Need support from those who struggle with binging..

There are worse things in life than cake. Have a piece. track it and make it fit into your calorie goals.

That that box of chocolates and spray them with windex.

Honestly, I would try your absolute best to not think about it until you are at the party. Really force yourself to chill out about the food. Focus on how nice it will be to spend time with your family, catch up on news and relax without the kids.

Then just decide once you're there if you want the sweet food. If you do then have a small bit, then move physically away from it. If you end up eating lots you'll feel horrible guilty and bloated. But it's not the end of the world, just pick yourself up and start fresh and happy again tomorrow.

Good luck x

I can see the validity in both. I struggle with Kit Kat bars. I know, it's weird. But when I'm sitting at work, I KNOW I can go get one out of the vending machine. It becomes an obsession, and if I don't restrict it, I'll probably eat two, so know I'm no longer allowed to have Kit Kat bars. End.

I think it depends on how you look at food, really.

it depends on your personality, for some people they have to steer clear and for others it is bettter to learn to have small amounts. The reason your getting different info is because people are different and you need to find out what works for you. I have handled it by having one spike day (Saturday) and it being off limits besides that day. This works for me, but it is not what is best for everyone

I would have a piece of cake and try not to stress about it... If you are really worried about it, try eating just the cake and leave most of the frosting on your plate.

From personal experience, the best thing for me was allowing myself to have a little bit once in awhile, and that helps keep me from overindulging. It takes a long time and a lot of work to really break yourself of the habit (I went months without binging, then after a bad week I had a bad binge last Saturday) so just know, if you do have a binge, it's okay. You will be okay. Don't beat yourself up over it. Try to accept what just happened and move on.

Stress is a binge trigger for many people. Work on not stressing over your food, and that will help.

As for your therapist... do you feel like she is really helping? Do you have a connection with her? Is she experienced with eating disorders? Maybe take the book with you to your next session and tell her how you feel about what you read. Your therapist is there to make suggestions, not tell you how to live. You can work on a solution together.

I agree with Lollykat - focus on the other things that will be good about the event, and try to make food an afterthought. That way you can have cake but you won't be obsessing over it so it's less likely you'll binge on it.

Easier said than done, I know. I also struggled with bulimia and I've come to the conclusion that if I do have a binge, it's not the end of the world - it's better to accept it and move on and maybe try to be a bit healthier the next day, instead of dealing with it in a more stupid, unhealthy and dangerous way.

I also agree with KristyJoy in that some things set me off and so I have to just never have them. With those things I find it easier once I've decided that I won't be eating them ever, because it takes the decision out of my hands when I'm in a supermarket or whatever. It isn't even an option any more.

But, I think these things work differently for everyone. Find what works best for you and stick with it.

Add me as a friend and I'll try and give support/motivation when it's needed

You're trying to make a life change and changing your life should not include cutting out things that you want. If you want the piece of cake but are worried about going over your calories hit the gym and build up some extra calories or just go for a long walk.

I'm obviously not perfect otherwise I wouldn't be 50# overweight, but when I REALLY want to binge, i go to the store and buy ONE thing and LOVE it. SAVOR it. If I buy a box, i will eat whatever is in it but I will NOT deprive myself because the rest of my life will not depend on deprivation

I think most people here have said "don't stress" in one way or another.

I had a year of therapy and discovered some very deep-set reasons for some of my overeating. I also learned my attitude towards food was described as "petulant" - I CAN have it, so I'm GONNA!

Anyways, I know it's hard but you need to r-e-l-a-x around food and listen to your body. If you ain't hungry, don't eat it. I got a whole lot of stress-vibes coming just from your post and it sounds like you've wound yourself up about food for a lot of years. Work on that.

Oh and try and think differently than "I think it will always be a battle for me" ...

