I have failed, Again - A Vent. =(

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  • graceinbreath
    graceinbreath Posts: 49 Member
    just as a P.S. If i added up all the times I have gained and lost and gained and lost and gained and lost and gained ..... you get my drift.... Need I say more? We are all on this journey of failures and accomplishments! It is an accomplishment that you got on here today and declared a RE-START! that's what matters!!!!!! I think getting started is the hardest part because it requires that we look at ourselves and make a change. YOU ALREADY DID THE HARDEST PART. Now you need to create momentum. GET ON HERE EVERY SINGLE DAY! track daily and don't let yourself CHEAT until you are sure that you can take a taste and get right back on track.... sometimes its just a bad idea to reward yourself with food when food has been the problem - it just causes a spiral that can be hard to stop! Try finding other ways to reward yourself along the way other than cheating or snacking - how about a MASSAGE? A FACIAL? A MANICURE? A LONG WALK in a new place? A new BOOK? A long nap in the middle of the day? A day with an old friend? Re-program your inner reward system... I have always rewarded myself with chocolate and ice cream and all it did was make me fat because I was rewarding myself EVERY NIGHT! I just started MFP a few weeks ago but I am a lifetime member or WW who is no longer willing to sink money into points and hasnt been at GOAL WEIGHT in so long I feel like a LIFETIME MEMBER drop out! AND WHO CARES?!? NONE OF THAT MATTERS!!!! I take with me everything I have learned along the way - every time I DECLARE a new WAR on my WEIGHT i Have that much more FIRE to make it happen and THAT MUCH MORE energy to follow through.... I TAKE WITH ME EVERY TIDBIT AND TIP AND I TRY TO APPLY THEM ALL IN THE PRESENT MOMENT - THE HERE AND NOW - I LISTEN TO MY GUT AND STOP WHEN IT SAYS TO ME, "should you be eating that?" and instead of saying OH WELL - I say yes! my inner voice that is kind and not mean - yes, you are right! I will listen to you because you are smart and you know and you are just trying to help me not trying to destroy me or hurt me!

    DIG DEEP MY FRIEND!!! WE BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!! IT IS INSIDE OF YOU!
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
    Quote: As of last September I had lost 140 lbs, I was 60 lbs from my first goal weight,

    WHAT! One pound is something to celebrate!! YOU GOT THIS HONEY!! Set your goals lower.. you deserve more!!

    Feel free to add me! im new, but motivated! Im here every day! Maybe we can become friends.. then you will have to come here to say HI and chat & you will miss me when you are gone? LOL! =) We got this!
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
    Jen, as I always tell my students... You cannot fix yesterday... It is done. Over. Finished. You can only begin today and make tomorrow brighter. Thomas Edison failed many more times than he ever succeeded in creating the light bulb.. But he kept at it and one day... The light came on... What do we remember? The failures? I think not. We remember his success. Stop looking back.. That is probably more the issue here than anything else.. Learn from the past and move forward... Make tomorrow different by improving today... You get down to it... TODAY is the only thing you can change. Really, it is.

    Also, 300 lbs down? That is great... So what if you are heavier than you should be... You are still down 300 lbs. Celebrate that and keep the progress coming.. And if you fall one day? Pick yourself up and keep going. It is not a sprint.. It is a marathon. You can do it. Best wishes and look forward to hearing your success story.
  • RunningAggie
    RunningAggie Posts: 58
    You slipped and it did get out of control - but you have recognized this and you are willing to fight for something precious and worth fighting for... your health! I'm very proud of you for doing this. It's too easy to stay unhealthy and keep all our bad habits. As much as we complain about being tired and fat, the fat suits have provided us a safety net. We don't try new things because of our size. No one expects as much out of us so it's ok if we fail... I have issues with emotional eating that I'm working on. I've basically been at the same weight for 13 years!! Nothing I've tried seems to help. I've had to change my mindset (and it's a daily battle) from losing weight to being more active and healthy. I feel better and am happier. I'm hoping the weight will come off as a side benefit - hasn't happened yet, but we'll see. I'm sitting at 240 and completed my second half marathon this morning. Do I wish I was one of the girls that passed me that were fit and trim and seemed to run without any effort? Sure! But I'm not. I'm me. I ran my race and finished. I didn't PR, but I'm not near as sore as I was after my first half so I consider that progress. Feel free to add me if you want. We can hold each other accountable.
  • HausfrauB
    HausfrauB Posts: 104 Member
    You've got an immense amount of courage and willpower. You are so much stronger than you think. Being 100% honest is tough!

    You have made lots of progress--don't let the criticizing voice in your head tell you otherwise. You say that you've kept up with exercising even with all the stressful events---that shows that you can and you will get back on track.

    I wish you all the best! :flowerforyou:
  • Eelkov
    Eelkov Posts: 88 Member
    Im on my fourth time... So don't worry..
    At the bottom this time... Down 25kg (50pounds roughly)
    My lifeline is this site now.... Not the comunity so much, although that is nice I only just discovered it.
    I weight in once a week... Whether I like the result OR NOT. It keeps me motivated and on track.... My aim at the moment is maintaining and I have been around the same weight 12 weeks in a row.

