Feel out of control.

_Aimée_
_Aimée_ Posts: 190
in Motivation and Support
So I'm crawling back to MFP again. Had several attempts to come back to it the past year after loosing 70lbs but I'm spiralling out of control.
Depression has snuck up on me again and I'm just waiting for the meds to start working properly but right now I feel so **** and feel silly for bottling up everything and not 'dealing' with my feelings. Things in life are going pretty well for me right now but this is a recent change and made me realise how ****ty things were before.
I've started binging again and eating in secret. I need a massive kick up the backside or I am at risk of turning into the blob I was before.
I'm trying to get the confidence to go to a tug of war team as I think it would be really good for me as I can no longer afford to swim and I enjoy to exercise outside of the house, just the eating is a tougher nut to crack!
Oh dear MFP what have I got myself into!

Replies

  • larsmac83
    larsmac83 Posts: 24
    You can do this! You did it before! And as someone in a VERY similar struggle, I can completely relate! Not only did my depression sneak up on me, but my thyroid condition is out of control again, as well. I'm also living a very stressful life, and as an emotional eater, the depression just makes it worse. I also binge eat in secret, and I didn't catch it before gaining back 90 lbs after losing 75. So here I am again, too. The way I'm choosing to look at it now, is that there is so little in my life that I can control. I can't control my depression yet, my thyroid is out of control, as is my family, and my life in general. What I can control??? What food goes in my body. It brings a measure of peace. It's still REALLY hard, but you did it before. Just try to re-capture those feelings of success and remember how great it felt to buy clothes in a size down!! Feel free to friend me if you would like. I can sympathize. :smile:
  • A_New_Horizon
    A_New_Horizon Posts: 1,555 Member
    I wish there was a quick fix, but there isn't. I can totally relate to the depression that affects your eating habits (in the process of it myself). I had lost 62 lbs, but things went horrible wrong in Nov which in return put me on an anti-depressant. Well, against all my efforts, I put on 15 lbs. So, I went to my dr over a month ago, and told her either switch me or I am going to stop taking it (which I know wouldn't be good for me either). So, she switched me from Celexa to Wellbutrin. Well, after 3 weeks of being at 150 mg - it wasn't working like it should, so she doubled my dose. I am having a horrible week and my eating is showing it as well. I am an emotional eating and with all I am dealing with - chocolate becomes my main focus (it doesn't fix it but dulls the pain).

    I think my issue is the combination of stress and my body trying to get used to a new dose. Hang in there. Mental health is very important. We can get this weight back off - have faith in yourself.
  • anna0478
    anna0478 Posts: 505 Member
    I believe in you :) We all have crappy days sometimes! Just take them one at a time. Remember how you felt when you were successful with your weightloss before.
    :happy: YOU CAN DO THIS:happy:
  • do7do7
    do7do7 Posts: 2
    I can totally relate to you .. it's my first day after a month of binge eating and without MFP .. but I decided that it is enough because I gained 8 lbs and I don't want to lose my whole progress .. hang in there and be free to friend me if you need support , God knows I need one of those too :)
  • calliangelo
    calliangelo Posts: 22
    my starting weight was 215 and I got down to 155 two years ago, I am now at 170 because I stopped paying attention to my food intake and my new job had me working long hours so I stopped exercising as much. I am back on mfp and I hope to get back down to 155 and then my ultimate goal is 135. I hope you realize that it is an ongoing battle and even though the pounds are creeping back you are at a much healthier weight than you were originally and you can absolutely pull yourself out of his hole and get back to being yourself!
  • Tall_E
    Tall_E Posts: 182 Member
    You are starting to take charge by coming back to MFP. Just take it one second at a time, one bite at a time, one movement at a time until it begins to add up and you build up a momentum again. You will get better if you hang in here.

    I've fought depression on and off for years. Bottom line: there is no medication that will fix your life problems. Medication only temporarily makes some symptoms feel better and can even add to your problems. Binge eating is only another way to medicate yourself temporarily. Only you can fix the cause of your depression. Counseling can help you do it. Exercise can help you feel better while you do it. You deserve to have real happiness. Don't settle for less than that!

    I know you can give yourself a happy life, no matter how slowly you have to take it to get there.

    Best wishes!
  • vgpeterson
    vgpeterson Posts: 1
    I too am feeling out of control. In fact this morning the only reason that i was able to read your post is i forced myself to sit down to write a new comment looking for a freind to help with daily checkins. You can do this and 70 lbs is freaking amazing!!
    Feel free to add me as well. I have lost 25lbs total aftering gaining 10 back from my last binge off the wagon.

    I guess in essense we are all addicts looking for support, well from the posts YOU have got support and you CAN and WILL do this!

    XOXO,
    Veronica
  • Pentdad
    Pentdad Posts: 23
    Hi folks fatman here again.

    I would have thought losing all that weight and looking great would have upped your confidence and thus made you try more things in life and hence move away from depression?

    I have found that fatness and depression is a vicious cycle, one eats because it is so tasty and the best thing in our lives, then gets depressed over the filthy sight of ourselves. So we eat more for comfort, because hey we all need something to live for. At the time of eating it feels worth it...

    My experience with a few people suffering depression was that they often didn't help themselves and relied too much on quick fix meds. ie one person stayed in all day watching daytime tv (obvious temptation for all day snacking there) when surely going to work would give her purpose.

    That is what life is, the meaning of it. Purpose. Be it your job, family, or hobbies. I find people suffering from depression often have very little purpose (I understand not all depression is the same by the way, my argument for example wouldn't apply to a Mother of 3 who is constantly busy yet always unhappy. But it may apply to some people on here).

