I Binge.

I binge but only when my husband is out/away/working. He knows I do it, but I'm ashamed so I try to be secretive.

For me it varies what I eat and why. It could be chips/dip or cake or biscuits. I usually end up eating so much that I feel bloated and have no room for a proper dinner. I think my triggers are stress, boredom and loneliness. I am much better since I got married, but not completely 'fixed' yet!

Since starting MFP I have stopped beating myself up about it and started logging it. Every last bit gets logged. That way I am more aware of what I am doing. It helps most of the time, but I am having a bad week this week.

I have a lot of stress at work this week and my husband is working evenings so I'm alone every night after work. So far I have had replaced three evening meals with complete rubbish. Not good. Today though I went for a brisk walk instead and then cooked a decent dinner. No binge for me today! Yay!

In high school, I had problems not eating enough and exercising too much. Recently, my therapist asked how long have I had issues with food and my first instinct was to say,"high school" but after a lot of thinking, I cannot remember when I haven't had a problem with food. Growing up in an abusive household, food was my only bit of control, and I didn't eat much, and occasionally, when given the opportunity, I would binge until my mom would find out and then beat me for eating her chocolate, cookies, etc.

Now, I realize I have to eat or get really cranky/moody, so then I binge, but cannot throw up because my 5 year old daughter might see me, so then I get angry...angry at me, angry at my husband (he tends to be be the food police). I wish food were like alcohol, we don't need it to live.

Yesterday, was a bad day for me, my eating schedule was off, because I had to get up super early, so by the time 2pm rolled around, almost all my calories were gone for the day, then I was sitting next to a platter of cookie bars for part of the time, and I finally snuck one, and felt terrible for failing, so then went to the grocery and bought a bag of cookies and ate the whole thing, 1,300 calories in one shot. By the time my husband got home, I was so angry with myself, I could barely speak to anyone and just went to bed. Today is a new day and hopefully, I will get it right.

Eating issues are so terribly hard, I wish we all could give ourselves a break when we aren't perfect, but that is easier said than done.

Thank you for your posts, and will think of you, when I struggle next time!

Just saw this that someone else posted in another forum:

______________________________________________________

http://life.gaiam.com/article/start-love-affair-food

This is one small exerpt from Marianne Williamsons "A Course in weight-loss". Please take the time to check it out if you have a moment. This may be the best investment you ever make. This book changed my life and I wish I could scream it from a mountain top but I just don't have access to the mountain or the vocal cords to do so!! Hope this reaches enough people!

Love,
Jenny (ex-binger)

I tend to binge eat too..usually includes junk food (pizza, chocolate, etc) And I haven't really came out and said it but I make myself throw up directly after eating that just because I feel so bad about myself, I feel pathetic that I can't fight the urge at times to binge.

Not doing so well here and binged on a crapload of chocolate in the early hours, having stupidly bought a stash and thought it would be okay since I managed two days without touching it or even feeling any overwhelming desire for it. And I purged also. It is the latter bit that is my biggest issue as I know it is damaging my body, and often leads me to binge again within 12 hours in response. But I am so terrified to deal with the scale if I binge and do not purge, I cannot describe the fear of gaining a tonne of weight from each binge, and given my binges are often 4-5k, there is no way I could exercise that amount off either, so I would essentially be stuck, sitting there with a rotund and sore belly, feeling utterly fat, and knowing I could do nothing to counterract the weight gain.

Having said that, maybe if I actually had to deal with the weight gains from the binges, it might make me less likely to binge in the future. It is getting really boring to me now, and wrecking my life, leaving me feeling depressed and hopeless. I can manage a run of good, controlled days, then something triggers this impulse to buy all the foods I like, and keep eating. And each time I tell myself I will give up all refined sugar and wheat from the next day on...and it happens again regardless.

I don't think even having a free meal, including dessert each week would help, because just having anything bready or sugary, would trigger the desire for more. It is like some sort of domino effect. The last binge did not, admittedly, happen when I was not hungry. I did actually feel hungry, for some reason, and even a large dinner, pear and greek yoghurt had not helped. And all I had done was cycle for 80 minutes and walk for about an hour. I also had an emotional day, as I also suffer from OCD and anxiety, both of which have taken a lot out of me, and are affecting my everyday life.

It is times like this, after that binge, I truly hated food and felt like simply stopping eating altogether, since I am an all or nothing person.

Any support from anyone who understands and who might be able to sort of help me 'sit' after a binge or simply offer warmth, would be most welcome.

I think it's very interesting the similarities we all seem to share, and how there hasn't yet been a male binger to post. I have a question, have you spoken to those people close to you about your problem?

