i need advice! ASAP please

Jessicaruby
Jessicaruby Posts: 881 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
sorry to be a damn debbe downer, but i have been feeling very under the weather lately. i was eating super clean and being uber strict with macros for 5 weeks and finally caved in and binged because i hadnt allowed myself any indulgences. so i tried getting back to the mindset that this is a lifestyle change not a diet and i need something i can stick to for life and never eating cheesburgers and pizza is not realstic for me. so i decided to start adding back "healthier" versions of things i love and having a indulgence day everyonce in a while when the occasion arises (nothing planned out). well i went out last night with the inlaws who came in from out of town and binged AGAIN.

now before i ever started on MFP i weighed 135lbs at 5'7 and 24yrs old, last year. i had never really binged (maybe once in my life) before this site. i am working so hard to get muscles and some damn abs and i feel like its taking over my life. i suffer from OCD and that doesnt help. i love this site, the friends i have made, and being able to track my food and see my macros but i feel like its starting to mess with my head. before MFP i ate whatever i wanted, whenever i wanted. i ate healthy foods and "unhealthy" foods. i just ate like a normal person, when i got hungry, and stopped when i was full. i didnt stuff my face because i was "allowed" to go over my calories for the day and i didnt know when that would happen again. thats why i find myself binging. because i tell myself i can indulge for the day, and it all tastes so good because i havnt had it in forever. then i start saying well i might as well eat it all now because i dont know when i will allow myself to indulge again. so then i eat all kinds of things!!! i never binged when i ate what i wanted because in my mind there where no restrictions. i didnt worry about macros or calories. i didnt worry about if it was ok to go out to dinner and order a damn cheeseburger or a glass of wine or dessert. if i wanted it i order it and ate it until i was full.

i dont want to gain weight and i SO badly want to get my defined muscles and abs but maybe logging is not for me? but i feel like if i stop and start eating like i used to i will gain alot of weight? again im sorry for whining but i feel lost in this and i dont have anyone else to talk to but you guys. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
«1

Replies

  • mrsRhughes
    mrsRhughes Posts: 122
    I know you have been struggling and I feel for ya! I also have OCD tendencies (that's the reason I'm here, because I like to "write down" every little thing I'm putting in my body!!) For me, though, I have finally moved past that point where I feel "bad" if I "mess up", let the scale control my life, and FREAK out about being perfect. I honestly think that if you really feel you are becoming obsessed, unhappy, and like it's taking your life over, maybe you should take a break for a little while (from MFP, from tracking, etc) and see how it goes for you. I KNOW you're not going to totally overindulge, and it may be hard to not track/log/etc. for a little while, but maybe if will do your mind some good! And, maybe not and you'll be back and want to start tracking again. You eat really healthy, work out hard, and are doing EVERYTHING right. You need to feel good about that! I know nobody can "make" you feel good, even with words of encouragement, it's just something that is going to have to change on it's own. I really wish you the best and hope you find the balance that you're looking for!!