We're either all right there with you mate, or we have been. Good luck.



p.s. "I might have a bit of cake so I'm not deprived" - you need to think about what you're actually depriving yourself of

My first and foremost tip to you is to not keep the chocolates in the fridge. If you want chocolate, leave the house and go get it. You'll be surprised at just how much binging that will stop.

Second, your therapist makes sense, but not every person is the same. I personally make allowances for cravings as long as they fit into, or don't overly surpass my calorie goal. The way I see it, being OCD about the numbers was driving my anxiety through the roof. I'm healthier this way, and still losing about a pound a week! The secret? Lifestyle change vs diet.

Restricting yourself to no sweets, no junk, no carb-laden delicacies, will just make those untouchable objects all the more appealing. If you want a slice of cake tonight, have one. But compromise, have a salad with fruit and nuts at lunch. Maybe decide to have a mini McFlurry, (half the size of the full ones they are about 500 cals), or simply choose cake or ice cream. Realize that you are not eliminating sweets for the rest of your life, but you are giving them a smaller role in your daily diet.

My last piece of advice was something I read on here (I'd credit but I can't remember where I saw it :blushing: )
"Are you hungry? Do you want some carrot sticks?" If the answer to either question is a no, then you likely don't need to eat. Perhaps between lunch and the party you'll be full enough to not really need a big dinner? You don't have to deprive yourself, just balance your life. Good luck, and have fun tonight!

For me I do a couple of things. One I ask myself, what type of person do I want to be today? Everyday is different and new and an opportunity to start fresh with who you want to be. I like sweets and many other unhealthy foods but every time I told myself, "cut it out completely" that same day I would go eat a bunch of it. It's like I was challenging my inner food demons and they always won lol. So now I can eat whatever I want but in moderation and I have to write it down. The best advice for me has honestly been- don't beat yourself up, write everything you eat so you don't cheat, and just take it day and moment at a time. Talk to yourself and ask what you really want, breathe, and work with your demons not against them! So far I've stuck it out for twenty days (longest so far) and have already been seeing exciting results.

I don't really have a sweet tooth, even though I get a sugar rage once in a while. My problem is with salty stuff such as chips.
I say you go with what you feel will work for you. For me, is just staying away from it. It works well.
My biggest problem is the quantities... I can eat a lot! If anyone has a tip...

It's tough...it's like a slippery slope sometimes. Just gotta be strong and have some self control. I feel that if you avoid the cravings...they only get worse. Just enjoy in moderation...and drink plenty of water.

Without any in-depth research or study (I'm a non-expert), I think it's hard to live and get healthy with all the pressure we can sometimes put on ourselves. There is no one way to do most things. So you've been craving a sweet for a bit. It seems as if you haven't given in so why not plan to have a sweet at the party. If you decide to have some cake tonite what will help you to have the one small serving you've planned for? Does it help for you to tell your husband and maybe a few friends that you've been struggling and have planned to only have one small piece of cake. Get the small piece of cake and savor each bite. Then when it's gone you're done. Or if after some thought you think the party atmosphere will be too challenging, get your sweet right before the party. Maybe not a McFlurry since it's so high in calorie, but maybe there's a good alternative. But make sure it's a single serving only.

Believe in yourself and your ability to overcome the habit of binge eating. It's great that you are getting support and help to handle this. Don't stress yourself out. Take some deep breaths, collect your thoughts, create a plan, and implement. Just today, just focus on today. You'll do the right thing!!! I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Hi debomommyforh, I have struggled with binge eating for most of my life and have had the opportunity to work with some really great doctors who have helped me to become incredibly mindful of where I go in my head while binging. As I look back now at the struggle I had, I know that I went in waves of denying myself everything and then allowing everything. There are different schools of thought and no one right answer. People will often swing along the spectrum of eating disorders, taking on binge eating and bulimic habits or binge eating and then anorexic habits in an effort to undue what they have "done."

