WWYD? (Breast Cancer/ Breast implants/ Relationships)

phatycake
phatycake Posts: 216
in Motivation and Support
So, I married a "boob man" well a natural boobman...

Fast forward, we have a genetic gene in our family that will cause breast cancer 80% of the time. My sister and I will be checked for this gene in the coming year. I've waited so I can look into life insurance BEFORE the results.

Anyway, if positive and if my insurance covers it, I will go the safe route and do the preventative surgeries in lou of chemo and radiation, thus fighting for my life. I watched my Mom and Aunt both go through this, not fun.

I will get reconstructive surgery...(hopefully keep my nipples...sad, I know) basically implants.

I also LOVE Jamie Eason and plan on starting her plan soon, I really want to be in the best health I can as I get older, especially.

My husband just keeps reminding me he hates fake boobs and maybe I shouldn't do the preventive and just wait it out. He also says that if I looked like Jamie Eason, that would be gross and he wouldn't be attracted to me.

I'm really starting to think the fitter I get, the closer to a divorce I will be. I wouldn't want to be with someone who isn't attracted to me. Its almost easier to say "Pass me a donut...."

I also wanted to add...to me boobs are boobs...I breastfed three kids and that was great, but not worth risking my life over. I have to much to do in life than worry about having "preferred" natural breasts. Seriously, life is too precious.

Replies

  • jenbk2
    jenbk2 Posts: 614 Member
    Have you talked to your Dr about this?
    I think if it came down to it- your husband would rather have you over not having you. Also just becuse you will do her program doesn't mean you will look like her- You will just be more toned.

    Regarding the preventative surgery I would really check into that. My mom had breast cancer and they told her not to have a masectomy because if the cancer should come back it could go to her lungs over her breast.

    Good luck with everything.
  • phatycake
    phatycake Posts: 216
    Thank you. Thats true about the toning. I appreciate your response. I have spoken with a genetic specialist and they told me doing the mastectomy/reconstruction would massively decrease my chance.
  • PhilyPhresh
    PhilyPhresh Posts: 600 Member
    1. I am very sorry to hear this, that totally sucks

    2. and I'm sorry, but your husband needs to get over it. Boobs are boobs bro, they are all special (natural or not)!

    3. Studies show that in dairy consumption cells are activated to grow at an alarming rate, even cancer cells. I would Highly recommend for anyone who has an increased risk of cancer to get off of dairy of any form or find a substitute (like for milk get almond or coconut milk. don't do soy because soy foods tend to jack with your estrogen levels)
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    He may change his mind if your test turns out positive. I would do the same thing in your position.
  • breezymom81
    breezymom81 Posts: 499 Member
    Wow- I am currently waiting fo rmy appt to have some problem breast wise checked out- to see if I have cancer. I am married to a "boob" man as well- but this never even crossed my mind! I am freaked out about it to begin with, I don't need anything else on my mind at this point!

    I know my hubby loves me more then my boobs!
  • Pedal_Pusher
    Pedal_Pusher Posts: 1,166 Member
    Your husband sounds like the definition of a DB. No, seriously.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    Do everything you can to preserve your health. Appearance is the very last thing to worry about.

    I'm sure he isn't as insensitive/selfish/thoughtless as this tiny snapshot makes him out to be.........right?
  • MustBeTheRows
    MustBeTheRows Posts: 377 Member
    Your husband sounds like the definition of a DB. No, seriously.

    No *kitten*. My SO has awesome boobs. They're effing glorious and I love them. But I love her with or without them. He's being a selfish child.
  • betteringmyselfeachday
    betteringmyselfeachday Posts: 99
    He has to understand that you are doing this to possibly save your life one day. Sounsd like your odds of having it are greater than not having it. I don't blame you one bit for going ahead and being safe.

    Explain to your husband if it was his male parts, how would he feel?

    Would he rather have you alive and well, or sick and fighting for you life with real boobs?


    I hope he comes around to your plans!
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    So, I married a "boob man" well a natural boobman...

    Fast forward, we have a genetic gene in our family that will cause breast cancer 80% of the time. My sister and I will be checked for this gene in the coming year. I've waited so I can look into life insurance BEFORE the results.

    Anyway, if positive and if my insurance covers it, I will go the safe route and do the preventative surgeries in lou of chemo and radiation, thus fighting for my life. I watched my Mom and Aunt both go through this, not fun.

    I will get reconstructive surgery...(hopefully keep my nipples...sad, I know) basically implants.

    I also LOVE Jamie Eason and plan on starting her plan soon, I really want to be in the best health I can as I get older, especially.