    For me (personally) I tracked my food/drinks/exercise religiously for over a year (a few years back). I stopped when I was pregnant with my song, and didn't start tracking again until a few months ago. I started again because I knew I was at a place where I wouldn't obsess if I went "over" (GASP!!) my calorie goal, and if I missed a day of working out. I just like to be more aware of what I'm eating daily, to keep myself in check. Plus it gives me some kind of friendships, which is nice because I don't have a ton of friends that live close!! :)
  • gretchenwb
    gretchenwb Posts: 70 Member
    Perhaps changing your daily eating habits to make sure, #1 that you are eating enough calories according to your weight, height and body fat percentages (I like the eat more to weigh less group threads). You really don't seem very heavy according to your height. If you are not planning in some small treats/snacks during the day-they don't have to be junk- then I am not surprised you fall off the wagon on your treat day. #2 Life is too short to be ruled by your food! MFP is just a tool to help you become adept at planning your healthy lifestyle-just a tool. #3 Rethink your end goals-make sure you are trying to get fit for the right reasons and that your goals are reasonable for you. Just some suggestions, and as it is always true with free advice-you don't have to take it:)
  • droogievesch
    droogievesch Posts: 202
    I think when you tell yourself you CAN'T have something, that's when you want it more. Looking at your food diary briefly, I saw there were extra calories quite a few days. If you want ice cream, have a single serving of ice cream-not the entire pint. If you want cakes or cookies, go for them as long as they fit into your goals. There is no point in telling yourself that you can enjoy food once in a great while. I think when you realize you can have whatever you want whenever you want, the junk food will be less tempting (I bought myself full fat potato chips the other day and told myself that they are X amount of calories for Y chips, and if I want them to just make sure I count out what I'm eating. All cravings for salty food went away once I realized I can have them whenever I want). So in a nutshell, stick with your goals here on MFP. Make sure you're getting enough protein to build that muscle mass that you want, but don't deprive yourself of anything either.
  • DizzyLinds
    DizzyLinds Posts: 856 Member
    I know how you feel. I feel like giving up completely. I feel like this is torturing me now and although i feel great when i eat well and have a fantastic gym session. I just don't seem to be seeing the rewards of this physically. I've gained weight. When i gain i can't seem to push any of it away. I've tried everything in the book.
  • Lozze
    Lozze Posts: 1,917 Member
    When did you binge? I've gone back to weeks and can only find one day you were over which was only 70 calories.
  • seekingstrengthX2
    seekingstrengthX2 Posts: 771
    You should still be eating like a "normal" person, as you say. You can still eat whetever the hell you want. You can still have a cheeseburger and wine for dinner. Nothing should be banned from your diet. When people ban stuff, they end up...well, binging just like you are. You are becoming totally obsessed with all this...which makes sense since you are OCD. Sounds like this site isnt a good fit for you until.you get your mental health under control. I say that in all seriousness, not being snarky.
  • girlsonly04
    girlsonly04 Posts: 11 Member
    Any diet if you omit foods it will fail. You ARE allowed to eat what you want just keep it to the recommended portion size ( believe me sometimes it is very hard to do) There is that 80/20 rule if you can be true to eating healthy and exercising 80% of the time take that 20% and have a extra piece of cake or that extra glass of wine. Just try not to over do it too much. Remember if you fall of the wagon get up dust yourself off and try try again.
  • Jessicaruby
    Jessicaruby Posts: 881 Member
    its not that i cant control having snacks. i can eat a serving of ice cream, but i dont because i dont feel its worth it. then that leads to the binging. because i am so hard and restrictive on myself. i eat snack but they are all healthy. fruit, protein shakes, PB, things like that. but i freak out when an occasion arises where i cant control what i eat or when my family wants to go to dinner. i just want muslce tone and abs and by what i can see just working out is not going to get me where i want to be. so it must boil down to the food. (everyone says abs are made in the kitchen) i eat around 2000 cals a day ( about 1600 NET) i am 5'7 and after my bulk and trying to lose i am down to 145lbs which is 10 MORE lbs then when i started on this site. i eat ALOT of protein. and i do enjoy healthy foods but i cant seem to get my mind around the fact that i can eat other things and still reach my goal. because i cant seem to get this weight off that i gained bulking i just feel fat and that is also contributing to me being restrictive because i want to lose this weight. i ended my bulk in january and while i have lost inches i have only gone down 3lbs (which i probably all gained back last night :cry: )
  • Jessicaruby
    Jessicaruby Posts: 881 Member
    When did you binge? I've gone back to weeks and can only find one day you were over which was only 70 calories.

    last night. i ate SO MUCH food i was embarrased to even log it. :frown:
  • SPNLuver83
    SPNLuver83 Posts: 2,050 Member
    Maybe logging is not for you. But this website still has a ton of great info! As far as you trying to get defined, have you done any weight lifting?
  • Jessicaruby
    Jessicaruby Posts: 881 Member
    Maybe logging is not for you. But this website still has a ton of great info! As far as you trying to get defined, have you done any weight lifting?

    i did a bulk where i ate at a surplus and did heavy lifting for 4months ( i ate a bit to much over my TDEE and gained too much fat in the process which i am finding extremely hard to get back off) i have been cutting since january eating below TDEE and lifting heavy. i was doing full body weights 3x a week and cardio 3x a week i now do split muscle groups 5x a week and cardio 6x a week. rest day is always on sunday. i am just so upset already that i gained all this weight bulking. i was a size 3 before bulking but i feel like i was skinny fat. i am more muscular now but its not all very visiable. i want muscle that "pop" or are well defined. i went up to a size 7 when i bulked. i am down to a size 5 now in some brands but it makes me sad i cant fit into my 3s anymore. i feel fat after bulking i cant get the weight off.
  • halejr23
    halejr23 Posts: 294
    When did you binge? I've gone back to weeks and can only find one day you were over which was only 70 calories.

    last night. i ate SO MUCH food i was embarrased to even log it. :frown:

