How do i tell my fiance...

keepitcroosh
keepitcroosh Posts: 301 Member
edited December 24 in Motivation and Support
How do i tell my fiance that i am worried about his weight. When we met, he ate better, was thinner, etc. Now he drinks a lot, smokes a lot of cigarettes (this isn't really new though) and never exercises. He is on his feet all day as he is a Chef. I think hes gained more than 50lbs in a year or year and a half.I have told him before that he should lose some weight, but i feel incredibly bad when i say that. He literally thinks he still looks skinny. I cook him healthy dinners and tell him its not all about 'salads' etc. Basically hinting it every now and then that eating healthy can be amazingly good.. Yet he has no motivation. I have literally said that i am worried about his health and was emotional about it. He is sick all the time, crazy stomache pains almost every day! , very sickly pale, herniated disk in his spine, the list goes on.

How do you tell someone who is very dear to you that you are worried and want them to have a healthier lifestyle...
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Replies

  • skinnyby30
    skinnyby30 Posts: 14
    I think that the best nicest way that you can is just telling him that you worry about how much weight he has put on for health reasons. Yes it might sting but if it really bothers you then tell him. It is best to be open and honest then to hold it in and let it build up inside of you. ( I say put your self in his shoes... If you gained 50 lbs over the last year and it was affecting him would you want him to tell you ? and if so how so nicely? playfully ect :) good luck
  • scubachick2287
    scubachick2287 Posts: 57
    I agree with the other post. Tell him nicely, but don't expect his eyes to open and for him to put his beer down. People will not change their habits until they are ready. Griping at him and getting emotional are not going to help. When is the last time he has stepped on the scale? My bf gained some weight a few months ago and he didn't care/realize it until he stepped on my scale once day and almost fell off. Has he been to a MD? Some people need to hear it from a medical professional. Sounds like he needs a check up anyway.
  • MzBug
    MzBug Posts: 2,173 Member
    Tell him nicely, then drop the subject. He will lose weight when HE feels like it is a problem. Start moving the buttons IN on his pants. Wash some of his stuff in hot water and dry on high heat. Replace his underwear with some a size smaller. Pat his belly when you walk by. Move his car seat forward a notch. Mention during an intimate moment that he used to feel longer. Giggle when he walks by and when he asks.... "just admiring the way you jiggle as you go by".

    These little tricks were learned from my SIL....my brother lost 60 pounds once HE thought it was a problem. :devil:
  • krue1971
    krue1971 Posts: 167 Member
    Tell him nicely, then drop the subject. He will lose weight when HE feels like it is a problem. Start moving the buttons IN on his pants. Wash some of his stuff in hot water and dry on high heat. Replace his underwear with some a size smaller. Pat his belly when you walk by. Move his car seat forward a notch. Mention during an intimate moment that he used to feel longer. Giggle when he walks by and when he asks.... "just admiring the way you jiggle as you go by".

    These little tricks were learned from my SIL....my brother lost 60 pounds once HE thought it was a problem. :devil:
    That's just evil. :-D
  • almostatgoalweight
    almostatgoalweight Posts: 234 Member
    Tell him that he's getting a bit too heavy when you two have sex (in a nicer way than Dakota Johnson said to Jason Segel - who was incidentally a chef) in the film 5 year engagement.
  • BecomingElle
    BecomingElle Posts: 112 Member
    Maybe compliment him? E.g. I love your strong arms/biceps/shoudlers etc. and maybe then he'll be like "likes my arms, aye?" and start trying to make them even better! I've seen it happen before.

    Or something like, I just love being with someone when I workout, but you're my favourite person to spend time with. Keep me company this once?

    Tell him you'll always love him no matter what, but you want to love him for as long as possible, so you'd love it if he'd like to get in shape with you! Try to make it something you can do together, instead of putting all this pressure on him :)
  • leopardjunkie
    leopardjunkie Posts: 149
    I find that I just set up an annual exam for my husband. Getting his blood work done and stepping on that scale at the drs office if he is overweight hearing those words from a dr is a huge blow. And if he is un healthly with his bloodwork that can be a good motivator for weight loss vs. the cost of medication :) Plus it take the heat off of you cause the Dr is pointing out his issues not you :)

    I have heard of some people have a fitness evalulation test done at the gym. If he is not able to keep up it will be a great wake up call and hopfully motivation
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    Tell him nicely, then drop the subject. He will lose weight when HE feels like it is a problem. Start moving the buttons IN on his pants. Wash some of his stuff in hot water and dry on high heat. Replace his underwear with some a size smaller. Pat his belly when you walk by. Move his car seat forward a notch. Mention during an intimate moment that he used to feel longer. Giggle when he walks by and when he asks.... "just admiring the way you jiggle as you go by".

