What comes after stress???

byHisgrace · November 2009

Hi all,

I'm not totally new to MFP but I haven't been really using the site either so my involvement is new

I'm 33, married, 4 kids, work full time, the standard stuff...for the most part. I've been overweight for about 5 years but I've gained 27 lb since June of this year. I now need to lose about 30-40 lb. I want to be healthy and fit, so I'm not focusing too much on a number right now.

So what causes someone to gain 27 lb in 5 months? Pregnancy would be the only acceptable answer and that's not it. It's stress.

In February, my family doctor started suggesting we have our youngest child evlauated for autism. In March, our 14 year old daughter had an emotional break down and couldn't finsih the school year in school, so we homeschooled and got her help. In June my husband was laid off. In August our youngest daughter, who had just turned 2 at the time, was diagnosed with autism spetrum disorder and an as of yet undefined secondary neurological condition that causes trembling and other symptoms. It's kinda been a rough year, lol.

So, now things are all looking up, 14 year old is in a new school, just exited counseling and is doing fabulous, 2 year old is getting lots of helpful therapies and medical testing. However, I am being squeezed to death under the pressures of making all of this happen!

I really want to work out but this is my schedule:
MWF
*wake at 6:00 after getting up with 2 year old 3-5 times in the night
*get breakfast and lunches served, I usually prep the night before, shower, get ready for work
*wake 5 year old at 7:00 wash, dress and feed him (not literally, lol)
*leave the house at 7:20 to drive 5 year old son and 14 year old daughter to school 15 miles away.
*Arrive at work at 8:00
*Go home for lunch at 12:30 to give hubby a break from 2 year old
*Back to work by 1:30
*leave to pick up 5 and 14 year old from school at 2:45, pick them up at two schools, drive them home, rush back to work
*Leave work about 4:30-5:30
*Go home, make dinner, run errends (library, drop bills, do shopping, take 16 year old tanning, ect.)

T TH
*leave house at 7:20 see above
*go home at 10:00 to pick up 2 year old and take her to special education/therapy 10 miles away (usually have to get her ready too)
*arrive at special ed by 10:30 (we're usually late)
* go home at noon (make lunch, play with daughter, try to get her down for a nap after she eats)
*back to work by 1:30
*leave work at 2:45 see above
*leave work at 5:30
*go home, see above

Sunday we have Church and try to reserve that day for family time. Saturdays just get away from me with housework, kid's activities, ect.

Hubby cannot help with any of these tasks because he hated my minivan so he scrapped it when it broke down. We now have one vehicle and I am required to have it with me at work because I am on call for home visits with clients 24/7.

I cannot afford a gym membership, as I make less than half what hubby was making and we are in serious financial trouble, we'll probably lose our home in 2010. I don't watch TV, we don't have cable or antena feed, just dvds, and I don't have time to watch movies. So it's not like I am sitting around all night, I usually am cleaning, cooking, playing with the kids. I really don't understand why I have gained so much weight, expect for the stress factor.

Anyone have suggestions for getting exercise in??? Walking would be great but a) the only real time Ihave to do that is in the evening and the kids would want to come and this is not the best time of year in Michigan for kids taking walks at night and b) I'd like to do something more serious than that.

Thanks!

LittleSpy · November 2009

My advice for the exercise (and you probably won't like it) is:
*Wake up 30 minutes earlier. Go to bed earlier to achieve this. If it's too dark/col/hot outside to walk outside, look in the want-ads (newspapers or site like Craigslist.org) and get yourself a cheap stationary bike or treadmill. I got my stationary bike for $45 and my nice fold-up treadmill for $180.
*Talk to your husband about not coming home for lunch some days. Explain why. Walk around the building or parking lot where you work. I do this almost every day for 45 minutes.
*squeeze in 30-60 minutes of working out while doing other things at home. You could do squats & calf raises while you cook, or even jog in place. I ride my stationary bike or jog on the treadmill while I watch TV at night sometimes.

