Just wanna cry. :(

you need to give yourself a break,you are not a failure you are under severe pressure and its so hard!I know I have 5 kids I am also full time carer to my mum who is 83 has Alzheimers and has now lost her sight,you need to be good to yourself the ways I know are a good book for 10 mins before bed,a sneaky little chocolate bar that I hide(yeah I know this is childish!!!!) The gym is my lifesaver Im there at 6.45 in the morning I do realise thats not everyones idea of pleasure but it keeps me sane.What Im saying is find that little thing to make you happy and when you feel a bit happier you will focus on your goals you wont when you are miserable,so look at how great you are,whats past is past look to tomorrow!

Ufdah! , that's rough. I know you're not looking for advice, but I'm gonna give some anyway.

1) Make your emotional needs a priority. I know you want to make your family a priority, but they are better off with a happy mama than a upset one - even if she has slightly less time with them.
2) I've always hated exercise, until I tried kettlebells. I do free workout videos from livefitrevolution.org.
3) Whatever eating regimens you've tried in the past - try something different. Some people do better with low fat, others do better with low carb. I'm a low carb / high fat kinda guy, but that's just what works for me.
4) Make your dietary needs a priority. Don't make one version of food for you and one for the family. It's not your job to make sure everybody has exactly what they want. If they can't hang with your diet, they can learn how to cook.

Good luck! I'm rooting for you.

I'm sorry you're upset. I have been in your shoes more than once. I have been trying to lose weight since I was 13. I don't know about you but I have a pretty bad "all or none" mentality and times and it was really hurting me. I'd start a diet and if I didnt do EVERYTHING perfectly I'd quit because I figured I failed. One thing I am being to learn is that this is not a race. I always treated it like a race to the finish. Im really trying to teach myself that this is a lovely wonderful stroll through life and that each day is a new day to make good choices.

I also have the mentality that I want it NOW and I DONT want to wait and that is something I'm having to overcome.

Cliche but the weight didnt come on overnight and it's not going off overnight.

What if you pick one small thing YOU CAN live with. I dont know your personal vices but one of mine was soda. So I started NO soda and it was hard but I got the point where I could live with that. Another one I did was NO trans fat. So now I'm at the point where I wont eat anything with trans fat in it. Step by step.

You ARE worth the fight for your good health! It will happen tiny bit by tiny bit!

I'm a single mom, so I hear your frustrations about trying to fit it all in. Luckily my commute is only a 20-minute drive; I don't know how you do it! I'm just going to throw a few ideas out there, simply because I keep finding random ideas in these threads that hadn't occured to me before, or that I just needed a little reminding of.

How's your protein intake in the morning? Different things work for different people, but once I started doing my protein smoothies in the morning, I noticed a HUGE difference in how much energy and motivation I had throughout the rest of the day. I used to just have oatmeal once I got to work, and figured that counted as breakfast, but I feel SO much better throughout the entire day if I have my morning smoothie. If operating a blender that early in the morning won't work for you because of your kids, what about adding protein to overnight oatmeal? I can't give protein enough credit for giving me the oomph to DO my exercising instead of thinking about it, or beating myself up for not doing it.

Do you take public transportation to work? If not, can you? If you're not the one driving, maybe you could walk laps inside the train for a significant portion of the commute?

Can you take 30 minutes a day of "Mom time" and make it sacred, only to be disturbed if the house is burning down? A happy, healthy you is a better mom, even if it's 30 minutes less a day. I bought a cheap-but-sturdy elliptical and put it in the living room; that's pretty much the only way I could guarantee I'd get cardio. I can do it before my daughter wakes up, after she goes to bed, while she's playing...it gives me options that don't require a babysitter. Maybe you could do something similar and shut yourself in the bedroom with an elliptical and a kick-*kitten* soundtrack? I found one on Overstock for $200 (including shipping), and you can find them used for less.

How truly supportive is your hubby? One of my friends just signed herself and her husband up on this site. When he saw the difference in calories for him and her to maintain weight, and calories burned for the same amount of exercise, he became WAY more supportive of her eating habits and portion sizing. He just had no clue what a significant difference there would be because of gender and a couple inches of height, so was unintentionally dismissive of her efforts. That doesn't even touch on the men that would prefer their women to be overweight and feeling bad about themselves all around -- hopefully yours isn't one of those.

Amy's Kitchen makes some delicious frozen meals that aren't "diet food" or filled with things I can't pronounce. They're my fallback for when I can't make my massive pots of food on the weekends to stick in the freezer for lunches & dinners throughout the week. And I do fallback frequently....I'm getting better at it, though. I like to make big pots of soup or other dishes and divvy them up into 2-cup pyrex bowls -- perfect for freezing and taking to work for lunch, or having for dinner. I know it takes time (maybe get the kids involved in preparation?), but having plenty of those on hand would be great for when the family is eating something you don't want to add to your food log.

I also love the earlier comment about not cooking separately for you and your family. You should be eating a normal, sustainable diet -- food that is perfectly healthy for your family, too. If your hubby makes something you don't want, sure, eat your own thing -- but if you're the one cooking, there's no reason to not share your new healthy habits with them. After all, you want your kids to grow up with healthy eating habits, instead of having to overcome bad habits later, right?

If you truly don't have any more time in the day, then something's gotta give. If you're like most women/moms, that something is usually YOU. The kids will be okay learning how to spend a little more time on their own. The husband will be okay spending a little more time parenting or flying solo, They'll all be okay if you take a little time from them and give it back to yourself -- you're teaching them that you are to be valued, and teaching them that taking care of yourself is important. You're setting a good example. It's a lot harder to do than say, I know. But you CAN do it.

*edit* Almost forgot -- can you bring an exercise ball to work? I find it helpful to just take 5 minutes here and there to do some core-strengthening. Not enough to get sweaty at work, but enough to just get me moving around for a bit (I sit behind a desk all day). And sometimes I just go take a walk around the building and go up the stairs a few times -- or go to the furthest bathroom on a different floor -- just to get moving. Little things that don't take much time, and aren't big workouts in themselves, but add up to an overall increased activity level.

Also, if you're feeling overwhelmed, how about making a list of everything you want to change, and just focusing on one of them at a time? For example, "this week I will take the stairs 10 times." Do that for a week or two, and then add in "this week I will get in two cardio sessions of at least 20 minutes." Do that, then add in the next piece ("this week I will make healthy frozen meals for myself?")....and so on, and so on. Huge lifestyle changes aren't easy, I know! Don't feel weak if it seems like too much; just take it a piece at a time. You've done it before, you can definitely do it again.