Defeated

HeatherGTaylor
HeatherGTaylor Posts: 48 Member
in Motivation and Support
I dont' know where to start. Is it possible to think you want to change but you really don't? I've been fat my whole life and I've been way thinner. These last 6 months I've put on 30lbs and I can't seem to stop EATING!!! Eating when I'm bored, eating when I'm stressed which happens daily and I think I "deserve it" for what I'm going though. Yay me I'm walking like a mad woman, between 40mins to an hour every day with the baby and 2 dogs, but the EATING!

Worse is I'm not even eating to much junk or fast food just eating TOO MUCH. I see myself get bigger and bigger in pictures and the mirror and I'm so sad. I loved myself 30lbs ago and now I feel worthless and plain ugly but does that stop me from stuffing my face? NO, because I will then have a day my toddler decides he needs to scream ALL DAY or my husband comes home asking me to make him food, find him clothes, have sex with him ect...it never seems to end and the only thing I feel I have for me anymore is food. Golly that's the saddest thing I've said in a long time.

I'm sorry guys.
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Replies

  • debbiestine
    debbiestine Posts: 265 Member
    Go to the community section and find the Made to Crave group. You are made to crave God, not food. Let me know how it goes...
  • Easywider
    Easywider Posts: 434 Member
    Do you want motivation?

    If so here's the truth. Your will is weak. You need to establish discipline. Adhere to principal, it builds moral character and self reliance.

    Do more, eat less, quit complaining.

    You'll survive 7 days without water and 28 without food...I think you can suck it up and quit cryin.
  • JeSuisPrest
    JeSuisPrest Posts: 2,005 Member
    Take it one day at a time. Make healthy choices for yourself and log everything, everyday! Find exercise that you enjoy. If you want it badly enough you will find a way to make it happen.
  • HeatherGTaylor
    HeatherGTaylor Posts: 48 Member
    Do you want motivation?

    If so here's the truth. Your will is weak. You need to establish discipline. Adhere to principal, it builds moral character and self reliance.

    Do more, eat less, quit complaining.

    You'll survive 7 days without water and 28 without food...I think you can suck it up and quit cryin.

    Thank you.
  • saraann4
    saraann4 Posts: 1,296 Member
    Do you want motivation?

    If so here's the truth. Your will is weak. You need to establish discipline. Adhere to principal, it builds moral character and self reliance.

    Do more, eat less, quit complaining.

    You'll survive 7 days without water and 28 without food...I think you can suck it up and quit cryin.

    As blunt as this is, I agree. I could have gave in several times in the past 3 months, but I haven't. My willpower is amazing. I want to get this get crap off of me. I am always around people saying "well, it's just a candy bar/pizza/coke,insert whatever, it won't kill you" No *kitten* it won't kill me, but right now I want to get healthy so eating that damn candy bar isn't going to help me. If I wanted it, I'd eat it. I don't want it. I don't deprive myself either. If I want chocolate, I'll eat my dang chocolate. You just gotta get in the right mindset. You have to be determined.
  • jody2807
    jody2807 Posts: 115 Member
    You may feel defeated now , But don't let it get you all the way down sometines we need to hit rock bottom in order to find our way back to the top . Take one day at a time and try and do ONE thing a day for you . You seem to be doing everything for everyone else and you have lost yourself on the way . Do something for yourself when Hubby walks in the door you walk out Go for a walk or a jog clear your head you will feel better for it and your family will benefit from it aswell , As you will feel you have accomplished something for the day no matter how little and if you keep it up things will look better for you and once you feel better in your self you may not mind as much having Sex with hubby and taking care of the kids needs also when you have something to look forward to , YOU need to remember you are one person looking after the needs of many ..Explain to your Hubby you need time out , And explain the benefits that will come form that ..
    You are not alone in this BEST of luck to you :smile:
  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
    Tell your husband you've been home with a crying baby all day and don't need another kid to take care of. He can make his own dinner and dress himself.
  • Jezebel9
    Jezebel9 Posts: 396 Member
    I made the resolution that my health is more important than anything else in the world, including my children's Wants. What they want more than the 1 hour a day I exercise, is a mom who is alive and healthy-... so, everyone has to sacrifice a little. The kids will survive if you do the things you need to do to have something for you. (like exercise and some free time)
    Your life is waiting for you.
    You were born to live... not stumble through life in a grey world of no joy.
  • melodiclyrics
    melodiclyrics Posts: 82 Member
    Hi Heather. It sounds like you have an idea of what some of your challenges to overcome are - eating when you're bored, stressed and as a reward instead of nourishment. That's great!