    Don't be embarrassed. Learn from it. Log it and use it as a learning experience. Besides, it sounds like you don't "binge" very often so it should not be an issue. Truth is, shocking the body every once in a while is not a bad thing. From what I have read it appears to force the body to be a more efficient fat burner.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    Take a week off logging. See if you can go back to eating "right" without counting. If you can, great, if you don't think you can come back to counting but start allowing yourself treats. Don't tell yourself they are "worth it'. They obviously are worth it because they taste good and they will prevent binges.
  • Jessicaruby
    Jessicaruby Posts: 881 Member
    When did you binge? I've gone back to weeks and can only find one day you were over which was only 70 calories.

    last night. i ate SO MUCH food i was embarrased to even log it. :frown:

    Don't be embarrassed. Learn from it. Log it and use it as a learning experience. Besides, it sounds like you don't "binge" very often so it should not be an issue. Truth is, shocking the body every once in a while is not a bad thing. From what I have read it appears to force the body to be a more efficient fat burner.
    i probably ate 5000 calories! thats just stupid ( for me and IMO)
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    I've learned that I don't do well with a restrictive "can't have this" or "can't have that" outlook on food. I've also learned that logging food doesn't work for me - it makes me far too obsessive about things. I've stopped logging and I feel so much better. It doesn't mean that I don't read labels (I focus on staying away from certain things - like high fructose corn syrup because it makes me ill) and don't worry or fret about calories and such. I've been doing this long enough to have a good grip on what is a serving size and honestly? When I allow myself free access to whatever I want, I don't overeat, binge or gorge myself because I know I can have whatever I want -- whenever I want it.

    I think you should take a break from logging. Don't worry, fret or focus on calories and food. Simply live.
  • rlmadrid
    rlmadrid Posts: 694 Member
    I think when you tell yourself you CAN'T have something, that's when you want it more. Looking at your food diary briefly, I saw there were extra calories quite a few days. If you want ice cream, have a single serving of ice cream-not the entire pint. If you want cakes or cookies, go for them as long as they fit into your goals. There is no point in telling yourself that you can enjoy food once in a great while. I think when you realize you can have whatever you want whenever you want, the junk food will be less tempting (I bought myself full fat potato chips the other day and told myself that they are X amount of calories for Y chips, and if I want them to just make sure I count out what I'm eating. All cravings for salty food went away once I realized I can have them whenever I want). So in a nutshell, stick with your goals here on MFP. Make sure you're getting enough protein to build that muscle mass that you want, but don't deprive yourself of anything either.

    THIS x 1000.
    Seriously, I had the same problems. Though for me it's -25lbs and adding muscle. Focus on 1g protein per pound lean mass. So for example, my goal weight is 135. On days I lift weights, I aim to eat 125-145g of protein. On cardio days, I focus on about 100g of protein and up my carbs to combat muscle loss.

    HOWEVER... I stopped depriving myself. I'd eat clean for 5 days and then have Ice cream, pasta, and popcorn in a night. Not good. Now, if I feel like ice cream, I have 1 cup for 320 cals. With popcorn I have a half bag (or less) for 210. Half the time my cravings are more than satisfied before I finish my treat! The trick is to make it work. Feel free to add me as a friend and/or have a look at my diary. I work hard to find meals that help me balance my macros, but I do treat myself, sometimes 2-3 times a week.

    The success lies largely in the mentality. If I want a cookie right now, and tell myself "no" for 3 days, you can bet I'll eat an entire box of cookies on Sunday night. If I have one right now, I won't feel the craving for another for a while. As always, this is what works for me. Everyone is different, and every technique is relevant to the individual. You truly have to read through here and practice some trial and error. Good luck and good health my dear, don't let your food control your life. :flowerforyou:
  • wendsong
    wendsong Posts: 33 Member
    I agree with those who said take a break from logging!! You don't need this making you obsessed and feeling stressed, life is too short for that! You will reach your goals in time the natural way, you said you were dong fine on your own. Trust yourself!! God Bless!
  • DizzyLinds
    DizzyLinds Posts: 856 Member
    Thing is, i've educated myself so much into what to have i reckon i could carry on without logging and still eat the right stuff!
  • ohmyjustme
    ohmyjustme Posts: 3 Member
    do you go to a gym? Eating is part of the battle- you need to exercise & build positive relationships. I've had years of serious food issues, and being a couch potato. I joined the Y, got a trainer, tried new activities, made a new "healthy" circle of friends and now work there and teach classes.
    Yes, still have some weight to lose

    I see so many people changing to a healthy lifestyle- as the positive people & new experiences happen, they seem to let go off the negative food issues.
    Aim for variety in all that you do & throw in some Yoga for body/mind awareness.
  • DizzyLinds
    DizzyLinds Posts: 856 Member
    do you go to a gym? Eating is part of the battle- you need to exercise & build positive relationships. I've had years of serious food issues, and being a couch potato. I joined the Y, got a trainer, tried new activities, made a new "healthy" circle of friends and now work there and teach classes.
    Yes, still have some weight to lose

    I see so many people changing to a healthy lifestyle- as the positive people & new experiences happen, they seem to let go off the negative food issues.
    Aim for variety in all that you do & throw in some Yoga for body/mind awareness.