I suggest these things because this has worked for me. I work 3 jobs yet I could pretty easily "find" time to exercise for 120 minutes each day if I *really* wanted to. I almost always get in over 60 minutes on weekdays. It just involves effort and not making excuses (no matter how good those excuses may be).

I hope you find a schedule that works for you.

mszSHOGAN · November 2009

I have 3 kids a husband and a career so I know how it feels to not have much spare time. I am often successful getting up at 5:00 am and running near my house. Its free and everyone is sleeping so no one is demanding anything from me. It makes you tired earlier in the day, but atleast you'd get exercise. Also, do you HAVE to come home and give your husband a break? Maybe you could use that hour to get in some exersice. Or if you MUST come home, put your 2 YO in the stroller and go for a "stroll"

Just ideas.....
Good luck,
Katie

LittleSpy · November 2009

Oh, also! I don't know if you have a desk job, but if you do, there are actually little pedals you can buy so you can pedal while you work! I think they're pretty rad but I haven't gotten one yet because I'm a little embarrassed since my desk is open & I live in cubicle land & everyone could see. :laugh:

nolachick · November 2009

hmm I see two possible modifications here. both depend on two factors A. how far do u live from work and B. Does your husband work, which assuming he hasnt gotten another job he stays at home.

Suggestions:

1. no offense but I don't see the need for you to go home @ lunch. seems like a waste of money on gas and I know u wanna give ur hubby a break but I'm sure he can manage. You can use the time to work out. I know u don't wanna walk but that would be a good start to go walking/running/jogging on ur lunch break, that will give u some "me time" to be alone, and maybe de-stress?

2. if ur hubby is at home, then can't he cook dinner or run errands, that way he gets out of the house for the day and u get a chance to work out? try a work out DVD - I've heard a lot about 30 day shred and biggest loser dvds available for aout 10 bucks.

PS. don't wanna question ur parenting skills but does ur 16 yr old really need to be tanning? if so thats ur decision, but shud it really come before your health? by taking her tanning u are giving up work out time.

Good luck. and I hope I didnt offend u or sound harsh. Just trying to help.

lgfeilmeier · November 2009

Hi there! Wow you are a busy woman. You remind me of a news article I read a while back about super moms! I know walking sounds like too easy of a work out, but you need to get something in so why not start there. Maybe squeeze in small workouts like 15 mins in the morning, 15 mins around lunch time, 15 mins at night. Sometimes it's hard to fit 45 mins in together, but not so hard to do some here and there.

If you have stairs in your house you can use those a bit too. Going up and down the stairs with a baby combines weightlifting and cardio! Push ups, crunches, chair presses etc. involve no gym equiptment and are very good.

Simply eatting less also helps. Not only will it save money on groceries, but it will help slim you down too.

I hope this helps and wish you luck!

byHisgrace · November 2009

My advice for the exercise (and you probably won't like it) is:
*Wake up 30 minutes earlier. Go to bed earlier to achieve this. If it's too dark/col/hot outside to walk outside, look in the want-ads (newspapers or site like Craigslist.org) and get yourself a cheap stationary bike or treadmill. I got my stationary bike for $45 and my nice fold-up treadmill for $180.
*Talk to your husband about not coming home for lunch some days. Explain why. Walk around the building or parking lot where you work. I do this almost every day for 45 minutes.
*squeeze in 30-60 minutes of working out while doing other things at home. You could do squats & calf raises while you cook, or even jog in place. I ride my stationary bike or jog on the treadmill while I watch TV at night sometimes.

I suggest these things because this has worked for me. I work 3 jobs yet I could pretty easily "find" time to exercise for 120 minutes each day if I *really* wanted to. I almost always get in over 60 minutes on weekdays. It just involves effort and not making excuses (no matter how good those excuses may be).

I hope you find a schedule that works for you.

Buying anything is totally out of the question. There is simply no money for ANYTHING.

I like some of your other ideas about calf raises and squats. I did have this temporary image of me knocking down a small child while trying to do this, lol, as they tend to follow me like little shadows. Still, I think they'd quickly learn not to.

