diet. a friend asked if maybe he was insecure thinking maybe i'll "stray" because she has heard and seen it before. sometimes people who drop a lot of weight and are more confident in the way they look sometimes (not always) feel the need to go out and do the things they didn't do when they were less confident. i sure as hell hope this isn't what he thinks because if that's the case then he is a moron. lol

    I relate to this sooooooo much.. thank u.. i dont want him to feel this way but really i think he does.... it makes me sad cuz i have no intention to do anything but spend my life with this man..
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    If he cannot support you in something as important as your HEALTH, than I would imagine he would just not be supportive. Relationships are partnerships, but this cat sounds like a real yutz. If he wants to eat garbage foods that's fine: but he should respect what you are doing and be supportive. Keep chocolate and junk out of the house, keep your comments to your d@mn self. Otherwise I think I might be a single lady again. I need a man, a partner, and someone I know I can lean on, and this is NOT it.
  • Naytahlee
    Naytahlee Posts: 53 Member
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    Oh my guy does the same "I brought you something". At first I got mad, but then I realized I dont have to eat it. LOL, a lot of times I just put it in the fridge and he'll eat it. The other day he thought he did good because he brought me a Payday candy bar (it has peanuts in it). I left it sitting on the counter, I took one bite and we fed the rest to the squirrels and birds outside.

    I think he finally gets it. Last night he brought me flowers!!!

    I sat him down and asked if he thought I was healthy. He told me no, that he was scared I was going to end up with diabetes or have a heart attack, but that healthy or not I dont need to lose weight for him he just wants me to be happy.. I told him this has nothing to do with him and everything to do with him at once. I'm doing it so that I can be happy with my body, be healthy and grow old with him. Also, my only other option was do nothing, keep getting bigger and die. I think that made him feel better.
  • splashangel
    splashangel Posts: 494 Member
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    It took my husband time to adjust. He brought home candy bars and cokes for a while. At first I would complain to him how I was trying to lose weight and yada-yada-yada. So, I just started Thanking him and saying how I was glad he thought about me. But putting the junk away. If he ask wasn't I going to eat it I would say maybe later or yea first thing on my cheat day. I made a big deal of treats I found and liked that I could have. He now will ask before he leaves or call from town most times. He still brings in the occasional candy bar and I still ultimately have to be the one to say yes or no. I wish you the best on this and Stay strong and commited. I met my goals going through it and I hope that encourages you to hang on.
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
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    that's a good point. we don't HAVE to eat the junk they bring home. we choose to. LOL well, i do anyways. :blushing: ha! anywho, i think the best thing here is to sit down and talk to him about how it makes you feel. i wouldn't flat out say "you're insecure. suck it up moron because i love your dumba$$". LOL although i would like to say it to mine... heh. i actually sat last night and wrote a short note to the husband telling him how i'm feeling. we'll sit down tonight and have a chat. :smile:
  • MichelleB1427
    MichelleB1427 Posts: 73
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    I know exactly what you are going through! My fiance is the same way... his was of encouraging me is to tell me very mean things... for example... If I grab a soda from the fridge he will be like, you dont need that fatty... I explained to him that his way of encouraging me is MEAN and it only makes me want to eat more and drink more soda. He also will come home after work (He works second shift) with like 3 candy bars and says he got me one too. Sweet gesture, but c'mon. You know I am trying to lose weight and you're just dangling things in front of me. I think he tries to test me to see if I will give in. He thinks dieting is all about will power. Yes there is some truth to that but everyone has their own way of losing weight. Mine is dieting and walking. He tells me that walking does nothing... so far I have lost 5 lbs just by walking, eating healthier, and drinking lots of water! Part of me didnt even want to tell him I was trying to lose weight because I am afraid of the kind of encouragement he will give me. I told him all you have to say is Good Job Babe, Keep it up and I will do better.

    Just keep in your mind that YOU can do this. If he isnt willing to help you out then just do it by yourself. It's difficult, especially if you live with that person, but if you keep yourself and your health in mind you'll do just fine! And yes, another part of the reason your guy is doing that is because he feels you will lose the weight and then toss him! My fiance has said that to me before, that if I lose weight I will leave him... Guys are so silly. One of the reasons I want to lose weight is so I dont Lose him!! Not that he will leave me ever, obviously because we're getting married lol.

    But keep up your good work and keep trying!! =) Dont let him ruin what you strive for!!
  • b_fit4life
    b_fit4life Posts: 120 Member
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    He could be intimidated or concerned that you'll "find someone better" when you lose the weight. My boyfriend does a lot of the same things you describe. One way to help him get over it could be to find ways to show him how much you really love him! *if you get my drift* :bigsmile:
    good luck dear!
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
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    I want to re-dress the balance somewhat and I'll tell you why

    Fitness, health and diet people can be VERY boring, obsessive and judgemental. I know I am and I'm not even the worst on here! When on a diet/health kick it is a 24/7 obsession. Everything I do and everything I talk about seems to be about my body and what I'm puting in it. When I'm not counting calories, down the gym, or going for a run, I'm on here with you lot! I look at people in McDonalds with a certain contempt - forgetting that I was in there not so long ago. I don't see food anymore, I see calorie content!