I've kept mine a secret over the past seven years. I'm scared to talk to my family and friends because I believe that they just wont understand. Also what holds me back, is that bingeing isn't a "glamourous" or "desirable" disorder. when I think of binge eating, I think or obesity, gluttony, lack of self control, I also consider it to be incredibly pathetic. It's hard to say these things, because when I say them, I'm directly expressing how I feel about myself - and most likely offending many of you too.

I guess my point is, I'm scared to talk about it with people close to me, because I don't want them to see me in that light. I can handle me thinking these thoughts, but I don't know how well I could take sharing these opinions with others.

My bf knows I binge, as I have told him, but he doesn't believe in such terms and just sees it all as eating. He sometimes does it, but does not see it as an issue and tends to think that the money system has got people obsessed with all these terms and hung up about eating whereas he has simply always just ate what he felt like eating, sometimes going overboard but never seeing it as a problem because he has not made it a problem or allowed it to become a problem.

I can relate to the feelings of gluttony and lack of self control. I tend to feel as if I am somehow become a weak willed loser, and tend to become very irritable and angry with anyone I interract with interpersonally after a binge. In fact, I sometimes have even remained out of my home so I wont have to see my bf after I have binged, such are my feelings of resentment at my predicament and the fact he usually asks what I am having for dinner, even when he knows I have binged, lol. He has no concept of those feelings of guilt and shame, only of the physical discomfort.

My mother knows but I do not see her that often and she has little time for it, not surprisingly given she had years of my ED related issues. Other than those two people, there is no one in my life to tell anyway.

I had a lot of trouble with EDs as a teenager. At 16 I was 105-115 pounds eating 1 small meal a day, when people started noticing I started eating more and loved food which turned into bulimia. Now I still binge but it's less often and I'm able to except that it happened, know that those are calories I have to make up the rest of the week, and I've almost completely stopped purging.. Emotional eating is really hard to over come, I started talking to a therapist about 2 years ago that helped me a lot. Here are the steps she has me go through.

1. The desire to binge starts
2. set a timer, and empty your mind for 2 minutes, don't think of anything just let your mind go blank, this can take some practice.
3. Is the desire to binge still there? Go through your day reflect on what emotions are causing you to want to binge, what happened to bring those up. Finding what is causing the binge and acknowledging it can be a huge help.
4. Find something else that makes you happy, watch a funny video or movie, listen to song you enjoy.
5 List down 3 positive things about yourself

Usually by the time I get to step 5 I don't feel like binging any more. If I skip the steps and just jump into my binge it can be pretty bad.

I'm very curious as to why guys dont do this as well!
I do tell people about it but they dont believe me. I'm 130 pounds so they think I'm just being a girl and overreacting. You dont have to be obese to binge. I sometimes binge an extra 2000-5000 calories in a day. In the past 12 months I got to 120 pounds THREE times and got back to 135-140 and worked my way down again. I feel so helpless
I'll be 30 in less than 6 months so I really want to get back to my old weight!

I do know that the second I put one sweet in my mouth it sets off a trigger and I binge. I have no issues when I eat clean. I have candida which feeds off of sweets so I wonder if its related. All of your posts make me feel not alone, thanks for sharing!

i binge. i try not to, but i do. it's usually on days i've eaten far fewer than my allotted cals and the possibilities about what to do with the remaining ones become endless. once i've passed the point of feeling full even if i have remaining cals, i *have* to eat the rest because going to bed without finishing them seems unreasonable to me. and by then i'm over so i just keep going. the other places i binge are on the drive home from the supermarket and at gatherings where i don't know anyone. only my girlfriend knows, but she doesn't know the extent.

the things that have helped me get a bit more control are macro planning and avoiding any and all trigger foods, which for me are basically anything with chocolate in it. trail mix, baked goods, cookies are the worst. i've gone to events and put away multiple dozens of sweets in multiple dozens of trips to the dessert table. it's like if i don't know these people, i don't care if they see me stuffing my face. i've put away pounds of trail mix in one fell swoop. i'd estimate these bad binges to be >6000cals. i avoid the bulk bins and the cookie aisles at the grocery and make it a point to eat only healthy nutritious foods, and allow myself a healthy treat every day. sometimes the healthy treat is a peanutbutter cup, sometimes a vegan cookie, sometimes a piece of dark chocolate. but i fall off the wagon usually monthly, and i overexercise the next day to make up for it, which can cycle into a hunger loop lasting a week at a time.

and i never log them.

i'd love friends who understand and am extremely grateful for this thread.

Always nice to see we are not alone.... I sometimes binge, on food I just cant get enough such pasta. Food is like a drug they say... Hard to cut off!