    The key here is attitude - if you already feel defeated you will be. What will it take for you to change your behaviors? I have felt the exact same way you have, and felt totally out of control. In my head I knew what I wanted, but every time I tried to achieve it, I always had something that came up that derailed me. I allowed those things to derail me.

    A lot of people (myself included) go through life expecting things to happen to them, instead of making them happen. Once I realized the difference I was able to get back on the bandwagon - and here I am, 3.5 weeks in, down 8 pounds and feeling a lot better. I'm also not confining myself to a particular "diet" just being mindful of what I eat, and tracking my calories. If I want ice cream, I will have it - with the caveat that I will not have a huge amount, just enough to satisfy my craving.

    You CAN do it - but you have to feel that way first, before you can be successful.
  • therealjanelle
    therealjanelle Posts: 41
    I think you need a break from family obligations! You need one hour at least 3 times a week just for YOU. Go get a mani-pedi or hang out with some friends or just read a book without interruption. If you want you can go to the gym or do exercises at home but not if you feel like it is a chore or causes stress.

    Two rules for your "me" time:
    1. No one interferes, interrupts or disturbs you.
    2. NO FOOD ALLOWED.

    This should help you de-stress, reset your motivators and find out what makes you happy besides food. Good luck!!!!
  • artickb22
    artickb22 Posts: 411 Member
    Do you want motivation?

    If so here's the truth. Your will is weak. You need to establish discipline. Adhere to principal, it builds moral character and self reliance.

    Do more, eat less, quit complaining.

    You'll survive 7 days without water and 28 without food...I think you can suck it up and quit cryin.

    As masochistic as it sounds, this is exactly the kind of motivation I NEED!! Especiall for working out!!! I hate when a fitness instructer at my gym says "Just do what you can". Bullsh*t, I want someone yelling in my ear to do more, go harder, longer, and don;t stop till there are tears streaming down my face! That's just me though. lol
  • melodiclyrics
    melodiclyrics Posts: 82 Member
    Also, as a side note - I think it's really important that you communicate the way you're feeling with your husband so he understands your distress. Have you communicated it with him? Is he supportive? In order to be successful you have to have support.
  • suziecue66
    suziecue66 Posts: 1,312 Member
    I dont' know where to start. Is it possible to think you want to change but you really don't? I've been fat my whole life and I've been way thinner. These last 6 months I've put on 30lbs and I can't seem to stop EATING!!! Eating when I'm bored, eating when I'm stressed which happens daily and I think I "deserve it" for what I'm going though. Yay me I'm walking like a mad woman, between 40mins to an hour every day with the baby and 2 dogs, but the EATING!

    Worse is I'm not even eating to much junk or fast food just eating TOO MUCH. I see myself get bigger and bigger in pictures and the mirror and I'm so sad. I loved myself 30lbs ago and now I feel worthless and plain ugly but does that stop me from stuffing my face? NO, because I will then have a day my toddler decides he needs to scream ALL DAY or my husband comes home asking me to make him food, find him clothes, have sex with him ect...it never seems to end and the only thing I feel I have for me anymore is food. Golly that's the saddest thing I've said in a long time.

    I'm sorry guys.