    These little tricks were learned from my SIL....my brother lost 60 pounds once HE thought it was a problem. :devil:
    That's just evil. :-D


    Holy crap thats evil...you wanna go out for a drink maybe? :D
  • KatyE213
    KatyE213 Posts: 447 Member
    Tell him nicely, then drop the subject. He will lose weight when HE feels like it is a problem. Start moving the buttons IN on his pants. Wash some of his stuff in hot water and dry on high heat. Replace his underwear with some a size smaller. Pat his belly when you walk by. Move his car seat forward a notch. Mention during an intimate moment that he used to feel longer. Giggle when he walks by and when he asks.... "just admiring the way you jiggle as you go by".

    These little tricks were learned from my SIL....my brother lost 60 pounds once HE thought it was a problem. :devil:

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • dunc289
    dunc289 Posts: 54 Member
    Yeah, way to go everybody.

    Make the poor guy feel unattractive AND sexually inadequate.


    Look, he's a chef, he's around great food all day, and if he's a good chef, he's tasting it all day too.

    Men might not respond well to constant reminders, because WE see that as nagging, but we are competitive, and do respond to positive role models.

    Gordon Ramsay runs EVERY DAY, because he has to, because he's a chef. Your BF needs to see a man doing what he does, but better, and keeping in shape too.

    But to get the ball rolling, why don't you use your feminine charm and good looks and sees if you can't tempt him out on a hike once a week. Find something YOU can bear to do, that'll get him to see how much fun being healthy is. It'll be harder work for you, and you might feel it's just not worth it, but being fit can be good for 2, don't you think?
  • dunc289
    dunc289 Posts: 54 Member
    Maybe compliment him? E.g. I love your strong arms/biceps/shoudlers etc. and maybe then he'll be like "likes my arms, aye?" and start trying to make them even better! I've seen it happen before.

    Or something like, I just love being with someone when I workout, but you're my favourite person to spend time with. Keep me company this once?

    Tell him you'll always love him no matter what, but you want to love him for as long as possible, so you'd love it if he'd like to get in shape with you! Try to make it something you can do together, instead of putting all this pressure on him :)

    This sounds like treatment I'd appreciate if it was me on the receiving end.
  • smoffette
    smoffette Posts: 56 Member
    Sit down with him for movie night with "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" or "Forks Over Knives". Start a conversation with him about the movie in a friendly way. "Forks Over Knives" is free on Hulu right now too. http://www.hulu.com/watch/279734
  • paulyarwooduk
    paulyarwooduk Posts: 109
    Tell him nicely, then drop the subject. He will lose weight when HE feels like it is a problem. Start moving the buttons IN on his pants. Wash some of his stuff in hot water and dry on high heat. Replace his underwear with some a size smaller. Pat his belly when you walk by. Move his car seat forward a notch. Mention during an intimate moment that he used to feel longer. Giggle when he walks by and when he asks.... "just admiring the way you jiggle as you go by".

    These little tricks were learned from my SIL....my brother lost 60 pounds once HE thought it was a problem. :devil:

    These are good ways of ensuring you lose him. If any partner of mine tried anything as cruel and under-handed as this we'd both be single in a shot. Put the boot on the other foot - how would YOU feel if a guy said anything as evil as this to you?
  • DantonD
    DantonD Posts: 15 Member
    Any idea that does not involve being 100% straight with him is a terrible idea.

    Tell him straight up that you're concerned about his weight and that you'd like him to lose some because you want him to be healthy and because you think it's important that couples try their hardest to remain attractive to one another.
  • dunc289
    dunc289 Posts: 54 Member
    Basically ignore all the women on this thread apart from Elle.
  • annababes71
    annababes71 Posts: 3
    I remember my son a couple of years back telling me to join slimming world, here's how he said it: mum i think you should join slimming world again, i think you look ok but i am worried about your health and you have put on loads of weight recently. Ok now to some people this may seem harsh but to me it was the wake up call i needed to take a long hard look at myself and see what he saw when he looked at me. Moral of the story, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. xx
  • isabel88g
    isabel88g Posts: 77 Member
    I dont believe in telling him he's fat etc... My husband and I have both gained weight in the 6 years weve been together and we just told each other that we wanted to be healthy for our future children so we joined the gym together. And my husband has lost over 30 lbs, you dont have to cruel or evil in order to make your husband realize that he needs to lose weight. Just tell him you love him and want to be with him until the end, and if he were healthier maybe the end would be farther away!
  • Ti69eR
    Ti69eR Posts: 1
    Have you tried sitting down with him and looking through some old photographs of when he was healthier? Lightly point out how much healthier he looks in them and see where the conversation goes.
  • SASSYJAX
    SASSYJAX Posts: 103 Member
    Hmmm I think you need to boost him up and give him more confidence...
    When I was bigger I felt terrible about myself and covered it up with a smile and silly jokes but deep down I felt like a loser as I couldnt control my eating, it messes with your head. Taking control is the biggest esteem booster there is.
    Maybe have a talk with him about the health aspects but Im sure he knows all that.

    I would hold his hand and walk him through it, go out for walks together.
    We all know the toughest part is making a start.

    I know what you are saying that he doesnt see it about himself but Im sure he feels his tummy over his trousers and his shirt tight !