    One thing I had to realise is that I am an addict.... A food addict... a lazyness addict... that in itself is not a problem, I just have to keep on top of it. and I do that by making sure I keep my food diary. Another thing that helped was throwing out all clothes bigger than a certain size... If I have to buy new clothes I know I am in trouble hehe.
  • CeCe_oceansoul_420
    CeCe_oceansoul_420 Posts: 59 Member
    Oh Jen. I'm in tears. So much of what you said resonated with me, especially the feeling like a failure part. But you know what? You're not a failure and neither am I. You've lost weight before, you *can* and you *will* do it again. You *will* conquer this monster. I'll be happy to make this journey with you if you'll let me. I need to lose about 175-180 pounds, but *unlike* you, I've never lost more than 25 pounds before I've given up.

    You've got this!
  • chipmunkcheeks76
    chipmunkcheeks76 Posts: 19
    I often feel like a failure with my food. i have lost 157lbs in 2 years and know how you feel when you gain some. Please take heart in what a fantastic result you have achieved - 300lbs off! wow!! you may have gained some back - but you have done so, so well. Don't see this as a failure, because it's not.

    I don't know what your current weight is, and I am not going to ask, but be careful this doesn't take over your whole life, I am now in a mess with food and obsessed with calorie intake - it's not worth the headache to let it take you over and diets control you.
  • amersmanders
    amersmanders Posts: 118 Member
    I hear what you're saying. Be proud of your accomplishments so far and if you're ready to get back on track then you're going to start making the choices you need to make to be healthy. You can do this!
  • JenCM
    JenCM Posts: 195
    Thank you all very much for the support. It's really helpful actually to come and sit and read.....
    I'm up this morning and ready to have a good day.
    One of the only things I've got going for me is that I don't have to worry about quitting soda since even though I've been eating not so great, I've been making myself not get back on the soda wagon and have stuck to water, teas and juices only. So at least I don't have that monkey on my back like I used to. :)
  • ktaylor1188
    ktaylor1188 Posts: 141 Member
    that was incredible to read! i just wish i could give you a big hug. i am so sorry for what u have gone through those things make losing weight even harder than it already is! but u are so right...there really are no excuses...if u have them u wont be able to succeed. if u BELIEVE you WILL do it! im right there with you! you CAN do this again! and this time for GOOD! Best of luck to you! and I will be adding you :)
  • JenCM
    JenCM Posts: 195
    Thank you all again. Reading through this, this morning...really helped me to have a positive day and get my mind back where I needed it. :)
    I had a pretty good day. No exercise like I wanted, but I did eat well and get my water in....so there's a drop in the bucket!
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
    So many others have said better what I myself would express.

    Please don't think of yourself as a failure, you have succeeded in such great ways, and got yourself through troubled times. So there were set backs, so what? So many of us have lost, and gained, and given up, and picked ourselves back up. Be proud that you're picking yourself up again. don't beat yourself up about the past, do your best today, and then do it again and again.

    You can do this. You really can. You've shown it before that it's in you, let yourself shine again.
  • JenCM
    JenCM Posts: 195
    Thanks - I just realized I may have worded things oddly - I haven't lost 300 lbs THIS whole time around, I was adding up everytime I've lost and then re-gained over the past probably 7 years..... 140 lbs, 70 lbs, 50 lbs.....all total it comes up to over 300 lbs.
  • SwtMelissa86
    SwtMelissa86 Posts: 165
    Add me... I am here every day! :)
  • katrinkap
    katrinkap Posts: 443 Member
    i'm adding you girl! you have been through hell and back and you are still alive. be strong. look yourself in the eye and tell yourself it's time for you to change your life so you can dance when you are 80. it's time for you!!!!!!
  • Michellemtjpjt
    Michellemtjpjt Posts: 105
    I have been on that wagon lost about 60 pounds and gain 80 back. I had diet the wrong way became depress and gave up on everything. Dont give up you can do it as long as you have support keep on going :)
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
    Thank you for writing this. I swear this could be me: not in the details, but the frustration and feeling like a complete failure. It is so hard to win this battle: we are addicts, but think about other addicts, they can remove themselves from drugs or alcohol. But we HAVE to eat, so we can never truly get away from our addiction. You took off 140, put on 60, that's still a loss of 80 which is spectacular! Just remember we spent years getting into these bad habits, it is going to take years to get back out. We can do this! And good on ya for putting it all out there like this, and know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You have not failed, you had a relapse, and now we can learn from the experience and get back on track. One day at a time baby, one day at a time.
    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • Chelkb
    Chelkb Posts: 65 Member
    All of the other posters have said it all. You can't beat yourself up over the past. It's done, over, gone. What you can do is learn from the past and move forward. No one is perfect. We are all flawed and sometimes each one of us has bad days where we slide a little. It's ok though as long as you pick yourself back up and keep moving forward. One step at a time. You have what it takes to do this and this is a great place to come for encouragement.
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