    You're eating because you can't control anything else around you. You are not happy with your life. You should go talk to someone to help you deal with your feelings in another way rather than turning to food.
  • Denise835
    Denise835 Posts: 2 Member
    I used to go to Overeaters Anoymous for reasons similar to what you describe. I don't go to the program anymore but I use some of the tools. I use a food plan when I am going thru what you describe. That means that before I go to bed, I write down my food for the next day, all meals, including portions sizes (just basic) and even snacks. The food planning ahead takes the emotion, boredom, and deserve it mentality out of what you will eat. If I start to crave something outside of my plan, I put myself off by telling myself "that's not my food today...I can maybe have that tomorrow". I hope this might help! Peace!
  • artickb22
    artickb22 Posts: 411 Member
    You'll have a "breaking point", and when you do, when your finally fed up with how your feel/look and percieve yourself, THAT will be your defining motivation. I've been fat my whole life and honestly been ok with it. I've never had body image issues, always had lots of great family/friends/husbands but when I reached 290 this year and my dad found out he had liver cancer something just clicked in me. See for me, it wasnt chaning my life to see numbers on the scale drop or to see how good I would look in a bikini, it was HOLY *kitten*, if I dont get this under control I'm going to have the health of an 80 year old before I'm thrity. It just hit me like a ton of bricks one day. I've been religiously charting for 95 days now. I have bad days still...REALLY BAD ONES. But everyday is a new opportunity to start over, hell, every time I eat it's a new opprotunity to restart good habits. You'll get fed up enough that you'll have that "ah ha" moment too. So here's to wishing it happens sooner rather than later.

    Ps...one of the biggest roadblocks to getting started is compaling to people who try to console you and give you all these reasons of why its understandable and ok. It's NOT OK to keep doing what your doing. I wish you the best of luck, you CAN do this!!!
  • ncwall
    ncwall Posts: 64 Member
    Support from your family is huge. My wife was not supporting me in the changes I was working to make for the betterment of our family and for our 6 month old daughter. Just recently we both joined the gym and she started using mfp and was shocked by what she was actually putting in her body. Its small changes and small steps to make things happen.

    find things that you like that are not bad for you to treat your self like sugar free hot coco 25 calories no sugar

    I agree with the comment about will power you have to will the changes to happen.

    track every day no matter what you eat put it on my fitness pal, that way you can review what you ate and maybe make the decision on things that okay that was good but i dont need that

    depriving yourself never works I agree with that as well I treated my wife and i to dairy queen since we both wanted it. But due to exercise and cutting other non needed things out I stayed under calories for the day.

    I deal with the same issue of when i get bored I want to just nibble on little things or feel stressed and upset I want food. it is as much pschological issue as other addictions, just find something to keep you busy and happy swim if you have a pool a book or something you fully enjoy for you. ultimatly you do it for you and have to put your self first

    Hope you find that personal motivation and a smile
  • Easywider
    Easywider Posts: 434 Member
    Do you want motivation?

    If so here's the truth. Your will is weak. You need to establish discipline. Adhere to principal, it builds moral character and self reliance.

    Do more, eat less, quit complaining.

    You'll survive 7 days without water and 28 without food...I think you can suck it up and quit cryin.

    Thank you.

    I'm glad you didn't take that in a demeaning or patronizing way.

    I'm just giving you an unbiased logical perspective. EVERYTHING in life, comes down to diligence, discipline, and determination. You achieve what you set out to do because failure isn't even a faintly bellowed consideration. Believe in yourself, get some confidence, be ambitious...but all of that is only attainable through hard work. You've got to bust your ****ing *kitten* everyday period. No excuses, no stories, no 'too tired's/sore bull****. Get it done right everyday and stay humble, but motivated.
  • ttkg
    ttkg Posts: 357 Member
    One thing I have learned is to not give up trying. Log everything you are eating, all of it, it will help you to whittle it down!! Do not give up, you are worth the effort and you need to put in effort to reap any rewards. Keep trying!!!

    PS - your husband is an adult, he can take care of himself! Explain that in a rational and calm way and I am sure he will get it.
  • HeatherGTaylor
    HeatherGTaylor Posts: 48 Member
    I love all of your comments and they're ALL helpful. I'm not happy and I'm medicating with food, the only person who can change that is ME. I like the meal plan idea and the me time that is not related to my family ( I do feel guilty saying that still) or food.

    Thanks again everyone, I really needed to see that life isn't this huge 'poor me' I'm fat scenario. I believe support comes in many ways from 'great job' to 'suck it up whinny and get at it'.
  • HeatherGTaylor
    HeatherGTaylor Posts: 48 Member
    Do you want motivation?