I've thought about just closing my office door and doing something like the 30 day shred or some of those 10 minute workouts (can't think of the name) but I have a window in my office door and I don't know how well that would work, lol.

As far as not going home for lunch, not really an option.

Thank you for the suggestions though. Cook-ercise may work

LittleSpy · November 2009

Buying anything is totally out of the question. There is simply no money for ANYTHING.

Bartering is also an option.

There's a section on Craigslist for bartering. Also, you can post a "wanted" ad & explain you have no cash, but you can trade.
Also, try freecycle.org and freeshare & ask the folks in your community for an exercise bike, exercise dvds, treadmill, etc. You'd be REALLY surprised what people give away for free just because they don't want to have to haul it or bother selling it.

I've asked for 2 things through freecycle and I was given both of them-- a *lot* of super nice red bricks and a really nice ($150ish)hammock that needed new rope to hang. The rope cost me under $10.

nolachick · November 2009

there's also a section on craigslist already that says FREE.

mszSHOGAN · November 2009

My advice for the exercise (and you probably won't like it) is:
*Wake up 30 minutes earlier. Go to bed earlier to achieve this. If it's too dark/col/hot outside to walk outside, look in the want-ads (newspapers or site like Craigslist.org) and get yourself a cheap stationary bike or treadmill. I got my stationary bike for $45 and my nice fold-up treadmill for $180.
*Talk to your husband about not coming home for lunch some days. Explain why. Walk around the building or parking lot where you work. I do this almost every day for 45 minutes.
*squeeze in 30-60 minutes of working out while doing other things at home. You could do squats & calf raises while you cook, or even jog in place. I ride my stationary bike or jog on the treadmill while I watch TV at night sometimes.

I suggest these things because this has worked for me. I work 3 jobs yet I could pretty easily "find" time to exercise for 120 minutes each day if I *really* wanted to. I almost always get in over 60 minutes on weekdays. It just involves effort and not making excuses (no matter how good those excuses may be).

I hope you find a schedule that works for you.

Buying anything is totally out of the question. There is simply no money for ANYTHING.

I like some of your other ideas about calf raises and squats. I did have this temporary image of me knocking down a small child while trying to do this, lol, as they tend to follow me like little shadows. Still, I think they'd quickly learn not to.

I've thought about just closing my office door and doing something like the 30 day shred or some of those 10 minute workouts (can't think of the name) but I have a window in my office door and I don't know how well that would work, lol.

As far as not going home for lunch, not really an option.

Thank you for the suggestions though. Cook-ercise may work

I think at the price tanning costs for your teenager you should be able to purchase a $25-$50 exercise contraption. You owe it to yourself!

candessb · November 2009

At the rate you are going you need to make time for YOU, in order to keep it up.
Before the kids, before the husband, before this lifestyle, you were you. Now, I understand the importance of family and you do need to take care of them and be their rock...but if you don't take car of NO. 1 (aka you) there's no way you can take care of everyone else.

Do yourself a favor and tell someone "No" once in a while. It's okay to be a little selfish and people may not like it at first, but you need more balance in your life, It sounds like you do, do, do for everyine but you. Put the kids to bed and do some Yoga, meditate and pray...go for a jog outside. There are 24 hours in a day. A half an hour is only .5/24=2% of your day. Please take that time for you...even if you don't work out.

The stress has you looking for comfort and you may find that in food...make wise choices. Eat healthy and light and you'll lose weight. Just don't let your weight gain be another source of stress for you...That's the Devil's work!

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!!

byHisgrace · November 2009

Oh, also! I don't know if you have a desk job, but if you do, there are actually little pedals you can buy so you can pedal while you work! I think they're pretty rad but I haven't gotten one yet because I'm a little embarrassed since my desk is open & I live in cubicle land & everyone could see. :laugh:

This would totally work!!! I have my own office, nobody would even know! Do you happen to have a name for the product or where you saw them??