    I can speak for myself here and probably the OP....we exercise and we exercise hard.

    I have never not exercised. It's part of my lifestyle and has been for the last 10 years.
  • MaverickUK2K
    MaverickUK2K Posts: 41
    You should realise that going to the gym, pretty much regardless of what exercise you do, you will build muscle and obviously muscle weighs more than fat. Unless you see yourself getting fatter I wouldn't personally worry.

    I'm not sure why a lot of people on here seems to think you can't eat, let's say, a BLT without it being a life changing decision that will add lbs to your weight. As long as you eat calories that do not go above your allowance, and don't spend ALL of your allowance on junk food, you're going to lose weight and get or stay healthy.

    I have a genuine question to everyone; why do you feel you can't eat, for example, a Mars Bar without it being a burden?
  • I_love_frogs
    I_love_frogs Posts: 340 Member
    Ugh...yes I understand so much of what you are saying.

    I was never able to lose weight before when I said "no more cheeseburgers!!! " or "I CAN'T have pizza!!"

    Saying I CAN but in moderation works for me. If I tell myself no it makes it more desirable in a way to me and I start obsessing over it. This way, I can say "I've had a good week,. I did my exercise, made good choices, and today I feel like having some pizza with dinner tonight. Let's work it into my day....hmmm I can do a bit extra exercise today or tomorrow and have a personal pizza....or a slice or two of a larger one."

    Otherwise I start getting into a bad food cycle about it...obsessing and thinking about it until I finally end up going online to Papa John's and using the free pizza points that I have...and once I get the pizza I have to get cheesebread, and chicken, and a diet pop...you see where I am going with this. And then I can't have a bit...I end up eating most of the cheese bread, and a good few pieces of pizza and all the chicken....then feeling like crap both physically cos I ate too much and mentally cos I feel like a failure to myself (which is not a healthy state of mind to be in imho)

    Moderation is the key. And exercising. I have gotten into the habit now of thinking about my choices and saying well, is it worth doing an hour of water aerobics or an hour of treadmill/walking/whatever to eat this item? If yes? Then I do my exercise and if I go over a bit then I go over, but I know I did my workout and so I can eat my pizza guilt free and instead of devouring most of it I have a few slices and a salad instead.

    Also I do substitutions too. I will have an intense craving for something... like pizza. So lets see, I can use a piece of spinach flatbread...add a little sauce, some cheese, pineapple, and a bit of ham, basil, and spinach with some almonds thrown on top. I will throw it in the oven and boom a healthier version of pizza! Cravings averted and its a healthier version to boot.
  • BrownEyedSister
    BrownEyedSister Posts: 74 Member
    I've been living with the impact of OCD tendencies and an eating disorder for much of my life. I speak from experience in the mind set of good/bad food and judging myself based on what I did or didn't eat that day.

    After lots of self reflection and work I believe I've reached a place today that allows me to think my diet is a bit like the weather. Some days it will be sunny, some days rainy and some days I will be like a tree, bending to the force of the wind. And like the weather I have some control. I can put on sunscreen, wear layers and my warmest boots, or I can go out completely unprepared. My diet is somewhat like that too. I can prepare by buying healthier foods, making sure I have snacks so I don't overeat when I am "starving" and try to make healthier choices when eating out. Does it always work? No, sometimes I wish I had brought my umbrella. But I realize that tomorrow is a new day and I can start fresh. And you can too.

    However, if logging is causing you to fixate on things too much, free yourself by taking a break like other posters have suggested. Best wishes!

    Into each life a little rain must fall
    - Longfellow
  • Jessicaruby
    Jessicaruby Posts: 881 Member
    You should realise that going to the gym, pretty much regardless of what exercise you do, you will build muscle and obviously muscle weighs more than fat. Unless you see yourself getting fatter I wouldn't personally worry.

    I'm not sure why a lot of people on here seems to think you can't eat, let's say, a BLT without it being a life changing decision that will add lbs to your weight. As long as you eat calories that do not go above your allowance, and don't spend ALL of your allowance on junk food, you're going to lose weight and get or stay healthy.

    I have a genuine question to everyone; why do you feel you can't eat, for example, a Mars Bar without it being a burden?