    If so here's the truth. Your will is weak. You need to establish discipline. Adhere to principal, it builds moral character and self reliance.

    Do more, eat less, quit complaining.

    You'll survive 7 days without water and 28 without food...I think you can suck it up and quit cryin.
    I'm glad you didn't take that in a demeaning or patronizing way.

    I'm just giving you an unbiased logical perspective. EVERYTHING in life, comes down to diligence, discipline, and determination. You achieve what you set out to do because failure isn't even a faintly bellowed consideration. Believe in yourself, get some confidence, be ambitious...but all of that is only attainable through hard work. You've got to bust your ****ing *kitten* everyday period. No excuses, no stories, no 'too tired's/sore bull****. Get it done right everyday and stay humble, but motivated.

    I really appreciated the comment and it's what I needed to realize the disgusting pity parties I've been throwing myself lately.

    Thank you.
  • EvilMomma
    EvilMomma Posts: 70 Member
    You didn't say how old the baby is but it sounds like you could be suffering from post partum depression. Real depression is not a will power issue; its a brain chemistry issue. Google depression symptoms; if the list fits you, See your doc. Don't make your baby, husband, loved ones, or friends watch you nosedive.
  • auntiebabs
    auntiebabs Posts: 1,754 Member
    Do you want motivation?

    If so here's the truth. Your will is weak. You need to establish discipline. Adhere to principal, it builds moral character and self reliance.

    Do more, eat less, quit complaining.

    You'll survive 7 days without water and 28 without food...I think you can suck it up and quit cryin.

    This attitude for me would be setting myself up to fail. And equates you success in this one area to your value as a person. Irregardless of how kick-*kitten* you are in the rest of your life.

    We each have to find the right headspace that works for us....

    Here's the thinking that got helped me on my way:

    The good news is you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be better.

    1) tracking for a couple of weeks before I worried about losing.
    (although seeing what I was eating I couldn't help but rein back a bit)

    2) seeing where I could make small changes on things that weren't that important to me.
    (Don't even think of taking chocolate out of my diet!!!)
    --Reducing quantities where I won't notice it so much
    --Swapping out things instead of eliminating them.

    3) Look at my diary and started adding foods that had positive healthy effects specifically for the health issue in my family.
    I found most of the things I "should" add were really yummy too! salmon, avocado, oatmeal, mango, red grapes....
    (Sort of think of food as medicine to deal with family history of various health issue oatmeal is good for heart health, mango and red grapes lower cholesterol, tumeric and cinnamon good for arthritis)

    4) every couple of weeks I see where I can make another couple of small changes.
    If you completely revamp your diet, it's way easy to revert to old ways in times of stress. (and who doesn't have stress?)
    If you make a series of small changes, food still offers you some sense of comfort.
    sort of a comfort continuum, and after a while the first small changes will seem comforting in themselves.
    You don't have to be perfect you just have to do better.

    5) also rather than being uberstrict with the target MFP set for me. (I swear this saved my life.) I was happier once I gave myself a range:

    ROCK BOTTOM: 1200 cal
    TARGET: MFP Calories for lose 1 lb a week (when that hit 1200 I changed to lose 1/2 lb per week)
    TOP OF RANGE: Maintain Calories for my GOAL Weight.
    (SAFETY VALVE: Maintain Calories for CURRENT Weight - remember to keep updating this number as you lose)

    I naturally tended to do 2-4 days between 1200-1300 cal then a day at about 1500-1600 cal then back to the 1200-1300 cal. (No hard science here, but I credit the zig-zagging calories with preventing plateaus.)

    --As long as I stayed under the top of my range I should continue to lose, even if it is at a slower rate.
    --As long as I don't go past my safety valve I shouldn't gain.

    6) I only worry about it 1 lb at a time.
    Once I found ways to lessen the stress, I found it way easier to focus on the process and let the results follow. (It's what worked for me some people need the stress to get them motivated. Me I get scared and overwhelmed and don't see the big goal as achievable. )

    Food is not the enemy.