As for the other suggestions, lol about my tanning 16 year old. It's not something I'm crazy about but it helps her skin better than anything other than a chemical peel, which was horrible. Also, it's kind of her reward for helping so much around the house and to make up for things we can't do anymore. For families who are not dealing with autism, I can totally see how this doesn't make much sense but for those who are, and know how demanding an ASD child is, it's almost like prison for the family. For example, we can't go to my father in laws, our closest relatives, for Thanksgiving next week. It's an hour drive, dd has had siezures during shorter rides because she just doesn't do well in the car. She can't handle the change in setting, the crowd, the noise, etc. We haven't been to the movie as a family since she was born, can't take her to the grocery store, to rent a movie, ect. She's verbal and she's cute so people assume she's "normal". People like toddlers, so they often talk to her or even just look and smile at her, and that sends her over the edge. She doesn't understand emotion or facial expressions and new people terrify her. So, I'm not really looking to take that away from my 16 year old. She deserves 10 minutes of quiet, lol.

I probably should have explained better, popping an autistic two year old into a stroller for a walk out of the blue, isn't an option, at least not with our 2 year old. Not going home to give my husband a break isn't an option for the same reason. She is VERY high needs. Things have to be a certain way, motions, noise, lights, changes in temp,, ect. can cause an episode severe enough to bring on a siezure.

I have thought about getting up early but if she were to wake, I don't know who would get her back to sleep as she doesn't sleep well at all (another autism issue) and it's almost impossible for others to get her to sleep.

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm making excuses, I really appreciate the advice. Pedals under my desk would be awesome, and something I never would have thought of. And for the record, I am not supermom, I haven't even met her, lol. I am just a mom working through what I've been given in life, and thankful for all of it, includig the challenges

candessb · November 2009

Oh also....try playing with your 5 year old...running around with kids is a great workout! Plus you're bonding!

byHisgrace · November 2009

[/quote]

I think at the price tanning costs for your teenager you should be able to purchase a $25-$50 exercise contraption. You owe it to yourself!
[/quote]

Tanning is $9.99/month for unlimited tanning. But, I could ask for those pedal things for Christmas from my mom, lol.

nolachick · November 2009

At the rate you are going you need to make time for YOU, in order to keep it up.
Before the kids, before the husband, before this lifestyle, you were you. Now, I understand the importance of family and you do need to take care of them and be their rock...but if you don't take car of NO. 1 (aka you) there's no way you can take care of everyone else.

Do yourself a favor and tell someone "No" once in a while. It's okay to be a little selfish and people may not like it at first, but you need more balance in your life, It sounds like you do, do, do for everyine but you. Put the kids to bed and do some Yoga, meditate and pray...go for a jog outside. There are 24 hours in a day. A half an hour is only .5/24=2% of your day. Please take that time for you...even if you don't work out.

The stress has you looking for comfort and you may find that in food...make wise choices. Eat healthy and light and you'll lose weight. Just don't let your weight gain be another source of stress for you...That's the Devil's work!

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!!

very well said.

CasperO · November 2009

Hubby can cook. If hubby can't cook, he can learn. There's an hour. I do 80% of the cooking in my house, and I'm quite good thank'ya. Food's good with a little testosterone.

There's all kinds of ways to provide for a family, and not all of them involve money.

byHisgrace · November 2009

Oh also....try playing with your 5 year old...running around with kids is a great workout! Plus you're bonding!

Honestly, we do play, which is one of the reasons I'm so baffled at how much weight I've gained and why I think I need to get serious about making about an hour a day to kick my own butt. We have a huge backyard and when it's decent out, we're out there. Can I just say that leaf fights are the most fun, ever! lol. We have a trampoline that we jump on together, we play tag and hide and seek. My son doesn't usually even go in the house when I drop him off, hubby is usally waiting in the back yard and they are still there when I get home. So, on nice days when they aren't sick (like this week) I get about 30 minutes of yard time with them while dinner cooks.