    My husband just keeps reminding me he hates fake boobs and maybe I shouldn't do the preventive and just wait it out. He also says that if I looked like Jamie Eason, that would be gross and he wouldn't be attracted to me.

    I'm really starting to think the fitter I get, the closer to a divorce I will be. I wouldn't want to be with someone who isn't attracted to me. Its almost easier to say "Pass me a donut...."

    I also wanted to add...to me boobs are boobs...I breastfed three kids and that was great, but not worth risking my life over. I have to much to do in life than worry about having "preferred" natural breasts. Seriously, life is too precious.
    Your husband is a total D-bag.
    Tell him I said so.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,832 Member
    Your husband sounds like the definition of a DB. No, seriously.

    This. Your heath and well being is the most important thing. Who the *kitten* says that to their wife when something like that is a possibility.

    I'm sorry but this really pissed me off. Your husband is an as*hole.
  • phatycake
    phatycake Posts: 216
    I kinda thought that too...him being a DB.

    He says I worry too much about it being positive when I don't really know. I stress over the **** he's saying, especially if it is positive. I don't feel like he's supportive.

    Thanks for your feedback.
  • spikesmom
    spikesmom Posts: 441 Member
    If you do the reconstruction, do it for yourself, not for your husband or anyone else. You need to feel good about you, that's all that matters. I'm sure that once you do get them, he will come on board :happy:
  • PhilyPhresh
    PhilyPhresh Posts: 600 Member
    I kinda thought that too...him being a DB.

    He says I worry too much about it being positive when I don't really know. I stress over the **** he's saying, especially if it is positive. I don't feel like he's supportive.

    Thanks for your feedback.

    and how would he feel if he had ball cancer...?
  • dirtbikegirl5
    dirtbikegirl5 Posts: 391 Member
    Your husband is being a complete do*che bag. Life is more important than boobs.
  • degan2011
    degan2011 Posts: 316 Member
    So, I married a "boob man" well a natural boobman...

    Fast forward, we have a genetic gene in our family that will cause breast cancer 80% of the time. My sister and I will be checked for this gene in the coming year. I've waited so I can look into life insurance BEFORE the results.

    Anyway, if positive and if my insurance covers it, I will go the safe route and do the preventative surgeries in lou of chemo and radiation, thus fighting for my life. I watched my Mom and Aunt both go through this, not fun.

    I will get reconstructive surgery...(hopefully keep my nipples...sad, I know) basically implants.

    I also LOVE Jamie Eason and plan on starting her plan soon, I really want to be in the best health I can as I get older, especially.

    My husband just keeps reminding me he hates fake boobs and maybe I shouldn't do the preventive and just wait it out. He also says that if I looked like Jamie Eason, that would be gross and he wouldn't be attracted to me.

    I'm really starting to think the fitter I get, the closer to a divorce I will be. I wouldn't want to be with someone who isn't attracted to me. Its almost easier to say "Pass me a donut...."

    I also wanted to add...to me boobs are boobs...I breastfed three kids and that was great, but not worth risking my life over. I have to much to do in life than worry about having "preferred" natural breasts. Seriously, life is too precious.

    What a difficult thing to be going through.... My aunt had breast cancer and had a mastectamy (sp) but she was 60 years old at the time... not much there to miss anymore, and now her breasts will outlive her!

    I have to agree that if your husband is truly preasuring you to risk the high probability of breast cancer (mother and aunt having it, and a specific gene triggered for it) over getting fake breasts, there is something wrong in that relationship and it has nothing to do with boobs. Maybe you need to remind him that he needs to be more of a "YOU" man and less of a boob man.

    Honestly, I think if both my mom and my aunt had breast cancer I would consider the surgery even without a special gene factor. it is just a high risk probability.

    Not sure how old you are but you look young, could possibly be an age thing. Young men are very immature in their thinking and still equate love with sexual attraction much of the time. (again this is only speculative as I don't know your whole situation).

    at any rate, it is very important that you tell him (if you haven't already) that his comments make you feel as though he cares more about your breast than your health and only serve to make you stress out about loosing him along with your natural breast.

    If that doesn't deter him, then I suggest counseling. These kinds of situations are stressfull enough on both parties concerned. It could be he doesn't know how to react. in my experience, men don't typically deal well with change or illness especially with loved ones and you are throwing both at him at once. :) (You should have seen my husband the other day when I fell ill, he had to call an ambulance, and we faught the whole time (probably less than 5 minutes) we were waiting for them to come, I had just gotten out of the shower and I wanted him to get me some clothes before the ambulance came and I was still naked, (I couldn't stand or move my arms, weirdest damn thing by the way) he kept yelling that he didn't know where my f-ing clothes were. made me cry even. I can laugh now because I know we were both just panicing)

    Another suggestion would be to get your issurance plans in order and then get your results. In the mean time don't bring up the implants idea if you can help it until you know for sure.