    Oddly enough on my journey here I've reduced guilt over food.
    I have the occasional treat and I fully enjoy it with no guilt involved.
    The thing is since I'm not eating crap all the time, now the occasional treat is just that a TREAT it's special and I enjoy it so much more than when I was unconsciously shovel junk food into my face.

    I figure if I've got a good plan that I can actually maintain I can keep this off for a long time to come, without feeling deprived.

    Good Luck
  • susancristina
    susancristina Posts: 2
    A quote from my friend Adam Hammett:
    When you want something so bad that your current situation is unbearable and u are willing to do what ever it takes to get out of it and to a better place....then are already in that better place!!! Your mind has to see you there n not look back at the current crap hole your stuck in! From this day on....the tasks that seemed to immense are just stepping stones the the better place you long for
    Unlike · · Share · June 30 at 10:21pm near Corinth ·
  • HeatherGTaylor
    HeatherGTaylor Posts: 48 Member
    You didn't say how old the baby is but it sounds like you could be suffering from post partum depression. Real depression is not a will power issue; its a brain chemistry issue. Google depression symptoms; if the list fits you, See your doc. Don't make your baby, husband, loved ones, or friends watch you nosedive.

    My son is 18months old and before the tantrums starteed I found a joy and lost the most weight I have in my life in that first year. It's only the tantrums that were driving me to eat.
  • grubb1019
    grubb1019 Posts: 371 Member
    I'm going to send you a message.
  • Rockmyskinnyjeans
    Rockmyskinnyjeans Posts: 431 Member
    I can't think of anything to add that the above posters haven't said, but I will say this. I, too, gained after having babies. Tell your husband he is a grown man and he can dress himself. You have to put yourself first sometimes and your health and self-esteem are both VERY important. You do have support here ~ utilize it! I'm here for you and I'm sure I speak for many others!
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    are there emotional or psychological reasons why you overeat?

    if there are, then i have learned you will first need to address those before you can make any lasting changes
  • 416runner
    416runner Posts: 159
    I know it's hard to carve out time for yourself when you have a busy family. Sometimes I have to remember that I'm a better Mom when I'm happy and healthy. Taking that time for myself is best for my kids in the long run, too!
  • MoveTheMountain
    MoveTheMountain Posts: 764
    Do you want motivation?

    If so here's the truth. Your will is weak. You need to establish discipline. Adhere to principal, it builds moral character and self reliance.

    Do more, eat less, quit complaining.

    You'll survive 7 days without water and 28 without food...I think you can suck it up and quit cryin.

    As blunt as this is, I agree. I could have gave in several times in the past 3 months, but I haven't. My willpower is amazing. I want to get this get crap off of me. I am always around people saying "well, it's just a candy bar/pizza/coke,insert whatever, it won't kill you" No *kitten* it won't kill me, but right now I want to get healthy so eating that damn candy bar isn't going to help me. If I wanted it, I'd eat it. I don't want it. I don't deprive myself either. If I want chocolate, I'll eat my dang chocolate. You just gotta get in the right mindset. You have to be determined.

    I don't agree - no offense, but responses like this are crap. It's not a question of will power, it's a question of psychological triggers and triggers to stress. It's a reflex, like when someone hits that spot on your knee. There are ways to monitor and replace the trigger responses with healthy ones. You might want to talk to a counselor, but there are also books out there you can get that will help. You need to change the reflex, not increase your will power - especially if it's a quantity thing, and not that you're eating really bad food.

    Find another reflex, like going for a walk, etc. It won't happen overnight, but you can get there. And don't beat yourself up about it - that just creates another downward spiral.
  • MoveTheMountain
    MoveTheMountain Posts: 764
    I can't think of anything to add that the above posters haven't said, but I will say this. I, too, gained after having babies. Tell your husband he is a grown man and he can dress himself. You have to put yourself first sometimes and your health and self-esteem are both VERY important. You do have support here ~ utilize it! I'm here for you and I'm sure I speak for many others!

    Oh yeah, and seriously, tell your husband to dress himself. I mean wtf...

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