I do however have a saying, misery loves calories

Getting that under control too, but for me that's the easy part.

byHisgrace · November 2009

Hubby can cook. If hubby can't cook, he can learn. There's an hour. I do 80% of the cooking in my house, and I'm quite good thank'ya. Food's good with a little testosterone.

There's all kinds of ways to provide for a family, and not all of them involve money.

:happy: Do you make housecalls???

LittleSpy · November 2009

That's a good idea, Casper!

About the pedals. I know I saw some on eBay. Here are the ones I found immediately: http://cgi.ebay.com/Drive-Pedal-Excerciser-Stationary-Bike_W0QQitemZ310158844133QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item4836e860e5
They're $27.69 with free shipping

You may want to shop around, sellers on eBay don't always have the best prices. :flowerforyou:

April0815 · November 2009

What about your teenagers? They are old enough to help out around the house with chores that you should be able to take out a lil "me time" to get some exericising in. A person can only take on so much before it gets them worn down and you will end up sick. You will not be any help to yourself or anyone else if it gets to this point. Start asking for some help.

pinbotchick · November 2009

Walmart has the least expensive Leg bike that is relatively sturdy - $24.95 the last time I checked. You may see models in catalogs for $10 but they break down easy and have air filled cheap plastic pedals. You will find it in the sporting good section at Walmart.

byHisgrace · November 2009

I just found some on Amazon for under $15! I wonder how long they'd last? And it said you can use them for your arms, which I wouldn't have ever thought of! So excited now, lol

Hannah_Banana · November 2009

That's a good idea, Casper!

About the pedals. I know I saw some on eBay. Here are the ones I found immediately: http://cgi.ebay.com/Drive-Pedal-Excerciser-Stationary-Bike_W0QQitemZ310158844133QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item4836e860e5
They're $27.69 with free shipping

You may want to shop around, sellers on eBay don't always have the best prices. :flowerforyou:

Wonderful product - I'm asking Santa for this for Christmas!!

And I did find it at a better price: $24 with shipping from Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/Drive-Pedal-Excerciser-Stationary-Bike/dp/B000S1IDWS

Best of luck to you, that sounds like a very difficult situation. :flowerforyou:

iplayoutside19 · November 2009

Hubby can cook. If hubby can't cook, he can learn. There's an hour. I do 80% of the cooking in my house, and I'm quite good thank'ya. Food's good with a little testosterone.

There's all kinds of ways to provide for a family, and not all of them involve money.

Exactly, If you're working, being a taxi driver, and forager, there's no reason for you to have to prepare or clean up meals.

Not only that, You absolutly cannot out excersise a bad diet. So if you don't have time excersise, spend what time you do have figuring out a way to eat healthier.

BTW, I started out walking, nothing wrong with walking.

CasperO · November 2009

Hubby can cook. If hubby can't cook, he can learn. There's an hour. I do 80% of the cooking in my house, and I'm quite good thank'ya. Food's good with a little testosterone.

There's all kinds of ways to provide for a family, and not all of them involve money.

:happy: Do you make housecalls???

No need, he's not an idiot. Have him help you for a while, he'll get the hang. I enjoy it, do some wierd stuff, throw random things in the pot and see what shakes loose. I've botched it a couple times and wound up throwing away dinner and opening cans of soup, but nobody's died on me yet so I must be doing Ok.

Simple stuff. Make mac & cheese outta the box, dump in a couple cans o'tuna. Side of green beans, bread & butter. Tossing a porkchop in a hot skillet with a little salt & pepper is within most guys' capability. Shred Lettuce&Tomato and call it salad. Hard to screw up a baked potato. This ain't rocket surgery, you just gotta want to do it, and to do it.

He can do it, and after coping with an autistic 2yo all day he'll probably be ready for a change of pace.