    Its so lovely that you care so much, focus on that!
    Putting him down in any way never helped anyone....
  • droogievesch
    droogievesch Posts: 202
    When I decided I wanted to lose weight my fiance was supportive, but he didn't know how to show it. I had done really good all day and had hundreds off extra calories at the end of the day. I mentioned having ice cream, and he patted my stomach (my most hated part on my body besides my thighs) and said, "I thought you wanted to get hot for me?" His misunderstanding of what dieting is (he thought ice cream was completely forbidden and my desire for it meant I had given up) made me feel absolutely horrible about myself and my weight loss. Saying or doing anything negative towards him will really put a strain on your relationship, because nobody wants their self esteem and dignity ruined.

    That being said, I am all for nicely "tricking" him into doing it. Maybe combine his love of food/cooking and his love for you. Say something like, "wow, I really LOVE lasagna (or whatever food) but I can't find a good healthy recipe. Do you think you could figure out a way to do it?" Or maybe, "I need X amount of vitamin A, but only have 400 calories left today, any ideas for a meal?" In my experience guys are problem solvers, you just need to present them with the right problem to get the answer you want.
  • ElleBee66
    ElleBee66 Posts: 128 Member
    A lot of people find (well I did!) that a current photo is the turning point - someone put up photos of me on Facebook and I after I had spent ages untagging them it pretty much hit me - it took a while longer for me to do anything about it but I still feel sick when I think of them.
  • annababes71
    annababes71 Posts: 3
    I agree with isabel, but everybody is different what my son said to me gave me the kick up the backside i needed and maybe her fiance would rather be told in a direct way then to be told in a sympathetic almost pitying way x
  • anuroopr
    anuroopr Posts: 12 Member
    I think a great way to get him making more healthy lifestyle choices would be if you do more physical stuff together over summer. Get out, go hike, jog, swim, run. Being together will allow you to make these choices for both of you. And the great advantage is doing all this will help in strengthening your bonds too! Have you tried that?
  • hyper24
    hyper24 Posts: 27
    LMAO !!!! That takes a lot of commitment Mzbug !
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    I know that my wife mentioned my weight to me several times and also dropped hints (Lets go for a walk/bike/swim).
    It was the doctor that opened my eyes.
    She was brutally blunt.
    She also checked me for what I will call "fat boy" problems.
    High blood pressure. Sugar problems and edema.
    Well, everything turned out good except for the blood pressure which was just a little bit higher then normal.
    It scared me.
    I don't want to be one of those guys at 60 years old in a hoverround and oxygen.
  • stacyjbaker1010
    stacyjbaker1010 Posts: 161 Member
    Tell him nicely, then drop the subject. He will lose weight when HE feels like it is a problem. Start moving the buttons IN on his pants. Wash some of his stuff in hot water and dry on high heat. Replace his underwear with some a size smaller. Pat his belly when you walk by. Move his car seat forward a notch. Mention during an intimate moment that he used to feel longer. Giggle when he walks by and when he asks.... "just admiring the way you jiggle as you go by".

    These little tricks were learned from my SIL....my brother lost 60 pounds once HE thought it was a problem. :devil:

    These are good ways of ensuring you lose him. If any partner of mine tried anything as cruel and under-handed as this we'd both be single in a shot. Put the boot on the other foot - how would YOU feel if a guy said anything as evil as this to you?

    AMEN!!!
  • vade43113
    vade43113 Posts: 836 Member
    I would ask him, if anything is stressing him? and explain your reasoning behind it.... that you are worried about him.
  • LennyInFlorida
    LennyInFlorida Posts: 202
    Tell him nicely, then drop the subject. He will lose weight when HE feels like it is a problem. Start moving the buttons IN on his pants. Wash some of his stuff in hot water and dry on high heat. Replace his underwear with some a size smaller. Pat his belly when you walk by. Move his car seat forward a notch. Mention during an intimate moment that he used to feel longer. Giggle when he walks by and when he asks.... "just admiring the way you jiggle as you go by".

    These little tricks were learned from my SIL....my brother lost 60 pounds once HE thought it was a problem. :devil:

    LOL that's evil but awesome at the same time!
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Tell him nicely, then drop the subject. He will lose weight when HE feels like it is a problem. Start moving the buttons IN on his pants. Wash some of his stuff in hot water and dry on high heat. Replace his underwear with some a size smaller. Pat his belly when you walk by. Move his car seat forward a notch. Mention during an intimate moment that he used to feel longer. Giggle when he walks by and when he asks.... "just admiring the way you jiggle as you go by".

    These little tricks were learned from my SIL....my brother lost 60 pounds once HE thought it was a problem. :devil:
    That's reprehensible. Honestly whomever would try such tactics should be ashamed of themselves.
  • Person192
    Person192 Posts: 13 Member
    Maybe focus on eating healthily rather than losing weight, which he might get offended by. Try encouraging him to eat healthily because of the other health problems you mentioned.
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