    When I'm like this then people around me suffer! I no longer barbeque, I no longer have sweets in the house or cakes, but why should they suffer?

    I made a concious effort to try my hardest not to mention diet/exercise/food or anything like that when I'm with family and friends - they are not interested!

    Please bare in mind that at the moment he doesn't share your pre-occupation with all things heatthy so if you find yourself going on and on about it - maybe bare that in mind

    If he wants to eat things that you no longer do then don't judge him. Just as you are telling us that he is trying to force his unhealthy eating habits on you, he may well be thinking that you are ttrying to force your healthy ones on him!

    We are an obsessive lot! It's not for everyone!
  • VeggyGal
    VeggyGal Posts: 25 Member
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    Awe, I have heard this kind of thing happens with your partner when you try to loose weight. I'm sorry he's not supporting your need to be healthy. If you tell him how it makes you feel when he gives you things you re trying to stay away from maybe he will eventually learn. I know whaat it's like to eat things that are different than the person you live with. I recently turned vegan about a year ago now and my dad at first thought I was depriving myself but now after some time he realizes I am going to focus and I overcame my love of butter by substituting it. It was so hard but I am learning new recipes everyday and trying to make it fun and interesting to be healthy. I hope he wakes up and realizes you can be a good influence on him if he would open up to it but you should never give up if it's important to you and he loves you he should eventually come around.
    :smile:
  • VeggyGal
    VeggyGal Posts: 25 Member
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    :smile:
  • Beezil
    Beezil Posts: 1,677 Member
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    Just reassure him as much as you can. Don't talk to him about your diet / workouts, find someone else to talk to about it. I can tell you right now, he doesn't want to hear it. It's annoying to people who aren't into it. You can let him know too, that when you're lighter and in better shape, things in the bedroom will improve. :bigsmile: I know for me personally, that was probably the best aspect of getting fit and trim when it comes to my marriage. :laugh:

    I had the exact same problems as you when I started out, and it took a while for things to change. But, he will come around eventually. When he sees it is possible through you, and sees how important it is to you, it's likely he will want to better himself as well and even support you more actively. If he doesn't, then perhaps it would be time to have a more serious discussion later down the line. For now, I think he is just feeling a little insecure and a little inadequate. People don't always like change, whether it be good or bad. It takes some getting used to. :heart: Best of luck to you!

    Edited to add: As far as when he is trying to give you food you can't have, just politely smile and thank him, tell him you will have some later. You can always have it another day and fit it into your calories if you want, or give it to a friend when he's not around if you really can't eat it. :wink:
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
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    I want to re-dress the balance somewhat and I'll tell you why

    Fitness, health and diet people can be VERY boring, obsessive and judgemental. I know I am and I'm not even the worst on here! When on a diet/health kick it is a 24/7 obsession. Everything I do and everything I talk about seems to be about my body and what I'm puting in it. When I'm not counting calories, down the gym, or going for a run, I'm on here with you lot! I look at people in McDonalds with a certain contempt - forgetting that I was in there not so long ago. I don't see food anymore, I see calorie content!

    When I'm like this then people around me suffer! I no longer barbeque, I no longer have sweets in the house or cakes, but why should they suffer?

    I made a concious effort to try my hardest not to mention diet/exercise/food or anything like that when I'm with family and friends - they are not interested!

    Please bare in mind that at the moment he doesn't share your pre-occupation with all things heatthy so if you find yourself going on and on about it - maybe bare that in mind

    If he wants to eat things that you no longer do then don't judge him. Just as you are telling us that he is trying to force his unhealthy eating habits on you, he may well be thinking that you are ttrying to force your healthy ones on him!

    We are an obsessive lot! It's not for everyone!

    very wise wonderrob. i too eat, sleep, and *kitten* diet/exercise/health. LOL which is why i don't talk to my husband specifically about any of it anymore unless he asks. the things i need to chat with him about are more than just that. he seems distant here lately which is why i'm like... wtf is going on with you dude? hey, maybe my husband just likes fat chicks! he married me at 270lbs! maybe he likes the cushion. i personally don't enjoy seeing flaps of skin flopping around while we are intimate, but maybe he's into that! i love him... LOL

    but really... i don't have much to talk to him about. i'm a boring mom with 2 kids and a mutt who sheds all over and eats legoman heads. i need to get out more often... haha!
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
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    i'm a boring mom with 2 kids and a mutt who sheds all over and eats legoman heads.

    Oh God when you have to clean up after your dog it must look like those poor legomen suffered the worst kind of fate!
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
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    i'm a boring mom with 2 kids and a mutt who sheds all over and eats legoman heads.

    Oh God when you have to clean up after your dog it must look like those poor legomen suffered the worst kind of fate!

    it does. it's horrible. LOL he has this bump on the top of his head. i'm assuming born with it since we adopted him from a shelter at 3months old. they told us it was called a "smart bump" and that it would go away as he grows. well, he has grown... a massive amount and the bump is still very noticeable. i think they made a mistake. it's a stupid bump. not a smart bump... haha but i love the mutt nonetheless. :happy:

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