Just wanna cry. :(

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aaarrgghhh
aaarrgghhh Posts: 12
in Motivation and Support
I keep trying and failing and trying and failing and trying again. And failing again. And I'm so frustrated with myself, with my weight going back up, with my lack of motivation lately that I just want to curl up in bed and cry.

I hope my *new* name here on MFP at least somewhat expresses my level of frustration.

This is my third attempt at MFP.

I was very successful in my first attempt. I KNOW this site works. I had great friends on here, and I lost 40 lbs. I haven't even told any of my friends that I'm back because when I came back for my second attempt I failed miserably, over and over and over, and I am sure they're tired of hearing from me by now! I imagine they all think I'm making excuses, and that I'm just going to give up again, and I just don't want to feel like an *kitten* AGAIN if I should fail even one more time.

Though if any of them read this, they will probably know it's me.

During my first attempt here I found a number of ways to incorporate exercise into my every day life. And I think that was the key, exercise had become a normal part of my life. It wasn't intentional exercise, it was part of a new active lifestyle I had created. It was something I enjoyed, something I looked forward to. I was biking to work regularly. I was running both for exercise AND for stress relief and some time to myself. I was playing tennis with my sister on the weekends.

My situation has since changed. I changed jobs and now work too far away to bike there. I now spend three hours a day in my car commuting, which cuts into exercise and planning time dramatically. My sister hurt her back and can no longer play tennis. I am a mom, I have FOUR children in my home. Between working, commuting, and all the normal obligations a mother has, like shopping, cooking, cleaning, driving kids to lessons and such... There.Is.Just.No.Time.

Not only does this mean exercise time is gone, but time to control my own eating is out the window as well. I used to do my own shopping and make my own meal when the family decided to make something I couldn't have, now I have to rely on my husband to do the shopping, and I have to rely on quick and easy options, which we all know is typically NOT healthy!

When I do actually find myself with a little extra time, exercise is the last thing I want to do. I'm so worn out all the time that, even though I know that regular exercise will give me more energy, it's just so hard to pull myself up off the couch.

Every attempt I make at exercise now seems forced, and I don't EVER look forward to it like I used to. I tried going to the gym during my lunch, but that was making me miserable, so I stopped.

I know all the typical answers and responses, all the advice that is generally handed out to someone in my position. Hell, I've GIVEN the advice in the past! But I just can't seem to follow any of it regularly enough to make a difference and I'm just watching my weight go back up and feeling my pants get tighter and tighter, and I can't seem to get a handle on it again.

Plus, I decided to go back on a diet again today, decided I was going to be serious about it this time! So I logged back in here and reset my goals. I've stuck with it so far today, and ya know what?!?

I'M STARVING!!!

I don't expect you to fix it. The only person who can fix it is me... and I know that. I just needed to vent. Hope you don't mind. :(

If anyone is in the same boat as me and doesn't mind the ups and downs I'm going through, I could probably use some friends. Warning, though: I will likely need LOTS of patience and forgiveness along the way!! At least until I figure out how to fix this problem for good.
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Replies

  • sgillers
    sgillers Posts: 1
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    Hey I just wanted to give you a hug, its hard, it something that you probably will struggle your whole life with - I know I do. I think the thing you need to do is give yourself a break, you arent super human ;) forgive yourself and start again - its a mindset. So youve lapsed, nows the time to jump back on it. Talk to your husband and give him a list of foods to buy for you every week, my plan for this weekend is to bulk cook and stick it into freezer bags so I can grab something nutrisious and filling when I have no time.

    Dont give up and dont beat yourself up, to err is human to forgive is devine :)

    :smile:
  • juliaamilee
    juliaamilee Posts: 262 Member
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    Good luck... I definately understand. I had to make me important. Stop taking care of everyone else and make me number one or I couldnt be here with the energy to take care of everyone else. You have to make time and plan for you. If it involves telling someone NO then so be it. You have to be happy to. Make time for yourself. I get up an hour early before I go to work, but I only work less than a mile. But if I didnt I'd get up two hours early. Lunch breaks are great for walking. Are your kids old enough to get involved and go for walks/runs/swimming/tennis? Everyone is always old enough to play chase, even if your crawling. Make it fun! Is it feasible to pack a lunch? SNacks? Kids old enough to help out at home and get things together to help with dinner?
  • jordanreddick
    jordanreddick Posts: 197 Member
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    Good for you to take the first step to acknowledge your failure and begin again. Take it one day at a time, you are starving because, just like when you overeat, you body is used to the amount of food you gave it the day before and will think you are going to give it the same amount again. Therefore the hunger pangs begin. Fret not, day 1 is the hardest and it WILL get easier! Good luck
  • SwtMelissa86
    SwtMelissa86 Posts: 165
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    I have been there... it's hard. But please don't give up... you can do this. take it one day at a time.