    What do you all think?
  • _Aimée_
    _Aimée_ Posts: 190
    Pentdad the meds are not a quick fix, they enable me to function in daily life. I have a 2 year old to look after, I can't lay in bed all day, I have to do the cleaning, I have to leave the house. Things get out of control for me very quickly when I am depressed and the meds level me out enough for me assess what has gone wrong in my brain and to try and sort it. The meds don't make you better, they help you get yourself better.

    Loosing the weight did help, but one good thing in your life doesn't block out all the other bad experiences somebody may have gone through and some of us find it more difficult to not let those experiences overwhelm us.

    Thanks for all your messages of support guys. I binged this morning but I'm feeling ok and better for letting it out here yesterday. I'm taking my son to look at a nursery this afternoon as he will be going there when I start university in september so that is a positive step today and something to look forward too.
  • tdcibilly
    tdcibilly Posts: 78
    just take it one day at a time and focus on a smal goal each day.
  • cbnumbers81
    cbnumbers81 Posts: 3
    I feel completely out of control. My husband has resorted to getting up with me in the middle of the night to offer me better choices to replace the four servings of cerael and an entire cup of sugar added to them. UGH how do I stop this middle of the night binging. I do well all day, but as i get tired i begin to eat and eat and eat. For the first time in two years i am afraid to go to sleep. I am depressed and anxious. I hate being back in this place again. I am seeing a counselour and stepping up my bible study. SIGH. So ashamed b/c my husband married a 164 lb woman, now she is 248lbs... :(:(:(
  • arathena720
    arathena720 Posts: 449 Member
    Kudos to you for getting back in here and also realizing you can't go it alone! The debate of whether to medicate or not medicate is a very personal one, and everyone always seem to be ready to throw stones on both sides. I was on medication for 8 years to help my panic attacks and depression, then off of them for 4 years while I was able to control it with diet and exercise, and just recently got back on because I started menopause and can no longer control it. I don't see anything wrong with taking medication, any more than I have to take medication for my asthma. It's a positive step towards feeling better about yourself and being a better person for your loved ones. Good luck to you!
  • arathena720
    arathena720 Posts: 449 Member

    My experience with a few people suffering depression was that they often didn't help themselves and relied too much on quick fix meds. ie one person stayed in all day watching daytime tv (obvious temptation for all day snacking there) when surely going to work would give her purpose.

    The decision to medicate is pretty gut wrenching for most people. No one wakes up, says they feel a little down, then runs to the doctor to get some meds. Depression is a real problem, and there are a myriad of ways that might work to help it. Diet, exercise, changing your situation in life, and yes, medication. I think more people could try the diet and exercise route first, but in the end, having happy, healthy well adjusted family members and friends is more important than the means by which they get there. When you are depressed, you don't want to do anything. You have to relieve the depression to get the motivation to get out. Sometimes you can force yourself, but sometimes you just can't. I applaud anyone who realizes that they have a problem and takes steps to fix it.
  • larsmac83
    larsmac83 Posts: 24

    My experience with a few people suffering depression was that they often didn't help themselves and relied too much on quick fix meds. ie one person stayed in all day watching daytime tv (obvious temptation for all day snacking there) when surely going to work would give her purpose.

    The decision to medicate is pretty gut wrenching for most people. No one wakes up, says they feel a little down, then runs to the doctor to get some meds. Depression is a real problem, and there are a myriad of ways that might work to help it. Diet, exercise, changing your situation in life, and yes, medication. I think more people could try the diet and exercise route first, but in the end, having happy, healthy well adjusted family members and friends is more important than the means by which they get there. When you are depressed, you don't want to do anything. You have to relieve the depression to get the motivation to get out. Sometimes you can force yourself, but sometimes you just can't. I applaud anyone who realizes that they have a problem and takes steps to fix it.

    For anyone who has suffered from any form of depression, they'll know that this is true. The decision to get help and take a pill for a problem is a VERY hard decision to make. I'm now 28 years old, and I have been on antidepressants on and off for about 15 years. Mine is a chemical problem. My body just doesn't produce the chemical serotonin the same as a 'normal' person. When I'm off any form of antidepressant, I can literally FEEL the difference. I become an emotionless robot, because I can't even handle the day-to-day stresses anymore at that point. Diet and exercise are out of the question, because I can barely motivate myself to get to work, much less do any more than that! Just like in alcoholism, the first step is realizing that you have a problem and that something isn't right. The rest of the journey is just as wrenching as the first steps.

    I applaud anyone who has traveled this road and has found a way to come out on top. And those are the people who know how it feels to be happy and healthy and are trying to find it again. Keep it up! We can do it! We can do anything we set our minds to!
  • _Aimée_
    _Aimée_ Posts: 190
    Thanks for all your replies, I'm feeling so much better already. I've weighed myself again and the damaged wasn't as bad as it seemed last week, I was retaining ALOT of water. I've only put on 5 pounds since the start of this 'bad' spell, and 5 pounds is easy to get back off really if you put your mind to it, its just the pounds after that that are a little tricky!!

    cbnumbers, hang in there. Have you tried having a hot milk drink in the night? That usually fills me up. Even if its a huge one, its better than junk food, and will help you go back to sleep too.
  • cbnumbers81
    cbnumbers81 Posts: 3
    Aimee: thanks I will try the milk. Im doing better concentrating on exercise instead of obsessing over food.

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