Give him this recipe - after a day of that he might enjoy this:

Thaw out boneless/skinless chix breasts (walmart, 3 lb $6). Get a weapon of some sort and pound them out nice & thin. A mallet's good, or a bean can, or y'er head. Lay on a thin slice of ham, and a thin slice of cheese - roll it up and stick it with a toothpick to hold. Sprinkle with garlic, maybe some kinda herb, (whatever's in the cab, doesn't matter, I like parsley) - bake 350 20 minutes-ish 'til done. It's good and easy and satisfying to make, and less than 300 cals per.

byHisgrace · November 2009

What about your teenagers? They are old enough to help out around the house with chores that you should be able to take out a lil "me time" to get some exericising in. A person can only take on so much before it gets them worn down and you will end up sick. You will not be any help to yourself or anyone else if it gets to this point. Start asking for some help.

They do more than every friend they have, and they always have because we think kids should have to help run a household and learn what it takes to do so, but they do way more than I think they should have to already. They've both quit playing sports (against my wishes) to be home more and take some of the strain off me, so I'm not picking them up from practice, trying to make meets and games, coming up with $$$ for shoes and everything else they need. Really, I should have given them more credit in my original post.

pinbotchick · November 2009

Look carefully at the bike before you buy it. The Walmart model has screws mid way up the front and back - so far I have not seen these be a problem. The cheaper models have screws where base and top meet - the bike becomes unstable with excessive use and rocks and can cause problems if you have knee pain. The model picture of the one on EBAY actually stands up the best since it is welded base to top. I own 6 of the bikes - I use them in my patient treatments. Look to make sure you are getting one with solid foot pedals. The cheaper ones are a thin plastic and are filled with air (the one my clients keep buying from Dr. Leonard's catalog) and give as you push on it - it does not last very long. If you post a link to the picture of the one yo want to buy I can try to look and tell you if it will stand up with time.

April0815 · November 2009

What about your teenagers? They are old enough to help out around the house with chores that you should be able to take out a lil "me time" to get some exericising in. A person can only take on so much before it gets them worn down and you will end up sick. You will not be any help to yourself or anyone else if it gets to this point. Start asking for some help.

They do more than every friend they have, and they always have because we think kids should have to help run a household and learn what it takes to do so, but they do way more than I think they should have to already. They've both quit playing sports (against my wishes) to be home more and take some of the strain off me, so I'm not picking them up from practice, trying to make meets and games, coming up with $$$ for shoes and everything else they need. Really, I should have given them more credit in my original post.

Well like others said in the previous comments it's time for hubby to step up. I know its hard taking care of a 2 yr old that doesn't have autism so I can't imagine how hard it is taking care of a child with autism. There's ways he can help. During the day he can put the baby down for a nap and prep dinner so all he has to do is finish it up in the evening. Why can't he chauffer the kids around in the evening and you put the baby in the stroller and go for a stroll. If it was the other way around and your husband was working and you stayed home more than likely you would take care of the kids, the house, dinner , and everything in the evening. Do you believe he would come home and do all of that.

freedomdancer · November 2009

Hubby can cook. If hubby can't cook, he can learn. There's an hour. I do 80% of the cooking in my house, and I'm quite good thank'ya. Food's good with a little testosterone.

There's all kinds of ways to provide for a family, and not all of them involve money.

What state do you live in - i can fit you in between 6:00 and 7:00pm any night - i'll supply the pots and pans!! :laugh:

freedomdancer · November 2009

Another thought: when you cook - cook in volume - that is, cook a large stew or dish that can be frozen so you don't have to cook on certain days - just reheat and that should give you some free time;

the bottom line: if you want it bad enough, you will make it happen for you - no one else can do anything for you that you need - ITS UP TO YOU TO FIND THE TIME!!

nancy :glasses:

CasperO · November 2009

Good idea. Saturday's turkey makes tuesday's sandwiches makes friday's soup - it's what fridges are for. I try to make big batches of everything for leftovers and lunchbox stuffers. Saves a little $ too. Get out your 5 gallon stockpot and take the gang to aldi and ask hubs to invent a soup, he might surprise you.

What comes after stress???

Replies

Categories