    Add me if you need a friend for encouragement.... good luck
  • SPBROOKS68
    SPBROOKS68 Posts: 561 Member
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    If you open your diary so that people can see what you are eating they will make GOOD suggestions on items to keep you full longer - Like more protein. It will get easier each day and when the weight starts to come off it is all worth the effort.
  • Annette_rose
    Annette_rose Posts: 427 Member
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    You are in great company here!!! I am thinking that the majority of us have started this trip of better health and fallen many times; sometimes getting back up quickly, sometimes not so quickly. Hang in there and I don't know you, but proud of you.
  • BirdieNYC
    BirdieNYC Posts: 26 Member
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    Don't worry! Just regain your center and realize- you are the only person in control of your own life. There will always be something- work, kids- that's the way life goes. Just roll with the punches and know every day is a new beginning, where you control what goes into your mouth. You control ways to fit exercising in. You control your happiness!

    At work- do you have the option to stand at your desk? I am standing right now- I put three empty boxes stacked up on one another and put my laptop right on top. I stand for most of the day and it is so much better for you. A quick little way to challenge yourself at work. You also make better choices in terms of food when you're standing. Give it a try- could be the little change that sets a new commitment in motion.
  • mrsvatitagain
    mrsvatitagain Posts: 275 Member
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    We all visit this place and the hardest part is coming back. You take that step and mad ea confession, keep getting up until you get it right, that's the only thing you can do and the only thing that will work. Not coming back, wont ever get you the results you desire. Good luck!!
  • doughtyve
    doughtyve Posts: 1
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    I know just how you feel, I have been dieting most of my adult life, sometimes with great success only to slide back down into the old spiral again. I have just found a new mindset and I know I have only used it for one week but have lost 6.5 lbs. I have just cut out things I don't need to eat sounds mental I know. But I usually make myself eat breakfast because its good for you but actually I don't want to eat until 11.30, so I now eat at 11.30. If there is something I really fancy - like an egg custard this weekend - I just say to myself - I don't want to eat that right now, I might eat it later. I can manage for the next hour of my lifef without an egg custard - and then after the hour has passed I think - well I managed without it for an hour - I can manage without it altogether. This advice was given to me by a friend who really struggles with chocolate, and she says it has worked for her. Its not about being hungry or full, its about playing mind games and we all know the mind is more powerful than the body. Good luck. It's worth a try.
  • seardefilip
    seardefilip Posts: 96
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    DON"T GIVE UP-
    I gave up and came back and again and again it was like wash, rinse repeat- and for several months NOTHING was sticking-
    But the changes that I was trying to make, I wasn't making for myself-
    NOW that I have put myself - even in the ring to compete against myself and for myself, I am holding so much stronger -
    Its hard-
    But you are tougher than it is hard- or you wouldn't be back!
    GOOD LUCK!!!
  • Josie_lifting_cats
    Josie_lifting_cats Posts: 949 Member
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    I get so frustrated when people say "just make it happen" or "make time". For some of us.... especially busy working moms, there is no more time to make. We cannot add additional hours to the day.

    I had to figure out the hard way that I was the only person I needed to report to. Sometimes I may not have time to work out. So I try to eat better for that week.... or weeks. Sometimes I have plenty of time to work out, and get to eat more because of it. I have a three and a two year old, am basically self-employed with a huge account that fluctuates wildly, and I spend a TON of time on the road. Sometimes I eat at Taco Bell. (Confession, I love Taco Bell). Sometimes I eat junk. Sometimes I pick up a salad. But finding the balance that worked for ME was what worked. And I haven't eliminated anything.... I just eat less of it. And it works. I can order at McDonald's and I know what I can eat and what I can't for my daily goal. It took MONTHS, but I got it figured out.

    Feel free to add me as a friend. :-)
  • Runs4CupCakes
    Runs4CupCakes Posts: 132
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    you wanna know what the best part of this is??? you just put it all out there all the problems and now you can come up with ways to over come them, its hard to be healthly i struggle daily with it, but i take it one day at a time and you can do this...
    i have 3 kids work a full time job and run on my lunch break bc thats all the time i got to it, hell i do squats getting the clothes out the dryer, do lunges across my bedroom and all kinds of other seemily crazy things to make sure i get my workout in, you can do this its just firgurin out what works for you,
  • SairahRose
    SairahRose Posts: 412 Member
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    Wishing you the best, and sending huge hugs across. It's hard to feel like that, and I'm not going to sit here and say it'll get easier, or tell you how you can or can't fix it.
    But I can be there with you, and encourage you when you need it, or just commiserate with you when you can't do something.