I would usually stop myself from eating any of the cake for example, because I knew that even if I had a piece of it, I would tear myself apart for eating it., even if it was just a little bite. As I started to get better, I started to realize that I could have just one piece. I learned to watch myself think through a binge; often thinking "there won't be any more, so I have to eat it now." Now, I try to be gentle with myself, so if I do decide to have a piece of cake (or whatever) I will talk myself through it and ask myself questions in advance Before: 1. Do I really want this? 2. Why do I want it? 3. Do I feel emotional right now? (If I am emotional, I will usually avid eating for 30 minutes) 4. Will this put me over my calories (if yes, I either won't eat it or if I do decide to eat it, I make sure to exercise it off (I ask myself, "Is it worth 1 hr in the pool for 1/2 a piece of cake?".) There were times when I would eat it and promise myself to exercise and then I woudn't, and ended up feeling terrible about myself, so now I know that if I probably won't be able to work it off, t doesn't go into my mouth.

While I am eating, I talk to myself: Am I enjoying this? If yes, I try to eat it slowly, putting my fork down between bites and letting the taste sit in my mouth. If no, I throw it out.
If i was enjoying it, as I start to finish the piece and look towards the rest of the cake that s left, I remind myself that that is not the ONLY cake. If I want cake later, I can go to the store and buy it any time. It is always accessible to me. For now, I don't have to have another piece.

If I have a party to attend, I will exercise in the morning to 1. give me extra calories incase there is a treat there that I would like to have and 2. to make me think twice if that treat is worth all the hard work I did during the workout earlier that day.

If I overeat, I usually get sulky and pissy and then just want to eat more, but I force myself to go for a walk or exercise. The problem with food addiction and disordered eating is that most people have issues with it and simply don't realize it. When I think about people who struggle with alcohol addiction and places they often avoid (bars, festivals, sports games, etc) I work to do the same. I avoid buffets, fast food restaurants, and take out. I choose not to buy crappy foods to keep around the house that I know I will binge on. I try to avoid big eating parties or going to other peoples homes for dinner unless I know what will be served. On those family get together's that can't be avoided, I make a point of having 1 plate of food and putting off desert until the very end, knowing that I can have it any time, but am choosing not to. If I do decide to have it, that I am having it because I want it, not because I feel an urge to eat. I will also tell myself, if I skip this and want a different treat later that night, I will let myself do that. I usually end up skipping the cake and then not stopping to get a different treat because then I have to think myself through getting off route on my way home, going into the store, picking out what I want, how much $ it will cost me, and that I will have to buy it from the cashier. If I do stop, I will only buy single servings - 1 ice cream bar from a convenience store or 1 chocolate bar or a small bag of whatever.

The most important thing to remember is that if you do eat the cake and go over, as soon as your put your fork down, you're still OK! You're still losing weight and you're still on the right track!

I still wont keep a box of chocolates in the fridge because if I do they will be on my mind until I throw them out or eat them all, and that isn't something I want to do to myself, but I'm getting better and I'm doing a really good job.

It's great that you are premeditating what tonight will be like so that you can create an "escape route" for yourself.

You're doing great!!!

To complicate matters, I've noticed in my own experience, I can be either one of the two types at different times. Depending on my mood and emotional state, sometimes I need to have a little bit of something to win the psychological battle, and sometimes I need to go to extreme lengths to avoid it altogether.

This is me, exactly. Sometimes I can have a little and let it settle my craving. Sometimes a handful of raisins will send me off the deep end of sugar-binge-depravity.

Ask yourself how YOU feel. Do you think you will downward spiral for a slice of cake? If you have the slice, have an escape plan for not having more. I would tell people around me I am only having one slice, so then I would feel embarrassed if I went for seconds. Crowd accountability, heh. I told my class one year that I wasn't eating sugars, and lo and behold, they became my sugar patrol. Their parents would bring cupcakes, and a nice piece of fruit for the teacher. Kids would come around offering left over treats to teachers, and my class would shoo them away at the door.

I'm trying to train my fiancee the same way, haha. ; )