    All that being said.... under no cercumstances should you risk your life or your health over a pair of funbags!

    Good luck!
  • phatycake
    phatycake Posts: 216

    What a difficult thing to be going through.... My aunt had breast cancer and had a mastectamy (sp) but she was 60 years old at the time... not much there to miss anymore, and now her breasts will outlive her!

    I have to agree that if your husband is truly preasuring you to risk the high probability of breast cancer (mother and aunt having it, and a specific gene triggered for it) over getting fake breasts, there is something wrong in that relationship and it has nothing to do with boobs. Maybe you need to remind him that he needs to be more of a "YOU" man and less of a boob man.

    Honestly, I think if both my mom and my aunt had breast cancer I would consider the surgery even without a special gene factor. it is just a high risk probability.

    Not sure how old you are but you look young, could possibly be an age thing. Young men are very immature in their thinking and still equate love with sexual attraction much of the time. (again this is only speculative as I don't know your whole situation).

    at any rate, it is very important that you tell him (if you haven't already) that his comments make you feel as though he cares more about your breast than your health and only serve to make you stress out about loosing him along with your natural breast.

    If that doesn't deter him, then I suggest counseling. These kinds of situations are stressfull enough on both parties concerned. It could be he doesn't know how to react. in my experience, men don't typically deal well with change or illness especially with loved ones and you are throwing both at him at once. :) (You should have seen my husband the other day when I fell ill, he had to call an ambulance, and we faught the whole time (probably less than 5 minutes) we were waiting for them to come, I had just gotten out of the shower and I wanted him to get me some clothes before the ambulance came and I was still naked, (I couldn't stand or move my arms, weirdest damn thing by the way) he kept yelling that he didn't know where my f-ing clothes were. made me cry even. I can laugh now because I know we were both just panicing)

    Another suggestion would be to get your issurance plans in order and then get your results. In the mean time don't bring up the implants idea if you can help it until you know for sure.

    All that being said.... under no cercumstances should you risk your life or your health over a pair of funbags!

    Good luck!

    Thanks! I am 26 and the women in my family have been diagnosed in their late 30's...which is young, IMO. I really appreciate your feedback, great insight.
  • MeMyCatsandI
    MeMyCatsandI Posts: 704 Member
    So your DB husband would rather have a dead wife with real boobs than a live wife with fake boobs?
  • mayerel
    mayerel Posts: 254 Member
    Would he prefer you dead? Or fighting for your life, with no hair and sick all the time? I mean really? Not supportive!!

    And honestly, my aunt had a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery, at her daughter's wedding you couldn't even tell she had fake boobs, they looked amazing!!

    My best friend will have to make this decision too in the near-ish future. We all told her she needs to do what she needs to do to feel safe, comfortable and happy. Whatever that was.
  • phatycake
    phatycake Posts: 216
    On the other hand...I'm kinda looking forward to the implants. After 3 kids...it would be an improvement ;0)
  • curvykim78
    curvykim78 Posts: 799 Member
    Sounds like you should show your husband the replies you're getting here...Boobs are boobs, but this is YOUR LIFE you're messing with. You only get one chance at it. Do what you feel YOU need to do for yourself to be happy, not for him. I have implants, and I got them for ME...not my husband, but MYSELF. He loves them because 1. they are boob2 and 2, they are part of me. It's a package deal, all of me or none of me. Take it or leave it.
  • phatycake
    phatycake Posts: 216
    Sounds like you should show your husband the replies you're getting here...Boobs are boobs, but this is YOUR LIFE you're messing with. You only get one chance at it. Do what you feel YOU need to do for yourself to be happy, not for him. I have implants, and I got them for ME...not my husband, but MYSELF. He loves them because 1. they are boob2 and 2, they are part of me. It's a package deal, all of me or none of me. Take it or leave it.

    Thank you! ♥
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    Boobs are boobs and they shouldn't be that important. Your husband wants a dead wife with real boobs instead of an alive wife with fake boobs? Sounds he's insensitive to me.
  • katglaze
    katglaze Posts: 45 Member
    Breast Cancer survivor 6 years with Fantastic Implants! The BRCA gene is real, sadly I was negative but the youngest one diagnosed in my family with cancer.I was the 4th woman in my family. I have never regretted doing a double mastectomy with reconstruction. The ones you get now are nothing like the old implants. Survive, take the bull by the hand. Sorry but he has no rights to your decision, this is your body and your life. Surviving cancer was the second hardest thing I ever did, but it changed me forever.

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