    MUSCLE DOES NOT WEIGH MORE THAN FAT! sorry for the caps but this irks me to know end. a pound is a pound wether its feathers, fat, muslce or gumnballs. i workout hard 6x a week. i enjoy working out. i go to the Y and have met some really cool people there. its just a mind issue i am having but i fear if i stop logging i will gain more weight
  • MaverickUK2K
    MaverickUK2K Posts: 41
    Lol, the caps are warranted. It's like asking what weighs more, a tonne of feathers or a tonne of bricks. You'd be surprised at how many people say a tonne of bricks, though the answer is obvious (a tonne is a tonne). Not entirely sure what I meant when I said that, so I'm sorry for saying that.

    What I meant, I suppose, is that muscle and fat have a different mass. A pound of fat sitting next to a pound of muscle will look very different, so the difference when looking in the mirror will be significant - but that doesn't really help me with the point I was making earlier, d'oh!

    I suppose weight gain could also be related to water intake and your muscles taking on the extra water.
  • Jessicaruby
    Jessicaruby Posts: 881 Member
    thank you all for your responses and advice. one thing i keep seeing is fit it into your calories. well if i want to go out and say have a tenderloin with fries (my all time favorite) thats just not going to fit my calories unless i workout like a mad women and restrict what i eat the rest of the day and that doesnt seem normal or the way to live to me. i dont understand how i could eat all this stuff before and be fine. i had to of been eating more then i do now but yet i weigh more now. i just dont get it!!
  • seekingstrengthX2
    seekingstrengthX2 Posts: 771
    You are a size 5 and want to be a size 3. Combining that with your ocd and everything you have described, i think some counseling might help. You have some definite body image issues. Have you considered that?
  • swat1948
    swat1948 Posts: 302 Member
    The beauty of this program is that you can eat the things you want in moderation. I eat cheeseburgers, pizza and ice cream but stay under my calories. I go out to eat and look for healthy options in my calorie range. I actually went over calories just once since I started here, but a binge will not kill you...pick yourself up and go on, you can do it!
  • Jessicaruby
    Jessicaruby Posts: 881 Member
    The beauty of this program is that you can eat the things you want in moderation. I eat cheeseburgers, pizza and ice cream but stay under my calories. I go out to eat and look for healthy options in my calorie range. I actually went over calories just once since I started here, but a binge will not kill you...pick yourself up and go on, you can do it!

    i just dont see how you can fit these things in within your calories unless you are super restrictive the rest of the day or exercises like crazy so you have extra calories to eat. i dont feel like "normal" people do this. before i started on MFP i didnt tell myself well im going to dinner tonight so i better eat a super light breakfeast and lunch. i just ate what i wanted when i was hungry and i had no issues. i feel like thats what people do in life. but i am terrified that if i go back to this i am going to gain more weight and i am already not happy with my body after bulking
  • rlmadrid
    rlmadrid Posts: 694 Member
    You should realise that going to the gym, pretty much regardless of what exercise you do, you will build muscle and obviously muscle weighs more than fat. Unless you see yourself getting fatter I wouldn't personally worry.

    I'm not sure why a lot of people on here seems to think you can't eat, let's say, a BLT without it being a life changing decision that will add lbs to your weight. As long as you eat calories that do not go above your allowance, and don't spend ALL of your allowance on junk food, you're going to lose weight and get or stay healthy.

    I have a genuine question to everyone; why do you feel you can't eat, for example, a Mars Bar without it being a burden?

    MUSCLE DOES NOT WEIGH MORE THAN FAT! sorry for the caps but this irks me to know end. a pound is a pound wether its feathers, fat, muslce or gumnballs. i workout hard 6x a week. i enjoy working out. i go to the Y and have met some really cool people there. its just a mind issue i am having but i fear if i stop logging i will gain more weight

    I think what they were trying to say is that muscle is more dense than fat. 1lb is 1lb, yes. However, someone at 150 lbs who is very fit and largely muscular, will have a thinner appearance than a person who is 150 lbs, but very sedentary. What "muscle weighs more than fat" implies is that one may maintain or gain, but still see their proportions change. Scale weight is not the only measure of success.

    I do agree with you though, I may have developed a mild OCD relevant to logging. I'm embarrassed to say that I went out to dinner on Saturday, and spent a good half hour after my meal trying to find comparable foods in the MFP database. I got a lovely lecture from my date (a boyfriend of nearly three years) about how I should just relax sometimes. I honestly think the logging helps me learn how much I can put in my body, and how that relates to what I put in my body. If it works for you, keep it up! Maybe one day we will all reach a point where we can just mentally understand our intake and not have to "obsess over the numbers" but until then, I will continue to feel pride for every day I am under my calorie goal.

Categories