    Hang in there xx
  • tubaman58
    tubaman58 Posts: 151
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    It is tough, no question, on all the issues you brought up. On exercise, try to find "activities" that include the family, rather than "Exercise". Harder to log and quantify, but good for everyone. On the food options, keep working on it and don't cheat on your logging...Not to plug the competition, but Weight Watchers has some ideas on how to deal with some of these issues...
  • BOO2819
    BOO2819 Posts: 6
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    Sit down and tell your hubby how important this is to you and ask him for his support. See if he will take on a little bit more responsibility around the house for you so you can take time out for yourself. It is your HEALTH...very important. You want to be the best person you can be for your family, plus moms always take care of EVERYONE before themselves. Its about time you do something for yourself.. Youre worth it!! Dont beat yourself up....the great thing about you is that you keep on fighting....you havent given up. If you had, you wouldnt be on here reaching out for help. Even if you fail or go off track sometimes, you keep on trying again. That is what counts! :) I, like you have been dealing with losing weight, gaining weight for years. This is the biggest obstacle in my life. We shouldnt expect immediate results, its an ongoing thing. A lifestyle change :). If i were you, try cooking food in bulk once a week and freeze it. Then, when its time to eat, just heat your food up and you have a healthy portioned meal that is better for you than quick processed foods! Opt to take the stairs, park in the last parking spot in the parking lot and walk, go outside and play with your kids, and try not to stress about it too much. If you do, your brain releases a horomone that will actually hold on to the fat. So just focus on how good you feel when you make good choices and dont weigh yourself but maybe once every week or two. Its hard work, if it wasnt, everyone would be fit. Also, it makes it soo much more worth it when you get there! Hang in there girl! You have everything inside of you to acheive your goals!! Good luck with everything!! :)
  • chatterbox3110
    chatterbox3110 Posts: 630 Member
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    We all fall off the bandwagon at some stage, but you've taken the most important step of all, and that's the first one back!

    I know it can take up precious family time at the weekend, but had you thought about batch cooking meals for yourself and freezing them? At least that way you can pre-total your calories for the day and work the rest of the day to fit in. You can always create fun time with the kids that will burn off some extra calories too, even something as daft as piggie backs burns calories - we do that with our grandchildren now, and I also used to do it with my 4 children when they were kiddies, which shows how long it's been that I've been trying to lose weight - this time I'm succeeding!

    You know you can do it, and you will again - the main thing now is NOT to look back, as that's not the way you're going - a new start with a new finish in sight!

    Good luck!
  • Polly758
    Polly758 Posts: 623 Member
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    Ohh that's hard, I've had a 3-hour commute, yes 3 hours each way! Luckily I got to take public transit... I actually finished the last Harry Potter book IN ONE DAY because of all that time reading on the train! :laugh: If you can take public transit to work, do it, it's worth it for the quiet time.

    It sounds like all you can do right now is diet, no time for excercise. I know it's hard when you know you could and should do more, but all you can do is start where you're at, and work from there.

    You will be hungry at first but your body will adjust. Drink lots of decaf and chew some gum, that's what I did, it seemed to help.

    I bet if you get some tupperwares and a small cooler, you could make some pretty awesome food to bring to work for each day. Hummous, yogurt, tons of chopped veggies... then when you're stuck with husband-prepared-supper you're a step ahead in the healthy foods department :grumble: And start working on him now about healthy foods...

    Welcome back, good luck, we believe in you :wink:
  • krystyleee
    krystyleee Posts: 219
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    Don't give up!

    You should sit down with your family and talk to them. Tell your husband to start buying more healthy food to cook for everyone in the house so you don't have to feel left out. Healthy eating will be good for all of you. And it's good for kids to learn how to eat right at ayoung age. I wish I knew what eating right was when I was younger, because if I did I wouldn't be struggling with it now! lol.

    There are PLENTY of yummy options that are healthy that ll of you can eat and that is step 1. Eating healthy. Step 2 is getting back into the habit of exercising. I go through my spells too of not wanting to, and not having time due to work and school, but start slow and work your way up. Get some at home DVDs that way you can get up early and do a 20 minute workout or do one when you're watching the kids. You'll have to figure out when you do and don't have time and plan accordingly which may take time as well but you will get through it and you will make it work! Just don't give up!
  • islandnutshel
    islandnutshel Posts: 1,143 Member
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    It doesn't feel good to start over. I did. Lost these same bloody pounds 2 years ago, and a Move and a bad buisness decision and simply not caring put all of the weight back on. BUT LISTEN. I have been here just over 2 months and I am 24 pounds less.
    You and I both know MFP works, but starting over feels horrible, but I feel less aprehensive this time, more patient, wiser. How about 2 month from now you look back on how you lost X amount of pounds. It's a little bit easier the second time around.
    Exercise is going to be hard for you. I would suggest getting a pedometer or a fitbit and using every excuse you can find every day to add steps, at work, at home, grocery shopping or on the commute home, pull over at a park and walk for 10 minutes. It will make you a happier driver.
    You can do this. The first time I started I could do no exercise for 2 months, so I concentrated on the diet end. You can still lose weight without exercise, you just have to look for ways to fill up on less calories. Lots of steamed vegetables.
    Friend me if you would like someone to chat with about doing it a second time.
    You will look back and be glad you did this again.
    PS Please put a picture up any picture, the empty profile pics make me sad.
  • sqwerly
    sqwerly Posts: 31
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    I have been there too. It's really hard and frustrating.
    I am so glad that you keep turning to this site, it really does help. Keep trying and i am sure you will find a way to make it work. You did it before and you can do it again. HUGS

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